-1-
Life must be really fucked up when you stop thinking of no as an answer.
When Sara says it, I almost don’t hear it. I didn’t think that was an option for any of us.
And apparently it’s not because Rayne visibly loses his shit when she says it.
“I am done with your bullshit and insubordination, Sara !,” Rayne seethes as he stands. “You know your place. When I say go you go. No questions asked. No argument. You are my weapon--”
“I was never your weapon,” she spits.
Sara stands and even though Rayne has a few inches on her, it’s like they’re eye to eye. She crosses her arm in defiance and shakes her head no. The edge in her voice softens.
“Be reasonable, Rayne. This is going to be an international event, there will be military and surveillance everywhere. They are trained professionals who shoot to kill if anyone looks at an official the wrong way. I’m not letting one of my own or myself end up dead over this.”
Rayne cuts his eyes at her and smoothly reaches into his suit jacket. He takes out a thick black revolver with a custom silencer embossed in obsidian and diamond.
“By the way, this is for the Morrissey job,” he says coolly.
Suddenly Ivy rises behind him. “Now, sweethear-,”
Her voice catches from the sound of Rayne raising his weapon and bringing it down hard over Sara's face with a crack. She slams to the floor and a smear of dark blood blossoms across her face and stains the diamonds embedded in gun.
I hear a painful sound like Sara is crying, only that doesn’t make sense. Rayne goes to strike her again, but Ivy stands in between them.
“No, sweetheart!” Ivy shrieks. “Can’t you see she’s just scared--”
Sara spits a mouthful of blood out and some of it sprays across Ivy’s pale skin. I see a piece of a tooth come with it. More blood, redder blood is steaming out of her nose, but Sara just wipes it away like tears.
I hear a door close upstairs. It’s Luce’s door.
“I am not scared,” she snarls at Ivy, who Sara allows to help her stand back up. “I just want to make sure your husband knows exactly what he is getting himself into. I just hope he knows he could lose a lot of resources. Including me.”
There’s hitch in Rayne’s breath, but it’s barely perceptible. He just smiles.
“You’re my best. You’ll be fine. We will rendezvous in a few weeks to finalize plans,” he smiles. “And really, Sara, you’re setting such a bad example for our newest member. Please remember if I have to make a real example out of anyone again, it’s going to be the little bitch in the corner.”
Minnie doesn’t acknowledge her acknowledgment and keeps her head down. She seems pretty freaked out too.
Rayne heads for the door peacefully, opens it for Ivy and they both stroll out together.
We wait for the door to close and the steps to pass. The minute we can see them heading for their car, Minnie is moving towards Sara with open arms.
“Oh my god, oh, Are you okay ? Should I get Jean or call Bla-,”
“I’m fine,” Sara snarls, shoving Minnow off her.
As much as I hate Minnow right now, I’m kind of sick of seeing her get shoved around.
Sara staggers to the kitchen and pulls out a glass bottle of unopened Red Label vodka. She opens the bottle carefully with her bare hands and puts the long neck to her lips. She takes back a decent amount of liquor and swishes it in her mouth before spitting it in the sink with a painful groan.
She follows it up by taking out two shot glasses, filling them up and taking them one after the other. I turn to Minnow who is frantically going through her Syndicate, I think she is looking for Jean. I know there is nothing I can do here, but before I can turn to leave Sara calls my name.
“Don’t stray.” she calls. “We have an assassination to plan.”
----
Catch
Snap
Click, click, click, click
“Let me do it,” Minnie says.
Her finger idles on the guest list being projected and, she swipes from the G’s to the T’s.
“You want me to do it ?,” I volunteer as a joke.
“Fuck you,” Sara almost laughs. The gash across her lip has already started to heal.
“I’m serious,” Minnow repeats. “I’ve been practicing.”
Minnow pulls the empty pistol on me, it’s an old fashion one with a spinning barrel. She found it while going through she and Jean’s stuff. It doesn’t even have bullets, I don't even think they make bullets for it anymore. She just lets the open barrel spin for effect.
Click
Click
Click
Click
It snaps back into place and she taking 4 empty shots at my chest. It sounds like metal catching in a gear.
“Why ?,” Sara throws at her. “Do you think it’s going to get you back in Rayne’s good graces ? It doesn’t work like that. Nothing is that easy with him.”
Minnie is silent and fiddles with the gun more.
“It’s just Jean doesn’t do guns,” Minnow mumbles. “And the government has your face on a fugitive watch list, you might get recognized before you get too
close. And then there’s Alan who couldn’t even shoot himself properly. I have
to do it and I will."
Sara seems to be considering it, which I think is crazy.
“I like your initiative, but it doesn’t matter. We aren’t assassinating anyone,” Sara says and heads for the kitchen
Her words seem to hang in the air. I don’t know why she’s acting like she didn’t almost just get the shit beat out of her by Rayne for saying this kind of shit just days ago.
“We have to !,” Minnie shouts. “You saw what happened last time we disobeyed--”
“This isn’t disobeying,” Sara says. “ I’m meeting with Rayne tonight. He won’t compromise with me in front of you dumbasses or Ivy, but if I speak to him alone I can make him listen-,”
“Oh, come on Sara. Julian Walker started all this bullshit. He’s the reason Pascal and everyone is dead. Why not just kill him?,” Minnow interjects.
Sara cuts her an annoyed look.
“ I don’t know if you’ve noticed this,” Sara beings. “But people like Julian Walker. Sure, he started this bullshit t but his obnoxious smile and haircut have also been comforting people through it. And guess what ? Now, everyone’s best friend Julian Walker is willing to end this war. So, if he dies the people are going to want a new fight. “
Minnie rolls her eyes and scrolls through the invite list again.
In just a day Sara’s hacked into the database to allow us clearance into the Peace Summit. It's being held in Oz City, a neutral territory between The Republic and The East.. The Peace Summit has turned into a circus of a three day event with endless showcases, galas, conferences, political meetings and panels all culminating in the signing of a cease fire treaty. We just need to figure out who we want to be when we get there
At Sara’s suggestion, I’ve decided to be listed as one of
the Eastern State Guardsman because I can play the part of boringly handsome Suit easily.
“I think I’ll be the granddaughter of a nuclear energy strategist,” Minnie says
“Actually, that's an excellent choice,” Sara smirks. "It gives me an idea."
“She has to blend in,” I remind them. “I think they’ll notice an extra family member."
“I don’t know about that,” Minnow sings. She scrolls through the list and stops at a name
Herri Dory, Lead Nuclear Energy Strategist, The Silicon Valley Group.
“You don’t think your grandfather’s going to wonder why you keep pointing a pistol at the most important man in the country ?,” I respond dryly.
Minnie tosses the stylus at me playfully.
“Gimme a break,” she says. “I’ll just show up in tears and say I got a pass somehow. My family never asks me too many questions when I show up because they think I’m ‘fragile’ and if they ask to many question I’ll run away again.”
“Is that what happens ?,” I ask her.
I mean it in a jokey “oh, really ?,” kind of way but her smile falls like she’s actually thinking about it. I feel like a fucking moron. I finally get a piece of who she really is and I’ve somehow screwed it up.
The moment is saved by the door creaking open and we all jump at the sound. With all this peace talk and Peace Summit news going around we haven’t had too many clients coming in. Minnow aims the empty pistol at the door with so much confidence I start to think it’s loaded. Sara’s standing and I just finger the firearm on my side.
The quick tension in the room breaks when Jean saunters in, holding Luce tightly by the arm. He must have been at a school assembly or exam or something because he’s wearing a school uniform.
I almost feel like an idiot until I see Belle, the Mjollner’s Street Samurai step in behind them. The tension is back.
“Relax, everyone we come in peace…I think,” Jean slurs with his hands in the air. He looks really hungover.
With a wave of her hand Sara turns off all the screens that had been projecting Peace Summit information and aims her gun at Belle.
“I know exactly who you are,” Sara barks at her. “Get the hell away from my son. Now.”
“It’s fine,” Luce says.
“Shut up Luce !,” she shouts.
“I-,” Belle begins, but Jean cuts her off.
“I happened to walk by this little bitch talking to Luce outside of his school,” Jean explains like he is just catching up with this conversation.
“I’m not going to hurt anyone,” Belle says. Her voice is hushed and has a thick Russian accent. “ You should know Rayne and Dakota have made a compromise. My orders to kill you are null. I was only telling your son he was a good shot when that bastard grabbed me--”
“Shut up. No he isn’t’.” Sara breathes. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“Yes he is,.” Belle counters. “Listen, I’m a trained intimidator and despite working for that joke, Dakota I do have skills. Our little scuffle earlier, that was just work, I don’t waste my time shooting a bunch of children. But I saw what your son can do. He has potential, with some training and I’m sure Rayne could use him—
“GET.OUT,” Sara shouts and fires.
Belle gracefully moves in time for the bullet to ping off the bullet proof glass window. It bounces off and Belle catches it in her hand.
“Do you want this back ?,” Belles asks with an air of smugness and Sara fires again. And again. And again.
I don’t know if each one misses or if Belle just gets out of the way.
“Fucking bitch!,” Belle shouts and opens the door wide just so she can slam it hard behind her.
“What the hell ?” Luce says. “Why did you do that--”
“Shut up, Luce—“
“No ! You can’t just make me be quiet. I’m not a child--,”
Sara throws the gun at him and it actually shuts him up.
“Well, there we go. Maybe Luce can take the shot. They’ll never see it coming,” Minnow shrugs.
“No,” Sara says darkly. “There is NO shot and Luce is NOT coming.”
“ What ? Are you kidding me ?,” Luce shouts. “Why not ? You saw what happened last time!”
“That’s because I left you with the wrong people,” she says
calmly. “So, this time I'm sending you away to Arkham.”
There's a pause in the room
“What the hell is that?,” Luce asks
Sara’s eyes land on me, then Minnow and Jean like she wants us to disappear or turn invisible. I wonder if I could do that ?
“Okay, let’s talk about this upstairs,” she says calmly.
“No!,” he shouts. “They’re just going to hear anyway.”
“Okay, fine, god dammit, Luce,” she breathes picking up one of her screens. “I’m sending you away to a The Arkham School, it’s in the The North, about 200 miles outside of the Sprawl. You’re leaving when we leave for the Peace Summit and you'll get to live there.”
“WHY ?,” he shouts and it sounds like he’s on the verge of crying.
“Because I said so,” she replies tersely
“No!,” he screams. “No. It’s because of Alan isn’t it ? You found him, what you’ve been looking for all these years and now you don’t need me--”
“No, Luce. No, I--,”
“I know, Ma. I was a mistake, you never wanted me, but you don’t have to make me feel like it every god dam day . I just want to help you--”
“Luce, I—help me by going away. It’s what your father would wan--"
“No. Dad would keep us together. Dad would never do what you did. He would have never gone to Rayne. He did everything to keep us together and you keep making me go away--,”
“Oh, how fucking naïve, how fucking cute, Luce. Really.” Sara retorts. “You didn’t know Derek, you didn’t know your father. You don’t know what he wanted and it doesn’t matter because he left us, so I get to decide what's best for you--”
“Fuck you !” he shouts at her.
And then it’s just inextinguishable cursing and shouting and yelling. I've seen them fight multiple times, but I've never seen it this bad. Saint isn't around to break things up and I think Jean might intervene, but I'm pretty sure he’s fallen asleep standing up. It gets physical when Sara reaches for Luce and he shoves her hard into the stairs. She grabs his hair and slaps him across the face, he’s stunned for a moment and her hands crawl to the back of his neck. He makes it halfway up the steps before stopping and falling down, knocked out cold.
His fake leg is twisted at an odd angle.
Sara storms back into the living room and grabs her gun, a jacket and a pair of shades and heads for the door."I'm going to see Rayne. $400 dollars to whoever packs Luce's bags for him," she yells on her way out.
***
-2-
It’s a miracle that Rayne would agree, but he does.
Sara's plan is so simple it just might work. And it barely breaks any laws.
Well, that’s not true. I mean if we get caught we could still go to prison or death row. But mostly it's not illegal.
But the worst part of the plan is that it plays into the worst pieces of humanity. Which I feel like is a word that doesn’t include me. Especially now. At this very moment.
Blackbird has sliced my very human looking arm and palm open
and is making adjustments that have been deemed necessary for this Peace Summit
job. It’s like I’m looking at one of those full color 3d x-rays. Blackbird has
given me a substance that temporarily stops the micrprogram that makes me feel
pain so I can be awake for this. He explains I’m not susceptible to the same bacteria
and as long as he keeps my blood cauterized I could walk around with an open
chest.
Which seems cool, but also a bad idea.
“Will this work ?,” I ask as he stiches me back up.
“It better, your life depends on it,” he smiles.
He’s guessing of course. Even though he has the privilege to
know what this job is exactly.
“Do you have anything more…pink ?,” Minnow asks. She’s putting on the dumb little girl act for some reason.
Then I remember she is a dumb sixteen year old girl.
I wanted to come out here alone, but she wanted to get dummy finger in case she ran into her family
and they asked questions. When I asked about them running into Jean she
shrugged and said he was already out the will. Like that's all the has to happen to no longer be apart of your family.
“I’ve been told by Rayne you can’t afford me,” he tells her.
She rolls her eyes and fiddles with the silicon tube he had given her. It’s finger shaped and clear but it doesn't look like her real finger. Just something to make the glove look less awkward.
“Alright I have another private appointment," he says opening the door for us and rushing us upstairs.
“Hey, how about you give us your car ?,” Minnie flirts.
Blackbird closes the door in our faces.
Three miles from Blackbird’s place is an old train station, where the train only comes through four times and only stops if the driver decided he saw you.
During the walk from the station to Blackbird’s Minnow and I had argued about how to get here but now we know our way so it’s just quiet and silence.
“God, I do not want to go back. I mean what if it’s like another battleground in there,” she sighs
I shrug.
Things seemed to have cooled down between Sara and Luce, but
maybe because they kept their distances. The only remnants f their fight
yesterday were slammed doors and dark looks. Also Sara pointedly leaving his packed suitcases by the door.
“Talk to me !,” she demands.
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“Nothing to say or nothing to say to me ?,” she asks.
“Both,” I shrug. We both haven't had much to say to each other these days. I'd been all but forced into an organization she wants nothing more to be in.
“Oh, come on, Alan. You find out you’re an android, I mean you should get free therapy with that shit.”
I smirk at that and she bumps into me again.
"I'm sorry," she says
"For what ?"
"For the whole Chrome thing."
"You already apologized." I reminded her.
"Yeah, but you never forgave me. Look, Alan I've been doing better, okay ? I bet I could get clean one day. I'm not saying be my friend, but atleast talk to me."
I don't know if she means what she says. Sure, she's been clean, but only because her sources have dried up. But, I have been needing someone to talk to and from my first few nights here that person has been her.
“I’ve been reading a lot about human conception," I say and her eyes widen. "I mean in that Prometheus report and it’s pretty wild. A lot of things have to align to bring a person into this world--”
“I’m familiar,” she laughs.
“I’m sure, but I’m serious. Every birth is like a miracle, even invitro ones, It's like a little bit of faith has to go into each conception. But mine was pure science and pure fact and I just can’t help but to think if that makes me something less, you know?”
She keeps walking not saying anything.
“What, like you don’t have a soul or something ?,” she asks
“I don’t know,” I breathe.
“Well, Alan I have to admit…there are days when I think you’re more human than anyone. I mean who cares how you were created ? I don’t and I still like you…or whatever.”
She seems unsure, which is very un-Minnow like. I think she knows it too because she grabs my arm and using it to leverage herself and hop on my back, I pretend to buckle under her weight, but the truth is I don't feel it. Her purple boots dangle around my waist. She’s light.
“Are you serious ?,” I laugh.
“I’ll carry you next,” she says.
-3-
***
It's raining tonight, I don't think that's a good sign at all.
In less than 48 hours, I will be responsible for bringing down two governments. After that I'll either be back here, dead or on my way to prison.
I should be getting drunk, but that doesn't seem like a good idea because this time around I'll be on my own and I need my brain. I'm studying my Syndicate in the living room, which is now packed in suitcases and smells like burning hair.
“Just like old times. Just a little darker” Jean smiles as he combs out the blood red curls.
Sara looks like a completely different person in the wig. I think under normal circumstances I would find her insanely attractive. She messes with the wig's bangs and gently pulls it off. She is going to wear it tomorrow when we depart for the Peace Summit to blend in better.
Projected in front of her is a photo of her and Derek on their wedding day, Jean had been trying to emulate the color. In the photo Sara looks so young, she’s wearing a white dress that flows like a Greek goddess and stops just above her knees, Her pregnancy is obvious. Derek's in the shot, but he's not facing the lens, he looks directly at Sara like she is the only person in the world.
As Jean packs away the wig and Sara starts cleaning up the stray peices of hair, Minnow starts flipping through the rest of the photos in the album. I recognize Ivy Washington in a few photos, she is dressed to kill in a skin tight peach dress and heels, posing seductively with a martini glass. There are a few where Sara has her arms around Ivy’s thin waist and Ivy’s hands rest on Sara’s stomach.
“You guys were so hot,” Minnie says quietly, but Sara isn’t paying attention.
Minnie clicks on a video and I see Derek appear on the projection screen, he's only a few
years older then me and looks like he could be one of the guys at my college. He’s running his hand through his thick
blonde hair, his tuxedo vest is open, and
the buttons at the top of his shirt are undone. The camera is shaky and I think
someone else is holding the camera lens to his face. He is standing outside of The
Silver City Casino I sometimes pass on the strip. It looks a little more derelict now.
“I’m getting the damn car…I want my honeymoon… What the fuck
?,” he half laughs and half slurs at the camera, pushing it away.
“Looks like you already had your honeymoon. C’mon say something….I
want to show her on your anniversary,” I hear a female voice plead.
Derek rolls his eye and then looks up directly at the camera and it's like he's looking directly at me. His eyes are red rimmed, but the
pupils are big and the same bright greenish blue as Luce’s. He looks down embarrassed for a second before looking back up at the camera.
“Sara, baby…you should I know I love you, obviously,” he starts and then smiles to himself and looks around unsure. “I know things haven’t always been easy for you. Our relationship has been full of…surprises. Meeting you was a surprise, falling in love with you was a surprise and the baby was definitely a surprise…but from this day on we’re going to be a family. And I know we fight sometimes and I know it won’t always be easy and I know not everyone thinks this is the right thing for us, but you know what ? Fuck them all."
He laughs and puts his ring finger up to the screen, showing a gold ring with a diamond inset.
"This means you’re stuck with me now. Forever. So, no more orphan bullshit from you. I'm you're family. I love you, Sara...Grace. Baby or no baby. Thank you for being the love of my life.”
He does a perfect half smile and the camera flicks off. As shadow comes up behind me and I turn to see Sara staring at where his face was. She doesn’t look upset, just oddly calm.
"Sorry-," Minnow starts.
“It's okay. I was so happy that day.” She says. “ God, we could have been so happy.”
“I bet Derek would want you to be happy even though--,” Minnie starts
“Please. Don’t give me that line. I don’t want to hear that. Not from you,” Sara retorts and heads upstairs.
Minnow’s face doesn’t move, but I detect a small hint of understanding.
“I’m going to bed.” I say, heading upstairs.
It’s only midnight, which is early for me, but our train to the Peace Summit leaves at 7AM the next morning and there is nothing more I can do tonight. It'll all come out at this time in two days what my fate will be.
Here. Jail. Death.
***
-4-
I don’t really dream anymore and now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I ever really have. Maybe I don't have the capacity for dreaming or maybe the dreams I had were implanted in me. I sleep easily. Maybe because of the rain or maybe because I’m not afraid.
Probably the rain.
I nearly jump out of my own skin when I feel hands on my bare shoulders. I reach for my gun on the storage crate I use as a nightstand but it’s gone.
“Wake up, hurry,” I hear Luce whisper.
He sits on my bed, he’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt and holding his prosthetic leg in one hand and my gun in the other.
“Wha-,”
“C’mon help me get this piece of shit on,” he says.
In one motion he sets the gun down and runs his hands over the LED lamp above me to turn int on. He lays his leg up on the bed and tries to push the prosthetic into place, but it isn’t going in.
“Are you running away--”
“No, my Mom is leaving. I think she is up to something. I need to follow her and I don't know how to put this stupid thing on.”
“I’m sure she’s fine.”
“No she's not. She is trying to sneak out without me hearing. Come on.”
I try and help him angle his leg and after a few scrapes I'm able to connect the prosthetic; but it’s crooked.
“I don’t know how to do-”
I stop when I hear the front door slam.
“Let’s go.” He says abandoning the prosthetic leg and hopping to the door on one leg.
I quickly pull on a jacket, my Syndicate and pants as he got down the stairs on his hands. I met him by the door and folding our arms over we hobbled outside together. The rain is light now and feels like feathers on my face, but the road is ominously black and slick. Potholes were forming. Sara is a few feet in front of us in her running clothes, but she's just walking at a brisk pace.
"She's just going for a run--"
"No, she would have said something. Come on," Luce urges me.
I know Sara would not have wanted me out here with Luce this
late at night. The streets were still crawling with life, but he seemed to be able to
follow her turns. Just like when I helped him to the bathroom at Blackbird’s, our bodies learn to move in synchronization, I lean over to compensate
for his weight and we hobble briskly through the streets like it's nothing.
Sara has turned through crowd at a street corner. When Luce and I make our way through the group he halts and looks around.
We lost her.
“Maybe she went to a bar, this is crazy. Come on, it’s pouring out here.” We could slip at any moment and he'd have more problems than a missing leg.
“Stop being a baby,” he chides me.
I let him lead us down a few side streets that were mostly
residential. In our awkward form we staggered around the streets and alleyways against the dimming street lamps. It seemed that the more we
walked the more we were enveloped in darkness. We finally stopped near a park so he could catching his breath. This was getting ridiculous, he clearly had no idea where
he was going and he was exhausting himself.
“Luce, it’s time to go--,”
“Hey,” he suddenly called.
He jerked his body away from mine and frantically hopped over to where a figure lay on the ground.
It was Sara, lying prostrate on the rain soaked ground with her hands around her side and she was making an agonizing sound.
Luce loses his balance and collapses to the ground, but he drags himself on his hands the rest of his way over to her. I slowly approached after Luce and see the large glass sculptures protruding from the ground. I back away a little.
This was a cemetery and even though I couldn't see, this must be Derek's grave. I'd never seen an earth cemetery like this before. Back home we cremated people in public moseleousms,it seemed more practical.
“Ma…hey, Ma.” Luce calls to her, touching her face, “What’s wrong ?”
She remains unmoving on the ground. Her body has curled over and her skin look clam and white, I glaze over her body for blood and withdraw my gun for any onlookers.
“MOM!,” he screams at her.
She turns and I realized she is crying. They are quiet tears that seem to come out of nowhere;
“Go away,” she sighs. It sounded like she was talking to herself,
“Hell no,” he says quietly.
Her red eyes roll over to him and she sees his missing leg.
“You shouldn’t be out here, how did you even--”
“I’m not leaving you,” he counters. “I’m not leaving.”
“God damn, you are so stubborn,” she laughs
A smile flits at his lips
She won’t or maybe even can’t look at him. I catch a glimpse of her heavy eyes and realize this is what Sara’s vulnerability looks like. Luce sits beside her and watches her profile.
“I just miss him all the time and sometimes it’s too much. That’s all. I loved him so much," she says into her palm, like a mother trying to keep her child from her pain.
And then I realized that’s exactly what it was.
Luce leans over and
for half a second his lips rest on her cheek. She wraps her arms around him
and they both fall down in the grass.
His bare tattooed arms are around her exposed midriff and all I see are words wrapped around the damp grass.
Freedom
Chaos
Our Hearts Beat As OneI guess anything the Grace's feel, but can't say they throw on their bodies.
“I love you, Ma.” He tells her, like a reminder.
Her hands smooth over his dark hair.
“I know, Luce,” she sighs. “It's just having a child is like wearing your heart outside your body. And your instincts tell you to protect them from everything, because if something were to happen to them, you could never live the same way again. That’s why I leave you sometimes…that why I’m sending you away….why I keep you away from the cartel…to keep you safe. If something ever happened to you…It’d be like someone ripped my own heart out.”
“I know, Ma…but…I’m sorry...I just...” he starts and then he bursts into tears. I hear him gasping for breath and he pulls in harder to his mother’s embrace.
“It’s nothing to cry over. What’s wrong ?,” she asks softly.
“I just…I know one day I’m going to leave you. I know it’s going to happen and I’ll get real sick and die…”
“Shhh,” Sara says. “No, don’t you think about--”
“It’s okay. I know…but I just don’t want to be alone when it happens…,” he cries. “I want you to be with me…when I go.”
Then it's just silence.
All I can hear is the soft patter of the rain and the sound of tears. It doesn’t look like they plan to move, so I make myself scarce, leaving the Grace family to mourn, heal or whatever the hell they need to do.
I walked back home slowly, I don’t really know the way so I’m just walking towards the nearest cluster of bright lights. My own mind is suddenly dizzy with thoughts of home and family and a mother who may not exactly be the mother I thought she was; to being vulnerable and wondering how that could feel.
In my life nowadays, vulnerability is a death wish, not something to revel in. To leave myself that open to another person was something I could never comprehend. I couldn’t even tell anyone here my real name, because I need my cards to play and I keep them close to my chest, just like Jean and just like Minnie.
It is the only way to survive it seems.
---
A/N
So,I pulled a Lile. That last section (the scene between Sara/Luce at the grave) was written circa Nov. 2012 before the rest of this was done. I was doing this thing where I was going to write little drabbles and scenes based on songs in my playlist and stitch them all together later...granted that scene was the only one I ended up doing. This was kind of my first attempt at writing Luce and sort of informed his character from the beginning.