-1-
“Nova ? Are you waking up?”
It’s not River’s voice. It’s…Mason’s ?
“Nova ? Hey? Hey… Are you waking up?”
I open my eyes.
I’m not in River’s shitty apartment. I'm in a fucking hospital.
I'm in a room with four other beds. In the bed across from me, a middle-aged woman is talking quietly with another middle-aged woman. In the bed beside me I can make out an older guy sleeping through the thin stained curtain separating our beds.
“Where are we?”
“Um, Brooklyn Community Hospital. I’m going to get the nurse—”
“No. Wait—Did I black out or something ?”
I’d spent most of my freshman year at University of Albany getting black out drunk and knew it took more than the chocolate liqueur River bought and the valium I stole from Luce to put me out. The last thing I remembered clearly was chilling with River on his disgusting fucking mattress. “Where’s River ?”
“What river ?” Mason looks at me all worried and walks towards the door. “They said I should get the nurse if you--”
“Mason, stop it, come back. I’m freaking the fuck out," I whisper shout to him. "I can't afford this, we need to get out of here.”
Mason looks out the door before walking back over to me. The women in the bed across from me give us a dirty look so Mason pulls the curtain around us--even though it does nothing for the sound. His voice is low. “Um, okay, so…someone called the police because they found you passed out at a bus stop in Brooklyn two days ago--”
“It’s been two days ? I don’t—”
“I mean….you woke up a couple times last night but you were...really out of it.”
“Fuck. Last thing I remember I was with a guy I met—”
“Um, did he hurt you ?”
“What ? No, of course not. He was cool...well, mostly.”
Mason turns a light shade of pink. “You didn’t have your, uh…underwear on when they found you. Your Dad thinks you were like… assaulted--”
“My Dad is here ? Shit, of course he thinks that. This is so stupid. I went to a party with this guy I liked and we hooked up. All I had were poppers and some Valium. I must have fallen asleep catching the bus home. Where's my phone?”
“The last time we talked you were upset because Beck broke up with you. How did you meet a new guy that fast—”
“I have blonde hair and blue eyes, that gets me pretty far. Come on, I need my phone.”
“I think your parents have it.”
Fuck.
“Give me yours.”
He reluctantly hands it over and I find River’s DJ PRI5M Instagram. I send him a DM using Mason’s account since I don’t know my own Instagram password.
Heyyy ? It’s me Nova. This is my friend’s account. what the fuck happened last night ? or wait…two nights ago ????
I give River Mason’s phone number so he can text back and stare at the phone.
No response.
A short tempered nurse comes in and Mason leaves while she removes my IV and a fucking catheter.
The second the nurse moves away Dad rushes to sit next to me on the bed, tucking his legs underneath him. My entire body is sore and this bed is so damn uncomfortable.
“Nova…,” his voice trails off. I fall into his arms and revert back to a little kid like I always did when I was sick and my Dad was near. I start crying like a baby and my hot tears soak into his sweater. He moves my head to rest in his lap. “The hospital can send you a counselor if you want to talk but we can go home—"
“I'm fine, Dad. Nothing happened.” Dad’s hand stops moving through my hair. “I just…got carried away at this party.”
“Nova, honey…I thought we talked about this. I will always come to get you. No questions asked.”
“I know…I…is Mason still here ? I really need to talk to him about something.”
“Let’s wait for the doctor.”
The doctor is old as hell and looks at me for for 30 seconds tops. He checks my heartbeat and tells the nurse to give me some pamphlets on the dangers of substance abuse. Dad has clean clothes for me and let’s Mason come back in while he leaves to do the discharge paperwork and get my prescriptions.
Mason has his phone out but when I attempt to take it he pulls his hand back. He crosses his arms and gets snippy with me. “Who the hell is this guy you were with ?”
I pull my favorite well worn Sailor Moon t-shirt over my head. “Why ?”
I did not feel like hearing Saint Mason's judgement about it.
Mason unlocks his phone and hands it to me. It’s a text from River
Holy shit craziest night ever. U booty bumped my friend’s meth. Glad you aren’t dead, lol. im still thinking about how you hot you were riding me last night. We can meet up again if you want you crazy butiful motherfucker.
Well, that can't be right.
I’d never be interested in doing meth---least of all up my ass. But Drunk Nova was a fucking moron. Especially when he trying to impress an older guy.
Mason had replied to River pretending to be me. …the police found
me alone at bus stop?
River had responded:
roommates weren’t comfortable with you in the apartment. we took your ass to the hipster neighborhood and called the 12. Texted u yesterday. thot u were beng pissy and ignorg me
Mason had texted him I was in the hospital and he’d just responded with: fck.
“Where the do you find these losers ?”
I want to say River isn't a loser but I can’t totally argue. River was slowly working his way on to my shit list. But he was just so damn interesting.
"I mean...He got me help.”
“He didn't call 911. You were at the bus stop all day because the bus doesn't run in that neighborhood on Sunday. A commuter found you Monday morning and called the police. You—”
He falls silent as Dad comes back in with a folder of paperwork and a white paper bag of medicine. He’s charming the nurse with one of his ‘I love my job’ nursing stories and she suddenly seems less mean as she nods along at something he says.
She’s rolling a dorky looking wheelchair.
“It looks like you’ll be in good hands. Ready to go, Nova ?,” the nurse asks. She pats the wheelchair’s cracked handle bars.
“I’m good. I can walk—”
“Hospital policy.”
I turn to my Dad. “Dad—”
“It’s an insurance thing, Nova they do it to everyone,” he explains. “Come on, I’ll push you. Aren’t you ready to go home? I’m going to make you some soup—”
“I can't go to the house, I need to get back up to school—”
“I know, baby,” Dad says softly. “But there’s codeine in the Tylenol so you’re going to be tired.”
I sit in the wheelchair and he pushes me out of the room with Mason trailing behind. There are occupied patient beds in the halls and I try not to stare--some of the people are bleeding. We pass through one set of doors and round the corner to a waiting area.
I see Luce slumped over in one of the waiting room couches. His head is resting on Maverick’s shoulder. Luce looked just as high on Valium as he'd been when I last saw him at the house. I have no idea why they dragged him to sit in a crappy hospital waiting room if his pain was so bad.
Maverick makes a small “hey” and nudges Luce. Luce lifts his head slowly and turns his bloodshot gaze towards me. His face is tear stained.
“Grayson.” My birth name breaks up in his throat. He was definitely on a Valium high.
I get out of the wheelchair and walk over to hug Luce. He actually reciprocates my hug and kisses me. I feel Maverick’s arm patting my back. It's nice, but I still shrug him off. “I’m okay, Luce.”
“Thank God,” Luce whispers which is the wildest thing my atheist father had ever said high or not. “Don’t ever do that again, Nova. Please don’t ever fucking do that again.”
“See ? Everything’s fine,” Dad says to him, coming up behind
me.
I try to get out of Luce’s hug but he’s holding me so tight. When I look around to see if people in the waiting room are staring at us I realize I recognize a lot of the faces in the waiting room.
Ms. Juliana and Mason's sister Spencer are sitting by the door. Across from them is Twyla and Colette—who were supposed to be in Amsterdam for a motorcycle thing. Next to them is Ms. Sara who was supposed to be in Atlantic City.
In the corner is Beckett. And beside him is a girl with tight blonde curls, warm brown skin and dark eyes that still make my heart skip. Michaela.
They’re all staring at me.
At us.
At Luce, who is showing public affection towards me for the first time ever. And at Dad, who was putting on the Alex Haley Show where I fuck up and he gets to show off how loving and supportive he is to an adoring audience.
My Dad’s fucking vanity was never ending. He’d done this Munchausen by proxy shit with Luce for years and now he was doing it to me.
And I’d played right into it. No wonder he looked so happy right now.
I pull myself away from Luce and turn on Dad. “What the fuck is wrong with you ? I can’t believe you called everyone---”
“Nova, baby—"
“Oh my fucking god, Dad. I’m fucking done with this.”
I snatch the bag of prescriptions from him and walk towards the sliding doors.
Dad runs after me and jerks me backwards back into the hospital. He grabs me right where the IV had been and it hurts like hell.
“Oww--”
“I'm sorry, honey. Please, wait, Nova” he says all quietly and teary eyed. “I wanted to wait until we were home to tell you this but… you were in cardiac arrest when the ambulance bought you in. They had resuscitate you six times in the emergency room. We came here to sign a DNR so they could stop restarting your heart—”
“I—you--you were going to let me die—”
“It’s more complicated than that—you’re heart wasn’t—I didn’t want you kept alive by machines, you don't want that—”
“You can’t make that decision for me! What the hell, Dad ? Why am I just now finding out I fucking died—”
Dad shushes me. “It doesn’t matter. You started fighting and your heartbeat came back and you’re okay. You made me so happy—”
“I fucking hate you.” It's an overreaction but if he was going to lie and manipulate me I would manipulate him right back.
“Nova.” His voice cracks and I feel awful. This time he lets me bail.
I walk out of the hospital and down the chilly Brooklyn street in just the thin t-shirt, regretting every step.
“Nova!”
I turn to see Mason running after me with my phone, the bag of medicine, a hoodie and my Dad’s coat cradled in his arms.
“Shit. Thanks, babe,” I say, taking the items.
“I’ll…give…you a ride,” Mason huffs between deep beathes because he’s in terrible shape. I pull the navy peacoat over my shoulders, which are just as sore as the rest of my body.
I was so tired and everything hurt.
“Where?” He’d clearly been sent after me.
Mason shrugs. “Wherever.”
“Wait, wait, wait. I’m coming too!” Spencer sprints down the street to catch up with us.
Mason shakes his head. “You have to get back with Mom so you don’t miss class.”
“I can miss one class.”
But we all knew she couldn’t. She might just be a freshman but too many people at the Coast Guard Academy was watching for her to fail.
“Look, let’s take Spencer back to New London and then you can take me back to Albany,” I suggest. “I’ll pay for gas and snacks.”
Mason levels me with a look. “I know you don’t have any money.”
I hold up my dead phone. “Luce’s credit card is on my Apple
pay. I just need to get this charged.”
-2-
The Clarks relegate me to the backseat of Mason's sensible Kia and I quickly plug my phone in.
Once Mason is on the highway I rip open the medicine bag to
find something for the soreness. It’s generic Tylenol and Tylenol 3.
Along with
antibiotics.
Shit.
I take out the discharge papers and skim until I land on the words oral gonorrhea.
“FUCK!”
My phone charges enough for me to turn it on and it buzzes with 2-day-old texts and calls from everyone asking where I am. Holland had tried to activate Find A Friend 103 times when my phone was dead. I swipe them all away but stop at a group of texts from River.
The day after we hung out he’d sent me a video of myself, leaning sloppily over a chair with my jeans at my hips taking a meth enema from one of his douchebag friends.
There were videos of me high as fuck running around their apartment half naked saying gross sexual things while laughing manically. Some of the girls looked freaked out but he and his friends were laughing at me.
I watch them coax me to a bus stop in the dead of night, pin a bus pass to my shirt and run away while I’m gibbering to a my reflection. River is filming me from a distance and giggling at his friend’s mimicking me.
The fuckers leave me alone at the bus stop and one of them makes a crack about calling the cops but they don’t actually seem worried about doing it.
I delete the humiliating videos and call River.
“Hey, sweetie, back form the dead—”
“Fuck you, asshole. Those videos aren’t funny you fucking douchebag—”
“What ? You were—”
“Maverick is dating my dad.” I knew River had done two events for Maverick and probably didn't want to lose the doors someone like Maverick could open for him.
He’s silent for so long I think he’s hung up.“Yo, you never told me that…you better not be underage—”
“Delete all those videos or I’m telling him you left me out in the cold and Maverick will sic his followers after you—”
“You—”
“And my dad has guns. If you even think about coming near me he will fucking kill you.” I’m about to hang up but decide to be nice. “Also, I tested positive for gonorrhea so you might want to—”
“The fuck ? We used a condom, you fucking slut—” I hang up and block his number. I'd gotten a clean STI test when I started friends with benefiting with Beck so I knew I’d been clean.
“Umm, what was that about ?,” Spencer asks from the front seat. She’d turned to look at me. Mason is driving but I catch his told-you-so smirk in the mirror..
I spend the ride to the US Coast Guard Academy telling the Clark siblings about River. I was pissed at him but I didn’t want to turn this into a legal thing because he really hadn’t force me to do anything.
He just hadn’t taken care of me.
Nobody ever did.
We stop for lunch at a local Coast Guard Academy hang out and even though I’m dead tired it’s nice to be around people. I sip ginger ale and eat plain toast as random students walk up to our table to talk to Spencer. Spencer is happy and seems like she fits in this place—which is all I’ve ever wanted for myself.
“Albany ?” Mason asks when we say goodbye to Spencer and gets back in his car.
“Actually…can you take me home ?”
***
The Britney Jean album is playing crisply from a bluetooth sound bar when I
open the front door of my house.
That was new.
Dad usually played his Britney CDs on an old boombox he carried around the house.
I find him alone in the kitchen. He yelps and almost drops the pan of roasted butternut squash when he looks over his shoulder and sees me standing there.
I speak first. “I’m…sorry I yelled at you.”
He turns his back to me to slide the pan of roasted squash into the stock pot. “Do you want something to eat? I made chicken noodle earlier.”
“Maybe later. I’m kinda tired…I’m going to lie down.”
He nods and puts the lid on the pot. “I think that’s a good idea.”
“Can you…do you want to come with me ?”
He nods again. “Just give me a second.”
On my way to my room I pass Maverick’s room, the door is wide open and he's not in there. I change into my pajamas and then decide to take a nap in my parents room.
I find Luce passed out on his side of the bed. On his nightstand is his laptop and a half-eaten bowl of broccoli and cheddar soup. I crawl into the opposite side of the bed and melt into their absurdly expensive mattress.
Dad comes in a few minutes later to lie next to me. I roll into his arms and he holds me like when I was little. It makes me feel safe.
“Dad,I think I might have, like,…a problem. I think I should, like, go to rehab or something…cause I think today is the first day I haven’t had a drink or gotten high or anything all year and...I don’t think I know how to be happy without doing that stuff.”
I feel Dad’s chest expand as he takes a heavy breath. “Do you want my opinion?”
I nod.
“Drug rehabs sometimes does more harm than good. I think you should consider doing drug counseling. You’ll have time because we had to unenroll you from school….I'm sorry, honey.”
I cringe realizing what he means.
I’d missed the deadline to change my major. It had been today. Or yesterday. Or something. There was no sense in me taking classes for a degree I wasn’t getting. Which also meant the student housing I was in was going to kick me out.
“Would you let me move back home ?”
“Of course. We love you.”
“I love you too.”
“But there would have to be rules.”
“Ugh. Groan—”
Dad laughs softly. “It would go both ways. I…overstepped a little at the hospital. You should have been told everything. You’re an adult and I am still getting used to that. And I’m sorry.”
That was new
“It’s okay,” I say because I feel like he needs to hear it.
“But you can’t just live here without contributing in some way.”
“I know,” I groan for real this time. It had taken me forever to find a minimum wage job in Albany but I could do it again. “Ooh, maybe Mason will hire me at his store.”
“Actually…Maverick and I were talking. He needs an assistant—"
“Shut up, you’d seriously let me do that ?”
“If you want. We can talk about it when Maverick gets back. He’s looking at condos in Jersey.”
“…Is he moving out because of me ?”
“No,” Dad says quickly. “I told you from the beginning he was only staying here temporarily. He wants a place where he can have a home office, and a pool and all his other fabulous things. I like it here.”
“Hm. I like fabulous things. Maybe I should just do porn ?”
I’m joking but Dad pinches my ear only somewhat playfully. “Absolutely not, Nova.”
“What ?,” I laugh. “That’s how you met both your boyfriends—”
“It was a different time.”
Dad shifts in the bed and scoots down so we’re face to face. It’s weird. He’s always looked the exact same to me. It freaked me out to know that he was getting older like everyone else. “I think I spent so much time making sure you knew the safe sex stuff that I never gave you great dating advice—”
“Please, Dad. You don’t know anything about dating. You’ve been in the perfect relationship forever.”
Dad lets out a long sigh. “Not perfect….I just tried to make sure you didn’t see the other parts. Your Dad and I had some rough patches but Luce always took care of me—of us. His whole family did. That’s a very special kind of love…Everyone who showed up in that hospital loves you like that. I didn’t call anyone to come to the hospital, Nova. They came because they loved you and were worried we were going to lose you.”
“…I guess I should probably apologize to them too.”
“I think that’s a good idea. Once you’ve had time to rest.” Dad kisses my forehead. “I know you want to fall in romantic love. And with as open and passionate as you are someone is going to want you. And the person whose heart speaks to yours will be so special.”
---
-3-
“Hold up, wait, wait, wait.” I pull Beck back into my now empty dorm room. It’s the first time we’ve been alone together all morning. I take a small white box out of my backpack and present it to him. “Okay, this is for you.”
“You already paid me back for my clothes you don’t need to—”
“Just open it!”
Beck rolls his eyes but opens the little white box to reveal the croissant I’d asked the nice (but very confused) lady at the bakery to write a VD! on this morning. I do a little dance for him. “Happy you didn’t test positive for VD day!”
I had been 99.9% sure River gave me gonorrhea but Beck had gotten tested just in case.
That phone call had fucking sucked.
“You’re celebrating that you didn’t give me a STD ?”
I stop dancing. “I’m helping you celebrate. Well, you and Aiden I guess…kinda cockblocked you guys for a few days, huh ?”
Beck narrows his eyes. “You know you can just ask me if I’m seeing him.”
I make a show of batting my eyes innocently. “Are you ?”
“No,” Beck sighs. “He’s kind of up his own ass.”
I nod instead of screaming I told you so in his face.
“Ewww, stop making out in here!” Michaela shrieks, banging against the door before walking in. It was so weird seeing two of my exes in a room together but they’d both volunteered to help me move out of my student housing.
I’d been friends with both of them before we dated, and they were the coolest people I knew, so it made sense they got along instantly.
“Wait, can I record you guys making out since I had to throw away all my vibrators ?”
Beck laughs, Michaela shoves me. “Don't make me unpack the shit out of that sick ass car.”
The sick ass car was Ms. Juliana's new fully loaded SUV. She offered to take Luce to the pain doctor this morning in Dad’s car while we were here so they'd switched cars to make it easier.
We’re all laughing when Dad walks into the room chatting with a perky blonde from the student housing's leasing office. He’s clutching a piece of receipt paper in his hand. “Okay, Nova we are just under the wire. I have the partial refund. You have been checked out. We should get back, I have to go into the clinic this evening.”
I hug Michaela and Beck goodbye and then go through the same thing with my suitemates Marcus and Cooper. Dad tells them we owe them dinner for helping me move out within the three day window for a partial refund. We make promises to get back together again. I’m only a little sad to be leaving Albany. I’d done a lot of dumb shit here but I knew I’d be back.
Hopefully I’d be better.
On the way back I let Dad play his music for the first hour and then I take over the Bluetooth and make him listen to the new Rick Riordan audiobook for the last hour.
Michaela was right, this was a sick ass car. The sound system was unreal.
I mentally added getting a driver’s license to my list of things to do.
Because Ms. Juliana is at our house I’m only a little surprised to see Mason’s car is also in our driveway when we pull up to the house
Good, he could help me unpack
“Honeymoon is over,” Dad calls when he unlocks the front door. Mason is sitting on the sofa on his phone while Luce and Ms. Juliana play a card game on the couch. I think it’s Go Fish.
Dad put his arm around Luce’s neck and kisses him. “Your back’s not hurting anymore ?”
Luce shakes his head. “Doctor gave me an epidural.”
Dad grins and sits in Luce’s lap. “I’m sure you and Juliana bonded over that terror.”
“Unfortunately, I was too late to the hospital when I had Mason and Annabelle Grace,” Ms. Juliana explains. “And the rest were home births.”
“That’s right, I forgot you’re a super woman,” Dad teases her.
She shrugs it off.
In high school, Mason had confided in me that his mom had a heroin problem when he was a baby. He said she’d been clean ever since and even avoided painkillers. She’d told Mason about it in case he ever got offered.
Which is hilarious to me because Mason Clark was such a square.
“You should get your stuff out of Juliana’s car so she can go home,” Dad tells me.
I’m about to recruit Mason when the door to Maverick’s bedroom opens and he come out with his cat ear headphones slung around his neck, lugging a crate of unopened parts for a gaming rig.
“Are you leaving ?,” Maverick says to Ms. Juliana, propping the box on the couch. “Don’t leave without this.”
I peer into the crate of unopened boxes in disbelief. “Wait, is that your gaming PC ?”
Maverick gives me his easy grin. “No, it’s one they sent me for the sponsorship for that event I did last month. I don’t need another one so I told Juliana she could giving it to Spencer for her birth—”
I cross my arms. “You know I’m the one you’re supposed to be bribing,” I say jokingly. Maybe half-jokingly.
He turns his attention to me and cocks his head. “I just got off the phone with my rep at the ad network. Did you put those filters on my inbox because I think shit is still getting lost in my inbox.”
Maverick was giving me a trial run as his assistant before officially offering the job. So far I’d done nothing fun. He had me putting endless invoices into some arcane tax software, typing up excel spreadsheets, making Instagram templates and organizing his overflowing business inbox. The most exciting thing were the terrible unsolicited dick pics that found their way to his business e-mail.
“Not yet, but I’ll get to it, I promise. I spent all day packing and I still need to unpack,” I remind him. “Plus I did all that stuff yesterday. You can’t expect me to work everyday.”
“Umm, I helped you pack and I’m going to a 12 hour shift in 4 hours,” Dad reminds me. “Welcome to being an adult, Nova.”
“I worked 10 hours yesterday,” Mason adds, unhelpful as always.
Maverick takes of his headphones. “I just got off my third conference call. Tell you, what, Nova. You just need a mid-day pick me up.” He looks over conspiratorially at Dad. “Doesn’t he, Haley ?”
Dad looks at the clock on the TV and smiles. “Well, it’s a little early for this but it can’t hurt.”
A mid-day pick me up gets me excited. “Am I getting a present ? Oooh—wait--are we ordering Starbucks ?”
“Nope,” Dad says, picking up the remote and turning the TV to a music channel, the sound system fills the house with with Ariande Grande’s latest. Dad pulls a smiling Ms. Juliana off the couch. “Three minute mid-day dance party!”
And then they all start dancing. Well, except for Luce, who was patiently shuffling the cards like this was a minor inconvenience that they did everyday, which--
“Oh, come on,” I can’t help but to grin. “You do not do this everyday.”
“I do,” Dad says. He bumps hips with Maverick and then circles around Mason who is actually a good (if not chronically offbeat) dancer. “The staff and I do it at the clinic when everyone needs their energy boosted for the end of shift.”
Mid day dance party.
It’s the kind of absurd thing that could only come from my family.
But it looked a lot more fun than unpacking or worrying about work or finding a drug counselor or getting a license or going back to school and finding a new relationship.
I join their party, joining hands with Mason and swinging him around the living room. I had a lot of Life Shit to figure out but first, three minutes of meaningless fun.
----
A/N
I originally wrote this story because I chose violence and wanted to write about a heartbreak but then, IDK, I guess 2020 kept 2020-ing and I wanted to make it about how familial love is just as important as romantic love.
I'm not sure I'll ever write these characters again. Any scenario I could think of would involve killing Haley off and I'm not sure I want to do that again. Haley is the only one holding Maverick, Luce and Nova together and so to evolve their relationship, he would have to be gone....I also would love to explore Spencer Clark some but in order to do that Rhett and Juliana would come off really bad.
So (for now) I think I'll leave it here.
Some nights I ask my muse for a "backdoor pilot" where Maverick and Nova travel to Miami for a BDSM convention or
something, a popular sex worker goes missing and then the story shifts into a
thriller that doesn’t involve them. It would be a riff on the hooker with a
heart of gold trope and I’d call it Heart of Gold. lol!