-1-

I’ve lived in my fair share of foster homes and the thing that always got me was how quickly people could fade from your life. I’d had foster brothers and sisters who I’d spend every waking hour with, who taught me everything from how to play cards to how to give a blow job.

And then they would go back to their parents or someone would get shuffled out and I never saw that person again. I’d see their names on Facebook and look through their profiles and they’d be strangers. Sending a message to them felt an intrusion.

I was afraid Abigail would become that. Honestly, she was already becoming that. I hadn’t seen her for weeks.

I’d assumed Jonah Morrow would go the same way, after all she was our only connection. Despite our relationship devolving to a Russian history study group and hellos in the coffee shop he texted me the week before Thanksgiving me to tell me dinner was at 4.

***

“This is weird,” I say sinking into my seat.

“We can still go to the potluck,” Sev sighs, but I know she doesn’t mean it. “ I mean I hear it’s all catered by the school cafeteria and mostly professors show up--”

“No, I think it’d be even weirder if we left now,” I tell her shutting off my car. “I just have no idea what I’m going to talk to him or his family about--”

“We’ll figure it out. Morris said they are nice.”

I’d brought Sev along as my safety blanket. I’m not naïve. I know I’m was out of my league with the Morrow family. They won awards, donated money to foundations, played instruments, and traveled the world for art.

 When I’d spent time at Phillips’s house I knew the drill. Holidays meant Phillip played games on his phone in the same room as  Gillian while she cooked and called her relatives, convincing them she was having a great time. After dinner his mother passed out on the couch  and Phillip and I fooled around in his room.

In the morning I did the dishes and Gillian was so thankful she cried.

Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated.

Grabbing the box of a dozen cupcakes from Sweet Lane Bakery out the backseat of my car, Sev and I head for the door of the Morrow house.

Sev looks like perfect girlfriend material in a white turtleneck , dark denim and designer boots. She’d managed to combine casual with classy without looking like she was trying too hard.

I decided to not do my usual hoodie and jeans in case they did the whole formal dinner thing and put on a  maroon sweater dress, over black tights and flats. I’d even managed a bun. I immediately thought it screamed trying too hard, but Sev insisted I keep it on.  The fact that I was dressed like a church mouse was not helping my nerves.

Before we can knock on the door it swings open and Mrs. Morrow is there in an Eastham t-shirt, a faded jean skirt with an oven mitt on one hand. She looks different from when I saw her at the coffee shop, less formal but she’s wearing makeup and she’s all smiles. 

She’s gorgeous.

“More ladies!, "she says  and pulls Sev and I both in for a hug. “I’m Michelle, I think we met earlier.”

She leads us into the house and all I can look at are the walls. There are hundreds of framed photographs and artwork haphazardly displayed on the wall. Most of them are candids of the entire family, but a few of them look like professional portraits of what I guess it their extended family. A few are famous pieces even I recognize.

The inside of the house is small. From the door I can see straight to the screened in backyard where Jonah is sitting outside with his brother--they both look a little shifty eyed. Mrs. Morrow leads us through what is both the living room and dining room, we have to navigate around a grand piano and three large wooden bookcases and unhung frames.  I have no idea how a blind person finds their way around.

Mr. Morrow is sitting on the couch with a man who has a floppy hair style much too young for his face. The man is wearing purple scrubs and watching the football game on TV intently.

“Welcome ladies,” Mr. Morrow says as we pass.

Sev mumbles something about it being an honor, and I only pray he doesn’t catch any of it. Only my room mate would get star struck by a teacher.

He’s not wearing the shades I see him wearing around campus. I glance at his eyes and they are brown and  slightly cloudy they don’t focus on me.

“This is my brother--” Mr. Morrow starts

“Sam,” the other man says, and then  does a double take at the  Sweet Lane box. “Well, I see you brought appetizers. May I ?”

Sev nods.  He takes the  box and puts one in his mouth whole

“Uh, hey !,” Mrs. Morrow scolds him, but she takes one too and turns to us. “Sorry about this. Sam was supposed to bring the appetizers so we could have real food for appetizers.”

“It’s fine. I totally consider cupcakes real food,” I tell her and she hands me a vanilla cupcake.

“I’ll eat to that,” she says toasting me with the cupcake.

“So,” Sev says. “What can we do to help ?”

Licking frosting off her finger, Mrs. Morrow practically beams.

This is why I need Sev. Even though she has never been to a Thanksgiving, she knows to say shit like that.

“Maybe later, everything is kind of already going. The boys are outside.” 

When I open the screen porch there are a couple of whispered “oh shits” followed by relieved laughter. Jonah is sitting in front of a small fire pit while his brother is facing away from the door  with Matthew Saylor and Morris.

They are pouring Southern Comfort into Thanksgiving themed cups.

And after  introductions, reintroduction,  an explanation that hard liquor is prohibited in the Morrow house s and  all dozen of the cupcakes are gone they move around I’m in a chair next to Jonah. We exchange a look, we haven’t had a real conversation in a while and  we can’t say anything about Abigail in front of all of them.

“So, Ethan you getting expelled ?,” Matthew asks out of nowhere,  he sips his drink and cringes.

Ethan shrugs and drinks out the neck of the bottle.

“I don’t know, I don’t even give a fuck anymore,” he quickly changes the subject to Sev. “So, where are you from  again ?”

“Turkey,” she responds shaking her head when he offers her some whiskey.

I do the same since I’ve decided to be on my best behavior.

“Okay, so, you’re European like Matt ?,” Ethan says.

“Turkey’s in Western Asia,” Jonah corrects him tersely.

“Actually you’re both right,” Sev says. “It’s in two continents, but I lived in the part closer to Europe.”

Matthew and Sev immediately bond over the weirdness of Thanksgiving and she attempts to explain to him how turkeys are uglier than chickens. It devolves into a conversation about which side dish is the best and the worst and a lot of questions form Sev about why we put cranberries in a can.

“Oh, fuck there’s a yellow Volkswagen outside,” Ethan whispers suddenly, standing to look at the driveway.

“Are you freaking kidding me ?” Jonah says under his breath with an odd disdain.

“What ? So ?,” Matthew ask, bouncing in his seat.

“So, that’s Monica’s car. Dad’s poet friend.” Ethan says. “She’s psycho coming here.”

“Why ? Is your Mom going to bitchslap her or something ?,” I ask and he laughs.

“Let’s go find out.” Ethan says with raised eyebrows

We try to  casually go back inside where Mrs. Morrow and Sam are both cheering at the game and explaining what happened to Mr. Morrow. When the doorbell rings Mrs. Morrow snaps up to open it.

I didn’t know Monica Cremini, except that she actually gets paid by the state to make people like poetry, which must suck. She’s blonde and in her early 30’s with a pixie cut. Like me, she is  overdressed in a sparkly sweater with a plunging neckline. In one hand she has bag of books in one hand  and a bag of dinner rolls in the other.

“You must be Monica !,” Mrs. Morrow smiles and hugs her. “I’m Michelle, it’s nice to meet you, look at you, you’re so gorgeous.  Come on, I have some wine I think we can break in to.”

“So nice to finally meet you too,” Monica exclaims. “Oh, and it smells so amazing in here.”

“It’s nothing, I’m just glad you could bring  bread. It’s exactly what we needed!”

Monica says something about being thankful and not having any other dinner invitations. They’re both smiling so hard and complimenting each other it’s ridiculous.

The Morrow house is the exact opposite of what I’d experienced with Phillip. There was so much laughter and noise and inside jokes.  I wouldn’t say it was better, but it was different. Nearly everyone had crowded into the kitchen and Jonah tried to explain all their inside stories to me, but it all somehow seemed funnier when he didn’t.

I’d never actually cooked anything before and  Jonah elected to show  Sev and I the fine art of slicing canned cranberry.

“You want a good four to five ridges per slice,” he advises in a mock serious voice.

He doesn’t explain that it’s slippery and I nearly cut myself.

“OW, FUUU-,” Matthew screams suddenly and trails off. He’s bent in half on the kitchen floor and his face is bright red.

“What, honey, what ?,” Mrs. Morrow says detaching herself from Monica and crouching down to his level. “Matthew ? Matthew?”

She stands him up and two of his finger are in his mouth. She pulls them out slowly.

“Oh my god. Jonah, baby get me some cold water, no ice.” she says and then yells. “SAM!”

Sam comes almost immediately from the living room and a few tears have escaped Matt’s eyes. The entire house had suddenly gone quiet except for the noise of the game. Sev and I attempt to make ourselves as small as possible.

“I think he touched the stove,” Mrs. Morrow says, stroking Matthew’s face. “Honey, it’s okay, Matty. It’s fine, baby.  You remember Sam is a nurse.”

“Bend your fingers, buddy. Good.” Sam says gently and puts Matt’s hand in the cold water. “The burns aren’t severe. He’ll be fine he’s just hyperventilating.”

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry,” he hiccups

“It’s okay, Matt. It was an accident, it’s okay you need to breathe or you’ll pass out. It’s fine. I should have warned you.” Mrs. Morrow reassures him. “Jonah, go and get the first aid kit and some Tylenol.”

Jonah is quick to leave and come back. I watch Mrs. Morrow carefully wrap his fingers with gauze. The only place  I can really look is at the  tattoo sleeve on her arm. It starts out as misshapen hearts, and then some text but as it goes to her wrist the art gets better until it becomes an almost photorealistic full color floral.

“I’m sorry Elle, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, I was going to play later, I’m sorry,” Matt repeats. “I’m so stupid, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. God, it hurts--”

“Matthew--,” Mr. Morrow calls from the couch. “Come sit with me. Talk to me because this game is a fucking joke.”

Jonah takes Matthew’s arm and holding the cane under his arm guides him back towards the couch.

Mrs. Morrow looks up at Monica, Sev and I.

“Never a dull moment with those two,” she smiles.

“That’s right,” Monica says. “ Ari-, um Mr. Morrow did mention you used to be a nurse --”

“Not a nurse,” she corrects. “ I  was a CNA when I was about the girls age. It was awful and they hated me.”

“They didn’t hate you, Ellie. It was an old folks home,” Sam interjects with a smile. “The elderly  just didn’t appreciate the tattooed, pierced  girl who was at a rave all night giving them a sponge bath.”

“Rave ? I didn’t hear you complaining when I invited you to my parties,” she says poking his chest. “Geez, you make it seem like we were doing ecstasy.”

“So, get this; I was doing my  internship at the elder care center and I could tell they are about to fire her,” Sam continues, putting an arm around Jonah's mom. “So I say, ‘Ellie look, my older brother lives alone, is losing his vision and needs help adjusting to the occupational therapy.’ My parents were getting older and  I was in school so we paid her to drive an hour to Waverly and help him--”

“And the rest is history,” Monica finishes. “I know I read the book.”

“That’s right, I read that too.” Sev says and looks at Sam. “So, was it a set up the whole time ?”

Sam and Mrs. Morrow both laugh.

“No way,” he says. “Aris may have been 23, but he was functioning like an angry old man. He was mad, stubborn, and just a dick  but Ellie…I don’t know… she bought him back and I think we all thank her for that.”

Mrs. Morrow smiles and rolls her eyes as Sam kisses her forehead.

We have to pull chairs from the patio and the bedrooms to make room for everyone at the table. I get a glimpse into Jonah’s room. It’s painted dark green and has  two towering bookcases, one with just DVDs , a desk with a row of Lord of The Rings action figures and there is a large Usain Bolt poster on the back of the door. The bedroom has  two extra long twin beds.

So, Jonah and Ethan’s room.

Adorable.

I decide I am going to tease him about that later.

__

Jonah

-2-

With 4 extra people it’s  a confusion of passed dishes and people trying to figure out what everything is. Ethan forgets to tell Dad what each thing is as he passes it to him and Dad gets a little frustrated, but just starts taking whatever.

We’ve had people over before but they usually have a drink with Dad and then leave. For dinner it’s usually  my family and Matty.

Once everyone starts eating it’s dead silence.

I sit between Corinne and Matty and I can tell Matty is still upset over burning his fingers earlier, he tells me he only wants to eat turkey and cranberry . While I’m cutting his meat he just stares at the table with his hands on his ears like he wants to take his hearing aids out, which is what he does when he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. I try to start up the conversation he had with Sev about how butt ugly turkeys are, but he doesn’t react.

That’s the thing about Matty; he’s a giant pain in the ass when he won’t shut the hell up, but when he stops talking or gets upset it’s even worse.

“Wait,” Uncle Sam says pointing his butter knife at Ethan. “You didn’t leave anyone in the trunk, did you ?”

“Heh. I wish. Then it meant I had car,” Ethan responds and I lose my grip on the knife.

“You should honestly be thankful your father decided to let you live, nephew,” Uncle Sam adds.

I smile a little. Uncle Sam gets what it’s like when your older brother gets away with everything and is the only one who will say something to Ethan about how god damn lucky he is.

 “Why is everyone so obsessed with what happened ? Can we stop talking about it ?,” Ethan says casually. “It’s no big deal.”

“I beg to differ,” Dad counters. ”We’re sorry we care about your grades and the degree you’ve been working for. We just need to get you through this judiciary meeting--.”

Ethan puts his fork down and looks around the table.

“I’m sick of answering questions about what happened. It doesn’t matter anymore,” Ethan says quietly.

“Why ?,” Mom says warily, raising her eyebrow at him.

“ The decision came down already.,” Ethan says casually. “They were going to be suspend me from the track team for a year. So, I dropped out of school last week.”

Oh, shit.

Dad stands and slams his hands down and the table shakes. “ETHAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY--” 

“Aris!” Mom shouts. “Calm down. Ethan what are you-"

“Shut up, Michelle,” Dad snaps at her.

“Excuse me ?,” Mom retorts after a stunned silence.“ I can talk to my son--”

“No you can’t. You don’t deserve to   say another god damn word after you abandoned your family. Do you see what happens ?”

“Abandon ?” Mom stutters and then stands up.

What the hell is--

 “Your only job was to be a mother to these boys and my wife,” Dad barks at her.  “But you decide to leave us and frolic in Paris  for 3 months and we don’t hear from you. What else can I  call it besides abandonment ?“

“Frolic ? Oh, fuck you Aris.” 

 The worst part is I can tell she’s wanted to say that for a long time.

“For the last 30 years it’s been all about you,” Mom throws at him. “Your disease,  your writing, your—issues. Every time someone pissed you off you went off and left I had to play single mom--”

“Don’t act like I walked out and didn’t provide for you—”

“You want to talk about money now ?,” she shouts, throwing her napkin down. “I don’t have a credit score anymore thanks to you. God, Aris  I get one opportunity to do live my dream and you use it against me—“

“Glad to know your family isn’t your dream,” he says, but it’s bitingly sarcastic. “I’m  sorry you don’t understand that my success was our success, sorry our 30 years together mean nothing--,”

“You made our 30 years mean nothing time the  second you kissed that fucking poet!” Mom screams and slams her wine glass down so hard it shatters.

“Stop it, Michelle,” Dad growls.

Mom gives Monica the hardest stare before storming to their bedroom and slamming the door.

Dad follows after her and starts banging on the door.

“Open the door Ellie !,” he shouts. “I hope you’re proud. I hope your happy you decides to air our dirty laundry, I hope your happy your sons can see what a selfish relentless bitch you are.”

Uncle Sam looks like he wants to say something paternal, but nothing can make this scene make sense. I feel like I’m the only sane one.

Ethan’s dropping out of school and Dad’s cheating.

My brain can’t even understand any of this, my parents didn’t speak to each other like that. I need to bail.

I take Corinne’s hand because I suddenly need her and her no nonsense honesty to be with me and we walk  out.  I hear the click of heels and I know Sev is following, which I expect. When I get to the van I don’t expect, Ethan behind me with Matty on his arm.

Awkward can really clear a room.

***

-3-

I’m not really sure how we end up there, probably Corinne or Ethan mention it, but 30 minutes later we all slide into a circular booth at The Karma Lounge in downtown Waverly. They’re running a special on cranberry and pumpkin hookah. They’ve really gotten into the spirit, a DJ dressed as a pilgrim is setting up in the corner.

Sev breaks the ice.

“You know  you didn’t have to bring me to a hookah bar to make me feel at home,” she says, putting the hose to her mouth. “Not bad, Americans.”

Matty makes a sound like a laugh.

“They  still haven’t gotten the fish and chips right,” he says. “Step one;  stop putting ketchup on shit.”

The smoke is smooth and rolls through my body, it’s better than cigarette smoke and it relaxes me.

 “Jonah….I’m sorry.” Ethan finally says. He doesn’t take a hose, he thinks it will mess with his breathing.

I thought I’d feel better when I finally heard him say it, but I don’t.

“It’s just a car—” 

“No, not about that—I mean that too, but I’m sorry I caused that. Whatever that was,” he mumbles.   “When I pledged Tau I pretty much left you… have they been…like that ?”

I shake my head.

There had been some disagreements, some rolled eyes, but nothing like that.

 “Do you really need me to tell you that wasn’t your fault ?”

“Do you think they’ll get divorced ?,” he asks.

“Aris and Ellie divorced ?,” Matty says. “How would that even work ?”

“You guys are jumping ahead,” I tell them. “It was just a fight. They’ll figure it out.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” Ethan sighs. “I was hoping to wait until winter break.”

“So,” Corinne asks. “I mean, what are you going to do now that you’re not at Eastham ?”

He shrugs.

“I don’t have a fucking clue. I have to leave the Tau House soon and I doubt Dad will welcome me with open arms--”

“Sleep on my couch,” Matty says. “I mean, if you want.”

“Really ? I’d owe you forever, man.” Ethan says. “It’ll just be until I can get some sponsors for my races. Then I’ll pay you back.”

“Deal,” Matty smiles.

Ethan gives Matty a one armed hug, then goes to buy a round of beers for the table, which causes Corinne to turn to me to exchange a “really?” look.  Ethan and I both have college trust funds, but knowing Ethan he’ll blow through his pretty quickly at this rate.

The Karma Lounge is decorated in a weird pseudo-Arabian nights motif and the added Thanksgiving motif is just weird. There are a lot of people, most of them watching the empty dance floor where a disgruntled employee is setting up strobe lights. I don’t recognize any of the people here, I wonder if their Thanksgivings are over or if they are having just as much of a fucked up day as we are. 

 “What are you thinking about?” Corinne whispers to me.

“Nothing,” I lie and then. “Everything. I’m sorry,”

“For what ?,” she asks.

“For inviting you to the shittiest Thanksgiving ever.”

“I was in the foster system, remember ?,” she says. “Not my shittiest Thanksgiving ever. You’re family is amazing…I mean, a little fucked up, but awesome.”

I smile at her.

“Why do you do that ?,” she asks.

“What ?,”

She takes her finger and puts it at the left side of my mouth and curves it into a smile. The DJ starts up, a loud and bass-y pop song. Sev stands up and waves her hands to the rhythm before turning to Corinne.

“We’re dancing,” Sev says.

Corinne doesn’t need coercion, they both go to the center of the dance floor, waving their arms and hip bumping each other.  They are the only two on the dance floor and the DJ makes a remark about the “two sexy ladies working for free hookah”, which makes Corinne pull Sev closer and they are spinning and shaking around each other in laughter.

She looks radiant.

“Jonah,” Matty says, snapping my attention away. He’s scooted around so he is  right next to me.

“Yeah ?” I say.

“Can I ask you something ?”

“No, but that’s never stopped you before,” I tell him.

He doesn’t smile. He is serious.

“What is it ?,” I ask, now alarmed. 

“Am I handsome ?,” he asks

“Matty you’re a ginger,” I tell him. “So, no.”

He gives a me a teasing smile and his middle finger.

Inhaling deeply, I look at his features and I know the easy answer is yes.  There are a handful of  savants out there, and Matty didn’t get all the attention he did because of his talent. He’s not the tan, muscular, cut from stone that Ethan is, but he’s a type of beautiful.

“Yes.” I tell him.  “Why-”

“I can’t believe you two are forcing us into this Sadie Hawkins bullshit!,” Corinne shouts coming over with a shot in her hand and Sev trailing behind with her own shot.

Corinne  takes her and Sev’s shots back and drops the glasses on the table. “Come on,”

She takes Matty’s hands and leads him to the crowding dance floor, holding each other’s hands they move perfectly to the beat.

“I’m not going to make you--,” Sev says.

“Good.” I tell her. “I don’t dance.”

“But she totally will, so you’re better off doing it with me. I’ll go easy on you,” she reasons.

Sev holds out her hand and I take it.  We stick to the edge of the crowd, she holds on to me and spins around me. When the song changes to an up tempo I see Corinne start jumping on the balls of her  feet and bobbing her head, she leads Matty around the floor and through us until we’ve switched partners.

She glides backward and I’m compelled to follow her to the center and the crush of the dance floor. The adrenaline, rush of movement and pump of the bass is right in my throat.

Corrinne pulls me in to her body until I’m standing behind her and were right up against each other. I move my hand to her waist and I can feel how her body’s moving and we’re rocking back and forth to the song together. She looks up at me briefly and I notice how long her eyelashes are. The look on her face is so carefree and happy.

I trip over her energy and suddenly I’m falling for her.

The  the song ends.

And I’m not ready to let go

-4-

It’s midnight when I get home. I smell like Hookah smoke and I’m a little buzzed from beer. The lights are on in the living room and Mom is sitting at the kitchen table next to the  turkey,  she’s pulling pieces off  and she looks so devastatingly  lonely.

I come up behind her and hug her.  She puts her arms over mine. I suddenly feel how much I miss my mother and don’t want her to go. Especially not like this.

“He’s  such a tool,” I say.

“No, he’s not,” she whispers. “He’s not, baby.”

I let go and sit next to her

“He is.” I tell her. “He is always saying that bullshit about how everyone is destined to do something great and when you do something you think you are destined to do he puts you down for it. And he hates me because I suck at everything,”

“Jonah Morrow, I don’t ever want to hear you say that. You are amazing,” she says. “ The way you take care of people—“

“That’s such a Mom answer,” I interrupt.

“No, it’s not,” she says in a serious tone. “ You take care of your father and I need you to keep doing that while I’m gone.  I couldn’t have left if I thought it’d hurt your Dad, but I I knew you’d  be here.  I know, It’s not fair and it’s not right of me to ask you but I need you to spend time with your father and take care of him. Let him  know you love him every day. I love him.”

“How can you say that ? He cheated on you.” I say struggling to say the cheating word. “Everything is always about him, you gave up everything for him--,”

“It’s complicated,” Mom smiles. “Love is complicated. But our relationship isn’t something you need to worry about. What happened—that was a bad moment.”

“I just feel like I don’t know any of you anymore--”

“Welcome to growing up,” she laughs. “We all change, I mean where is my baby who practiced the violin two hours a day and snuck out in the backyard to read ? Now you’re coming in at midnight smelling like alcohol and tobacco--”

“Am I in trouble ?”

“Let’s call tonight amnesty night.” She says. “And Jonah you’re lucky, your father writes about pretty much every damn day of his life. Whether it’s published or not you’ll always know where to find him.”

--------

A/N

I'm not sure if I will have the POV switch mid-chapter again, but I'm trying to not let the POV constrict me so much.

I don’t have to point at the Lux reference do I ?

You: Shawna, the plot...where's the plot ?

SH: Um, character development ?

You:...

SH: Okay, fine. Jonah's family was originally ALL going to be main characters but I could never get it past conception, but I'm going to include my family drama if it kills me.

You: Family Drama ? Ghosts ? New England ? You are soooo original.

SH: It gets worse.