Mason Clark is one of my best friends and like the second greatest  person I know.

He’d dreaded the idea of more school after graduation so he  took a gap year working at this hobby shop he loved.  He got a promotion to assistant manager over the summer because of all his kickass ideas and decided college wasn’t in his future and he was happier than I'd ever seen him.

His sister, Spencer Clark, is at front door open when I hop out the Uber. She’s wearing an off the shoulder brown dress and black knee high boots. Spencer is 5’7 and built like an athlete so literally everything looks fucking good on her.

She is, by the way, the first greatest person I know.

I hug her immediately. She towers over me in the 4 inch heels and looks sexy as hell in the outfit. “You look fucking hot, bitch. Did you go AWOL ?”

She smacks my shoulder. “We do get the weekend off.”  Her face screws up. “I wanna hang out with you guys but I have to go to this wedding thing with my parents.”

I was living for the drama the day Spencer announced she’d  applied to the Coast Guard Academy behind everyone's back and gotten in. Mr. Clark was pissed. He didn’t want his daughter at the Academy and, according to Mason, they’d fought for days. The dust had settled once she went to orientation over the summer and impressed the hell out of everyone.

The Clark  house is quieter than usual. I sit at the kitchen table while Spencer goes back upstairs. Mr. Clark comes down  in his dress military uniform which, for some reason, kind of did something for me.

I know, basic. I really had to get over these middle aged men.  

“Hi, Mr. Clark,” I greet him. His face says he totally isn’t expecting to see me here. I’d always had kind of a cold relationship with him.

I mean sure, over the summer Spencer and I got high at the state fair and  hooked up in the backseat of his car. But honestly, it’s his fault she believed in the virginity myth and didn’t want to be one when she went into the Academy. And it’s not like he knew any of that.

At least…I didn’t think.

“Nova. How’s school goin’ ?  Ya’ll on break already ?”

“No. The birthday party was last night.”

Mr. Clark smiles sadly and it’s so so phony. “Yeah….Mrs. Clark and I wanted to go but….you know Carter wasn’t feeling well.”

Ms. Juliana comes down the stairs in a pretty cascading navy dress and nude heels over black tights.

“Nova.” She actually sounds happy to see me. “How was last night?”

“Ummm, fun ?” I try and she nods.

“Good. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it,” she says. “It’s just Rhett and I have the wedding today and we RSVP’d months ago and it just felt too much for one weekend. I sent a little gift.”

Dad had invited Mason, Spencer and their parents to Maverick’s party because they were desperate to make the bar tab. Mason had work last night and Spencer had school but I think the Clark parents bailing had more to do with fitting in at a New York City leather bar than with the idea of Maverick and Dad's relationship. I had a feeling Ms. Juliana had known about them for a while.

“The girls are so quiet,” I observe instead of calling them out on their differing stories.

“They’re with my father's wife” Ms. Juliana throws little bags of chips into her purse. “Rhett, Spencer and I are going to the Admiral’s son’s wedding. The Admiral is the head of the entire Academy and he specifically asked Rhett to bring Spencer so he could meet her. She won a leadership award…Honey, did you tell Nova about what you won ?”

Spencer rolls her eyes behind her mother’s back and raises her eyebrows in apology.

I make more small talk with the Clarks and even laugh along when Mason finally comes downstairs and Mr. Clark semi-jokes I should tell Mason everything he is missing about college life.

On the ride to Mason’s job I tell him about what happened last night--except the part where I tried to kiss Maverick and probably broke him and my Dad up.

That level of mess was more Holland’s territory.  I’d texted her everything on the train but she was 4 hours behind and was either asleep or still neck deep in a pussy.

“If this Aiden guy is as bad as you said he’ll just hurt Beck again…Maybe give Beck some space and then talk to him ? I doubt either of you want to throw away your friendship.” Mason suggests. We’d arrived at Endless Journey, the geeky hobby and comic shop he now assisted in managing. This place was so fucking dorky. Like RPGs, miniatures and Magic The Gathering level dorkiness.

I loved it for him.

I set the box of donuts we’d picked up at Dunkin’ on the counter. “...I may have left out the part where I apparently did $700 in property damage—”

“You what?”

I sip innocently on my pumpkin spice iced coffee but he has no sympathy when I tell him about spraying Beck’s bag with Clorox. 

“You have to fix that first. I can loan you money if you need it,” Mason offers because he’s so sweet. “Beck was an asshole to leave a trip you invited him to but that was a really shitty thing you did.”

“I know…I’m going to pay him back. I have the money.” I only had about $100 in my checking account but I could pick up more hours at the gas station. I was not taking a loan from my best friend.

Mason was right. Beck would see his mistake. And hopefully, if I pay for damage I caused  and did some sort of grand gesture we could still, at the very least, be friends.

Ideally with benefits.

Spending time with Mason always makes me happy. I tell him we’re done talking about me and he tells me all about his new promotion and how he has benefits and that he’s thinking of getting his own apartment.

When the store starts to get more crowded in the late afternoon and his cute employee shows up I get politely kicked out. I stock up on some comics and we make tentative plans to meet up again before I go back to Albany tomorrow.

After picking out a few things at a resale store down the street I go to the mostly empty frozen yogurt shop and buy $13 worth of yogurt and toppings for lunch. It was at least 11AM West Coast and Holland still hadn’t responded to my texts.

I call her—which I know she hates.

She doesn’t pick up but I immediately get a text back from her. She’d texted me one of Maverick’s older Instagram thirst traps.

It's a good one.

In the photo Maverick is lying in a hotel bed, smoldering and eating from a sea salt caramel Halo Top pint. His undershirt is conveniently hiked up to show his  cut line glowing from the sunlight filtering through a window. The post has the caption: 

Why did it take me this long to realize I could have ice cream for breakfast ? Sorry mom ! 😋🍦 #notspons #ButWishItWas #adulting #cutiearmy #mavlove #Halotop

Holland follows the post with a text, Please fuck your dad’s boyfriend. I need it to happen. Do it for me bitch 🙏🏻

I text Holland back. I think I broke them up…You know he’ll choose me over Maverick even if I don’t deserve it.  What if he kicks him out ? What is Maverick is homeless because of me ?

Chill the fuck out! Maverick just posted about Haley five minutes ago.

She sends me another Instagram post where Maverick had posted a photo of  he and Dad when they were really young. They were smirking at the camera while wearing  matching Virtue tank tops. He'd placed it next to a picture from last night where they were sitting  side by side at the empty bar at Brass, toasting beer bottles with their sleeves rolled up enough to show off their matching wrist tattoos that said POSITIVE  in bold calligraphy.

Some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The best people are there for all three. Last night was the most fun thing I’ll never do again but I couldn’t have pulled it off alone. Thanks to all who came! @BrassBar #MaverickTurns40 #LivingWithHIV #cutiearmy #mavlove #birthday

Holland sends me another  of Maverick’s posts. This one is from 2 minutes ago. It's a close up of his smiling face with the caption:

On the train to Philly for my panel @PhillyFetWeek. Hit me up with all your cheesesteak recs, kittens.#BDSM #YesMaverick #cutiearmy #PhilaFetWk #kink  #domlife

Maverick always seemed to find a way to be out of town when I came for the weekend. He tried so hard to respect my non-existent boundaries and I’d destroyed it.

Cause that’s what I do. I destroy things.

I want to run back to school and leave behind everything I’d broken. I had my bag and could get a train back upstate this evening.  

But I didn’t want that either.

I wanted my relationship with my Dad.

And I wanted him to be happy with me.

---

-2-

I get a fucking overdraft alert  after I pay for the Uber to the new house. Fuck.

The house wasn’t that new, but it’s how I think about it. We bought it after I graduated high school, right when Dad got the salary increase that came with his RN. It was nowhere near as nice as Mason and Spencer’s house but it already had a lot of accessibility features already since the people who lived her before were super old. 

All the party crap from the New York condo was piled up in the TV room and kitchen. I breeze past it and go searching for Dad. Before I can even get down the hall to Dad’s room, Maverick jumps out of nowhere and grabs my arm.

I scream and  jerk may arm away on instinct. “What the fuck—”

“Sorry, it’s just me.” Maverick steps back and  holds his arms up in surrender.

“You scared me! Aren’t you on a train to Philadelphia ?”

“What ?” He looks at me quizzically and the claps his hands like he was remembering something.“Shit, I forgot to reschedule that post.” His face then becomes unreadable. “I didn’t tell Haley about what…happened before you stormed out.”

I consider gaslighting the fuck out of him and pretending like I have no clue what he is talking about.

He folds his arms around himself. “I respect you, Nova. And I want you to respect me. But if you need me to back off, if this isn’t working for you…tell me. No hard feelings. Your opinion matters to you Dad so it matters to me too.”

“Look…I was just really emotional about...everything. Can we just pretend it never happened ?”

He smiles awkwardly. “In my experience…that’s not a  good way to deal with things.”

I really didn’t fucking care.

I take  him in. There’s a rolling suit case at this side. He’s wearing joggers that make his ass look fucking amazing and a nice fitting beige hoodie that says #cutie in the corner. In galaxy colors. “Are you seriously wearing your own merch ?”

He blows out a laugh and pulls at the sweatshirt. “Yeah…it’s a little bit of a throwback. Made like zero dollars off this design by the way.”

Maverick had never been as popular as other sex workers on YouTube. He never did client story times or clickbait drama. Instead he was all about acceptance, sex ed and HIV awareness. He was also a big gamer and had curated a your-best-friend’s-edgy-pansexual-big-brother-who-explains-the-stuff-adults-won't status.

Even now, I didn’t really know him that well outside of that YouTube curated love and light big kid persona. I’d never actually seen his BDSM or webcam stuff besides the Tumblr gifs and little clips I’d accidentally stumbled across.

But he’d been nothing but nice to me.

“I don’t really have a problem with you…I honestly don’t think about you that much so can we please go back to our regularly scheduled awkwardness?”

Maverick nods.

“Is my Dad even here ?” Normally, I couldn’t come home from college without Dad surgically attaching himself to my side.

“He’s with Luce…he wasn’t feeling well.”  

“What do you mean ?” With Luce that could mean anything from severe depression to a stomachache.

“I guess his hemorrhoids are swollen—”

“Okay, TMI.” I look down the hall and see the door to my Dad’s bedroom was closed.

I really was the worst son ever. I probably could have helped them get everything out of the condo quicker.

Maverick twirls the small rolling bag beside him. “I have to get downtown to catch my train to Philadelphia but I’ll be upstate next month for a thing if you want to meet up for lunch or something? Or not, no pressure—”

I nod. “Sure, whatever.” I didn’t know what we’d talk about but I would milk him for a free meal.

Maverick looks so pleased with himself. He scoots past me down the hall and knocks on Dad’s closed door. “Hey, Haley, I’m just going to drive myself to the station—”

“What ?” Dad calls through the door.“I can’t hear you!”

Maverick leans against the closed door and speaks louder. “I’m going to the train station. I left the check for PRI5M on the table. Can you tell him I said—”

“Wait—what ?,” Dad calls out in the bitchy you’re-wasting-my-time tone he always used with me whenever I asked him to do anything. “Pat, I am  not your assistant--”

“I know, but I gotta go right now or I’m going to miss my Philly panel—"

The bedroom door swings opens and Dad bursts through, falling all over himself. He was still wearing the Hudson Valley CC shirt  and leggings but the front of his clothes are soaking wet. “Shit, you didn’t say anything!  I’m sorry, baby, I totally forgot. I can still drive you let me just—”

Maverick shakes his head. “There’s an economy parking lot, I’ll drive myself—”

“No, it’s fine.  I have to go downtown too.  I just wasted Luce’s meds on the floor. Dr. Lee called in a new prescription at the hospital pharmacy. I just need to—can you wait two seconds for me—”

“Yeah, but—”

“Shhhh. I got you, baby,” Dad smiles even though he looks stressed. He reaches up to put his hand behind Maverick’s neck and kisses him. Dad whispers something in Maverick’s ear that makes Maverick stumble back and crack an awkward smile. Dad looks at him confused and then he turns to see me standing in the hall.

“Nova, you’re here!,” Dad startles. “This is perfect. Can you stay with Luce while I go downtown to drop Maverick off and get Luce’s replacement meds? He's fine  he, just  had a seizure in the bathtub and— ”

“Shit, I’ll help you get him out,” Maverick offers.

Dad frowns. “What ? No, I transferred him out that when I  spilled medicine—”

“Haley. You should have called me, you’re going to hurt your—”

“I’m going to get my jacket. Put your stuff in my car,” Dad tells him dismissively.

Maverick sighs  and Dad ignores it, walking back into his bedroom. I follow him. Dad zips up a black North Face fleece over his  wet clothes and slips on his purple converses. 

Luce is lying on their bed under a blanket. His hair and body are damp and he looks high as fuck from painkillers. He’s staring at the door with glassy eyes and  a vacant half smile on his face.

Their entire bedroom smelled like menthol cigarettes.

“What is that smell ?,” I ask.

“That’s the medicine. Can you open a window or something ?” Dad rests the back of his hand against Luce’s neck. “He’ll probably just sleep. I was thinking when I get back maybe you and I could go out to dinner and see a movie or find some live music or whatever you want to do.”

“As long as it isn’t a trap to have some sort of talk,” I counter and he laughs before kissing Luce on the cheek and literally running out the door.

I hear the garage opening and when I’m sure the car is gone, I gently close Luce’s creepy vacantly staring eyes.  I rifle through the dresser until  I find the pencil case where Luce  kept a plastic baggie of weed and rolling papers. I roll myself two blunts and put the rest back as neatly as possible.

Then I peek into Maverick’s room.  I wasn’t trying to sniff his jock or anything, I just get…curious about people.

I’d developed an art to snooping through my parents stuff un-traumatized. With Maverick I was going to have to be careful.

Maverick’s room looked mostly like it had when it was just the spare bedroom. Aunt Isla had basically turned it into a showroom since it’s where she had to sleep on her yearly weekend visit. The closet is overflowing with his cam show costumes and a shit ton of regular clothes —Maverick did, admittedly, have great style.

Most of the room was taken up by a clear acrylic L-shaped desk that held his sticker covered gaming PC.  He has a cute-sy penis pillow sitting in the desk chair. I recognize the wall décor behind the desk from screenshots of his Twitch stream .

There’s also  bright blue Chrome Book.

It doesn’t have a password.

The computer background is a picture of he and Dad at a beach front restaurant with their faces inches apart.

The Gmail account  is for Patrick Whelan, Maverick’s real name. It’s mostly confirmations for online clothing orders and food delivery. There's a year long e-mail chain with  a real estate agent about getting the deed to his house so he can sell it but there seems to be some sort of complication.

I learn Maverick has a fake Instagram account he uses to follow his family. Maverick had been one of those kids who ran away when they came out and got into sex work. He’d been working on his family relationship for years  and  Dad had even gone to Carson City to meet the two of Maverick’s six siblings.

I open the bookmarked banking websites. He had about $600 in his checking account and two credit cards that had been maxed after $10,000 home repair service. His last purchases were $8 at Starbucks down the street, $310 at TOPMAN and a $200 check to Dad for rent. His searches history was mostly searches for funny news fail compilations, calories in different foods, directions and  actresses ages.

Fucking boring.

I close the laptop and go to check in on Luce. He’s still asleep but drooling a little.

There was a part of me that still wanted to be a nurse. But not like the nurses Luce had. I wanted to assist doctors in surgeries and stuff. But I could do the boring stuff if I  had to.

I go into the attached bathroom to get a washcloth to wipe his face. The menthol odor is stronger in the bathroom and I  almost step on the medicine bottle Dad had just left ion the floor.

I pick it up to throw it out, since I have to do everything around here, and read the label. 

Wintergreen flavored liquid Valium.

And it wasn’t totally empty. I slip the bottle in my pocket.

My suitemates Cooper and Marcus were frat bro adjacent. I could probably sell some of this to them and maybe even a few Viagra to make the money I needed to pay Beck back.

On the other hand, it was wrong.

Getting caught trying to sell weed in middle school had been the dumbest thing I’d ever done. I mean, fine, I’d sold a few pills after that but I knew I wasn’t at risk of real trouble because I was a minor. Now, I could be sentenced as an adult.

I take a picture of the Valium bottle and text it to Holland with a question mark and money emoji.

Throw it out, she texts back to my surprise. Maybe she didn’t get it.

I was thinking of selling it to pay back Beck so we can heal or whatevz

She texts me before I can hit send. You texted me because you wanted me to be your excuse to do something stupid that you are going to do anyway. Otherwise you would have texted the dumb virgin.

Dumb virgin was our affectionate nickname for Mason.

Don’t pay that idiot  back. Just threaten to leak the that ugly motherfucker's nudes.

Beck and I had taken and sent nudes as kind of a joke. I’m glad I hadn’t  thought of leaking them last night when I was freshly pissed because I probably would have done it.

What if he leaks mine?

She sends me an eye roll gif because I’d accidentally leaked my own nudes when I got drunk and sent them to my West Coast group chat.

A series of loud knocks sound from the front of the house. Luce is still thoroughly out of it so I run to the door to see who it is.

I engage the deadbolt and peek through the crack.

There is a hot as fuck punk rock guy standing on our doorstep. He has the coolest long  hair the color of cotton candy. It’s shaved on one side and he’s  tatted all up along his neck and face. He is too hot to just be a normal person and has to be one of Maverick’s people. Even though Dad said Maverick promised never to bring clients here. 

I press against the crack created by the deadbolt. “Can I help you ?”

“Hey, man. I’m here to pick up a check from Maverick. River Paige.” His voice is deliciously masculine and kind of raspy.

I remembered Maverick had said something about a check to Dad. “Okay, hold on.”  I close the door and  look around the living room and kitchen until I find a $500 check from Maverick’s personal account. It’s made out to River Paige (DJ PRI5M) for Disc Jockeying Services.

Guess I wasn’t the only one about to get a low balance alert.

I take the deadbolt off and holy fuck he’s even more gorgeous. I  clock the rainbow flag patch on his studded jean vest. He’s wearing tight, ripped jeans and some pair of cool guy sneakers with a bright blue colorway. He’s short, around 5’5 like me and looks to be in his twenties—which seemed young enough to have a Venmo account.

I wave the check in his pretty face.  “Maverick’s not here. Is this what you’re looking for ?”

River takes the check and looks at the amount. He keeps staring  past me, no matter how hard I try to initiate some eye fucking. I missed flirting with strangers. I wish I didn’t look like total crap right now.

“Thanks—”

“I didn’t know people still took checks.”

“Less fees on my end,” he shrugs. He finally looks me in the eye.“I don’t think we got to officially meet last night. You're Maverick's guy ?”

“Ugh, no. Definitely not.”

“Oh.” Now he seems genuinely confused and suddenly sheepish. “Sorry. I’m not, ugh in the scene or anything, so I don’t know how you guys refer to each other—”

“God, no. Me either. Nothing like that.” I cut him off. I don't say how I know Maverick. I got the sense he was finally checking me out now and I didn’t want him to see me as just someone’s kid. “My name is Nova.”

“Nova, wow, ” he smiles. I liked the way my name sounded on his lips. “Is that your given name ?”

He walked himself right into this.  I run a hand through my hair, forgetting this move doesn't look as cute with my shorter hair “Yes, I gave it to myself. It’s given to me by me."

“Did you just quote Ladybird ?” His smile broadens, a few of his teeth are crooked and capped in silver. It works for me. 

“Oooh, film buff ?,” I tease.

“I’ve seen a few movies,” he chuckles.

“I was at the party last night. When I came in you were doing that Kpop remix and it was everything.”

“I found a good beat for the sync patterns. Usually a good way to get people on the dance floor. Did you hear the Jpop Midnight mix ?”

“I actually left pretty quickly,” I try to sound casual but a little sad. “My now ex-boyfriend and I had a fight.”

“That sucks—”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

He takes me in. “Are from around here ?”

I smirk. “Vegas born and raised.”

“Cool.” He smiles back and nods.  “Do you go out a lot ?”

I laugh. “Are you asking if I like to party ?”

“I guess.”

“I like to have fun. I haven’t been out lately though.”

He looks at me and shakes his head. “You seem cool.”

I narrow my eyes. “I am so fucking cool.”

He stretches his tattooed arm behind his back and shakes his head again. I never thought I’d be into face tattoos but it’s kind of sexy on him. Over his brow he has the phrase Always Wonder in calligraphy and other little drawings on the sides of his angular cheekbones. “Look, I’m DJing a warehouse party in the Brooklyn tonight if you want to come out. I mean…Maverick and his guy too…you all can if you want.”

“He's out of town. It’s just me here,” I tell him. “I want to go but…I don’t think I should. Feels like I’d be using you as a rebound and being that sucks.”

He looks disappointed but doesn’t push. “That's cool. Hit me up on social media if you ever come back through town...the guy who let you go is an idiot.”

He sort of whips the check against his hand in a super sexy way, smiles at me and then turns his back to swagger back to his van. I regret rejecting him instantly.

“Wait,” I call and River turns back quickly. A shit eating grin on his face. “I don’t drive. Can you wait like,10 minutes ?”

“I got 10 minutes.”

---

-3-

“You fucking killed it!” I skip in front of River and then turn walking backwards so I can still talk to his face.  “But, I have to say; warehouse parties ? Seriously overrated.”

We’d exited the airless, sweaty underground rave space right when the party was just filling out. River had only been booked for the two hour warm up slot from 8PM to 10PM and we were now rolling his bulky equipment down the Brooklyn streets while I was freezing my nipples off in a mesh sports bra with cute leather hearts that covered the aforementioned rock hard frozen nipples.

“You seemed like you were having fun,” River observes.

I had been having a good time dancing by myself to his heart pounding music and doing some serious people watching. There were a few freakishly hot  guys and so many beautiful girls in rave outfits. But it would have been a thousand times more fun if I’d been surrounded by friends instead of strangers.

River stops in the middle of the street and pulls me towards a building, pressing my back into a damp poster covered wall. He lifts his arm and braces it on the wall, caging me in on one side.  “So. Did you want to go back to Maverick’s ?”

I cheekily raise one eyebrow. “Do you want me to go back to Maverick’s?”

Our night felt like it was just beginning. I'd shared my location with Holland and texted Dad I was going out with friends. He'd given up enforcing a curfew the day I turned 18.

River grins and leans down to kiss me, his big hand splaying over my exposed stomach and playing with the dangly navel piercing.

It feels overwhelming to have all his attention on me. Especially after  watching how he worked the crowd as DJ PRI5M like some sort of music god.  I’ve never kissed someone with so many mouth piercings, it takes me a while to adjust. His kiss is tender and I take my time exploring it.

River wasn’t like Beck who needed me to push him to get off his ass. Or like Michaela, who talked big things but had never really done anything. River was ambitious and passionate and was way more of an established person in the world than anyone else I’d ever dated.

He was twenty-six and had moved to New York City with nothing but the clothes on his back and a dream to DJ in big clubs. He’d taken on different gigs and slowly made a name for himself through word of mouth. He’d been DJing a grand opening for a sex shop in Hoboken  when Maverick heard him and asked him to play his birthday party.

Once our sidewalk makeout session is over we walk a few more blocks to a wing restaurant. I wait outside the tiny shop with his stuff while he orders food. It was so fucking cold. I'd left my coat in his car--which he'd left near the warehouse  since parking didn't expire until Monday morning.

River’s place is on the top  of a seven floor walk up, and there’s  a small party going on inside. People around our age and older are sitting around mis matched couches drinking and talking. It reminded me of the lowkey parties I had with my friends—except for the coke rails on the table.

River wraps his arm low around my waist and pulls me to him. I wasn’t normally into possessive shit, but it’s kind of working for me tonight. He waves to a few people and guides me to a room down the short hallway.

The big room has the exposed beams and brick walls aesthetic. Soft twinkling Christmas lights border all the walls. There are two unmade beds on opposite sides of the room. A shower curtain printed with the NYC skyline hangs from a beam. Beck throws it back to reveal an air mattress  pushed up against the wall under one of the large windows. The mattress is covered in a thin fitted sheet and bright bohemian throws. Next to it are three milk crates full of junk and an oversized duffel bag.

“How many people live here?” I sit next to him on the mattress when he motions to it.

River lifts a shoulder and opens the greasy bag of food to start eating. “I don’t know. We all have different arrangements with the subleters. My friend Anya and her roommate are dancers. They sublet this room and are letting me crash for a few weeks since I’ve been getting Brooklyn jobs.”

I nibble on the end of greasy french fry. “You don’t want your own place ?” I’d seen the warehouse party promoter pay him $300 in cash and with Maverick’s money he’d made $800 in one weekend.

“I like the freedom. Rather spend my money on shit I want. Equipment, shoes, ink—”

“That reminds me, you promised to show me your tattoos.”

I wanted to eventually be tatted up like he was. I only had one—the Marauders quote on my wrist. I’d been conflicted about keeping it because the author was shitty but my Dad used to read the books to me every night before I went to bed. He told me a Harry Potter release party had been one of he and Luce’s first dates.

To my delight River plays  show and tell with his tattoos for me. Most of the ink is names of his old bands or exes or just things he thought were funny at the time.

His intentions definitely starts to wander. It’s subtle; a hand on my thigh, rearranging a stray stand of my hair. His best tattoo is a photorealistic  lion on his lower abdomen and when he takes his shirt off to show it to me he pretty much asks for oral sex.

I don’t love sucking dick  but I do it. I’m terrified he wants to come in my mouth but he switches our positions suddenly, pulling his dick out of my mouth, pushing my back into the air mattress and getting on top of me to kiss me.

A few minutes letter my leg is hooked over his broad shoulder and he’s fucking me. The mattress lets out a small puff with each thrust. He’d turned an Ariana Grande mix on his Macbook to either cover the sound.

The sex is a little painful since he didn’t have lube and used a lubricated condom and coconut hair oil one of his roommates used for her hair. I hadn't planned on going all the way with him so I'm glad I hadn't eaten all day. When it’s over I smell like a pina coloda and he kisses every part of my body. The soft butterfly kisses are a nice contrast to the mindless fucking where he hadn't kissed or looked at me.

I rake my hand through his sweaty cotton candy pink hair and grip it. I'd just have to show him how things should be done. “My turn.”

River shakes his head. He ties off his used condom and places it  behind one of the crates. “I only like to top.”

“Seriously ?”

“Seriously.” He unzips his duffle bag. “I know you’re probably new at this--”

“I'm not that new.”

“You were kind of tense and tight. These will make it better for you.”

He hands me a bottle of poppers. “Where the fuck did you get these, the 80s ?”

“Europe,” he smirks. “I was there for 4 weeks doing shows. This is the real shit, it makes it feel good. Or so I heard.”

He teases me a little about being bad at sex  and I relent. He shows me how to inhale the gas when he pops the bottle open. We have sex two more times. I ride the instant high from the poppers the first time and it does feels different. But I don’t come either time so  he jerks me off into my balled up underwear.

The afterglow is nice but I feel a little unclean. “I need the bathroom.”

“I have a bottle.”

I wonder if he’s misheard me but then he produces a wide neck Gatorade bottle that was hidden behind curtains. The outside of the bottle is covered in duct tape but I can guess what is sloshing around inside.

“I just want to wash my hands.”

He looks a little offended but nods his head to the door. “It’s outside in the hall—”

“What?”

“It’s communal. In the hall.”

Now the bottle made sense.

Kind of.

I pull my pants on and walk of shame my ass through the party in the living room.

The bathroom is like the one in my freshman dorm but somehow a little worse ? I have to pee a little bit but there’s a homeless guy camped out by the stalls talking to himself. I just go to the sink and wash my hands.

Or just rinse them off because there is no soap in here.

I take a quick glance in the mirror.

I’d put a little bit of highlighter on my face before the rave that was still working for me. I’d never had a one night stand before. I slept around but mostly with people I was friends with. This felt next level.

I step into the hallway and reach into my pocket to get a joint. My wallet is missing.

Fuck.

I walk back through the apartment to River. He’s lying on the mattress holding the bottle of Valium I took from the house and my wallet. My wallet with my Hudson Valley Community College student ID still in it.

“Las Vegas born and raised, huh Grayson Grace? That's like a super hero name.”

“I am from Las Vegas.” I snatch the wallet, glad they hadn't put my last name correct. I reach for the Valium but he holds it away. “I go to school upstate. I was going to tell you I lived here if it seemed like you wanted to see me again.”

He looks from the Valium in his hand to the blunts that had fallen out my wallet. “So what ? Are you Maverick’s plug?”

“No. I’m my plug.”

He blows out a laugh and shakes the Valium bottle. “This is some hardcore shit for a guy afraid of poppers.”

“I just like to chill and get high. You’re the one with roommates doing coke rails.”

“That's meth. And  I don’t touch that shit.” He hands the Valium bottle to me. “How do you do this ? It smells vile.”

“It’s bitter as fuck so you have to mix it. A little alcohol and a mixer works best...do you want to get high with me ?”

He doesn’t have alcohol so we take a trip to the liquor store a few blocks over. The cashier won’t sell to him because we’re together and I look young. I had a state ID since I didn't have a license but I'd lost it weeks ago. We go to another store down the street and he goes in by himself.

Back at his apartment I dilute the chocolate liqueur with a bottled Starbucks Frappuccino Drink and a little bit of Valium. It taste like the worse kind of mint chocolate chip.

I’d been feeling kind of anxious and diva-ish about his whole living situation but the mix calms me down. He starts showing me how he makes mixes and it's kind of nice being behind the curtain in a space all our own while the party goes on. I was spending time with a hot guy who made me feel excited. We make out, I tease him more and don't resist when our clothes come back off.

---

“Nova ? Are you waking up?”

It’s not River’s voice. It’s…Mason Clark’s ?

“Nova ? Nova? Hey… Are you waking up?”

I open my eyes. I’m not in River’s shitty apartment.

I’m in a motherfucking hospital.

---

CPShawna: We can't keep copying Lile, did we get rid of the scene where the protagonist looks through an adult actor's open computer ?

SHV: ....

This is the penis pillow Maverick has, I came across it when Googling Jigglypuff plushie. It's officially a mushroom pillow but it only comes in skin tone colors so...😉