-1-

Rhett’s normally up before me but the morning after the reunion I beat him.

“Shit, I drank too much, huh ?” he mumbled into his pillow.

“Yes,” I said, stroking  Annabelle Grace’s fine hair. She’d be 14 months soon and was getting to old to be breastfeed. I was planning on weaning her off soon but she was my last baby and still so tiny for her age. I wanted to give her everything I could.  

“Can you watch her for a second ?”

Rhett nodded sleepily, cradling her so he'd feel her move when he inevitably fell back asleep. They were having a hard time bonding and she wailed when I ran to the bathroom, took a quick shower, threw on some lip gloss, mascara and wrestled with my hair, trying to re-do what Aubrey had done by following the meticulous instructions in the Glow On and On! Follow Up Home Kit. Then I  slip into my church dress.

They’re  both asleep when I come back into the bedroom and I take a picture and text it to Savannah with a 😍 and 🥺 emoji before going into battle.

I turn on the speakers in the house and blast the indie Christian rock music the kids hated to wake them up.

“Jesus Christ, J turn that shit off !,” Rhett shouts, jolting up. 

I ignore him and go from room to room, practically dragging each child out of bed.

The Glow On  and On! Follow Up regiment worked better on Spencer, who only seems to tolerate me long enough to help her figure out her thick wavy Clark hair. She’s become obsessed with getting rid of the her beautiful natural waves so she could wear her hair in a straight slick backed ponytail with an thin elastic fabric headband like her friends. Today she had one blue headband and one black.

Downstairs Mason’s dressed in a polo and khaki and already has the bowls, cereal and milk sitting out--fulfilling his one job on Sunday mornings. Though most mornings he usually forgot. He was sulky because on top of being on punishment this week, he was in summer school.

“I talked to Noah Presley yesterday while Aubrey was doing my hair. He says he misses you,” I tell him as I microwave milk for my chai.

“Can we hang out after church today?,” he asked.

“You’re still on punishment,” I reminded him.

“Noah’s going to theatre camp this summer and then to his sister’s in New York and then to his brother’s place in Denver. And then they go to the Caribbean. It’s not fair he gets to have a summer and I don’t get anything,”

“Well, we might go to Six Flags--”

“It’s not the same. I’ll have to do schoolwork--

“We’re not talking about this right now,” I tell him.

He sucks his teeth but I decide to ignore it so I can run back upstairs and make sure the girls are dressed and have time to eat.

I drive our only minivan, a 2002 Honda Odyssey, to church. We couldn’t afford a new car when Tennessee joined the family so we’d purchased this one from Wil and Aubrey. The car wasn’t reliable and I didn’t trust it to go farther than the 20 miles to New Beginnings Community Church on Sunday.

I drop the little girls off in the small daycare room while Spencer, Mason and I go to the service. We’d stopped going to the Southaven Baptist--the church Rhett’s grandfather had founded—10 years ago.

It was for the best. At that point Rhett had claimed he was an atheist at one too many church events and I was being pulled aside by other women and held personally responsible for his decision. They never said it, but always hinted it's because I’d dragged him away to my devil worshipping cult when we were younger.

It broke my heart that Rhett truly believed  he’d never see his mother again, that he didn’t think her soul was in a better place. On his best days, when we saw something beautiful I could feel him changing but I didn’t force it anymore.

New Beginnings had been Wil and Aubrey’s church first. They accepted all who came through their doors and the preacher, Kendra Moore, was a young women in her early thirties who always wore jeans and a blazer with big chunky necklaces. She came from a family of preachers and had been doing it since she was a teenager. I stood in awe of her, her intelligence, her faith and the way she commanded respect from everyone around her.

Noah Presley’s band, Mercy, opens the service with  a cover of Open The Eyes of My Heart. The song always reminded me off how far I’d come, the fear I’d felt when Rhett got hurt, when Anabelle Grace was such a small preemie I thought I’d lose her and it was all my fault for thinking I could go for one more.

Noah Presley’s young but he has a mature soul piercing voice singing and when the band joins in with guitar and drums and the chorus swells something moves through me and I cry. Mason puts an arm around me and so does Spencer and I cry harder because I love them so much.

At the end of service I’ve put myself together but Revered Kendra comes up to me to talk.

“Are you okay, Juliana ?,” she asked.

“Oh, I’m fine, I just…that song,” I said.

“I felt it too,” she smiled

She turns to talk to Spencer and Mason and I go to the daycare to get the little girls packed up.  I do a quick scan of the classroom sized playroom and instantly sense I’m missing someone.

I walk up to Ms. Martha, the older woman who was in charge of the daycare during services.

“Excuse me, where is Tennessee ?,” I ask, looking over to where Peyton is playing with a little boy I don’t know.

“Your husband came and took her outside.”

I frown and she looks concerned. Rhett had never stepped foot in this church. I had only shared pleasantries with Ms. Martha. She didn’t know anything about Rhett least of all what he looked like.  I don’t even think she knew Tennessee was my foster daughter.  

“No, he didn’t,” I argue, my heart rate speeding up.

“Yes, he did--”

“I don’t think he did--”

“I…but she went right to him.”

“Peyton,” I snapped, crossing the room and pulling her away from her playmate. “Where is Tennessee ?”

“Her Daddy came and took her,” Peyton said like it’s nothing and my heart sinks.

I thought Peyton knew better  than to let Tennessee  go with Cody without telling an adult but I can’t make a scene and get the police involved.

Not yet, anyway.

Instead I take a deep breath and calmly pull Peyton, Carter and Anabelle Grace out of the daycare and to the front of the church where they’ve set up a lemonade stand and a few adults are milling around.

“Watch your sisters,” I tell Spencer and Mason, pulling out my phone and walking a few feet from the church building.

“What’s going on ?,” Spencer called but I’m already walking away.

I can’t let anyone hear what I’m doing or it could just get worse.

I call Mr. and Mrs. Grady first but they tell me that they hadn’t picked Cody up from the detention center or seen him since he went in last year. I try Cody’s cell phone but the voicemail is full  and his home phone was disconnected. I text Wil but hasn't seen Cody either.

My hands are shaking by the time I hang up on Deacon because I know what I have to do now. I’m about to call the police when I hear a familiar shrieking giggle.

I look over to the public playground across from the church. Tennessee is on a swing and Cody is pushing her high  into the air. He’s wearing his favorite faded yellow t-shirt from the Louisiana State Fair, his  hair is slightly longer and shaggy and he looks older, like he always does after each stay.

I half walk, half stomp over to the playground. When I see the fear and sadness in Cody’s eyes, I remember to be graceful, that I should be lucky police aren’t involved and Tennessee is happily oblivious.

“Cody,” I said  hugging him and then whisper  into his ear. “You know you can’t just take her.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered “I was just gonna sit in the back of service but then I saw her in the playroom and  just got excited.”

“When did you get in town ?,” I asked. pulling away from him.

“They needed room and let a bunch of us out early. I didn’t say nothing cause I wanted to surprise ya’ll. I just came in town 20 minutes ago. Alissa gets out next week. I just wanted to surprise everyone.”

I was glad Cody was out but when he and Alissa, Tennessee’s mother, where out at the same time they always got into trouble together.

“I have to take Tennessee home with me. You should come over for dinner,” I tell him.

“Can’t today. I gotta check in with my parole officer in the next county over and be at my parents house for the curfew.”

“Parole visit on a Sunday ?”

He shakes his head.

“You know how it is.”

 

***

-2-

 

When I drive up to the house I think Tennessee is unfazed by what happened at the church. She hadn’t  talked to Peyton about it and luckily has no idea that what Cody did was technically kidnapping.

Rhett is mowing the lawn as we pull up. Tennessee jumps out of the car and immediately tells Rhett she saw her Dad and everything they did at the playground.

He looks confused but then he meets my eyes over her head. I nod my head to confirm her story and his expression goes serious.

Mason and the girls race inside, eager to get their church clothes off and fight over what to watch on Netflix.

I stay outside with Rhett. He’s shirtless, sweat dripping down his back and his face is flushed from mowing. He’d gained weight when he was bed ridden but the minute he was put back on duty he’d turned it all into muscle. I liked how hard he worked to keep in shape.

I could never just say that to him though. It seems like all I could do lately was criticize.

“Is Alissa out too?,”  he asked.

I nod.

“Godfuckingdammit--”

“Rhett-”

“J--”

“It’s going to be fine, Rhett. We knew this day would come…the goal was always for her to go back with her parents.”

“Yeah, but not this soon…it’s about to be real fucking complicated.”

“How so?”

He scrubs his hands over  gray flecked crew cut and curses again.

“Rhett--”

“I got a new job opportunity.”

“And ?”

“And it’s at the Academy-- it’s a 36  month post with a possibility of an extension. The pay is…you wouldn’t believe it. I can’t turn it down.”

I stare at him.

“The Academy ? In Connecticut ?”

He nods.

“I thought we could all go,” he says. “You're always talking about being near your Dad. I e-mailed Ten’s social worker and she said she’d sign off on her coming with us. I talked to Coach and his wife last week and they get it. They want her to experience other places but I don’t think Cody will want her to go now that he’s out.”

For once he’s shocked me. I don’t have the words at first.

“You want to move the whole family ? Since when do you want to leave Freeport--”

“Since forever, baby,” he said, exasperated. “That was always our plan, wasn’t it ? But then things just kept happening and here we are 16 god damn years later--,”

“I think we’re doing okay--”

“Maybe,” he said. “But maybe it’s also hard for me to be in a place where everything goes to shit.”

 

---

-3-

“I think this one is a little too small,” said Alissa Porter pointedly as she picked up a Rice Krispie treat.

I stare at her conspiratorially and then nod my head in agreement.

She gleefully breaks the treat in half and hands me half.

“Mmmmm…so, good,” Alissa moaned taking a bite. “Reminds me of first grade. The good old days.”

The oven dings and I turn around to take out the meat lasagna and  put the vegetable lasagna in the oven. I catch a glimpse out the kitchen window of  Peyton trying to pull a shrieking Carter into the kiddie pool we set up in the backyard. I tap on the window to get her attention.

“Please be gentle with her,” I warn before turning back around to the Rice Krispie treat factory I had going on currently in my kitchen

Alissa had been helping me vacuum seal each treat, tie gray and orange ribbons around it  and put it in the basket for Spencer’s basketball team snack tomorrow. I would have normally put them in plastic baggies  but Amber insisted that doing so was both wasteful and tacky and gifted me her old vacuum pack machine so she could buy herself a newer model.

It was taking forever to seal and tie a ribbon around each treat and Spencer probably should have been helping me but I’d told the kids, except Anabelle Grace who was in her high chair eating Cheerios, to leave Alissa and I alone in the kitchen. After dinner Rhett was going to tell Alissa and Cody that we intended to take Tennessee with us  to Connecticut. I was supposed to soften her to the idea while Rhett softened Cody.

“I want this soooo bad,” Alissa whines. “A nice house, a gaggle of cute kids, a hot husband who provides so I can do all the fun mom life stuff. I always thought after five kids you had to get a perm and love handles. But you’re cool. Tell me your secrets.”

I shake my head.

“I’m not who you think I am,” I tell her. “I was a mess when I was your age.”

“Everyone says that,” she scoffs, tying a  bow that  Amber would not approve off on the vacuum sealed Rice Krispie treat. “But you didn’t have a criminal record. My record makes everything impossible.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Alissa was only 22-years-old. She wasn’t from Freeport and didn’t know anything about what the town had put me through. I didn’t know her well but I knew she was dealing with a lot right now. I saw myself in her, someone led astride by bad choices and the wrong man.

I knew she had family that she was bouncing between to help her get on her feet but she wasn’t ready to be a full time mom just yet.

Spencer thunders down the stairs in a pair of my block heel sandals, a floral bathing suit cover up and a large tote bag over her shoulder.

“Hana’s sister is on her way to take me to the lake house,” Spencer calls as she heads for the front door, her eyes glued to her phone.

I leave Alissa in the kitchen and  pull Spencer into a corner of the living room. 

“What are you wearing  ?,” I ask Spencer quietly.

“A cover up. We got it from--”

“Underneath the cover up.”

Her face is pinched and I can see she is fighting to not roll her eyes—which is an improvement.

“Mom--”

I lift up the cover up and see she has on a white string bikini top and ripped cutoff shorts that showed nearly half of her bottom.

“Absolutely not,” I tell her. “Please go change.”

“Why ? I like it, it’s just like a bathing suit,” she said quickly. “I told you we’re going to be swimming.”

“I didn’t buy that for you. Go get the swimsuit we bought last year--”

She made a high pitched screaming sound. A sound she reserved only from me.

“Spencer--”

“JESUS CHRIST, IT’S JUST AN OUTFIT!,” she screams, her eyes going wet. The waterworks had worked on me before but I’d recently become immune.

“First of all, we don’t talk like that in this house,” I tell her trying to keep my voice low from Alissa. “And second, it’s not just an outfit and you know it. I will not have my daughter going out dressed-”

“You know, Mom, That’s called slut-shaming! Clothes don’t freaking matter. Women can wear whatever they want people aren’t like they were when you were my age this is so unfair—”

“Not that much changed that much. You're 14. You don’t have to go on this trip,” I remind her. “You can call your friends and explain--”

Before I can finish she’s stomping back upstairs.

I’d let her go on her trip because we thought it was important she bond with the girls at her private school and take any social opportunities that gave her. But when she got back home her video game controllers would be missing.

I'd tried to be open and honest with the kids as they got older but it terrified me how conniving she could be. She ordered all kinds of things from the internet using gift cards and then had it delivered to her friends house so I wouldn’t see.

I have one fire out when another one starts just outside the front door.

“FUCK YOU RHETT CLARK!,” I hear Cody shout from outside and then the sound off a struggle. “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME--”

I move for the front door but Alissa is quicker. She darts out the kitchen and Annabelle Grace starts crying the moment she is left alone. Knowing she’ll be fine for a few minutes, I open the front door to see Alissa in tears and a heavy breathing Cody pushed up against the house by an even more out of breath Rhett.

I don’t like how Rhett’s leaning on his leg and Cody is giving him a fight.

“Rhett! Cody! You are not doing this out here,” I hiss at them.

“They’re trying to take our girl away!” Cody shouts to Alissa.

I give Rhett an exasperated look. We were supposed to wait to tell them together.

“His Mama called while we were talking and let it spill,” Rhett explains

“Hey, I love you Juliana,” Cody says. “And you know we appreciate all ya'll done but ya’ll ain’t takin’ her--”

“And ya’ll don’t get to decide when you want to be parents,” Rhett snaps back. “J and I have been clothing, feeding and taking care of your daughter while neither one of ya’ll can keep clean for more than--”

Before Rhett can finish Cody throw his fist into Rhett’s face. Alissa shrieks, curses loudly and then laughs nervously. The kids start coming around the front and I suddenly remember Spencer’s ride will be here soon.

“Rhett, get inside. Cody, I’m sorry, you need to leave.”

“He--”

“Goodbye, Cody. We’ll talk later.

“Juliana, I’m so--”

“Goodbye Cody,” I repeated  firmly. “Alissa you can stay if you want.”

“Um…I’ll make sure he gets home,” she says.

Alissa told me she and Cody weren’t together anymore but I didn’t like the idea of the two of them leaving together. But, after a quick goodbye to Tennessee,  I let them.

 

***

-4-

Once I have the little girls in bed that night I drive Rhett’s truck over to the Chocotaw II trailer park with a backseat full of lasagna leftovers. I can hear the sound of an old football game coming from the open window of Deacon’s trailer and when I walk up the front steps of the double wide the door is unlocked.

“Deacon, you need to lock this,” I reminded  him as I step inside, turning the lock behind me.

“Ain’t got nothing worth stealing,” he replied.

He’s sitting in his well worn leather recliner, his large oxygen tank next to him, making up for the lung he’d lost last year. The last decade had been hard on Deacon, he’d relapsed some and  looked much older and frailer than his 56 years.

I’d been looking in on him for the past few years; budgeting his disability, cleaning, bringing groceries, driving him to the doctor and helping with paperwork.  When I told him that Rhett wanted to move us out of state he’d just insisted we go to the library get him signed up for help through Medicaid. He was happy for us and wanted us to go as soon as possible. He even joked about visiting.

Sitting next to Deacon on the couch is Cody. Judging by the collection of  cigarette butts and beer bottles they’d been watching old Freeport High football games for a few hours now. Cody studiously ignores me as I walk in.

“What you got for me, wifey ?,” Deacon asked.

“About half a pan of lasagna,” I tell him. “Should I put it in the fridge or do you want to eat some now ?”

“Fix some up for me, since my other guest only comes to drink my beer and not talk,” he jokes, throwing a balled up gas bill at Cody.

I fix them both up a plate and take out one of the watermelon wine coolers I left in Deacon’s fridge for myself. He liked to joke that my case of wine coolers  were the reason he was still single---because his lady friends saw them and thought he had a live in girlfriend. Deacon had been popular with women but when things got hard none of them stuck around for him.

I offer the plate of lasagna to Cody as a peace offering and he takes it.

“This why you said I could come over ?,” Cody asks Deacon. “I don’t want to hear this--”

“And I don’t wanna hear you and Rhett are still fighting like little boys,” Deacon frowned. “Look, Rhett’s always been a little shit but he’s done good. And you know it. He’s the only Clark man left and he didn’t fuck it up---”

“And you know he thinks he’s better than us--”

“He doesn’t think that,” I tell Cody. “He loves you. He still tells everyone you're his best friend--”

“Boy, how old were you when you first left this town ?,” Deacon asks Cody, using his fork for emphasis.

Cody shifts in his seat as he thinks about it.

“Like 16…when I got that job in Jefferson Parish--”

“And the state ?,” Deacon fired back.

“Do you count when I was locked up in Arkansas ?”

“Do you ?”

Cody shrugs.

“Man, what’s your point ?”

“I’ve been to every state in the country when I was driving” Deacon said. “There’s a whole world out there and it’s fucking amazing. . Your paroled dumbass can’t even take your daughter to the next state over without getting permission. Rhett and Juliana are going to give her the chance to see some of that world. You gotta let them.”

Cody quietly eats his food.

“Cody, I promised your parents we’ll all be back for Christmas, Easter, Spring Break and part of the summer. You can FaceTime her as much as you want and we’ll keep you and Alissa in the loop. And the minute you can leave the state we want you to visit.”

I pull the informal document our case worker had drawn up for Cody to sign, saying he agreed to us taking her out of state and the promises each side made about the arrangement.

I could see him simmering as he reads it but after glaring at Deacon he signs it.

 

 

***

-5-

 

“Holy shit, girl is that a pool ?,” Aubrey shrieked

“It’s for the whole neighborhood. We have to pay a fee to use it,” I explained.

She and Wil were seated across from us at the The Parkway Inn’s diner, their heads craned  together over my phone, swiping though the photos Rhett had taken last month when he went to New London for a work meeting and put the security deposit  on the five bedroom colonial  we were renting from an admiral.

Annabelle Grace grabbed for the phone and I quickly redirected her back to the crayons and coloring page menu the waitress had left us.

“It’s a great location between Hartford and New London,” Rhett added. “And a hour and half train ride to New York City.”

“Well, look at you getting all citified,” Aubrey teased with a soft smile.

The last two months had been easier than I thought. The kids had all taken the announcement of the move well, we’d found a newlywed military couple to rent the house to for the three months of the wife’s assignment and my manager  at the craft store had recommended me for a transfer to their Connecticut store.

Aubrey and I were even taking in a small profit from the sale of Jocelyn’s salon. We’d decided to use it to take both our families out for a farewell dinner.

“Ya’ll gotta do a weekend in the City. Just the two of you. I’ve already called Joanie and told her she better be available to babysit when you need it,” Wil tells us, referring to their  daughter who had just graduated from NYU last year and was working to be a musician.

“Uh oh,” Aubrey said suddenly, her sunny expression dropping. "What’s wrong, honey ?”

I look at Anabelle Grace but she is happily tearing up her paper menu. I gaze down the long family sized table where the rest of the kids are sitting and land on Mason--who is turning pink and looks uncomfortable. Across from him Noah Presley is looking down and wiping is eyes.

Whatever upset Noah Persley must have happened quickly. I’d been glancing down the table the entire time and they’d all just been laughing at something on Spencer’s phone.

I follow behind Aubrey as she walks briskly to the end of the table, her heeled sandals clacking against the hardwood floor.

“What happened?,” I ask Mason.

“I don't know we were just taking a stupid Buzzfeed quiz-,” Mason starts.

Noah Presley’s face had turned red and thick tears were streaming down his freckled cheeks. An equally concerned Wil had followed behind Aubrey and they were both kneeling in front of him.

“What is it, sugar ? What happened ?,” Aubrey asks wiping his tears with the back of her hand. “Why are you crying ? NP ?”

“Did someone say something to you, buddy ?,” Will adds. “You can tell me ? What’s wrong, son ? What’s wrong  ? You’re scaring your old man. Noah ? Noah ? You gotta calm down,” 

Aubrey and Wil had voices that carried and the sudden attention from his parents and now the rest of the restaurant only made Noah Presley worse. He starts to hyperventilate as more tears pour out.

“M-M-Mason’s leaving tomorrow. He’s my best friend an-an-an-and he’s leaving,” Noah Presley finally spits out.

“Oh, honey!” Aubrey coos squeezing him. “Oh, baby--”

 “E-E-E-E-Everyone leaves,” Noah Presley cries. “ Why does everyone have to go ?”

The restaurant has gone quiet and Noah Presley must notice this because he pushed back his chair and speed walks outside. Aubrey starts to follow after him but Wil holds her back as Mason stands up and goes after Noah Presley, Spencer following behind.

I watch through the door  as Mason starts to talk to Noah Presley and then the boys hug. Within minutes they’re all smiling and Aubrey takes my hand, squeezing it.

“When did they get old enough to solve their own problems ?,” I ask her.

“At least it’s your oldest,” Aubrey pouts, wrapping her arms around me in a half hug. “Just wait until it’s your baby who suddenly doesn’t need you.”

“He’ll always need you,” I tell her, leaning into her hug.

“I’m going to miss you, girl, you know I love you.” she says.

“Well, Ms. Aubrey,” Rhett teases her. “You’ve come a long way from ‘we don’t know nothing about that blue blooded chick you eloped with’.

“Hey,” she snaps at him. “You squeeze in a three bedroom house  with nine people after Katrina and you become family.”

“That was something wasn’t it ?,” I say hugging her back.

“That’s enough sappy shit,” Aubrey announces. “And by the way I’m still pissed I wasn’t invited to your wedding--”

“You wouldn’t have come--,” Rhett reminds her

“I still wanted an invite,” she says completing the same argument she and Rhett had been having for 16 years.

Excited cheers erupt from our table as the waiters start circling the table with plates.

The boys come back inside and Noah Presley still seems a little sad but also very excited about curly fries. I take all the requests to cut up food and when I sit down in front of my plate Rhett has already put some of his Ceaser salad on my plate in exchange for the steamed broccoli that came with my meatloaf.

“You can have the rest,” he says, pushing the chocolate banana milkshake towards me. We usually split  it but he’d only had a few sips.

I don’t even try to get him to drink more because this milkshake was my favorite and it’ll probably be a while before I had another one.

I didn’t expect my heart to hurt so much at what we were leaving behind in Freeport. I’d seen the rotten core of this town but I’d also seen the overwhelming love in  every bit of happiness we’d found here. And our future was brighter for it.

 -----

A/N

I started this story maybe 3-4 years ago.

At the time I’d just finished UL3 and the thing about UL3 is that Juliana ends up “trapped” back in Freeport (mostly because I wanted to write Older!Mason in Freeport). I’d always intended on  getting Juliana out of Freeport and I wanted to write that. It had felt so important at the time. I don’t feel that so much now that I have so much distance from it but I still wanted to share this, if for no reason then I liked writing (playfully) drunk characters at the reunion!

Now that this is done, I’m keeping the momentum up. With—

You: THE FANFICS ???? IS IT THE CROSSOVER FANFICS ???

......Unfortunately, not yet.  My next project will actually be Vice related. I know, I can’t quit. I don’t want to say too much about it but definitely watch this space very soon...