-1-
2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Christmas Day
Haley wakes to the sound of Taylor Swift singing about calming down.
He cracks opens his eyes and moves aside the strands of pink-sh blonde hair covering his face. Nova had decided to do his own rose colored rinse months ago and his hair was now a faded pink with blond roots and blue split ends. It drove Haley absolutely crazy.
Nova held his phone tucked near where Haley's head lay on the pillow and the music blasted in his ear. Before the Taylor Swift song even finishes
he taps his screen and Nicki Minaj floods loudly from the phone.
At some time during the night, Nova had left the couch and squeezed himself between he and Luce in their bed. Since the plane crash he'd started to have anxiety nightmares and didn't want to sleep alone.
Haley reaches under the sheets to cinch the string on the robe draped over the lingerie he’d worn to bed. He’d hoped Nova would stay out of their room for the night since the condo was full of guests. He’d planned to rally Luce from bed with naughty present to open first thing in the morning.
“Nova,” Haley sighs “Why aren’t you on the couch ?”
“I hate the couch,” Nova whines, switching to another music video. “Sky should have to sleep on the couch tonight.”
“That’s not how we treat guests,” Haley reminds him for the 10th time since Sky had come in late yesterday and Haley had given him Nova's room.
Sky hadn’t been able to take off enough time to justify flying to South Korea to spend Christmas with his father and Haley always left the door open—even this year. Maybe especially this year.
Normally, when Sky stayed the night Nova would go to the Washington Dory mansion.
But the Washington Dory mansion was empty this year.
Soon it wouldn’t even be the Washington Dory mansion.
The searing grief from the
accident still hung around them all. Sara and Jean had found a way to hold themselves together enough to fill in the gaping hole ripped into their granddaughter lives. Especially for Atsumi—the youngest Washington who still needed a legal guardian.
It was Haley's burden to hold it together for his small family. He's come to the realization
the night they’d gotten the call from Minnow. Once the truth set in
Luce had broken down. Haley had tried to be an anchor for
him while also holding on to Nova, who had never seen Luce grieve so
openly. Nova was convinced he'd attempt suicide again and Haley assured
him it would be okay.
But it hadn't been. Nothing had been easy since.
Luce had a panic attack at the MBC Casino’s memorial service and had to be rushed to the ER. After
that he’d sat out the funeral, burial, Thanksgiving dinner and every family event, even
Mai’s birthday.
But Jean insisted everyone should be at the Christmas party. That it would be a celebration.
“Don’t you have headphones ?,” Luce snaps in Nova’s direction.
“I lost them.”
“You need to find them. It’s too early for that shit.”
“Sorry.” Nova clicks the phone off and plays with his hair in the sudden silence.
Haley pulls Nova close and presses his son's head into his chest.
“Merry Christmas, my sweet boy.” Nova relaxes into his embrace but his face twists in disgust when Haley kisses the top of head. Haley was just thankful he was still getting the tiniest bit of affection from his teenager. “This reminds me of when you were little and started jumping on our bed at 5AM begging to see what Santa brought you.”
Nova rolls his eyes.
“Dad, I know you were Santa—"
Haley feigns confusion.
“What are you talking about ? No, I wasn’t—”
Nova laughs. “You always overslept and forgot to put my presents out—”
“That wasn’t me! That was Santa.”
Nova levels him with a look but Haley refuses to break.
“Why did Santa hide the gifts in the laundry room and never ate the cookies I left out ?”
“This condo is odd, he just got confused,” Haley shrugs. “And he didn’t eat the cookies because he was on a diet during those years.”
“Dad.”
“I mean, I thought he looked fine when we spoke but Mrs. Klaus insisted he cut back on the sugar.”
“Dad!” Nova laughs, exasperated. He opens his phone and absently scrolls through Instagram, rapid fire liking every posts. He stops at a photo from Atsumi’s account where she’d posted a throwback picture of she and Charlotte at a Christmas party. Nova hesitates before liking it and then quickly leaves an emoji as a comment.
“Do you think it’s okay to act happy around Eloise, Mai and Atsumi ?”
“Of course. It’s okay to be happy. We’ll remember all the good things. That’s how you keep people you love alive.”
“Ms. Charlotte really liked throwing parties.”
“She did,” he nods. “Why don’t you wake Sky up and we can open a few presents before we go.”
Nova grins and bolts from the room and Haley is sure however he planned to wake Sky up, Sky wasn’t going to like it. Between Minnow and Nova’s constant teasing he wasn’t sure why Sky still came around.
Haley rolls over to Luce and throws back the covers. He gently brushes Luce’s face with the satin tie of his robe until he opens his eyes. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Grace. Do you want to open your first present ?”
When he doesn’t move Haley unties the robe himself to reveal a tiny red chemise edged in black lace and a leather garter circling his upper thigh.
Luce takes him in with a slow uninterested blink. His body goes tight and rigid with panic. His eyes glaze over.
“Come on, Luce. Let’s have a good day, baby. Please,” Haley says quietly, opening his arms for him to sob into his chest.
***
It takes Haley an hour to help Luce get presentable to leave. He'd barely left their bed in the four months since the accident and hadn’t showered in weeks. He'd promised he wasn’t suicidal and Haley had been too drained from work and funeral tasks to push him.
Imogen, the home health aide they’d unofficially hired to help with is medication, had stopped showing up when Luce stopped taking care of himself and was no longer showing sexual interest in her.
Haley trims Luce’s now clean hair, blends concealer and highlight to cover the dark spots
under his eye and secures the gold chain
to sit neatly against his high collar snowflake patterned navy cardigan. The handsome
sweater looked like something a man would wear at an alpine snow lodge in a Hallmark movie.
It was the kind of sweater Haley would have worn if he wasn’t wearing pale pink scrubs.
Around his own neck Haley secures the silver chain that held his
wedding ring and the L charm and tucks them both into his scrubs.
“I know I make these scrubs look hot but you should control yourself,” Haley teases when he takes a handkerchief out of the side table to wipe the excess saliva from Luce's mouth. “Maybe we can get an early appointment at the dermatologist ?”
“They could send someone here.”
“Botox doesn't travel well. We should look into scheduling all your specialist appointments...maybe after today you'll feel better about going out.”
“I...can’t. I don't—”
“It’ll be fine,” Haley assures him before pushing him into the chaos of their tiny living room.
Nova was on FaceTime, loudly explaining the plot of his new Magnus Chase box set to Isla, who was lounging on the deck of a cruise ship. Sara and Twyla—who’d shared Sara’s bed while Colette spent the night with cousins—were hastily wrapping last minute gifts.
Sky was on the phone with Lansing and his husband, thanking them for his new iPad Pro.
Haley still felt the loss of Charlotte and Rias but the scene made his heart full.
Sara,
the new owner of a driver’s license, takes the wheel of the
minivan. The minute they pull off Luce's hands begin to shake violently. When he declines Haley's offer of a Xanax, Haley settles a
comforting hand to offset the panic attack.
Haley's phone vibrates with a text from Patrick—the name he’d saved Maverick in on his phone. He’d learned Maverick’s birth name during a boozy Sunday afternoon drag brunch.
Hey, merry x-mas sweetie 🎄! Heads up, I’m at Jean’s place right now (😲). My Dad and I got in a fight last night and this bitch ain’t going home for Christmas this year. If you don’t want me here let me know.I can find another party to crash😘
Haley
looks to see if Luce had read the text too but he's anxiously looking
out the window.
Haley stares at the text.
He knew Maverick didn’t have another place to go for Christmas.
He knew because he’d spent most of 2019 building a friendship
with Maverick. It was small things; monthly movies matinees, late night text
threads, dinners and sometimes, if their schedules matched, sex. It
made him happy but after the accident they'd hit pause.
Haley sends a smiley face in response.
----
-2-
The condos at Queensridge Place were somehow better than Maverick’s imagination.
He drove past the lavish million dollar residential buildings every time he came into the city. It was a fucking crime Jean Dory only kept residence in his Las Vegas condo a few months out of the year.
But he supposed that was changing now that Jean was the full time guardian for his granddaughter.
Jean’s youngest granddaughter had given Maverick the tour
of the three bedroom condo. It made him feel disgustingly old that he
could remember when the energetic 17-year-old was still in her mother’s belly.
She and Jean were both in high holiday spirits
and he’d made every attempt to match their energy.
“And you ?,” Alan Gray asks.
Maverick snaps back to his conversation with Alan Gray, who had joined him on the red crush velvet mid century modern sofa an hour ago. He'd accidentally been tuning him out. Alan Gray had always been the least interesting person in Jean’s circle to him. He could never quite figure out how he ended up in the group.
The condo door swings open behind them (who needs a lock when you have a door man ?) and a gleeful young voice sing out:
“WE’RE HERE! MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
Maverick turns to see Alex Haley, surrounded on all sides by family and looking as adorable as ever. Maverick’s gaze slides to Luce Grace, taking in his hollow, fear-tinged expression. He had a trembling hand on his wheel like he’s going to turn and leave but then his mother pushes his wheelchair towards the towering Christmas tree that scraped the high ceiling.
Maverick had only ever seen Nova Haley-Grace from a distance. The elated 15-year-old wore a sequined red cardigan
over his jeans and Charlie Brown Christmas t-shirt. He had his father’s hair, elegant jaw line and delicate features but was so baby faced--even with the piercings in his eyebrow, lips and septum.
Nova surveys the the
condo with a grin and then freezes when he locks eyes with Maverick. Maverick didn’t know
what was happening between he and Alex Haley but Haley hadn’t wanted his son to
know they'd been regularly hanging out.
Maverick gets up from the couch and approaches Nova with a warm smile.
Nova’s face flushes pink and he stares up at Maverick. He was sure
Nova had been the one busting through the door singing seconds earlier but now he
looked timid as a bunny.
“Oh my god, I love you—I mean—shit, that was so stupid. I mean I'm stupid not you...obviously,” Nova sputters. His face grows pinker. “M-m-m-y friend Holland and I. She’s coming here later. Um, we , um, we…I mean we watch your YouT-t-tube all the time—and the,um, the, Cosmic Rainbow Twitch streams. I..even re-listen when I—when I—um—"
“Aww,” Maverick laughs easily. “Can I hug you ?”
Nova nods and Maverick gives him a chaste side hug. He’d met his YouTube followes before but he really wanted to impress this one—and his father. He keeps his arm loosely around Nova’s back. “I don’t mind teen fans as long as you stay off my 18+ streams, okay ?”
Nova nods.
It had freaked Maverick out when he’d tagged along to Vidcon with
his friends from Cosmic Rainbow and teens recognized him and wanted to
talk to him based on his appearances in YouTube videos. He had a lot of awkward conversation
but he always kept it professional and tried to treat them with the respect he’d
always wanted from adults when he was a teenager discovering sexuality.
“You know I’ve known your Dads for a long time. They’re pretty cool. I hope you don’t give them a hard of a time,” Maverick says to Nova and then looks over at Haley mischievously “.…well, maybe a little bit of a hard time. A little bit of trouble is good.”
Nova lets out a forced nervous laugh and Maverick removes his arm from his back. “I’m sure you want to open your presents. I’ll see if I can get one of my friends from Cosmic Rainbow to FaceTime us later. Would that be cool ?”
“Okay,” he responds in a small voice.
Nova steps away and rocks nervously on his Sharpie covered green high tops. He looks up at Maverick shyly and pulls a strand of hair out of his ponytail to twirl around his finger.
“I changed my name because of you,” Nova spits out. Maverick’s heart goes soft. “You said you changed your name to take control over your identity. When I was younger I was like…made fun of or whatever in school. I just wanted to be someone else...Someone who didn't care about being different. I liked Nova because a new star is called a nova. And they burn like, really bright for a long…time. So…yeah. Ah, sorry, I'm being weird.”
Maverick heard this a lot too. He knew he was supposed to say it gets better, which it had for him, but he was fortunate in a lot of ways others weren’t.
“That sucks, man—”
“It’s okay. Nothing that bad happened to me…I’m okay now. I have cool friends who accept me now.”
“Can I hug you again ?”
Nova nods and Maverick hugs him again..
The condo door swing opens again and Luce’s sister’s hot biker girlfriend stomps in followed by a teen girl with a motorcycle helmet cocked against her hip. Nova breaks away from the hug and the girl high step marches over to Nova, waving the helmet and jumping nearly a foot off the ground excitedly.
“You’re not going to fucking believe this! I drove Colette’s motorcycle here !,” she shouts in Nova’s face.
“WHAT ?,” Nova screams back.
“Yeah, now come take pictures of me with it before Colette takes the helmet back!”
Colette seemed unconcerned about the helmet as she strides to where Luce’s sister was sneaking gingerbread cookies from the tray. The two wander off to the balcony.
The second Nova and his friend are outside Haley brushes Maverick’s arm. Maverick preens. He was addicted to Haley’s small gestures of physical affection. “I was really pissed when I found out he’d been following you on social media.”
“I recall.”
“And he changed his name when he as 10 so I'm really freaking out but…that was sweet.”
“Uh, your kid is kind of awesome. You need to be nicer to him.”
Haley frowns. “He never told me that…about the bullying when he was in elementary school. I mean I knew he wasn't fitting in perfectly but I had no idea...We never knew why he wanted to change his name.”
“It looks like he handled it himself, a lot of kids do.” Maverick shrugs. He takes Haley’s hand and spins him around. He loved the way Haley dressed and had been hoping to see him in a cute outfit. “What’s with the scrubs ? Working on Christmas ?”
“The hospital always gets short staffed on Christmas and holiday pay is time and a half so—”
“Ayyye,
make your paper, babe.” Maverick sings. He pantomimes making it rain
dollar bills and Haley does a very unsexy dance, despite Maverick having
see him him throw it back quite well on a dance floor.
“I'll
be in NICU and maternity so I’m also going to take every chance I can
to sneak down and hold the new babies,” Haley adds excitedly.
“Of course you are.”
They follow the party into the great room where the Christmas tree and room length table of catered food was set up. Atsumi had made a Christmas-themed photobooth with sequin paper and balloons. The party flows like a script, Jean Dory’s smile is close to manic with the amount of effort he puts into keeping the mood elevated.
The older Washington sisters—who had earned substantial amount of the profit from the MBC Casino board forcing Minnow Dory out and selling the casino to a conglomerate—had purchased Apple watches for everyone and handed them out like candy bars.
As the teenagers divided and conquered to show the adults how to us the Apple Watch, Maverick watches Haley whisper to his god son before picking up his messenger bag and slipping out of the room. He was walking fast and looked shaken.
Maverick follows curiously. He breaks into a jog when he sees Haley going out the front door.
“Everything okay ?,” Maverick calls, following him into the hallway. He doesn’t bother keeping quiet since he’d learned Jean’s only neighbor was his sister Minnow.
Haley looks back and approaches him with clasped hands and a false smile. “It’s fine. Luce went outside he… he wants to go to the psychiatric hospital.”
“It’s Christmas—”
Haley shrugs and gives a nervous laugh. “Something triggered him. There was a pack of razors in the bathroom and he said he almost slit his wrist with it. He’s asking for help and I want him to get it. I told Sky since he's the DD...I’ll tell everyone else tomorrow. Um, I’ll call you in the morning when my shift ends if you want.”
“You’re not coming back?”
“The psych hospital is around the corner from where I’m working tonight so there's no sense in coming back out here…I called us a a cab, I’ll just hang around the hospital cafeteria until my shift starts.”
“I’ll join you,” Maverick offers. “I’ll make us plates and drive you and we can have dinner together—”
“Oh, baby,” Haley sighs. “That’s so nice of you but you don't want to hang out in a hospital—”
“I’m doing it. I want to. I love you.”
----
-3-
Holland Ivor makes note of Maverick’s sudden departure, but only because she is watching the receiving table near the door where everyone had dropped their keys into a crystal bowl
She can’t think of an excuse to go towards the crystal bowl until the end of dinner, when she excuses herself and pretends to use the bathroom.
After dinner everyone disperses. The older adults take half a dozen wine bottles and start up a poker game on the balcony. Twyla, Sky and Collette are in the media room mixing drinks and The Washington sisters are picking a Hallmark Christmas movie to show on the projector.
With no one paying much attention, Nova and Holland silently slip out the condo. They casually wave to the doorman as they walk out, mimicking the breezy way Eloise and her sisters treated staff. As far as the doormen knew they were just two rich kids headed out to meet a hired car.
Not two kids about to steal a motorcycle.
Holland barely tolerated most of her extended family but she was actually terrified of Colette. She didn’t want to take Colette's motorcycle without permission.
But it was their only choice.
Nova had decided he needed to do his grand gesturing bullshit today and she figured it was the least she could do since she was going to break his heart when he found out she passed her GED and was moving to Reno in January to join her cousin’s body shop.
“Fuck,” Holland curses when they come up on the vintage Harley Davidson. “Colette took her helmet inside. I only have the one she gave me.”
“You use it, you need it to see,” Nova shrugs, unconcerned. He takes his rounded gold rimmed glasses from his pocket. “I have these and I’ll keep my eyes closed the whole time…which I was going to do it anyway.”
“This is fucking batshit.”
“That’s why I love you. Chill, it’s only like 3 miles, bitch.” He grins with his mischievous uneven smile.
That fucking smile had gotten her in a lot of trouble.
She’d brushed him off when they met as kids in the park at his Dad’s 40th birthday party of all places. But then he'd stolent his Dad's phone and they bonded over discovering all the things adults were keeping from them. At the time they hadn’t understood half of what they’d heard on Maverick’s podcasts or read in the descriptions of Haley's filthy Kindle books but they’d been fascinated.
Now, she cringed thinking about how young they'd been.
Once Nova’s hands are securely around her waist, she guns the
motorcycle and takes them the 2 miles trip from one rich ass part of the suburbs to another. This
one is Dulce Vista—a gated community in Summerlin.
She parks the motorcycle near the man-made community lake and Nova leads the way on foot to Brixton Matthew’s house.
“I don’t think there home, babe,” Holland frowns looking up at the darkened windows of the mansion. “Maybe they went to Hawaii or some shit. Just fucking text him like a normal fucking person”
“No. He Snapped from here this morning.” Nova kicks a rock absently. Holland bet it was an expensive imported rock. “This is my grand fucking gesture. I want to do this in person.”
“Bitch, do you really think he gives a fuck that you yelled at him and stopped being his friend in middle school ? He’s probably moved on.”
Nova shakes his head. “I don’t care. I just need to apologize. And I need to do it today. He can reject me if he wants…I’m not asking him to be my friend again.”
“Because you want something more than a friend ?,” she teases.
Nova pushes her playfully and she pushes him back.
When Holland was 10 years old she’d been teased relentlessly for being poor. So, she learned how to shave off parts of herself to fit in with the other girls.
Nova hadn’t quite learned that.
And apparently 10-year-old private
school boys were vicious motherfuckers.
He’d
confided in her about constant whispered slurs and the game where
they'd pretend to give him a turn playing a phone game only to really show him pictures of STDs. They'd invite then uninvite him to sleepovers and he'd even caught the P.E. teacher
stifling a laugh when someone used his most PG nickname, Gay-son, because of how he caught a ball during
basketball.
All
of the 5th grade boys at Merryhill had participated feverishly in the teasing in order to survive.
All the boys except Brixton Matthews.
Brixton volunteered to be Nova’s partner when no one else did. He brought an extra snack for Nova because his Dad always forgot to pack his. Brixton had taken some light teasing but the other boys worshiped Brixton's star football playing brothers so he got away with a lot.
She, Brixton and Nova had been quite the threesome; running around downtown Las Vegas on their skateboards like they were the Stranger Things kids or some shit. And then Nova exploded on Brixton for turning him in for the weed.
Holland had been conflicted about that. On one hand, she felt like Brixton had been disloyal. On the other hand Nova had no idea what the fuck he was doing with all that weed..
She’d steered him to taking a few of his adderall and his stepdad's pain pills and turning them into cash. But Nova managed to take that to far too and got caught too. It had put a real dent in their piercing and party throwing budget.
Nova
takes a cigarette out of his pocket. The old school clerk at the corner
store in Nova's neighborhood would sell him cigarettes and alcohol if
Nova said Luce or Ms. Sara sent him to get it for them.
They camp out in the Matthew’s backyard to wait, splitting the cigarette over Holland’s
flask—which was full of her holiday specialty--Bailey’s mint chocolate and hot cocoa mix. It was enough to get buzzed but not drunk, because the last time they'd gotten drunk together they'd ended up sloppily making out in her apartment's hallway and it hadn't been a good look.
After an hour Holland takes over Nova’s phone, scrolling through his camera roll for which pictures he should put on Instagram. She stops on one where Haley is playfully bartering with Nova to trade him for a pink Apple Watch that matched his scrubs. “Aww, you guys actually look happy in this one.”
“Ugh, I can't post that. The girls from my old school are really weird about Dad.”
“You mean they think he's hot ? News flash he’s totally got like a River Phoenix thing--”
“Ew! What the fuck have I told you about being a weird ass bitch ?”
“Hey, you're cute too. My ladyboner for 80s hearthrob aesthetic is like 75% of the
reason I put up with your bullsh—"
“Oh and it's not because I’m the only dumb bitch who will be your best friend—oh, shit it’s them! Told you!”
Two white Range Rovers pull into the Matthew's circular driveway and they watch from the backyard as at least three generations of Matthews spill out of the cars and into the house.
Holland turns to Nova. “Wait. How are we doing this ?”
“I don’t want make a scene with his family. His Dad fucking hates me. Let’s do it the old fashioned way.” Nova motions his head up to the window above them.
He picks up one of the small smooth, (clearly imported they just had to be) rocks and hurls it up to the window, it glances of the window sill before falling with a thud in the grass. Holland has to cover her mouth to keep from laughing.
“Weakass bitch,” Holland balks and picks up a rock. Nova may make fun of her for liking 80s heart throbs but he loved the old romance movies from the 90s. She fucking hated that shit. “If you play that Peter Gabriel song for him I will kill you.”
Holland does a clean underhand throw and the rock arches towards the window and it hits, barely making a sound. They both stand back to see if Brixton comes to the window.
Nova rolls his eyes and throws a final rock, it sails through the air and when it hits the window it goes through, leaving a quarter sized hole.
They both freeze as an alarm sounds inside the house.
“Run!” Nova hisses at the same time she says. “No, hide!”
But he’s already taken off back the way they came and she follows, easily taking the lead. Before they can even make it off the Matthews property a man with a gun strapped to his hip is bolting out the front door after them.
Holland screams and stops running, causing Nova to slam into her and they both hit the sidewalk, she rolls on her ankle and catches her self with her hands. Pain radiates through her leg but she swallows her scream. Nova easily scrambles to his feet and tries to pull her up but she slaps him away.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, that’s Brix’s brother-in-law. I forgot he’s a cop!”
“You stupid motherfucking asshole!,” Holland seethes as she bites back tears.“I can’t get up!”
A large portion of Matthews family pours out of the house and
Mr. Matthews is yelling about calling the cops but Mrs. Matthews seems to be
talking him down. Before they can make another plan, Brixton’s gun toting brother-in-law snatches
Nova’s wrist and twists it behind his back like he was under arrest.
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?,” his brother barks.
“Get the fuck off me, you can’t touch me !,” Nova yells and for some idiotic reason pushes the psycho with the gun. “My friend is hurt, she’s hurt!”
Brixton breaks away from his family to come over to them. His perfectly styled bronze hair falls over his wide dark eyes. “Nova ? Holland ? Why--”
“Brix, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Nova apologizes because he clearly didn’t understand bad timing.
“Why did you break my window ?”
“Not that. I mean yes that. Obviously. But I’m sorry we stopped being friends. You’ve always been nice to me even when it meant you got made fun off and I was so stupid to reject that and I’m sorry. I met Maverick today and it made me think of how you—”
Brixton’s confused face momentarily breaks into one of
excitement. “You met Maverick ?”
“I never told you because it was weird but he and my Dad used to be friends, that’s kind of how I found him. I told him about all that Merryhill shit and it made me think about how you never did that stuff, even though you could have. I mean who the fuck does that? You’re a good person, I love you and I’m sorry we stopped being friends. And for all this.”
“Nova,” Brixton sighs. “You’re insane.”
---
Twyla is still wiping away tears of laughter at Sky’s last pick in Cards Against Humanity when Colette’s cell phone rings.
“Go head,” Colette answers her phone coolly and her thick eyebrows knit. “Yeah...No, it’s cool…No….I said no. I’m coming.”
“What ?,” Twyla asks recognizing her something-is-wrong tone.
Colette looks from Twyla to Sky. “Holland and Nova took my motorcycle and apparently got themselves into trouble.”
Twyla sighed. She'd done some reckless things when she was young but how could they not realize this was the last thing anyone needed today.
“Please tell me Holland has a secret motorcycle license and an extra helmet.”
Colette shakes her head. “You can’t give those two a single fucking inch.”
“We should just go,” Twyla whispers, gesturing to Sky and Colette. “Haley's at work and I don’t want to have to tell Mother or Jean about this. They have enough to worry about.”
Her mother, Jean, Minnow and possibly Alan were also four bottles deep.
“Haley gave me the keys to the minivan,” Sky offers. “We can drive it there.”
Twyla makes a noncommittal excuse for an errand they needs to run to her mother and they drive quickly to the gated community.
There is a police car and ambulance in front of the Matthews' home.
Nova and Holland are sitting on the curb with their hands behind their backs. Nova has tears streaming down his face and a paramedic is looking at Holland’s ankle. Two police officers and several grown men are standing over the teens—off to the side Twyla recognizes Nova’s friend Brixton begging with his distressed mother.
“Hey. Talk to me. What did they do ?,” Colette barks to the first cop she sees. He turns to her with a disapproving look. She was used to being in charge.
Nova jumps up to walk towards them and the officer snaps at him to sit his ass back down.
“It was an accident,” Nova sobs as he falls back to sit on the curb. “I accidentally broke the window, I said I was sorry and that I’ll pay it back and he called the police.”
“I can pay for it right now,” Sky offers. “Whose window was it ?”
“And who are you?,” Mr. Matthews asks.
“I’m his godbrother—”
“And I’m his aunt,” Twyla adds. “His parents can’t be reached. What needs to happen so we can take them both home ?”
“This isn’t about money,” Mr. Matthews blusters. “These two have some nerve trespassing on my property, ruining our Christmas, harassing my son and scaring my grandchildren with drunken antics.”
“I said it was an accident—” Nova starts.
“You don’t talk back to adults,” he snaps at Nova.
Nova puts his head between his legs and mumbles “stupid” over and over again to himself.
A female police officer walks to stand in the middle of the assembled crowd.
“Alright, folks,” the officer says and points to Holland. “I'm taking the young lady's license, Ms. Santoro you can take her home and she better not be on that motorcycle again. Grayson, you’re going to come with us to wait for a juvenile services officer.”
To Twyla’s surprise, the normally reserved Sky speaks up first. “Excuse me? Why? ”
“He’s on probation—”
“Of course he is,” Mr. Matthews mutters.
“—underage alcohol consumption, trespassing and property damage are all probation violations. He’s going to stay in our custody until he can go back before the judge.”
“Oh, come on it’s Christmas,” Twyla says. “Can we work something out ?”
“Ma’am probation is working something out and he broke the rules. Get in the car, Mr. Haley-Grace.”
Twyla falls in step next to a shocked Nova as the officer guides him towards the police car. She hated seeing him handcuffed but is thankful Nova gets into the car willingly.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure this out,” Twyla assures him.
“I want my Dad,” he cries, sucking back the tears the best he can without his hands bound.
“I’ll contact him—”
“We didn’t mean to do anything—”
“We’ll figure it out,” she says again, wishing for maybe the 5th time she’d studied criminal law instead of tax law.
The police car pulls off and she walks back to the minivan where a sobbing Holland is in the backseat, close to hyperventilating with her wrapped ankle propped up on the seat. Sky has one hand hovering over her shoulder in an awkward gesture of support while Colette is spitting Italian into her cell phone to the rest of the Santoro clan. Twyla had picked up enough of the language to know she was pissed.
“We’ll figure this out,” Twyla comforts Holland. She rubs the girl’s shaking shoulder.
“This is so fucked! We...um,” Holland-- who was normally as tough as nails as her cousin—cries, “Nova and I did something bad a few days ago.”
---
“Dad, you have to call a lawyer ! This lady made me sleep in a holding cell when I didn’t do anything!”
Haley had spent the last 8 hours of his overnight NICU shift on autopilot after hearing the panicked voicemail from Sky during his 15 minute break. When he clocked out in the morning his phone was already ringing with the Clark County Juvenile Probation Office number.
He’d picked it up immediately only to be greeted by Nova screaming in his ear.
“Grayson, that’s not why we’re calling your Dad,” a stern female voice on the other side of the line says. “Mr. Haley, my name is Kara Hawkins I’m an officer with juvenile affairs. I’m managing Grayson’s case while he’s in our custody…Grayson, you need to tell your father about your test results.”
“Dad, you have to talk to Brix’s Dad. He made the police take me when I didn’t do anything bad and then the officer said I had to do a drug test or I couldn’t go home so I did and they still won’t let me go home. That's illegal—”
“Grayson,” Officer Hawkins said sternly. “Tell your father about the test or I won’t let you call again.”
Haley’s stomach drops. He’d just left his husband at a psychiatric hospital on Christmas day. They'd lost a patient tonight. He did not need this.
“I-I I tested positive for something on the drug test but—”
“God dammit, Nova. ” Haley nerves shifted from scared to pissed. “When did you even find time to do this ? What did you take ?”
Nova’s voice came out small. “It was a long time ago and I didn’t get high, I'm sorry—”
He hears the officer taking the phone away.
“His drug test showed trace amounts of ketamine and a high concentration of marijuana,” Officer Hawkins supplies. “Your son has committed several violations of his parole and has a court appearance at 3PM today. You may bring him clothes for court. The judge likes to see parents. I strongly recommend you or his mother attend.”
“I don’t have a—” Nova starts but Haley talks over him. “Officer Hawkins, is there any way he can come home until it’s time for court ?”
“Considering the violations we’re dealing with and your son’s attitude I’m not going to allow that at this moment.”
“DAD! I don’t want to stay here. If you make me stay I will fucking kill myself—”
“Nova, I really can’t deal with this right now—”
“You can’t deal ? I’M IN FUCKING JAIL—”
“Luce actually tried to kill himself yesterday and asked to be checked into the hospital so—”
“Okay and ?” he says flatly. “He goes there all the time. You can’t leave me in here. You have to—”
“I don’t have to do anything. I just got off a 12 hour shift and I’d like to sleep before my next 12 hour shift. All you ever care about is doing whatever the fuck makes you happy. Maybe I’ll tell the judge what a selfish little asshole you are. Or maybe I won’t show up and you can deal with it on your own---”
“Daaaad,” he sobs and the worst part is Haley can tell it’s a mix of fake and real tears. “I was just having fun with my friends for one night because everything's been so shitty. It all just sucks. It was one time. Nobody would have known if Brix’s Dad wasn’t such a—”
“Mr. Haley, I need to end this call,” Officer Hawkins says. “We’re going to take Grayson to a group home until his court appearance. The e-mail I’m sending you has all the information.”
***
After confirming his e-mail with Officer Hawkins Haley goes home to a buzzing condo.
Sky quickly volunteers to drive Colette and Twyla to the airport and a slightly hungover and caught up to speed Sara is soberly packing Luce’s clothes for his mental hospital stay.
Haley retreats to the bathroom and busies himself packing 10 days worth of Luce’s medicine;, sorting the pills into containers and labeling them with dates and times. He types out information for the psych ward nurses concerning Luce’s physical health and prints it.
After a restless 3 hour nap he steams a pair of sensible blue scrubs
with Valley Healthcare logo embroidered prominently on the front. He pulls his
hair back into a neat bun at the nape of his neck, puts his wedding band on his
finger and removes his earrings so he can put forth the best image to the judge.
He is surprised to find Sara waiting in the living room in her black
sheath dress and wedge sandals ready to go to the court house.
He is unsurprised to find Holland waiting outside court house, leaning on crutches and determined to go inside with them.
Nova lights up when he sees Holland sitting with them in the courtroom
but the judge snaps at them to stop looking at each other.
Haley goes up when they are called and recites his usual lines about his son being good, his special needs and having made a mistake. This time he adds in a line about family difficulties.
Nova bursts into tears and Haley is both angry and guilt ridden.
Even more so when they allow them time
alone to say goodbye.
“I’m sorry, Nova.” Haley hugs him tightly. “I love you, sweetheart. I’m sorry I said those things earlier on the phone. You just have to go today and I’ll call a lawyer—”
“I don’t want to go to juvie! I didn't hurt anybody. I feel really bad,” Nova cries. “I won’t do anything ever again. I’ll do all the community service and get a job to pay for the window. I just want to go home. Can you tell the judge ?”
“No.” Sara Grace interjects. She’d been quiet, observing the court proceedings with no reaction. “Your choices have consequences, Nova. I’ve learned that and you need to learn that too. It’s going to be hard but you’re not going to jail. Jail is where you end up if you don’t stop this shit before you're an adult.”
Nova crosses his arms defensively and narrows his eyes at her. Nova had never been directly disrespectful to Sara and Haley got the strong feeling that was about to change that. “I actually didn't do anything this time. I smoked at a party with my friends like three days ago. Luce smokes weed all the time and he never—”
Sara cuts Nova off with a brisk hug. “Okay. We’re leaving now.”
Nova’s crossed arms drop to his side. “But—"
“I’m not letting Haley waste money on a lawyer. You’ll sit in detention for 30 days and keep your head down and do what you’re told no matter how hard it is. No excuses.” Sara’s tone had sharpened into one Haley had only heard her use with Luce.
She guides Haley out of the room, adding pressure to his arm the moment he thinks about turning around to comfort his son.
“It will be good for him. He needs tough love,” Sara tells Haley once they are back in the car.
“You know how Nova can be…he doesn’t have an off switch. I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“I’m sure the other boys are just as scared as he is. He always finds a way,” she reminds him. “I was going to stay with Jean and Atsumi while we finish putting the mansion in escrow. But I’d be willing to move back in to help. Stay with Luce when he gets out the mental hospital.”
Haley nods. “Thank you.”
“I know I’ve been passive…I’d like to change that. I missed a lot of that with Rias and the girls.”
He drops Sara off at Jean’s condo and drives to the psychiatric hospital
to leave Luce’s clothes and medication.
Haley stops short when the head RN on
duty comes out to meet with him. Haley knew Billy Diaz—he’d been one
of Haley’s interns a decade ago. Haley had liked
to organize happy hours with new male nurses, interns and students. It was sometimes professional development but mostly an excuse for him to drink.
Billy
had never met Luce but he must have put together they were married when
he saw Haley's name on the admittance forms. Haley firmly believed
getting help for mental illness wasn’t shameful but he'd always kept
quiet about Luce's mental illness struggles. It didn't fit with the image he projected
at work.
He
and Billy make strained, pleasant small talk as Haley reviews Luce's
medications and physical needs. He stiffens when Billy casually asks about his
son.
“He goes by Nova now,” Haley fills in. “He’s good.”
Billy smiles warmly. “I hope he got what he wanted for Christmas.”
Haley gives his best bed side manner smile. “He did…um, do you think I can go back and see Luce ?”
“He’s too early in his stay for visitation.”
“I know but…we had to bring him in on Christmas and....I can be in and out in a second. I promise.”
Billy gives him a wary look but nods. “Just for you I'll do it once. I’ll have someone bring him to his room. 8B. Two minutes.”
Haley easily finds the room, he’d been working for the hospital system for over a decade and knew the ins and outs of nearly every building on the campus. Nurses often got sent to escort patients so it wasn’t uncommon for a random nurse to be wandering the halls of a building he didn’t work in.
“Hi, baby.”
“You’re not supposed to be here, Lexie.” A little smile softens his sharp, rugged face.
“I’m not here. I just dropped off your medication and needed to---wanted to see you.”
“Why ?”
“Because I love you. And as much as I love our mental healthcare nurses the only thing they are good at is giving the good drugs...like I'm sure they already gave you. ”
The smile comes back.
“They already make me feel so good, you know ? I felt so good today.”
“That's the drugs.” Haley could log into the computer
and look at exactly what they'd given him but logins were tracked and he technically wasn't allowed a personal visit.
“Is...How did Nova take me being here ?”
“Surprisingly well,” Haley admits. “He seems to think it's just a thing you do every few years.”
“That's...not good.”
Haley exams the room. It had two beds, each with a stack of welcome papers on it. If he had a seizure at night he'd certaitly fall out of it.They were low to the ground and not adjustable, he'd have to make sure Billy knew Luce would need help getting in and out of bed and with his feeding tube. The sheets looked too--
“You aren’t talking,” Luce says.
“I'm just thinking.”
“You usually talk more. Why aren't you wearing those scrubs with the patterns ? You look too official. ”
Haley shook his head even though he felt like an exposed nerve. Luce was only spending 10 days in the hospital and Nova had 30 days in detention. He’d have to tell him eventually.
But not today.
----
New Year's Eve
Dear Rias,
I’ve never been able to do the letter writing thing but I thought I’d try it because I still can’t talk about you.
I’m humiliated to be in a psych ward again but I have a feeling it won’t be my last visit. I always feel on the edge of ending things. They call it passive suicide ideation. Ma never got it but she doesn’t have to. I was close. I needed help. I chose it this time.
I think that is something.
This place isn’t as nice as the one you would have found for me. I'm miserable but I don't want to die either. I sleep on a bare mattress because I don’t like any of the sheets. The nurses are busy and I have to figure things out on my own. Which is fine. I don’t tell Lex that because I’m afraid he’ll pull strings and I don’t want that.
I have a roommate. A kid in his twenties. We both have insomnia. He said to me “you know, I kinda thought you got all this shit figured out by the time you get to your age.”
I realized I was old enough to be his father. When did that happen ?
I hear lots of sad shit in here but I’d take it all to have you back.
I saw everyone in Jean’s condo opening presents and you and Charlotte weren’t where you belonged. It hit me again. How unfair and cruel what happened to you was.
You’re a better man than I’ll ever be. I'm ashamed you supported my family when I couldn't. I never deserved that kind of love.
Here is what haunts me. The thing I can’t talk about to anyone no matter how hard I try:
I started digging and found the flight recording. The feds said it could be over a year before we officially know what happened and I had to know. I thought I could handle it. I couldn’t. I still can’t.
I read the radio calls. You were brave. You tried to help the pilot. That shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. You never gave up. You took care of your wife. Lying to her face when she needed to hear it. I’m sorry you were so scared. I’m sorry that’s how it ended. I promise I won’t burden Lex, Ma or Jean of or the girls with it.
Alex has started praying again. Right before he goes to bed. I listen to him. He’s so good. I love him so much. I want to pray too. That I see you and Charlotte. I want that so bad. I think if I found religion it would be easier. But I can’t. And I tried.
I haven’t written by hand in decades. This took me two hours with my fucked up hand. I’m ready to stop but I don’t know how to end this. Because this will be my closure.
It’s a new year in a few hours. The first year you'll never got to see.
Some of the other people here are having a New Year’s Eve even though we have to be in bed by 10PM and there is no alcohol. I can’t make myself go. So, I’m just going to keep writing this.
Because I don’t know how to end it.
----
A/N We are officially in home stretch territory...also, there will no longer be references to the year they are in...that kind of blew up in my face!