-1-
I'M THE SON OF RAGE AND LOVE
My head is pounding
THE JESUS OF SUBURBIA
FROM THE BIBLE OF NONE OF THE ABOVE
My mouth is like sandpaper
ON A STEADY DIET OF
SODA POP AND RITALIN
I think I’m wearing lipstick
NO ONE EVER DIED FOR MY SINS IN HELL
AS FAR AS I CAN TELL
What the hell is that noise ?
AT LEAST THE ONES I GOT AWAY WITH
Why am I outside ?
Where is my shirt ?
I sit up to see Corinne lying across from me on the patio, we’re in front of the fire pit with a few other passed out guys. She’s still asleep, curled up in my coat and using my Rocky Horror shirt as a pillow. Her phone is vibrating, the Green Day song blasting out.
“Cor--” I moan shaking her.
I can’t finish because the second I sit up I know I'm going to puke. I crawl over to the hot tub and throw up and I’m kind of happy to see I’m not the first person to do so.
Of course this fact also makes me throw up again.
When I look back over, Corrine’s eyes are open and she is staring at me.
Her puffy black eyes are half closed and red. She’s rubbing sleep out of them and silver and black eye makeup smears all over her face and hand.
In a soft sing song voice she says " Jungle Juice, motherfuckers" and laughs o herself.
“When did we come outside ?,” I ask, standing up. The world spins and I don’t bother to catch up.
She groans and stands up, holding her head like it’s going to fall off.
“I think the little blonde thing kicked us out of her room or something, I--”
I'M THE SON OF RAGE AND LOVE
THE JESUS OF SUBURBIA
FROM THE BIBLE OF NONE OF THE ABOVE
“Shut up,” she moans at her phone and clicks it off.
She takes my shirt off the floor and throws it at me.
“Your nipples are really hard,” she mumbles.
“Thank you.” I respond dryly. It’s cold out here.
I’ve never been this hungover in my life.
“I need to go home,” I say.
“Uh, can you take me home too ?”
“You drove me here.” I remind her. “Remember ?,”
When I say remember I think we both remember. Her eyes get wide and she forces an awkward laugh.
Kissing Hadley, my
prom date, had been fun. Kissing Corinne felt like a spark.
"Let me just get my house keys from Ethan."
I was hoping Ethan had crashed in the sorority house somewhere too, but after doing a quick walkthrough I don't see him anywhere. I spot one of his frat brothers bare chested in the kitchen rinsing out his shirt in the sink.
"Have you seen Ethan Morrow ?," I ask him.
"Pretty sure he left at midnight with Chris and them," he shrugs, wiping his face with the shirt.
Typical selfish Ethan, running off with my housekeys.
When I get to the Corinne's car, it’s silent. I expect her to blast something once the car starts, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t look as bad I feel, but maybe she’s better at hiding it.
“We fucked up last
night—I mean, about Abigail," she says.
I want to disagree, but I can’t.
“I’m sick of these dead ends," I add. "Who the hell knew this would be so hard ? I mean Waverly is a small town.”
“This was my fault,” Corinne sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything when I saw that jacket.. I knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere.”
We drive back in silence. When she pulls in front of my house I see my key problem isn't actually a problem. Dad is sitting out front. He’s wearing his pajamas and his coat and he’s sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette. He doesn’t even have his phone, he’s just sitting there like he’s waiting for me.
Which is odd seeing as his spent the last few weekends with his bedroom door closed and acknowledging me.
My mind goes to Mom overseas.
“You should go,” I say and bolt out the car.
Dad stands when he hears the door shut and Corinne quickly drives off.
“Dad,” I call. “Is everything okay, what are you doing out her--”
“Where the fuck have you been, Jonah --,” Dad snaps.
I'm stunned for a second. Dad almost never yells at me, I forget how scary it is, I’m instantly a child again.
“I was—Ethan invited--,” I start, but shut up and swallow before I throw up on our front yard.
“What the hell is going on ? And where is your god damn cell phone, I’ve been texting you all night,” he barks. “You should have told me where you went. Are you that god damn stupid, Jonah ? Answer me.”
“I--”
“Shit, it’s cold out here. Get inside, I’m not standing out here.”
He grabs me by my shoulder and practically forces me in the house. He is waving cigarette ash all over the carpet in the process.
“ I know you’ve been drinking, I can smell it on you. Jonah I swear I will end your god damn life if you are doing drugs—“
“Dad--,”
“ Shut up. I don’t know what has gotten into you. You’re going to get yourself killed--”
I have no idea why he is so pissed at me right now. Okay, I have some idea, but I’m not even really listening because I’m so hungover. I’m trying to keep my shit together before I start either crying or vomiting all over the floor.
I just want him to stop yelling so loudly.
“God, Dad I get it. Calm down, I was just at one of Ethan’s stupid frat parties--”
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down. I have no idea what is going on. I wake up last night and you’re gone and you’re car is still here and you don't answer your phone, then I come out this morning and your car is gone--”
My car is missing ? He’s not going to stop and I know I’m going to throw up any second.
“Dad--” I
interrupt.
“ I said shut up. My damn computer is out of paper, I needed to go to the grocery store. My other dumbass son isn’t picking up his phone either. This isn’t like you Jonah--,” he continues
“Fine. Whatever,” I snap. “Can you please bitch me out later, I feel like shit.”
“Just sit on the couch and stop being a fucking smartass,” he orders me and I do.
I’m vibrating with anger, but I reign it in. I’m 19-years-old I shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit.
“Jonah,” he says slightly calmer. ”I expect better from you--”
“Dad, I get it.”
“Like hell you do,” he shouts. “Jonah how can you be so damn stupid ? What if I needed you ?”
I bite my tongue because I really want to shout back at him about what I should do if I needed him and he’s too busy locking himself in his own room writing a book that no one is going to buy. Also, what about Monica the Poet ? If they are such good friends that they go out to dinner all the time isn’t she good enough to drive him to the store for fucking paper ?
I hear the sound of scrubbing and see movement
in my peripheral vision. I turn to see a pair of middle aged women in gloves intently
cleaning the baseboard with exaggerated concentration.
The house cleaners are here.
I can’t believe he is bitching me out in front of other people. I feel like I’m turning every share of red and I am just over it.
“Dad, I’m done,” I
say standing up.
“Don’t you walk away from me. I’m not done.”
“Do you think Mom is going to be mad you’re smoking in the house ?” I throw out, noticing the ash sprinkled on the coffee table and carpet.
He doesn’t feel like talking about mom, but knows I’m right.
He throws the cigarette in the trash and walks away.
I go to my room and turn the radio to get rid of the quiet and Green Day is playing. I laugh thinking about Corinne's ringtone, and then with a slight cringe I remember the Jungle Juice and what happened after.
I turn the radio off.
I'm halfway undressed when Dad knocks on my door for round two.
"Jonah-," he shouts
"What ?" I shout back
"Jonah, we have to go. Ethan was in a car accident and he's at the police station."
***
I'd wished I'd waited in the car.I don't know why I came inside. I was still exhausted and nauseous I should have just taken a nap but for some reason I followed Dad into the station.
Ethan hadn't actually been arrested, just thrown into the drunk tank and given a fine for an expired license. Which was weird because my brother made a point of never drinking.
Ethan was crying when we saw him, his head was in his hands. He's still wearing the baseball pants and now has on a stained white t-shirt. One of the older fraternity boys with longish blonde hair, the president I think, is sitting next to him awkwardly. When he sees us, the he finishes up his conversation with Ethan and walks out. I don't think Dad had been to the Waverly Police Station in years, but he was quick to find his way through the doors and to the waiting room where Ethan was.
"I'm so sorry, Dad." Ethan says. He doesn't even look at me. "I messed up really bad--I--didn't know who else to call--it was so stupid.I really fucked up. I'm freaking out Dad."
Ethan doesn't get yelled at for partying all night.
Ethan gets hugged.
"What happened ?," Dad asks quietly
"Can we just go ?," Ethan says with an edge in his voice.
Dad suggests coffee.
"No. I want my car back first." I tell them. "I want to go home, I'm tired."
"You're not tired. You're hungover," Dad reminds me. "I need coffee after this god damn morning. We can discuss your car later."
I get them to agree to go to the the Dunkin Donuts across the street because I'm not sure I'm ready to go to the Thinking Cup and see Corinne after I made out with her. Or she made out with me. I'm still fuzzy on that. Either way I wasn't ready for our relationship to change.
"How bad is it ? I want the truth." Dad asks calmly when we sit down at a bright orange plastic table. The casual way he drinks his coffee makes me snap.
"You're not going to yell at him ? Are you kidding me-"
"Jonah, this is serious." Dad snaps back. "Ethan could get kicked out of school."
At this, Ethan runs his hands through his hair and pulls on it hard.
"It's complicated, you know ?," Ethan says
"Don't bullshit me, son," Dad says. "If you don't want this to turn ugly you need to tell me the truth."
"It was so stupid," Ethan says again. "It's this dumb game we kinda just invited to play with the pledges last night. Lee saw this unlocked hearse at a funeral home... and we were going to drive the pledges out there at midnight and leave them and see how long it took them to come back.
"To disorient them more we thought...it'd be funny to put them in the trunk of our cars blindfolded. It was just for fun... we drove in circles in the empty mall parking lot to make them think it was farther away and... I guess we started speeding and doing loops. Billy lost control for a second and bumped me and I lost control and I--"
"Why the hell would you get behind the wheel while drinking ?," Dad asks taking a long drink from his coffee.
My iced coffee tastes like melted coffee-flavored ice cream that had soured.
It sucks.
It also comes immediately back up. No one notices me taking the lid of and spitting it into the cup.
"We had the pledges take shots, but I swear I wasn't drinking," Ethan says. " I was...I just had a little bit of pot earlier and I didn't want them to piss test me because they might ask questions about the steriods so when I saw the cop coming towards us I chugged some Jager Billy had so the Breathalyzer would read it and they wouldn't test me for drugs--"
"Did any of the boys get hurt ?," Dad asks, but continues before Ethan can finish. "You better hope they make this a college matter or this will go on your record."
"Just whiplash, I think." Ethan says and he starts holding back tears. "Dad if I get a record, I'm never going to get any sponsors for my races. I'm done."
"You'll have to worry about that when the time comes. We just need to make sure you can stay in school, that this doesn't turn into a hazing story and--"
"And I want my car back." I add.
Ethan looks up at me for the first time and Dad put his hand over the back of my neck.
"Yeah, Jonah, sorry. When I ran into the ditch your car got totaled," Ethan says.
Fuck him.
Before I can say anything Dad stands up "Let's all go home. This coffee is shit."
"I think I'm just going to walk to the frat house," Ethan says, refilling his water. "Four other guys got caught last night so we may have to answer some questions from the National... we're having a strategy meeting."
"Jonah can drive you in Mom's car." Dad says
"No, I won't--," I retort
"Jonah," he threatens me. Me. Like I'm the one with a DUI about to get kicked out of school.
"Don't worry about it," Ethan says. "I need to walk. I need to clear my head."
I make a point of slamming the car door, which makes Dad shout my name threateningly for the 100th time that day.
"It's just a god damn car. We can replace it," he says to me, feeling around for the crank to slowly roll down the windows.
"This isn't just about the car." I say through gritted teeth.
I mean, it's mostly about the car. But it's also about how Ethan and I were at the same party and I get yelled at for being late while Dad is probably going to use his power to not have Ethan expelled. It's not just that I think Ethan is Dad's favorite, it's that I know Dad believes in Ethan way more than he believe in me because Ethan is talented.
Ethan is exceptional at something and my Dad values exceptionality.
"What, Jonah ?" he asks, annoyed lighting a cigarette. "We have enough problems to deal with, can you help me out stop being an asshole for 10 god damn seconds ?"
I drive the rest of the way in silence and decide I like things better that way.
-3-
My mother's car sucks.
It's a late 80's minivan she bought to haul around all the crap she was always buying. It was loud, old and so big I can't squeeze it in anywhere on campus besides the handicap spot in front of the Humanities Building that is meant for the mini bus that picks up the dean of students whose in a wheelchair.
Starbucks also sucks.
I fooled myself into believing that the reason I’m going is to just try it since it’s in the Student Union and everyone else seems to have a cup glued to their hands.
The real reason is because I still have no idea what the hell to say to Corinne if I see her. Nice making out with you ? You remember that right ? Oh you don’t ? Awesome, I’m going to be in a PSA about consent now.
Starbucks sucks because the lines are long, they only have one kind of coffee and it taste burnt. They’ve also written the name Noah on the cup in bright pink Sharpie.
Because of this I don’t get into Russian History until late and one of the school’s golf players has taken my prime seat in the back of the lecture. I awkwardly walk down to the front row where, of all people, Corinne is sitting there taking notes on a clunky laptop. She looks like a stenographer she’s going so fast.
Her hair is in a small ponytail in the back of her head. It kind of sticks up and her mouth is closed. It’s a different side of her.
We make brief eye contact and I have no choice but to sit next to her.
When the lecture is over, I prepare to make small talk but she dashes to the lectern to ask Professor Hines questions. I consider slipping out, but think better of it. When Corrine comes back for her laptop and book bag she smirks at me.
“What up, Noah ?,” she greets me jabbing at my Starbucks cup.
“I had a giftcard,”
I lie.
"I didn't hear from you after I dropped you off.” she says "I heard some rumors about some kind of hazing that went on that night, I figured you were dealing with that."
"Kind of."
The truth was I'd driven Dad silently around on Saturday and successfully avoided him the rest of the weekend by sleeping through it.
"Did you hear from Abigail ?," I asked.
Abigail is an easy topic, we can both talk about her.
“She was in the Thinking Cup this morning, but I didn’t get to talk to her long. She said she may have some leads she’s investigating. But, hey, I didn’t realize you were in this class.”
“Yeah, I usually sit in the back.”
“Slacker,” she throws.
“Teacher’s pet,” I retort.
I breathe a sigh of relief we’re acting normal.
“Well, me and the other teacher’s pets have a study group after class in Fayweather if you want to join for finals. We haven’t assigned chapters yet.”
I never saw myself as the study group type, but I follow after her.
“Oh, but first I have to get some books I have on hold from the library, l kind of got suckered into Sev’s trivia team.” she says heading to Williams Library.
“How did that happen ?,” I ask.
“Jungle Juice,” she simply responds shaking her head.
I follow behind her up to the library holds counter I have never used.
It’s so weird seeing a girl who can chug a beer and curse like a sailor so into the whole academic thing. It’s not that I’m not into school, I like it okay, but I’ve never felt like I really had to try all that hard because I feel like none of it really matters.
I follow her over to the desk, where she is drumming her fingers, while a kid I recognize from summer camp is picking out her books. Corinne eyes me suspiciously as I come over.
“You’re kind of impressive,” I tell her. “I mean you work and host study groups.”
She doesn’t retort, but just shrugs as the guy comes back over. He looks at me and I guess he recognizes me from camp because he stares at me.
“Phillip, this is Jonah. He’s in my Russian History study group now, “Corinne introduces us quickly. “Jonah this is my, uh, this is Phillip. Apparently he works here now.”
“I remember you from Three Rivers,” he says in a soft voice. “You were a junior
counselor.”
I nod as I put it all together. He’s her ex.
“That was so long ago,” I add remembering I had to use words
I’d known she dated a Phillip, but I hadn’t known it’d been that Phillip. I vaguely remember he was an junior counselor for the academic camp. I clearly remember him “leaving early” and later finding out from my mom is was because he got caught taking pills out of the prescription bottles in the medical tent.
“See you around,” Corinne calls to him as we head out the library.
“That was awkward. I’m so sorry--,” I sputter once we are outside.
“No, my bad,” she adds. “I didn’t even know he worked there. He used to work at the car wash. It’s no big deal, we're just friends, right ?”
“Yeah, well do you remember what happened on Halloween ?,” I venture. “Because I just want to apologize--”
“Stop,” she says. She stops short and stands in front of me. We’re in front of the lower classmen green space. “Don’t apologize for that, Jonah.”
“I just--”
“Don’t apologize for kissing me,” she says and looks me in the eye. “ It helped me see…how do I put this ? I’m kind of... in love with you, Jonah Morrow.”
Loves me ? What was I supposed to do with that ? A lump rises in my throat before she squints her eyes pointedly and I know she is just shitting me.
She deflates in laughter.
“Jonah, if everyone and everything I made out with meant something I’d be in a lot of trouble,”
“Everything ?,” I question and she rolls her eyes.
“I used to be a proud owner of a Billie Joel Armstrong cutout,” she tells me smugly. “Look, what happened last weekend doesn’t count. Besides I don’t fall in love with boys who throw up in hot tubs and then get cursed out by their father on the front lawn…I mean , not anymore.”
I cringe.
“So, you heard that ?”
“Only up to god damn cell phone. Sorry, the light was slow. If it makes you feel any better I also got bitched out and guilt tripped by my roomamtes.” She says. “But…shit, you’re Dad’s kind of intense for someone who writes pretty words for a living.”
“You have no idea," I tell her. "He's kind of got this past,”
“Past ?”
“Like a heroin past. He and my mom lost a bunch of friends to drugs and alcoholism. As if I somehow know how to get heroin or something."
“To be fair, I could probably get you some heroin,” she adds.
“Maybe not mention that when you come over for Thanksgiving,” I advise her.
“Oh.” She says startled. “I forgot you invited me. That’s still okay ?”
“Yeah,”
“Well, for what it’s worth I think it’s awesome they were so open that they told you they did drugs.”
We’re headed inside Fayweather Hall and going toward the reservation only study rooms.
“Well, it’s in Dad’s first book, so it’s kind of an open secret.”
“I totally have to read this book now,” she says
Speak of the devil, we walk past Monica’s office. Dad is inside and they are having lunch together. She is sitting on the desk.
We’d never really fought like this, but the fact that he was treating me like a child, while saving Ethan's ass really pissed me off. Ethan's disciplinary meeting was next month and until then he got to live his life normally--he was even still in the frat house.
Up until then, worse fight Dad and I had was in 7th grade when Mom was visiting Grandma for the weekend and I accidentally stepped on my violin bow. Dad thought I did it on purpose because I had hated the violin then. He'd smacked me and we fought all weekend. know he and mom fought over it, Dad went to San Francisco for a week and when he came back he bought me a limited edition set of the Lord of The Rings and we were all fine.
Ethan and Dad’s disagreements tended to come to lesser blows. And I'm honestly starting to think it's because Ethan could probably take us all in a fight.
Corinne and I make it to the study rooms, where a sign on the door reminds us there is no food or beverages allowed inside.
“Oh and Noah,” she says, taking my Starbucks cup and throwing it away. “You don’t have to go to Starbucks. I promise I won’t like swoon if you come into the Thinking Cup.”
“I have to go to Starbucks.” I tell her. “I put my lips all over the cup and now I’m kind of in love with Starbucks.”
She smirks and pushes open the door.
----
A/N
This was probably the flirtiest of all the flirty chapters, but I promise that is done now.
Ooops, Ethan's accident wasn't originally in this chapter so it's less flirty now.
You: But, Shawna...we didn't learn anything
Me: I know I'm getting there. I'm sort of still setting some backdrop. This was originally a double chapter post, but I'd rather pair 10 and 11 instead. That's right next post is a double chapter post.