Luce
-1-
Clark Family House
Somewhere in Connecticut
Alex’s laugh is too loud to be completely sober.
I can hear it from inside Juliana Clark’s house.
I hadn’t slept well last night. Alex had asked Juliana if there was a place I could rest when we first arrived and she offered up this toy-filled room near their front door.
Alex had been insistent we show up to their barbecue early because Juliana would need help. But she hadn’t needed anything, hell, half the Clark family was out on some errand.
I did not want to be here. I didn’t see why Alex and Nova being friends with the Clarks meant I had to be matched up with the husband.
“Luce and Rhett have so much in common, it’s freaky.” Alex had said to Maverick over FaceTime when he told him about our suburban 4th of July plans last weekend. It was one of the few times since the move that their schedules had matched—I had a 7AM appointment and Maverick had just gotten home from a club event.
“Aww, baby’s first bff,” Maverick teased drunkenly. He was laid out naked in his bed, nursing a Gatorade.
“What exactly do Rhett Clark and I have in common ?,” I’d asked.
Alex shrugged to give himself time to think. “Wel-l-l-l-l, you’re both disabled and….you both have pretty blue eyes and dark hair…you were both raised by single moms and…”
“Our Dads both killed themselves," I filled in.
Maverick corrected me to ‘died by suicide’ as Alex icily took the phone in the bathroom with him to do his morning skin regimen. I knew it was an asshole thing to say but the move to Connecticut put my mental health to shit.
Now that Alex was working full time and Nova had a new friend I was stuck in the tiny ass apartment battling the bad thoughts alone. If I got in a bad place I’d call Ma. She’d get mad at me for being weak or guilt trip me. Then we’d play online poker and it would be a distraction.
I dreaded how much worse it would be when Nova and Alex were both in school.
But they’d sacrificed in the past for me and I wanted to support them.
So, here I was at a fucking 4th of July barbecue that was about to be filled with people I didn’t know.
I transfer into my chair and, after I catch my breath, roll towards the Clark’s kitchen. Juliana is hurriedly pouring powdered lemonade into an oversized dispenser filled with ice, strawberries and blueberries. There had been another woman in here earlier helping Juliana but she was gone now.
“Do you need help?”
Juliana jumps in surprise. She always seemed startled and nervous. “No, it's fine. Amber’s coming back down, she’s just fixing Tennessee and Peyton’s hair.” The word fixing comes out bitterly for some reason. “Haley is being a lifesaver watching the little girls.”
I hear Alex’s laugh again. It’s not his drunk laugh but he was on his way—which seems like a lot for three in the afternoon.
I roll towards the door in the back of the kitchen and see
Alex sprinting around their backyard with Juliana’s identically dressed 1-year-old and 3-year-old.
His black American flag tank top showed off more of his tattoo that he normally wore out, his light washed jeans were rolled up to his ankle and his Pride Converse high tops were covered in grass stains. On his left ring finger was a piece of costume jewelry he’d found at a thrift store and sometimes wore with his wedding band. He’d started wearing the band on his finger when took a break from work—he said he liked the way it clinked against drinking glasses.
I attempt to get the backdoor open but I can’t figure it out. Alex notices and runs up to me with the youngest Clark on his hip and the other one following excitedly at his heels. He opens the door for me and when I finally get through, he skips over to the left of the patio.
“Look at this! Can you believe this thing ?” he’s gesturing to the Clark's giant propane grill that would have had us kicked out of every apartment building in Vegas. Alex picks up an open can of hard seltzer from a nearby table and takes a long drink.
“You need to slow down,” I tell him quietly.
He frowns. “Excuse me?”
“You know your tolerance.” He’d had three glasses of champagne at our wedding and had given me a very public lap dance that I doubt this crowd would appreciate.
“I didn’t drink anything.”I gesture to the seltzer in his hand.
“Relax, this is just water, babe,” he says like I’m an idiot. “It’s just bubbly and flavored and in an adorable little can. You’re no fun.”
“There’s alcohol in there—”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Yes, there is. Read the label.”
He rolls his eyes, looks at the can and then pauses.
“Nova told me—” Alex shakes his head. “I split one with him. I'm going to kill him.”
The bullshit Nova thought he could get away with.
At least he’d given me an out. “I’m taking him home.”
Alex shakes his head, narrowing his eyes. “No. You are not getting out of this that easily, Mr. Grace. It’s only 2.5% alcohol.”
“Lex.”
Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck if Nova had a little bit of alcohol. I'd rather he did it with family than his delinquent friends. But he lied and could never be responsible.
“Just take his phone,” Alex says flippantly. The Clark girls were tiring of me taking Alex’s attention from them. They pull him back into the yard to chase them around.
I find Nova in a blanket hammock someone had put up between two trees in the back of the yard. He’s on one of his social media apps and drinking out of a red solo cup. He startles when sees me but then grins. “When we get a new house can we have a backyard ? I want a hammock like—”
“What’s in that cup ?”
He feigns confusion. Poorly.
“Um, it’s water—”
“Don’t lie.” It pissed me off when he thought he could lie to me.
He pours the contents of the cup in to the grass. “Okay, but I didn’t drink the whole thing, I just like the way it—”
“You're still on probation, Nova. Do you want to go back to juvenile detention ? You can’t come to someone else’s house and do this shit. Give me your phone.”
He sucks his teeth and whines. “Whyyy ? I’m sorry, I promise I won’t—”
“Give me your phone now or we can go home and you can be grounded for a week.”
He slides it over to me after tapping the screen a few times to delete whatever he thought I was going to look through.
“Now, I’m bored. Mason isn’t even back yet.” He was being sulky and I wondered if part of it was because Alex was so wrapped up playing with Juliana’s children.
“Why don’t you go tell Juliana you want to help with something.”
Nova can’t figure out how to get out of the hammock and after a few clumsy, dramatic attempts he spills on to the grass, laughing at himself as walks towards the backdoor. Before he can open the door, it slides open from the other side and Rhett Clark nearly walks right into Nova. Rhett walks with a slight limp and has a brace over his jeans that goes up to his hip.
“Hey, look who’s here.” he says to Nova with an awkward head nod. “Hey, ya’ll,” Rhett calls out to Alex and I with a raised hand. At the sound of his voice, his daughters lose all interest in Alex and race towards him excitedly. He picks them both up at the same time.
His son, Mason comes through the door pulling another cooler.
Nova had moved to the side of the door and jumps out in front of Mason to surprise him. Mason yelps and Nova hugs him jumping up and down. “Surprise! Yay, you’re here!” Nova hooks his arm through Mason’s. “Can I go see your room?”
“Yeah, we just gotta get the rest of the stuff out the car first.” Mason didn’t have the same raspy drawl as his Dad, but the accent was there. The two had similar features but Mason’s dark hair was longer and messier and set against a softer, rounder face.
I see Rhett Clark’s features again
on a tall teenage girl rolling in yet another cooler. Helping her is a much smaller blonde teenage girl.
Nova bounces on his heels and waves at the girls. The he looks from Mason to the tall girl I assume is Mason’s other sister. Nova puts his fists to his mouth and says “aww.” The teen girls seem to consult with each other before staring at him with nervous smiles.
“Oh my god, this is sooo cute! You look so much alike. Hi Spencer…right ? Hi, Spencer’s friend! Okay, Spence, Mason told me you might play Alters and write fic and I’m like obsessed with the Siro ship—”
“That’s our cousin, Laci,” Mason cuts in. He points to the small blonde girl with Spencer.
“Oh, duh,” Nova laughs. “I’m so stupid. I saw a picture of you on Spencer’s Instagram at like a wedding or something ? You had like a pretty gold dress that reminded me of this episode of Gossip Girl. Okay, hi, Laci. I’m Nova.”
“That was Anabelle Grace’s baptism,” Spencer explains.
“I love your name,” Laci says behind a giggle.
“I love yours! And well, here’s something funny, my legal name is actually Grayson which like rhymes with Mason—oh,” he points to the little blue purse slung over Spencer’s shoulder. “I want to color my hair just like that, it’s so pretty—ahh, Mason you’re so lucky you have sisters!”
Rhett looks over at the kids and zeroes in on Nova with his arm now hooked around Spencer. “Ya’ll need to go on and get the rest of the meat out of the car.”
His kids turn to obey, Nova follows after them grinning.
Rhett starts moving confidently
around the big ass grill with his young
daughters under him. He’s hooking shit together and tuning knobs to their utter
delight.
Alex kneels next to me and kisses my cheek. “I want a baby. Put a baby in me tonight.” he whispers into my ear.
He was joking. Or, he’d better be.
We’d agreed that ship had sailed and he was concentrating on school and his career and us getting out of debt from the last baby attempt.
Once the grill lights, Rhett turns to look at Lex and I. “My buddy told me about this meat processor out in Jersey that’ll sell at wholesale if you buy enough. Got damn near half a cow. Bet this ain’t how ya’ll do 4th of July on the West Coast.”
-2-
Alex had been told it would be small gathering but the fact that Rhett Clark had bought half a fucking cow should have been the first warning.
The backyard fills with neighbors, Rhett Clark’s co-workers from the Coast Guard Academy and a couple of students he was mentoring. And kids. There were so many kids. The Clark family had only been in Connecticut two months more than we had and somehow knew all these god damn people.
I lose Alex almost immediately. He goes inside to tell Juliana something and then never comes back.
The last time I’d been to a party like this had been Christmas and
that had gone to shit. I hated being in the apartment all day but now I wanted to go back.
I start to roll back towards the house since it seemed like no one would be inside. I pathetically still can’t get the door open and I was getting pissed.
“You all right, man ?” Rhett calls coming up behind me.
I look up at his concerned face, he’d jogged over seemingly out of nowhere. He and a few of the other type-A take charge guys had been grilling everything in sight for the last hour. I’d told Alex I’d try to eat solid food today but I couldn’t do that if he wasn’t around to help me.
“C’mom, I got somethin’ for you, man.” Rhett says jovially. He slaps my back. “I know you a whiskey man but this bourbon’ll do somethin’ for you.”
I follow him to a table of men in their 30s and 40s in the corner of the patio. They all scramble to make room for my wheelchair. All of them are in jeans and t-shirts, except a younger blonde man in a checkered button up and chinos. He was related to Rhett somehow but I couldn’t remember his name.
Rhett slams a glass in front of me and pours two finger of bourbon in it.
“You active duty or at the Academy with Clark ?,” A bald men asks as I pull up to the table. A toddler is running back and forth handing the bald man sticks. The man accepts each one like a prized possession.
I shake my head. I didn’t give a fuck about their corrupted American imperialist war fraternity. “I’m not—"
“Shit, man, I knew,” another man interrupts, “see, I know one of them jarheads when I see one. Right, marine ?”
“Nah,” Rhett says with an amused laugh. He pats my back. “This is Luce Grace. He and his husband are from Las Vegas and rentin’ out J’s Daddy’s apartment.”
“Navy, then,” another man laughs and put his hands up. “Just a joke.”
I don’t laugh. Rhett gives the guy a subtle head shake and looks to see if I’d been offended He’d outed me so casually in front of these men. Nova went on about how times had changed but he was in a bubble.
Ma’s second husband, Lachlan, had introduced me to gym culture when I was a teenager. I worked out, talked about gains and took steroids with the same guys for over 25 years. For seven of those years I was dating Alex and referred to him with female pronouns because I was scared.
I liked those guys. They liked me.
Then I’d gotten into my car accident. And not a single one of the motherfuckers visited me.
“Went to Vegas for my bachelor party,” the bald man tells me. He was now holding his toddler. She had two giant American flag bows in her tiny bit of wispy hair. I wonder if Alex had seen it, he'd been losing his mind over children and their hair accessories. “Great buffets and nightlife. Damn near lost my shirt at the casinos—”
“You wanna talk about losing shirts ? ,” another man asks looking at Rhett. “Clark and I were—LIAM, WHAT IS IN YOUR HAND ? LEAVE HER ALONE. NOW.” The man’s steely gaze had shifted briefly to where the grade school kids were roughhousing on the Clark’s swing set. “Clark and I were in Hong Kong—”
“Ya’ll ain’t doing this,” Rhett laughs and then they start telling a story about a detour they took to the gambling district in Hong Kong during a work trip. I couldn’t follow because too many people were talking and I make the mistake of making eye contact with the young blonde man next to me.
“Weston Sullivan.” He extends his hand. He was Rhett’s cousin. He must be Laci’s father—these people seem to have kids fucking young. “I thought I’d be the only civilian at this thing. You in the private sector ?”
“I own a tech security company.”
His eyes get big and he leans closer to me.
“I’m a private equity consultant, I work with a lot of tech business owners. I was actually in a summit this week, which is why my family and I are in town.” He leans over to take a business card out of his pocket. I didn’t even think kids his age knew what business cards were. “The firm I work for does consulting work for political fundraisers. We need more diverse business owners into the fold so if you ever want—”
“It’s small. Just my mother and I.” We barely made enough money that I didn’t have to go back on disability. It was mostly my pet project.
He still gives me the card. “Rhett say you were from Vegas ?”
I nod.
“My daughter’s cheerleading team is going to the Varsity Spirit in Vegas next month. I might meet some clients so if you have any local restaurant recommendations—”
“I don’t.”
The conversation about the Hong Kong casino is still going and somehow shifts to the men starting a poker game.
“You any good ?,” one of them asks me.
“Yeah.” I answer and I must have said it wrong because the other men start oohing and one of them calls out “confident”
I didn’t mean to be arrogant. I hadn’t played a real casino game in years but I knew I was good.
Rhett starts calling for his wife but when she doesn’t appear to be in hearing distance, he calls his son.
The teenagers are is sitting around the hammock. Spencer Clark was looking at the tattoo on Nova’s wrist and he was pointing to the places he thought he was getting more.
“Go into my room, look in the top drawer of the dresser to the left and get that pack of cards for me. And that jar of change.” Rhett tells his son when he comes over. Mason manages to walk off without talking back, rolling his eyes or whining. Rhett turns back to the table with a shit eating grin. “We can play for pennies, don’t want to get you boys in trouble. ‘Specially not you, Wes.”
West puts his hands up. “I’m not playing.”
“Yeah, you are,” Rhett grins and then turns his gaze to me. “How you wanna play, man ?”
“Texas Hold Em’. Seven card stud.”
He nods.
When Mason brings the cards we do a practice round to make sure the other men know the rules. I feel my anxiety lessen as we settle into the game. Their useless trash talk and side conversation wash over me as I start thinking strategy. Counting cards wasn’t exactly frowned upon in poker but I try not to do it to keep the game going.
One of Rhett’s co-workers wins the first round. When we start a second round I feel some pain in my back. I’m thinking of bowing out and finding someplace to lie down when Alex comes up behind me and throws his arms around my neck in a tight hug.
I’m not sure what he’s up to but then I see the metallic pink nail polish and he starts talking and I realize it’s not Alex.
“Dad,” Nova says in a loud whisper. I’d gotten them confused before when I wasn’t looking. Nova copied so many of Alex’s mannerisms. He presses the side of his face against mine. “Can I please have my phone back ?”
I had no idea what went through this kid’s mind. He seemed to think being punishments had to work on his schedule.
“Later.” I tell him because saying no usually set him off and I was finally having a good time.
“But I want to show Spencer this fanart my friend made on Tumblr and it’s a private post so only I can see it and I don’t know the password to my Tumblr account and I tried to get it on her phone but now I’m locked out, I’m also locked out of my e-mail because apparently I also don’t know that password either, wait do you remember my e-mail pass—”
“Nova. Later. I’m in the middle of a game.”
Nova looks over at the poker game and then up at the men at the table. A few of them are staring at us but most are taking the extra time to scrutinize their cards.
“This your boy?” one asks.
“Yes.” I say firmly. He didn’t say it like a dick but I was always prepared for that.
He asks Nova what his name is but Nova is too busy looking at my cards to answer. He notices my hand shaking and he cups my wrist. If I started shaking it was usually social anxiety or a seizure but this was just from pain. “Dad. Are you okay, Dad ?”
I pull my wrist from his grasp. “I’m fi—”
“I can help. I can hold your cards. I won’t—wait—hmmm, oh!—you should discard that, right ?,” he points to the seven of hearts. “Because then if the heart suit cards are gone then the—”
“Nova.” He’d just spoiled my hand.
“I want to play, oh, I can teach Mason and his sisters, do you have another deck—”
“Nova, you’re interrupting. Let us finish the game.” I keep my tone firm.
He “hmphs” and leaves, but instead of going back towards his friends he goes inside the house.
“You taught him to play poker ?,” Rhett asks, amused. He sets down his hand. It was better than mine.
“No. My mother—FUCK, fuck, fuck!” a
sharp pain runs down back and I drop my cards on the table. My eyes water and I have to swallow a groan.
A wave of concerned male voices come my way and it makes my skin crawl. I brush them off.
“Aye, let me get you some water,” Rhett offers
“I’m fine. Deal me out. I just need a break,” I bite out.I grit my teeth and try to carefully back away from the table. People shout at me to be careful when I nearly back into to a table of wine bottles.
Lex comes out of the house balancing an ice cream sundae in a paper bowl. He’s pulling a giggling Juliana Clark behind him. She’d changed into blue flowered sundress that would probably look better if she didn’t have a long red sweater over it.
“I am making your wife sit down and eat,” Alex announces giddily to Rhett before looking directly at me. Like he knew something was wrong. “You okay ?”
“Just a cramp.” I lie. If I said it was worse we'd leave and I knew he wasn't ready.
He frowns and gives Juliana his ice cream. “Save me a seat ?” When she walks off he backs me into a corner. “Did you drink ?”
“No.” I hadn't even had time to try the bourbon Rhett poured for me.
“How about some morphine ? Just a little”
The pain had gone from a knife like sharpness to throbbing but I wasn’t going to say no. He stands directly in front of me to block what he is doing from view and quickly rolls up my shirt sleeve, sanitizes my upper arm, sticks me and covers the small wound with one of the princess bandages he’d brought for the pediatric patients he never ended up having.
“Good ?”
-3-
I nod and he pushes me over to where Juliana is sitting at an umbrella covered table with her 1-year-old babbling quietly in her lap. Around the table is a group of women. One of them I know is Rhett’s 28-year-old sister, Savannah. The one with the short blonde hair must be Wes’ wife.
Alex sits down and helps me out of my wheelchair and on the bench seat next to him. I was starting to feel the soft fuzzy morphine feeling already. Because of my past suicide attempts I had a pain management agreement with my doctor that said Alex or Ma were the only people allowed to give me opioids. Since Ma was two hours away and Alex was working I’d been going without. Which was good for my tolerance.
“I don’t think I got to meet you yet but I’ve heard all about you. I’m Amber,” the woman with short blonde hair says to Alex.
“Yes. Rhett’s cousin, right ?” Alex smiles.
“Well,” she grins, shaking her head like it was inconsequential. “By marriage. Rhett and I actually dated in high school.”
Savannah, Rhett’s sister, snort laughs at this but Amber doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy looking at the tennis bracelet on Alex’s wrist. “I love this---oh, and look at that the ring. Lucky you.”
“My husband knows how easily
distracted I am by shiny things,” Alex’s jokes. Maybe it was the morphine but I
was always amused by the weird ass shit that came out of his mouth. His diamond “engagement ring”
was fake and the tennis bracelet wasn’t even from me. It was from Maverick.
“Ugh, I wish I could marry a gay man! I’m so jealous. Our men know nothing about jewelry.” Amber smiles. “I’m always telling Juliana she needs to ask Rhett for a better ring cause he has no idea hers isn't a good one. Speaking of things I always tell her, did I hear you got her to a pilates class ?”
Alex grins. “We did it together. It—"
“I’m just so glad someone is getting her to exercise. I’ve been trying to get her to come with me to pilates since the baby weight from baby number 3 !”
“It was just something fun,” Alex shrugs. “I used to go all the time in Las Vegas—”
“I can tell. Wow, you really met the wrong side of the family! We need to exchange numbers,” she beams. “I do reformer flow sessions three days a week at my home studio. I’m thinking of doing trainer certification this fall. What level are you studying at ?”
Alex shrugs again. “I have no clue. I just took the free classes at the hospital where I used to work.”
The table is silent for a beat and the rest of the women introduce themselves, most of them are wives of the men from the other table.
“I was just telling these ladies about my book club,” Amber tells Juliana just as she is biting into a hot dog. “And they’re thinking of starting one in the neighborhood.”
Juliana nods and swallows quickly. “That could be fun—”
“See ? I told you ladies she’d be in, Juliana’s great at hosting things,” Amber says to the table. “Not to mention she has the free time us working moms only dream about. And not to exclude you or anything Juliana but, quick suggestion for you ladies; my club does books from our college years we want to revisit. It sparks some wild conversations!”
I notice Alex’s gaze suddenly fix on Amber. He glances at Juliana who is simply smiling and nodding.
“Well, I like Reese Witherspoon’s picks,” Another woman says. “Or even Oprah, anything female centric maybe ?”
“Ooh, Fifty Shades of Gray ?,” the oldest woman at the table suggests.
Alex perks up. I do too. Maybe if he had someone to talk about them with he’d finally stop talking to me about them when he re-read the series every few months.
“Ugh, that book is harmful, misogynist, sexist bullshit garbage,” Savannah Clark jumps in. “It’s all about the allocishet white male power fantasy packaged for women’s desire. Smart, educated women deserve to see better—”
“Well…I think it’s just a fantasy,” Alex says lightly, like he wasn’t invested at all.
“Of course it’s a fantasy,” another woman says. “I mean people don’t really have rooms dedicated to that kind of thing. Who would go through a whole production to have sex ?”
Alex stays quiet because he knows better. They discuss how maybe sadism was real but did people really like being hit.
He turns his focus to me and puts his plastic spoon to my lips. “You should try to eat something. This is so good.” I open my mouth for the spoon and the cold, sweet sensation of the vanilla ice cream is shocking. I try to swallow, but instead feel it coming up my nose.
“It’s okay, spit it out,” Alex says . But I work my throat like I’d been shown in therapy and manage to swallow the ice cream. When I’m no longer in danger of choking, Alex wipes my mouth with the back of his hand and then gives me a close mouthed kiss.
“How long have you been married ?,” another woman asks.
“Four years,” Alex chimes.
“Oh, so you’re newlyweds newlyweds.”
Alex looks up at me with his full wattage smile. He looks beautiful when he smiles like that. “Yep. But I did spend 14 years following him around and begging for a ring.”
“My husband and I are almost at 15 years. The time seems to fly,” Amber adds.
“Too fast,” Alex agrees to her delight. She seemed really invested in Alex liking her.
“And you two have the one son ?” Amber continues. “Oh, I’m sure my Laci wants to hear all about Las Vegas from him. We’re going next month.”
“Yep, just the one—”
“See, I really think single children have the advantage in this day and age.” Amber says and then she turns to Savannah. “I was telling Sav I love her decision not to have kids. It’s like, if you don’t finish the babymaking thing in your twenties or early thirties like all of us did.” She gestures around the table. “You have to give up too much of your late thirties to little babies and your body never comes back after a point.”
I wondered why she was saying this when Juliana was in her late 30s and sitting at the table with her 1-year-old, who was politely sticking her little finger in Juliana’s water.
Alex clears his throat. “My sister gave birth to Nova when she was in her late thirties and she looks fabulous.”
“That’s—”
“And we had four failed fertilizations, one miscarriage and went $50,000 dollars in debt trying to have a second baby so it wasn't a choice for us.”
Amber’s face goes soft and Juliana rubs Alex’s arm.
“Oh, god, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Amber says. “Well, if Juliana can handle a baby while pushing 40, anyone can.”
Alex smiles pleasantly at her. "I stopped pushing 40 a while ago.”
“Seriously ? You look amazing, we need to get together and share our skincare recs,” Amber beams and Alex seems to relax but then she keeps talking. “People always think Laci and I are sisters. We need to double team Juliana. I always tell her all she needs are some some key Mary Kay, more water, a few essential oils and exercise. Knocks 10 years off.”
“Hold up, let me take notes,” another older woman jokes. Amber takes out her phone to show her the vitamins she takes.
“But, Amber do you use Restylane or
polylactic acid ?,” Alex asks, his voice a little louder.
Amber looks up from her phone and her face drops. “Excuse me ?”
“Your dermal fillers—”
“I don’t—”
Alex’s voice goes chipper and happy. “Oh, you’re going to Las Vegas next month, right ? I can give you the name of my old dermatologist. He is a god with natural looking fillers and treatments.”
“I don’t have fillers,” she says like it’s a silly misunderstanding. But her hands go self consciously to her cheeks.
“Oh, hmm,” Alex says. “I saw the little red mark by your eye and I thought that was the little mark from the injection. I get that when I get injected and then go in the sun. Is that not what that is ?”
He rubs away a layer of under eye concealer with a napkin and sure enough Alex has a similar small red dot under his eyes like hers.
“I think it’s uh, just a break out,” she says quietly.
“My bad then,” Alex smiles. “I hate the stigma around plastic surgery, I love having work done. I just think it’s kind of pathetic when people lie about it. Especially when they act like everything is natural when a lot of the time it’s money and professional help. Unless you’re blessed like Juliana. I can’t get over that she colors her own hair. I’m paying her to do mine next!”
Alex takes his hair down to holds up a strand of his next to her darker shade. Juliana shakes her head but she’s smiling at his compliment. “I told you, I can’t color your hair, I don’t want to mess up your beautiful hair—"
“Yeah, she needs to get her license,” Amber interjects. “It’s been what, 15 years helping at the salon ? The test is only getting harder.”
“She’s right,” Juliana says. “I could burn it off—"
“I don’t care,” Alex shrugs. “I’ve kind of always wanted to cut off all my hair but Luce says I’m not allowed.”
A few women share glances and Amber latches on to what he’d just said. “Not allowed?”
I loved his hair and he wasn’t allowed to cut it without my permission, but that was a negotiated part of our kink life.
Out of context it sounded bad.
Twyla was always telling me how, because of how I looked, my silence and need to be with Alex could come off as aggressive and not like shyness or anxiety.
“I—I—I didn’t say that.” My voice comes out weird from disuse and the drugs.
Alex laughs. One drink and he was off his game. “I’m just joking, it’s just a—I’m being silly.”
Juliana, who must know about our sex life from the social media stories, tries to change the subject to the weather of all things.
Luckily, Laci, Mason and Spencer come over and all the women coo over how much Mason looks like Rhett.
The baby in Juliana’s lap claps with excitement at seeing her older siblings.
“We just found out you can see the fireworks from the baseball stadium at the hill in Murphy Park,” Mason tells his mother. “Can we go over there and watch ?”
Juliana looks over at Amber. “If it’s okay with you, Amber.”
“Mmm. Well, we do need to pack to catch our flight—”
“The flight isn’t until 2PM,” Laci says. “I can go pack now. Please, Mama ? We have to go now before it gets crowded.”
Amber purses her lips but nods. “Fine. Go ask your father for some money.”
Nova skips up behind Mason grinning. “Dad, I’m going with Mason. I need my phone back.”
“Are you at least going to pretend to ask for permission ?,” Alex asks in his baby voice because he’s playing a hand clapping game with the child in Juliana's lap.
“Why would I do that ?” Nova sounds dead serious.
Alex looks up at Mason. “He needs to be at the house by 8:45.”
“What ?,” Nova whines. “Whhyyyy—”
“Come here. Let’s talk,” I tell Nova. He helps me back into my chair and I roll a little bit away from the table out of hearing distance. “Nova, you’re still on probation—”
“I know.” he rolls his eyes. “Mason knows, I told him—”
“And those girls are 14. You need to be responsible—”
“I—”
“No smoking. No drinking. No drugs. No driving. If you do anything illegal around them you and I are going to have a problem.”
“Okay,” he sighs like I’d somehow ruined a plan. I give him my phone to take. Nova didn’t know any of his friends phone numbers or social media passwords so he couldn’t do much but take pictures and call in an emergency.
When the teenagers leave I roll back to the table where Juliana’s baby is pulling on Alex’s loose hair. Tennessee, the Clark’s foster daughter runs up to Juliana. Her face is beet red from playing so much.
“Aunt Juliana, where did Mason and Spencer go ?,” she asks loudly.
“They went to see fireworks—”
“How come we couldn’t go too—”
“It was just the big kids. Rhett’s going to do fireworks when it gets darker in a little bit.”
I hated fireworks and Alex promised me we would leave before they started. Which meant my time here was almost up. If I was being honest It hadn’t been as bad—
A child’s blood curdling scream cuts across the yard and all mayhem seems to break out at the swing set.
A dust covered 7-year-old Peyton Clark elbows Liam, the boy whose dad had been yelling at him earlier, in the face. Liam shoves Peyton back and the two start grappling.
Their respective fathers race across the yard to the scuffle. Both of the kids are crying and just holding on to each other's shirts.
Liam’s dad grabs him up by the shirt. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER. YOU BETTER STOP CRYING BEFORE I GIVE YOU A REASON, BOY. DIDN’T I TELL YOU LEAVE HER ALONE ?”
Rhett limps quickly over to Peyton, his 3-year-old daughter following behind him in tears and begging for his attention. Rhett pulls a screaming Peyton aside before she can run away. “No, ma’am, Peyton. You know better. We don’t hit—”
“HE PUT A SPIDER IN MY HAIR!,” she screams. Her voice is raw and so fucking loud.
“NO, I DIDN’T—” Liam cries back and his Dad snaps at him to shut up and get in the car.
“Get in the house,” Rhett orders Peyton. She, instead, slides to the ground and goes into a full tantrum. The whimpering 3-year-old gets too close to her sister’s kicks and Rhett grabs her to keep her back but he must to do it to hard because she starts wailing too. “No, Carter. Peyton, come on—Carter, no. No."
“Yeah huh, he did it!” Tennessee tells Juliana, yanking on her arm. “He said—he said-he said he was gonna do it, and I said no and he did it cause I was over here I bet! He did it!”
Alex was standing watching Rhett struggle with his daughter. “I think she’s bleeding. Can I look at her knee ?”
Juliana nods and calls out to where Rhett was still yelling at his daughter to get up. “That’s enough, Rhett—”
“J—”
“She’s bleeding, Rhett.” I’m surprised by how sharp Juliana's voice gets. “Peyton, come over here, honey.”
Peyton doesn’t hear her over her dramatics and Rhett picks the girl up with one arm to carry her over. His whimpering 3-year-old right on his heels calling out “daddy.”
Juliana sets the 1-year-old down to pull Peyton into her lap and the 1-year-old lets out a scream like a and starts clawing to reclaim her place in her mother’s arms from her older sister.
Tennessee, who reminded me a lot of my nieces, was yelling at other kids on the playground to shut up and confirm her story of what happened even though she couldn't have seen it. Rhett puts a hand over her mouth and tells her not to say shut up.
Alex quickly puts his hair in a bun and takes the glittery leopard print cosmetic bag he used as a medical kit out of my wheelchair. He takes out a wipe, hand towel, bandages and band aids. The girl’s knee was covered in blood from where she’d fallen off the swing when the boy may or may not have put a spider on her.
The minute she sees Alex putting on gloves she starts fighting to get of Juliana's lap.
“PEYTON.” Rhett chastises. His tone upsets the toddler he now had in his arms and was trying quiet. “You gotta listen, just sit still—”
“Hi, honey. Remember I said I was a
nurse ? Can I look at your knee ?,” Alex asks calmly, kneeling in front of Peyton
and holding her calf.
“Noooo! Please, nooo!,” she screams through tears. It gets louder when he takes opens the wipe.
“This isn’t the stinging stuff, baby, I promise. Why don’t you pick out which bandaid you want and I—”
He barely has the wipe on her knee before she kicks Alex in the face. Alex curses into his hand and tries to laugh it off even though it must hurt like a bitch. I can see the moment that Rhett Clark is done.
“Mason!,” he calls looking around for someone to give the toddler to. “Spencer—”
“They left,” Juliana tells him. She sounds done too.
“Here.” Rhett exchanges the crying 3-year-old with Alex for the bandages. Rhett then picks up Peyton and puts her under his arm.
“Oh, um, I think she had an accident,” Alex says, changing the way he was holding the 3-year-old.
Juliana stands up, throwing down the napkin in her hand. “Rhett you weren't listening to her! She was trying to tell you she needed the potty. She’s only wearing a pull-up—”
“J, baby, don’t start with me righ—”
She snatches the 3-year-old from Alex and coos at her. She snaps her fingers at her husband. “Let’s go inside.”
“Before you go can you remind me the wifi password ?,” Amber asks holding up her phone. “I got disconnected.”
Rhett and Juliana both ignore her as they go inside with the children.
A few enterprising men decide to start the fireworks early to distract the kids.
Alex texts Juliana our goodbyes when it seems like she isn't coming back soon and, after Alex exchanges phone numbers with some of the women, we catch an Uber back to the Airbnb.
Back to the quiet.
-4-
The minute the door to the apartment closes Alex collapses to his knees between my legs. I bend until we meet in the middle and kiss him.
“I love you. Thank you for going with me.”
“I’m going to bed.”
“You should take a shower first—”
“The aide will do it in the morning,”
“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” he says. “She won’t be back until Monday. Come on.”
I leave my wheelchair at the bathroom door since it doesn't fit inside and half crawl, half pull myself to sit on the toilet where Alex wordlessly undoes my clothes. He carefully helps me in to the shower chair, securing the chair’s belt so if I had a seizure I wouldn’t hit my head.
I shower for a few minutes alone before he comes inside, straddles my waist and kisses me. I loved the feel of his warm, naked body pressed against me. We’d found new ways of intimacy since we hadn’t had much privacy since the move. I was getting hard and was hoping we could fool around more than usual but he turns the water off after 10 minutes.“We shouldn’t run the water bill up.” He wraps himself up in a towel and dries me off. I sit on the toilet again while he takes the shower chair out of the shower and into the hallway and I make my way over to it.
In the bedroom I pull on boxers while he puts on low slung sleep pants and a pink t-shirt that says I’m Too Pretty To Do Math in cursive. The shirt was dumb as fuck but I appreciated the way it showed off the deep lines at his hips.
“We really need to find a permanent place to live,” Alex rambles to himself. He sets up my feeding tube and measures the formula in a way that, ironically enough, was based on math. “…I think it might be bad to be friends with the Clarks and have them be our landlords. I love Juliana’s neighborhood.”
“You want to buy a place ?”
He blows out air. “Not with our credit. But maybe someone is renting ?”
He finishes with my feeding tube and gives me the rest of my medication. Then he kisses me. “Alright, Mr. Grace. I’ll let you rest.”
“You’re not coming to bed ?” He had
to be at work at 6AM tomorrow. He didn’t go to sleep as early as I did but he usually
stayed in bed with me.
“Are you kidding ? I'm going to play with Nova’s video game while he’s not here to bitch at me.” Alex had always seemed more excited about Nova’s toys than Nova ever was. I thought maybe it was because he’d had such a crappy childhood but I’d learned from overhearing Alex’s conversations with Maverick that lots of grown men played video games.
Alex eyes get dangerously bright. “Come with me.”
I hated the couch in this place but go just to be with him. I lay on the couch and he messes with the cords behind the television
before sitting cross-legged in front of me.
“You're playing,” he says, standing
up to get the other controller from behind the TV.
“I don’t want to.” I was almost asleep and my hand was tired.
“Oh, come on! I think you’re afraid you’ll like it—”
His phone rings and Juliana’s name splashes across. He puts it on speaker and the first thing I hear is crying. It had to have been at least an hour since their cookout ended. I couldn’t believe their kids were still crying.
“Hi, you’re on speaker, Luce is here,” Alex says in greeting. “I take it it’s bed time?”
“Oh, Hi. Sorry, Anabelle Grace just started up the minute I dialed,” Juliana sighs . “I let her miss her nap. I know you all had to leave and I just wanted to call and apologize for Peyton—Carter, go back to bed, Mama’s on the phone. Carter, Carter. Rhett, Rhett!—I’m trying to put the baby down can you take her ? Thank you—Haley ?”
“Here—”
“I don’t know what came over them today. We're so embarrassed. Peyton never acts that way. She was so enamored when she met you and feels awful for kicking you, she's going to write an apology—”
“It’s not even my top 5 patient assaults. Nova threw tantrums like that all the time.I couldn’t take Nova anywhere without him causing a scene. One time I got kicked out of a store because he would not stop touching the displays.” he sighs. The baby crying that had quieted down on her line starts up again . “Not to be cliché but I hope you pour yourself a big ass glass of wine tonight.”
“I’m still weaning Anabelle Grace, so I’ll eat have to settle for a big slice of the triple chocolate raspberry cheesecake Rhett’s boss made.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“I'm the only one in the house who eats it. I should have given you some.” Male voices start arguing from her end of the line. I catch the words socialism and church and state.
“Juliana—”
“Sorry, that’s Rhett and Wes. They do this every time they are together. I forgot to tell Mason to block Fox News… Amber’ll break it up—”
“By the way, you didn't prepare me. She is a real piece of work—”
“She’s not usually so bad. And Laci and Spencer are such good friends.”
They talk about how Airbnb is going and then Alex hangs up on her just as the baby starts fussing.
He unpauses his game and turns to me. “That Amber was a fucking bitch. It’s a good thing you waited for your prince charming because if I had to deal with one of your exes like that I’d be in jail for murder.”
“I wasn’t just waiting around for you—”
“Please,” he dismisses me. “I took your virginity.”
I roll my eyes and he abandons the video game controller to kiss me. He was such a good kisser, his lips brush all over my face and he gives me small open mouth kisses with just a little bit of tongue. I was going to fall asleep with his mouth over mine and I was fine with that. Our rhythm is interrupted to soon by a series of loud knocks on the front door.
“Let me in, Let me in, Let me iiiin,” Nova sings. We hadn’t given him one of the keys because he’d just lose it. I look at the clock on the cable box.
“It’s 9:24.” We’d lost track of time and he was late.
“Do you think if I never open this door, he’s no longer out responsibility ?,” Alex asks loudly at the door.
“Worth a shot,” I add.
“DA-AD. Let me in!,” Nova continues.
Alex opens the door and Nova bounds inside. “Did you have fun ?”
“Oh my god, the best! We saw fireworks and then we went to a gas station that had like subs and pretzels and a coffee bar.” Nova holds out a coffee drink covered in whipped cream. He looks at the TV and his face goes sour. “—Are you playing Mario Kart? Daaaad, you unplugged my Playstation , ugghh you messed it up—"
“No, I didn’t. If you actually look I used a different HDMI,” Haley says proudly.
Nova comes over to the couch, kisses my cheek and hands me my phone—he’d changed the lockscreen to a selfie of him at the gas station. “You missed your curfew.”
On the off chance his probation officer came over we would have been in trouble. And as long as he was on probation, we were on it too.
“Ms. Juliana said she was going to text you,” Nova says. He reaches into his Strand tote bag and pulls out three slices of chocolate cheesecake wrapped in plastic wrap. “I’m like your Postmates, you guys should tip me.”
“I fucking love that woman,” Alex sighs.
“You found my other Wii controller!” Nova exclaims, noticing the two controllers Alex had left on the couch. “Can I play next ?”
“Luce isn't playing. He's too cool for us.”
Nova claps. “Ooh, okay. I’m going to put my pajamas on and then I’m totally going to kick your ass.”
“Don't get cocky, kid.”
Alex teases back.
Nova goes off to his room and I move back into my wheelchair. I kiss him one last time. “I'm going to bed.”
“Goodnight,” Alex says, completely preoccupied unwrapping his on demand delivered cheesecake and drinking from Nova’s coffee drink.
I run my finger along the exposed lines at his waist. “Did you still want me to put a baby in you ?”
He whimpers. “But they’re so cute.”
“Is that a yes ?”
“No. Our family is complete.”
---
A/N
This little micro-fic is basically a mix of me wanting to expand a little bit on Night Out, write a scene where Amber is told off and to kind of wrap up the baby stuff.
Next up, (and literally the last thing I have written) is Hearts Speak. It takes place about 4 years after this and is about a 20-year-old Nova. More info this way >>>