August 2018

Sunland, California

-1-

Luce Grace had always imagined his husband's childhood home would be more menacing.

If anything, the two bedroom house was just a miserable eye sore.

It sat on the edge of a heavily trafficked parkway, enclosed within a rusted chainlink fence. Shingles hung off the roof, the grass was dull yellow and a dark stain covered the chipped concrete steps. The house had been left to his older sister Isla who had, by some miracle, been renting it out up until two months ago.

The curtains of the house next door part as they all get out of the minivan. Isla offers the nosy neighbors a friendly wave but Haley pointedly turns away, hooking his arm through Nova’s and bringing him closer as they head for the front door.

“Lex, can I talk to you?,” Luce calls.

Isla catches on that he wants to talk to him alone and bumps Nova’s shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you the cursed spot where both my mother and grandmother died.”

“Are you mad at me, Daddy ?” Haley teases once they are alone. He innocently brings a hooked fingertip to his mischievous grin.

Luce narrows his eyes.  Haley's rose tinted mirrorshades reflected back to Luce an image of himself, sweating through his black suit.“What was that shit you were texting me at the funeral ?”

“It's called sexting. I thought you liked it when I was a dirty little whore just for you.”  His voice is low, a likely prelude to whatever they were going to get up to when they had the condo to themselves for the next two weeks.

“We were at a funeral.”

Haley scoffs. “Would you stop calling it a funeral? It was a formality to honor my grandmother’s ridiculous death bed request.”

“I don’t like how you’re acting.”

“You don’t like how I’m acting ?” Haley balks. His playfulness evaporates. “This is the second fucking time I’ve had to sit and listen to a priest pray for the soul of  a man who traumatized me. My brother molested me for years and he didn’t even care enough to apologize on his death bed so fuck him and fuck your for not letting me having fun.”

Luce had been shocked to discover how effortlessly Isla and Haley pretended their older brother didn’t exist. After only getting the basics from Haley he'd had to look up news clips from 1987  to discover Harlow Haley and his friends had bashed in the skull of  two women during a convenience store robbery. His friends testified that Harlow had done it on purpose because one of the victims disrespected him at a party. She was in the early stages of a pregnancy when he killed her and he'd gotten the death penalty.

Isla had gone to visit their brother 10 years ago out of morbid curiosity. He’d asked for Haley’s contact information  and she’d given it but Harlow never contacted him. He only added Haley his next of kin contact upon death. He'd gotten the cancer diagnosis a year earlier and in his prison cell they’d found an old letter that only said:

Dear Alex, I’m writing because

They’d rented a van and arrived in California  last night to attend the six person funeral---priest and corpse included. Haley had wanted leave his brother in the prison mass grave but Isla insisted they follow their grandmother’s deathbed request and  have Harlow buried in the plot between her and their mother.

Isla also used the opportunity as an excuse to bring Haley back to their childhood home for one final look before the property was sold to the county.

Haley tips back Luce’s chair and bumps it up the two steps to the house's cement porch. They enter the house to find Nova staring at Isla, his hands on his hips. “You seriously don’t believe in ghosts?”

“No fucking way,” she says. “When you die, you’re just blip! Gone. It’s scary as fuck so we invent shit like ghosts and religion to feel there is justice in the world—”

“Well, I need to believe there is a hell,” Haley interjects. “I’ve got a list of people I need to make sure are burning down there.”

“In that case give me the list and I’ll report back,” Isla responds dryly and then turns to Luce. “You died right, Luce ? ”

His heart had stopped beating on the ambulance ride from the accident. He had no memory of it but the the surgeons who saved his life the night of his accident had repeated the fact of it to him multiple times.

“I remember feeling really calm at one point.”

“That was probably endorphins,”  Haley explains. He grazes his hand over fingernail marks in the living room wall.

“Dad, where was your room ?,” Nova asks walking down the short hallway to the bedrooms. “There are only two.”

Haley points vaguely to the corner bedroom and they follow Nova as he runs over to it.

“Isla was the only one who got her own room. My brother and I shared the living room couch and when everyone was gone I took Isla’s room.”

There was a water stain seeping out of the wall and the window in the corner was cracked.  A small pile of debris had collected in the corner.

“I can’t believe you were renting this shithole out,” Haley sighs. “You should have sold the land years ago.”  

Isla shrugs. “I wanted to wait until all the debt was paid off. You know Gram took out a second mortgage.”

“She did? When?”

“When I told her I was going to college whether she liked it or not.”

He shakes his head. “Of course. We ate spaghetti and ketchup for dinner for a week  but she gave you money for an art degree.”

“I told her I was pregnant so she thought she was giving me money to disappear,” Isla explains. “Don’t guilt trip me… I was kind of a selfish cunt back then.”

“You knew how hard I took losing Mom and how awful Gram was about it and you just left—”

“I mean, I didn’t think she’d neglect you like that. You were her favorite—”

“Up until I stopped doing exactly what she wanted. The minute I said no I was out on my ass.”

Isla levels him with a look. “I think it had more to do with the blowing  men on camera thing.”

Isla had the look and build of a  middle age suburban soccer mom but all those notions were gone once she opened her mouth. Haley pushes her playfully.

“Can we come back when they come tear the house down ?” Nova asks excitedly. If he'd heard Isla's comment, he was ignoring it and Haley was glad for it. “Maybe we can get sledgehammers and help—"

“Sorry, hon they won’t tell us when that happens,” Isla explains. “Technically after we leave today we’d be trespassing if we ever came back. So, Alex…any last goodbyes ?”

 Haley silently walks out of the house.

 

***

“Dad, did you get it ?,” Nova calls out from the backseat of the minivan, his eyes glued to his phone.

“Get what ?,” Haley calls back from the driver’s seat. He had a death grip on the steering wheel as he navigated the congested L.A. streets in the minivan.

“No, not you!”

“What ?,” Luce asks.

“I texted you an invite for Words With Friends. You’ll like it, I promise. It’s on your phone—”

Luce pulls the smartphone out of his suit jacket pocket and turns it on. When Luce's phone broke, Haley had promise to buy him the exact same model but he'd come back with a smartphone and refused to exchange it or show Luce how to remove the lockscreen of he and Nova making a silly face.

Luce understood technology. He liked computers and the internet but didn’t understand why anyone needed that much stimulation all the time. He’d watched Nova stare into his phone screen the entire 4 hour drive to California. He couldn’t fathom anything being that interesting but he'd said nothing since it kept Nova occupied while Haley and Isla revisited the trauma of their childhood in the front seat.

“Oh my god, why do you always  turn your phone off,” Nova whines, taking the phone from Luce's fingers.

 By the time he’s shown Luce how to play the word game they are at St. Vincent De Paul, the thrift store Nova asked to go before getting on a plane and spending the last two weeks of his summer break in Chicago with Isla.

The store is spacious and Luce finds a place out of the way to park his wheelchair while they shop. He watches Nova, Haley and Isla walking through the aisles, pulling out clothes and joking with each other in animated, overlapping conversations.

Luce had never been good at those kinds of conversations before his accident and it had only gotten worse after. But he liked watching Nova and Haley happy and getting along. Nova's high energy only amplified Haley's fun seeking personality and when they were having a good day it was like magic. Sometimes Luce wasn't sure why they ever bothered with him.

Haley makes a point of hiding the final receipt from Luce but they have so many clothes they spend 30 minutes in the parking lot repacking Nova’s suitcase before driving to LAX.

“---And you better not fucking bury me in that family plot,” Isla warns Haley when they pull up to LAX.  “Cremate me and put me in a nice tasteful urn on someone’s mantle.”

They’d spent the hour ride from the thrift store to LAX talking about funerals. Isla filled Haley in on who from their hometown was dead and at what age and had moved on to planning their own funerals.

“You better not cremate me. I want to be buried. Luce does too,” Haley tells her. “We have to be next to each other---”

“Did you want him dead first or should I just tip the wheelchair in during the service?,” Isla jokes

Haley shrugs.“I'm flexible... But not in Gran's plot. We're going to have one of those nice big gravestones where it's two name on one.”

“You two should buy it now. I hear space is at a premium these days.”

“Where the fuck did you hear that ?”

“I still read the paper,” she informs him.

“I read the paper,” Haley retorts even though Luce had never once seen him look at a newspaper.

“Ma has some extra spaces next to her second husband.” Luce feels like he’s entering the conversation at the wrong time, that the topic has passed but he's already spoken so he continues. “She bought one for me when I was in the hospital. It’s nice.”

“That is some morbid shit,” Isla shivers.

“Not as morbid as when the hospital social worker suggested we pick out his burial clothes,” Haley adds. “He has this amazing Tom Ford suit my sister-in-law Charlotte picked out and he's never worn it. It actually might be too small now...”

“I haven’t even thought about burial clothes. I have so many DVF wrap dresses--”

“We should really get on it,” Haley adds. “We’re more than halfway there.”

“Speak for yourself, asshole.” she quips.

Haley pulls the van up to their terminal.

"We should do this more often,” Isla says quietly. “Not the funeral bullshit…The hanging out thing. I forget how fun you are.”

“We will. I promise,” he smiles and lowers his voice. “Thank you for taking Nova. I love you.”

 “You too, baby brother,” she grins.

The both get out of the car to take out the luggage and Nova removes his headphones and turns to Luce with an expression he coulnd't read.  Nova pulls on a strand of his fading blue hair and puts it in in his mouth. “I--I don’t want to go to Chicago with Aunt Isla.”

“You’re going. It will be good for you. And your Aunt Isla needs the help setting up her condo.”

It was the line they were going with even though the truth was they wanted to separate Nova from his friends and Instagram boy as much as possible.

“But I’m…scared.”

“Of the plane ?”

“I don’t know,” Nova mumbles miserably. “I don’t feel good. My stomach hurts.”

“You did better on the plane to New York than I did. This flight is shorter.”

“Please, Dad,” Nova begs. “I just want to stay here. I’ll stay in the house, I’ll be so good. I’ll take my meds and keep my room clean and  I won’t go anywhere ever again--”

“You have to go.”

Haley slides open the door and zeroes in on Nova, his intuition telling something was wrong. “What’s going on, sweetheart ?”

“I just…I don’t want to go. I want to stay with you—”

Luce expected Haley to break and let Nova have his way like he usually did. But he shakes his head. “What’s best for you is to stay out of trouble and you can do that better in Chicago than at home. Think of all the fun new things you can put on Instagram.”

“My patio had amazing skyline views,” Isla tempts him. “I spent 18 hours pushing you out of my fucking vagina the least you can do is spend two weeks helping me decorate my overpriced downtown gentrification condo. As long as you behave yourself we're going to have lots of fun.”

“Fine,” Nova cringes. “Why do you have to bring everything back to giving birth ?”

“Because it was the most painful and grossest fucking thing I ever did. Now, come on before we miss my priority seating.”

Nova unbuckles his seat belt and wraps his arms around Luce. He used to hate hugs but he'd learned to tolerate them. He rarely got hugs from his son and takes in every second of it before Nova lets go and kisses his cheek.

 

***

-2-

The Ivy League club was one of the oldest and least glamorous dungeons in North Last Vegas.

It was the BDSM club  Luce walked into the day he turned 18 with ridiculous expectations based on the porn magazines he'd consumed through most of his adolescence. He’d walked out of the club after only a few minutes feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated.

He doesn’t figure out why Haley chose it for their first night out until they get to the check-in table.

A lightbox on the counter reads:

Senior Night: One member of party MUST be 50+. No exceptions.

Luce met the senior age threshold by mere weeks

“Member ID ?” the latex clad pinup at the check-in desk asks.

“We’re using Jean Dory’s guest passes,” Haley chirps and hands over Jean’s member card along with their IDs.

The woman happily checks them in after they sign a guest agreement with few taps on an iPad. She spins on her 8 inch lace up boots to get a key fob from the rack behind her.

“The room you reserved is ready when you are. You’ll be the first ones to use it tonight.”

Haley thanks her and leads the way into the club’s social area that looked like it got stuck in the 80s. When Haley said he wanted to plan their night out Luce had expected it to be some combination of their usual spots.  This felt like too different. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“You reserved a room?”

“I thought it might be fun.”

“Did you pick this place because you want to be the youngest person in the room ?”

“No,” Haley says, though it is a half truth. “I  just like being around people closer to our age…see what our future will look like.”

They walk through the bar and for once, Luce isn’t the only one in a wheelchair. He’d seen other disabled people in the scene over the years but it was rare and he never knew how to talk to them.

Most of the attendees tonight were his peers—men in their 50s and 60s. Their companions were nearly all younger women but he spots a few older couples among them.

He was sure most of the male attendees were straight but their eyes follow Haley as he walks past. The hem of his tiny red plaid skirt swung high with every swish of his hips but somehow never showed his ass. His well worn leather bomber jacket matched the collar secured on his wrist.

They go down a carpeted hall that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a decade. Haley swipes the key fob at a door before pushing it open with his hip and leading Luce inside. The moment the door shuts they are in silence.

On the other side of the door is an empty classroom; a dozen student desks, a large teacher’s desk and walls covered in posters about behavior. It looked dated, which in some ways only added to the authenticity.

Luce liked the privacy of the room. It gave him a moment to breathe. The room  smells like strong disinfectant but Haley still wipes everything down with the provided wipes before walking across the classroom to a rack of implements. He quickly sets something on the teacher’s desk.

Now that he was settled Luce felt like he was losing control of the situation. He hated that. This was the one area of their life where he was in control. He had a reprimand on the tip of his tongue when Haley  does the sexiest thing Luce had ever see him do.

He picks up a blue marker and writes three calculus functions on the dry erase board. When the functions are complete he takes a fluffy pen and glittery notebook out of his bag  and takes a seat in the back row of the classroom.

He crosses his legs--that seemed to go on forever despite his height--sits back  and opens the notebook. “Teach me, Mr. Grace.”

Luce liked watching other people in their roleplay  but he never thought he’d be good at it. And he’d never understood the appeal of the student/teacher fantasies. When he taught he'd had attractive people in his class but could never see them as anything but students.

But none of them were his husband. On nights like this he  felt like he'd won the lottery.

Luce starts writing out the slope formula and Haley copies it down, following along obediently with every step.  Luce tests him with a question about derivatives and to his surprise he answers it correctly and looks pleased with himself.

He imagines that, of all the things that had been done in this classroom , actually teaching basic calculus wasn’t one of them.

He’s moving on to the second, slightly more complex problem when Haley puts his elbow on this desk and takes out his phone. The keyboard makes a clicking sound as he types.

He fixes Haley with a hard stare. Luce always held on to his phone when they went out, he must have slipped it away.

“Give me the phone.”

Haley’s eyes flick up to meet his. There is a challenge in them. He hugs the phone closer to his body and gives him a disrespectful eyeroll. “No. It’s mine.”

“I make the rules. It's mine.”

Haley stands and walks to the front of the classroom, his eyes downcast on the phone and typing the entire way. Instead of setting it in Luce’s open palm he throws it on the desk. It lands next to the item Haley had put on the desk when they came in—a thick wooden paddle.

Now Luce understood.

“Are you fucking happy?,” Haley bites, showing his empty hands.

“Do you want to rephrase that ?”

“Not really.”

“Be a good girl and bend over the desk.”

Luce grabs both his wrist in one hand and Haley makes a weak attempt to pull away.

He only resisted to signal to Luce he wanted it rough. When he wanted bruises on his skin and to lose himself in the fantasy with pain and submission.

Which meant yesterday---burying his brother and going back to his hometown--had been harder for Haley than he let on. Luce hadn’t liked the trip either, especially the way he and Isla had talked about death so much.

Luce gives him exactly what he wants. The desk has built in straps and he straps Haley’s flailing wrists down until he’s at an angle that the skirt rides up to reveal matching shorts sewn into it.

His strikes  aren’t hard, he doesn’t have the strength for that, but he keeps them consistent until the skin on the back of his thighs is dark red and Haley is choking on tears. He doesn't relent until he is sure he is close to drawing blood and Haley's  face is a mess of tears--his lips parted in a silent open mouthed scream. He sharply pulls Haley's reddened wrist from the  too tight straps and his shaky legs fall out beneath him.

Luce makes an attempt pulls his quivering body into his lap  but Haley jerks away and stands firmly on his own. Through teary eyes he desperately pulls his skirt off down, take a tissue from the box on the desk and jerks off into it. He finishes in three frantic strokes and pulls his skirt back up as quickly as it came down..

Luce rolls closer to him and hesitantly puts his hand on his lower back. Haley flinches at the touch before relaxing into it and his heart constricts.

“You never lose control like that, Lex--”

“I came without your permission. It wasn't even a good one. You have to punish me.”

“No. You've had enough. You did good, you're so beautiful.”

Haley turns the water in the sink hotter until it steams, washing  his shaking hands again. Guilt wrecks Luce at the evidence of their play on his red stained upper thighs. The skirt hid nothing. “Lex, what do you need ?Tell me.”

Haley wipes his hand on a paper towel. “I want a drink.”

***

 

“Do you really have nachos ?”

A printer paper tent card at the Ivy League’s bar urged customer to ask the bartender about the nachos but the bartender stares at Haley, annoyed at the request. “Did you want some ?”

Haley nods and cradles  his pour of whiskey as the bartender disappears in the kitchen. He'd come crashing down from their session but after he'd calmed down he remembered he was starving. The bartender came back disturbingly quick with a package of tortilla chips and a small cup of lukewarm melted cheese.

After paying an obscene amount for whiskey in a scratched plastic cup and nachos he walks towards the booth were he’d left Luce. He is surprised to see Maverick sitting across from Luce.

Maverick was in jeans and a t-shirt with an astronaut sloth on it that made Haley giggle. It was the first time Haley had seen him without the leather or severe eyeliner in a while.

“What’s a beautiful thing like you doing in a shit hold like this?,” Maverick grins when approaches. Haley slides into the booth next to Luce and sits on his knees. His ass was still sore. He gives Luce a peck on his cheek and offers him the the first sip of the drink. Luce palms his ass and nestles his head into Haley's neck.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?.” He laughs softly as Luce teeth nips affectionately at his neck. He smelled like sweat and the expensive cologne his brother gave him every Christmas.

Haley cups Luce's cheek to hold his face steady and presses his tongue into his mouth. Maverick stretches, unbothered by being a clear third wheel.

“Violet and Rox are seeing a couple clients…I didn’t feel like being in the house alone so I tagged along.” Maverick leans into his elbow to get a closer look at Haley. “You look fucking hot tonight babe. Lucky dog, Luce Grace.”

“Do you want to play ?,” Haley offers. He might not get attention from strangers but he could always count on Maverick . He was sure Luce was done for the night but he was on a high tonight and he wanted more.

Maverick shakes his head. “Not tonight…my therapist said I need to figure out a work life balance so I don’t burn out or whatever.”

“You’re in the therapy ?”

Maverick makes a grand gesture with his cosmopolitan.

“Aren’t we all ? I do it online. My therapist is in the scene so I can talk to him about shit. It’s nice.” Maverick grimaces at the sorry excuse for nachos Haley had gotten from the bar. “You’re not going to eat that shit, are you ?”

“I forgot to eat today and I’m about to pass out—”

“Tsk, tsk,” Maverick says, sliding his eyes to Luce who had not said a word since Haley arrived at the table. Haley would almost bet money he hadn’t said a word before he arrived at the table either. “All play, no work. Do I need to take hubby to training school for not taking care of his boy ?”

“It's my fault. I got distracted,” Haley explains. “Nova and Sara aren't at the condo and I went into this cleaning fugue state." 

Maverick narrows his eyes and looks between them.  “How do you two feel about ramen ? One of my subs gave me a $500 gift card to this regional  ramen chain his VC firm funded. I need food too and I hate eating alone.”

Haley turns to Luce who was now making small delicious circles on the small of his upper thigh.

“I don’t like restaurants,” Luce explains.

Maverick laughs. “What ? Who doesn’t like being served free food—"

“You know he has a feeding tube,” Haley cuts in, although he wasn’t sure if he did. Roxie had seen the tube the one time but maybe she hadn’t said anything to Maverick. “His throat muscles didn't come back after the stroke...it's easier for him if his nutrition is pumped into his stomach.”

“Huh. That is some cyborg shit—” 

“It’s perfectly normal. Lots of people have feeding tubes and you wouldn't know.. He can still eat but...it's just hard.” Haley cuts in.

“My bad,” Maverick says, seeming to sense he hit a nerve. He takes note of Luce's small sips on the whiskey. “But it's soup so maybe—”

“You two go without me,” Luce says. “I need to  study for my data encryption course.”

Haley cradles Luce's face. “Are you sure?”

“I'm fine. I just need quiet and to know you're being taken of. I feel safe alone. ” Luce holds up his wrist where he had a medical alert bracelet. “Show me how to call one of those cabs on my phone—”

“Uber,” Haley reminds him.

Maverick smiles and claps his hands. “We’re going to have fun.”

 

***

-3-

“I fucking love your bathroom! I can’t believe you have a bidet,” Maverick exclaims to Haley, hours later, when he steps out of their bathroom with a towel around his slim waist.

“Oh, is that what took you so long ?,” Haley teases gently.

“Yeah, your bidet totally too me to second base. So did your nozzle showerhead. I mean, I always knew you were a slutty bottom but damn.” Maverick laughs. “And I’m coming back later to do some laps in that bathtub.”

“You’re head is always in the gutter,” Haley exclaims. "It’s  an accessible bathroom…but it comes in handy for other things.”

“Well, I could just  fucking sleep in there tonight. Seriously.”

Haley hands Maverick a Gucci jogging suit Luce had been gifted by one of his nieces and had always refused to wear because the repeating logo pattern bothered him. “I think you’ll be more comfortable on the  couch.”

“Let me help you shower,” Maverick offers. “I can dominate you.”

“No. You’re not working tonight,” Haley reminds him. “There’s some beer in the fridge, you can have one—”

“And what ? Hang out in the living room with your husband after fooling around with you on his bed.”

“Awwww, are you afraid of him ?,” Haley coos. He was incredibly amused at seeing Maverick unsure.

“Fuck you, I just don’t know how hookups work anymore. Most of my sex life is masturbating to cameras.”

Haley nudges Maverick backwards until he is seated on the bed and kisses him gently.

“Luce is harmless. I wouldn’t have done anything with you if he didn’t give me permission. You know that.”

“Look, not to get all up in your life but I've never seen Luce Grace loving up on you like he was at the club...it kinda seemed like he was dropping. People forget it happens to Doms too.” Maverick zips the loose fitting track jacket over his bare chest.

Haley shrugs. “Luce has always been more into bondage than sadism.  I usually hold back but I seriously needed to let go tonight. And I feel better already.”

“Why ? Everything okay with you or is this about why your son is gone?”

Haley kisses him in response because it seemed to be the only thing that made Maverick stop talking.

Not that he’d entirely minded him talking. Maverick always got his mind off things. They’d talked all through their ramen dinner and then closed down the karaoke bar two blocks over. Haley hadn’t wanted the night to end and invited Maverick to Silver Hills where they’d fallen into bed and made out with their hands down each other’s pants.

Haley showers quickly and leaves the water running while he rubs in a glowing face moisturizer, curls his eyelashes and runs product through his hair so it would have some volume when it dried. He had a pair of teal cat eye glasses he wore around the house when he took his contacts out but he decides to leave them off.

When he steps out the bathroom, Maverick is looking through the collection of night creams and serums on his vanity. Haley would have been more embarrassed at him seeing them if he didn’t know Maverick had his own collection.

“Did you ever get invited to slumber parties as a kid ?,” Maverick asks

“Of course not.”

“Me either. My dad was paranoid as fuck about other parents.” Maverick says. He picks up Haley’s basket of nail polish and shakes a bottle of Analog Frog. “We’re having a sleepover party tonight.”

“Didn’t we party enough?”

“No, that wasn't partying. Tonight we stay up all night, eat lots of junk food, watch lots of movies, paint each others nails and…maybe a rub and tug.”

“Okay, but I just got my nails done so you're not painting them.” he grins. He wasn’t sure his grin has gone away once that night. “I’ll pull the sofa bed out and you can pick a color for you.”

Haley quickly gets to work pulling out the sofa bed and the sound alerts Luce, who had been in the Fallwater office with his laptop. He pushes his wheelchair over to watch him making up the pull out. “What are you doing ?”

“Maverick's roommates went back without him and it's too late for me to drive him home so I told him he could just stay here…I guess I should have asked you--”

“Why—”

“ I just know he’s not your favorite person—”

“What do you mean ?”

Haley levels him with a look.

“That was 16 years ago. I was jealous and insecure. Have your fun, Lex. You know who you belong to.”

Luce taps the L charm on the bracelet around Haley’s wrist and Haley bends to kiss him.

Their open relationship status never went beyond threesomes with Minnow, Luce’s occasional brothel visit or when Luce fooled around with his aide. Haley hadn’t been with another person since his Grindr hookup during their break almost a decade ago. He’d never bought anyone to their home.

“This looks comfy,” Maverick quips walking into the living room and sitting on the folded out sofa bed. Haley had made it up with spare comforter set, throw pillows and all.

“It’s not,” Luce tells him. He backs his wheelchair up to face Maverick and reaches out to stroke his chin. “Sleep in our bed—”

Maverick’s pierced lip quirks. “Plot twist.”

“Luce looks unamused. “You can sleep next to Alex and you don’t touch me. I’m going to bed.”

Haley kisses him good night and loosens the buttons on his pants and shirt to make them easier to remove before he goes to bed.

Maverick flips on the flatscreen while Haley gathers all the snacks he’d bought knowing he could have them in the kitchen without having to share with Nova. 

“Should our first movie be a dirty movie or a scary movie ?,” Maverick asks, opening a bag of peanut butter pretzels.

“Ugh, neither. I want a fun movie,” Haley says, twisting the cap of a bottle of wine. “I have the Fifty Shades DVD box. It's kind of stupid but the guy is so hot--”

“You have one type don’t you ? I’m not watching that shit. You have Netflix, right ?”

Haley nods, taking a sip from the wine bottle. Maverick looks down at the remote. “How the fuck do you not have a Smart TV ?”

“I have that thing that can make Netflix stream on the TV from my phone. Wait! Are we about to Netflix and chill ?”

Maverick wrinkles his nose.“I almost forgot how old you were and then you said that—”

Haley smacks him lightly in the head with a throw pillow. “You’re 35, babe. To the younger generation we’re all the same—”

“Fuck no. I refuse. Deadass. No cap. Word to my mother.” Maverick grins.

“Luce keeps my phone when were in the house alone,” Haley says as he pads into the Fallwater office. “I’m supposed to ask permission to use my phone but--”

“See now, that’s a fucking hard limit for me. ”

“Well, if I get punished at least you can watch—”

“Assuming you don’t get annoyed with me and kick me out.”

“Never.”

Haley find his phone in the top drawer of Luce’s desk. Luce had turned the phone off, which Haley always had to remind him not to do so they could hear if a call came through. Luce always assumed anyone calling his cell had their landline. When the phone comes back on he is greeted with two missed FaceTime notifications.

“Shit, Nova t FaceTimed me 15 minutes ago,” Haley frowns, walking back into the living room. “It’s 3AM in Chicago, I  need to call him back. Um, I'm sorry, sweetie but can you--”

Maverick stands quickly. “I get it. I can go outside—”

“No. You don’t have to do all that. If you stay out of the frame—"

“It’s cool. I kind of want to hit that new 24 hour Starbucks up the road and I need to do a post on IG or my followers will think I died.”

Haley nods and tosses him his car keys.

The minute the door is shut he FaceTimes Nova back. Nova picks up almost immediately. He’s lying in Isla’s guest room bed, his face pressed into one of her oversized goose feather pillows. A single lamp lights his face and wild hair. His eyes are pink and puffy, Haley can tell he’s been crying and not the fake tears he usually pulled out.

“Hi, Dad,” Nova mumbles.

“I saw you called. Is everything okay, sweetheart ?”

“Yeah.”

Nova goes silent and some of the tension in Haley’s body loosens.

“Did you take your medicine on time ? Have you been behaving ?”

He nods. Nova was rarely quiet but when he was it worried Haley.

“Are you and Isla having fun ?”

“Yeah. We did lots of stuff yesterday…What did you do?”

“Let’s see...I had the day off so I slept in and Luce brought me breakfast in bed…I  spent way too much money at Trader Joes, changed all the air filters and cleaned the baseboards. Then I went to a karaoke bar with a friend.”

“You did  what?,” Nova smiles, showing all his teeth. “What did you sing ?”

“Guess,” Haley challenges.

Nova lets out a small laugh and Haley can see the gears turning in his head.

“Oh my god, was it Britney ? It was, wasn’t it ?”

“As if I could do that justice. It was Spice Girls and a lot of Lizzo.”

“Oh my god, what ? I wish I could have seen that.”

“All video proof has been deleted. Unless by some miracle Luce kept the videos I texted him.”

Nova lets out another small laugh. “Why does he delete everything off his phone ?”

It frustrated them both to no end that Luce deleted every picture, video and text after he had seen it.

Haley never said anything about the fact that Luce clearly knew how to remove the ridiculous  lock screen selfies he put on Luce's phone but pretended otherwise.

“Where is Dad ?”

“He just went to bed. I’m having a midnight snack.” He shakes a box of vanilla mochi.

“Oh. I…had like this crazy dream that he died… and we were at his funeral and then I got lost in this place that I thought I had to live in forever. It was like all black and I couldn't get out.”

“Sounds like a nightmare—”

“I had it last night too but it felt more real this time…Did you know that people who have a second traumatic brain injury like Dad did have a high mortality rate ? Like, they have strokes that kill them and stuff. It comes of nowhere. Like Dad could turn into a vegetable and not know us...it's scary.”

“It is and I've known all of that—”

“Why didn’t you tell me ? Because I kinda thought we had more time”

“Nova, honey, don’t get worked up about that. Luce is healthier than he’s ever been--”

“No, he’s not. What if he tries to kill himself again ?  I don’t want that to happen.”

Haley’s heart clinches at even the idea of going through that pain again. “That won’t happen. He’s medicated and I know the signs if he’s struggling.”

“I saw that online—”

“You have to stop looking these things up,” Haley says softly.

“I didn’t mean to. I found this thing called an actuary table and all this stuff popped up. I don’t want to go to a funeral for someone I actually know.” Nova mumbles.

 Haley sighs. “I know that funeral was a lot. But, listen, we're all going to be together for a really long time.”

“But I like knowing what funerals are like in real life…I just don't want to be here  if you're not here and you won't be the same if Dad is gone...I really wish we could all just stay together how we are forever. I don't want you to die ever..it's not fucking fair. I can't stop thinking about how hard it will be.”

Nova wipes a tear with his palm and Haley walks backwards into his bedroom. He shakes Luce as hard as he can, hoping the sleeping pill hadn't taken it's hold on him. 

“Nova’s on the phone, he had a nightmare.” Haley says quickly. He climbs into Luce's lap to fits them both in the camera frame. “See, Nova. Luce is fine, I’m fine and you’re fine. You've having a panic attack and you need to calm down, okay ?”

“Nova. What's going on ?” Luce mumbles.

“…I’m scared to go back to sleep. I'm going to have that stupid nightmare...I don't feel good.”

“I’ll tell Isla to buy some Tylenol PM for you and if that doesn't work we can look at other options. We’ll stay on the line until you go to sleep,” Haley suggests. “Just think happy thoughts. And in two weeks we’ll be together again. Everyone is okay.”

----

1 Year Later...