Rhett

-1-

“Did they make you cut your hair like a boy?,” one of the little girls asks Whitlow

“Of course, not,” Whitlow responds with a nervous smile. “Ready to go up?”

 The little girl nods and Whiltow lifts the  girl and her younger sisters into the seat of the Jayhawk and the girl’s mother, the mayor of Cold Bay, stands next to Whitlow for the photo op.

We’d docked the cutter in Cold Bay for a quick demonstration and for our commanding officer, Captain Stephen Jeffries, to meet with the mayor. During the meeting we’d  had a small meet and greet with most of the residents of the small island—which wasn’t hard since the town only had a population of 100.

The mayor’s daughters had taken a special interest in Whitlow and had been asking her questions for the last 30 minutes—including if she had a boyfriend. The rest of the crew was probably going to give Whitlow a hard time about it, but it made me a little wistful. One of the girls was around Mason’s age and watching her toddle absently around the hangar made me smile.

The mayor and her family say their last goodbye  and we can finally go back to Base Kodiak.  

It’s cold as fuck outside but Whitlow pulls me up with her to stand on the bridge of the deck.

“It’s beautiful, huh ?,” she says looking out into the icy sea. The wind whipped at her short hair and the sun reflecting off the water put her in a certain light. Like she was glowing. “I swear it never gets old.”

This part of the coast still felt otherworldly to me. The pictures I'd seen did it no justice. There was nothing to see for miles but clear sheets of ice caped waters and the blue hued mountains. Sometimes if we were lucky we’d catch sight of massive whales or a large group of congregating walruses.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll miss being out here.”

“Bull.Shit,” Whitlow says and she’s mostly right.

I’d been in Alaska for a little over eight weeks and I’d spent the last six weeks at a  remote forward operating location in the Bering Sea. The Coast Guard set up the FOL on a rotating basis to reduce response times. It was a necessary but shitty assignment. I’d volunteered for two rotations so I could gain favor with my new commanding officer. He knew the details of my suspension and had point blank told me not to fuck around or I’d be gone.

Whitlow and I eventually have to go back below deck to debrief with Captain Jeffries and the rest of the crew, but I’m not listening. I’m ahead of it all and just thinking about getting back to Kodiak , which looked like the big city next to the isolated towns we’d been docking in.

It’s a four-hour trip back to base and when we get to the harbor I see a few of the families of the other crew members waiting. I recognize them because the men and women in my operating unit had all made a point to invite me out for dinner or drinks during my first few weeks.

 I watch the mechanic, Holmes pull his arms around his son and wife and they all start talking nonstop. I must be staring at them because Whitlow elbows me.

“Hey, they’re on their way,” she assures me as we make our way into through air station. “Don’t go all soft on me, Clark.”

“When are you going to stop giving me a hard time ?,” I ask her.

She shrugs with a shit eating grin and we part ways in the parking lot. Whitlow had been able to find an affordable apartment in Kodiak and lived off base while I headed to the barracks on base. There weren’t a lot of commissioned officers in the barracks, but it had been a better option for me since I was alone and spent most of my nights sleeping at the air station.

I missed my family like hell, butthe transfer hadn’t been that hard for me. Kodiak  was as isolated as Freeport had felt. Except here heavy Coast Guard community grounded me. It reminded me that I was lucky to have this job and I loved it.

I shower and change into civilian clothes—jeans and an ironed Coast Guard shirt--which was it’s own kind of uniform. Unlike in New Orleans, people  here could look at me and know I was Coast Guard , which meant I couldn’t look sloppy.

I leave enough time to stop by the flower shop and pick up my order of a dozen pink roses before heading to the airport. I notice a sign at the flower shop that explains the meaning of rose colors and I suddenly feel like an asshole for not ordering red roses—which apparently symbolize passionate love.

The pink roses I'd ordered  symbolized gratitude, which did fit since I was so grateful she’d agreed to come all this way to see me.

I wasn’t sure where our relationship stood. We’d put everything on pause so I could concentrate on my new assignment. I called her once a week to catch up but she usually just put Mason on the phone and then he’d hang up the phone by mistake within minutes.

I knew it wasn't great. She’d been closing herself off from my family and the people who wanted to check up on her. Athens told me he came to the house and she wouldn’t let him in. Mama was convinced Juliana was doing drugs and sleeping around I had to talk her out of that accusation.

Even though the drug one was probably right.

The Kodiak Airport is ludicrously small, , I could see the entire airport from the front doors. I walk as close to the security checkpoint as I can so I can see her when she gets off the plane. The  lone TSA standing beside the checkpoint looked at me like he was daring me to try and cross the line.

When the only commercial flight of the day lands I watch Juliana come out of the gate first, dragging the folded up stroller, a rolling suitcase and a garment bag along with two winter jackets. She’s also clutching a plastic grocery bag.

My face fall when she makes eye contact with me.

Fuck.

She looks like shit.  Her eye are red and dark around the edges and her face is so pale I can see the veins in her neck. She's wearing one of my old sweaters, sweatpants and a faded pair of furry boots that looked like house shoes.

Mason toddles out slowly behind her, he's wearing a cute toddler sized backpack shaped like a shark. He has a pacifier in his mouth and I make a mental note to tell Juliana he’s going to have to get rid of it soon.

The Navy and Coast Guard use the Kodiak Airport for business and when a couple of Navy guys notice Juliana struggling with all her shit they use their clearance to pass through the security checkpoint to help her. She looks embarrassed by the attention but she lets them help her and she easily walks over the checkpoint and right  into my arms. I don’t expect to suddenly feel the weight of her against my chest.

I give the Navy guys a nod of appreciation and hold her tighter to me. I’d forgotten how good it felt to hold her.

“Everything okay ?,” I ask her handing her the flowers. She reaches for them but misses,

“Yeah,” she nods tossing the plastic bag in a trashcan behind me and finally takes the roses. “Mason just got sick on the last plane.”

 I pull her away long enough to look back at the gate—Mason was still standing on the other side of the security checkpoint, looking around at all the people absently.

“Mason, look,” she calls to him smelling the roses. “Look who’s here. Come here.”

 He just stares from me to her and then calls for her to come and  pick him up. She motions for him to cross the checkpoint and come to her but he doesn’t.

“You should have put him in the stroller when you came through the gate,” I tell her. “Then you--”

“Really, Rhett?,” she snaps. “It’s barely been ten seconds and you’re already yelling me--”

“I’m not yelling at you, calm down,” I tell her and I can tell I’m only pissing her off more. I turn back to Mason instead of facing her. “Come on, son, let’s go.”

He still doesn’t move and even though the sign says it’s a no crossing line I’m sure the TSA would let me cross to go and get him, but before I can do it, Juliana takes my hand and starts walking away.

“Fine, Mason.” she says to him. “You can stay there. I’ll just go and leave you here by yourself,”

“Come on, Mason,” I repeat holding out my hand, but Juliana’s already walking for the door, dragging everything—including me-- behind her.

We only go a few steps when I hear the sound of Mason running across the lobby, he bolts past me and starts pulling hard on Juliana’s pant leg. He must have thought she was really leaving because he’s crying into her leg and calling her mean.

We get some sympathetic stares, but most of the people working in the airport looked uncomfortable.

“What’s up with him  today?,” I ask her, stroking his head to calm him down. I try to take the pacifier out of his mouth but it only makes him angry so I leave it.  

“I don’t know. He’s probably restless. We’ve been flying for 14 hours, we had three different transfers, the food was awful, the last plane was so small and I told you he got sick. I told you didn’t I ?” she starts rambling to herself as she kneels to his level. “Okay, Mason, let’s put your coat on, it’s cold outside.”

“NO! No, no, no, no, no ! ” he screams as she tries to lift his arm.

“Stop it. Daddy doesn’t want to see you act like this.” Juliana says, taking his arm again.

He  pulls his arm away from her. He tries to run away, but to my surprise she catches him by the shoulder before he can bolt. She grabs his face forcefully and forces him to look her in the eye.

“Do not scream at me Mason Clark,” she tells him, but before she can finish her sentence he spits in her face.

I’d never seen him act this way  and I see her snap in a way I’d never seen her snap with him before. She immediately slaps his hand and he starts screaming and throws himself on the floor, kicking his feet and screaming. She tries to pick him up but he won't let her.

“God, Rhett I swear he’s never like this,” she tells me wiping a tear from her own eyes. “He’s never like this. Mason, get up !”

“It’s okay, baby,” I say to her because I needed to diffuse this situation and get us out the airport. “It’s not that cold out anyway.”

"Maybe not to you--"

"It's fine"

I pick Mason up off the floor and carry him in one arm, while pulling Juliana’s luggage in the other and put them both in the SUV. Since Juliana didn’t have her license I’d had the car shipped here so I could use it.

I get a small, uncontrollable smile watching Juliana look out the window. It was weird seeing her in Alaska.  I wasn’t sure she’d ever seen mountains before. I take the long way to the hotel and by the time we get there Mason had completely quieted down in the backseat.

“I’m so tired,” Juliana says once we’re inside her hotel room.

“I know. That flight it brutal,” I say. “My captain’s wife is still hosting a happy hour tonight. Do you think you can still come ? It’s at his house. That way you and Mason can meet his daughter.”

She only nods listlessly as she hangs up the garment bag in the closet and opens it to reveal the dark purple gown that Amber had worn to some pageant or school dance and let Juliana borrow to wear to the Coast Guard Ball tomorrow night. The captain’s daughter had agreed to babysit Mason for us so we could go.

“Oh, no. Shit. It’s wrinkled,” she says wiping her eyes. “ I messed it up--it looks awful. I can’t wear this--”

“It’s okay, we’ll take it to the dry cleaners,” I tell her.

“Isn’t the ball tomorrow ?, It won’t be done in time. I should have known the fabric—I’m sorry, Rhett--I carried it on and—the fabric it---but this is the only one that fit me--”

“There’s a 24 hour dry cleaner on base,” I assure her.“ I can take it now so you can rest. Then we’ll go to happy hour ?”

“Are you sure ? I tried to keep it nice. Nothing it going--I’m sorry, Rhett--”

I interrupt her rambling by cupping her face in my hands and turning her to look me in the eye.

“What are you doing--,” she starts

“Are you seriously high right now ?,” I ask her. “Are you taking coke or something now ?”

She shoves her hands into my chest in an attempt to push me but she’s too weak.

“No,” she hisses. “How could you say that--”

“How could I not ? You’re acting so erratic--,” I tell her. I take her wrist and slide her watch up to see track marks on her wrist. Most of them hidden by the scars of the brand.

“Those are old,” she tells me taking her wrist back. “I’m just tired. Okay ?”

I don’t believe her but I nod anyway.

I put the gown back into the garment bag and  put it over my shoulder as she lays in the bed pulling Mason into her arms.

 

 

***

-2-

 

“So, where did you meet ?,” Mrs. Jeffries, the captain’s wife, asks Juliana as she passes her a glass of wine.

I fumble the light beer in my hands. I was in the middle of a work conversation with Whitlow and one of the pilots, but I tune them out to hear how Juliana would answer.

Juliana had made it clear she didn’t want to lie about her past anymore and I half expect her to explain to my commander’s wife we met in a cult, right after she stopped being a porn star but right before the crazy cult leader married her.

“I can’t remember when we first met,” Juliana responds. “In Connecticut at some point.”

If Mrs. Jeffries thought it was odd that she couldn’t remember she didn’t let it show.

“And where did you go to school ?,” she asks her.

Juliana falls silent and stares at Mrs. Jeffries. I want to jump in and say something.

“I was homeschooled,” Juliana answers quietly. “I was going to go to college in Connecticut, but I wasn’t…I was ill. But I’m better now and mostly taking care of Mason now.”

I wasn’t sure if Mrs. Jeffries, who was working on her third Master’s, approved of the answer but she just nodded. She was the captain’s wife and it was practically her job to be nice to everyone in his command and their families.

“Your son is so adorable,” Mrs. Jeffries  smiles

“Thank you,” Juliana responds.

Mason had been clingy with Juliana at first, but he’d been enticed to play with some of the other kids in the backyard. There was still a little bit of snow on the ground. I was sure Mason had seen snow when he was visiting Connecticut with Juliana but I don’t think he remembered.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Captain Jeffries standing behind me in jeans and a polo shirt. He was several inches shorter than me, but he still scared the shit out of me most days.

He pulls me away from Whitlow and the pilot and into a quieter corner of his dining room.

“You have a beautiful family,” Captain Jeffries tells me nodding towards Juliana who was looking relieved that someone else had started a conversation with Mrs. Jeffries. “Sometimes I forget how young you are.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said even though I’d just turned 25 and there were already dozens of rescue swimmers younger than me coming through the A-School.

“You’ll be getting your lieutenant junior grade promotion soon?,” he asks me.

“Yes, sir in a couple of months,” I tell him. I should have gotten it by now, but the time I was suspended hadn’t counted towards my service.

“Do you plan to leave service after your five year obligation or do you plan to keep serving ?”

“I haven’t thought about it, sir,” I tell him honestly.

“I wasn’t sure about you at first, Clark. But I think you’ve proved to be an asset on the team. I’ve looked at your transcripts and service record. I think you have good leadership potential, Clark.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I like that you’re humble, you work hard and you’ve got a good support network. Not to mention the work you did in Katrina. I see potential in you, Clark. When you put in for reassignment I want you to come see me.”

“I will,” I say, suddenly flustered.  “Thank you, sir.”

We talk about football for a while, but my mind is moving elsewhere.  It’s moving to a future where I could get more than a Junior Grade promotion and one day choose where I wanted to be stationed. I could go somewhere where people saw me as more than the asshole I’d been in high school. I’d take Juliana anywhere in the world she wanted to go and we’d be okay.

Knowing Captain Jeffries was watching me I make sure to have one beer and drink enough water that I don’t feel bad driving Juliana and Mason back to the hotel when it’s over. She’d managed to keep up with all the introductions but she looked exhausted.

At the end of the night I carry a sleeping Mason upstairs to the hotel room and change him into his pajamas while Juliana takes a long shower

“Are you staying the night ?,” she asks me when she comes out the shower in a long nightshirt.

 She was carrying a towel covered in the shitload of makeup she’d put on for the happy hour. I hadn’t known she knew how to put on makeup like that but then I remembered she used to work in a strip club.

“I’d like to stay the night,” I say. “The barracks are functional but not exactly comfortable.”

“Why didn’t you bring a bag ?,” she asks me.

The truth was I wasn’t sure if she’d let me stay the night and I didn’t want to presume.

“I always have a change of clothes in the truck,” I tell her.

She walks over to check on Mason, turns the radio on low to a Top 40 station and then she slips into the other bed. I strip to my underwear and slide into the bed next to her. I notice a light green blanket draped across the hotel comforter.

“Did you knit this ?,” I asked her looping my fingers through the yarn.

“It’s crochet,” she tells me. “It’s for you…to keep I mean.”

“What are these colors supposed to be ?”

“What was on sale,” she says. “Do you not like it ? Some of the pattern got messed up--,”

“I like it,” I say unfolding the blanket and sliding closer to her, so the blanket covered both of us.

It felt weird but also nice to be in bed together after two months. I pull her back into my chest and her ass rests right between my legs. I use what little will power I have not to see if she’s wearing underwear underneath the robe.

Because as much as I wanted sex I knew we had to get through the heavy shit.

“We haven’t really talked. How are things?,” I ask her kissing the back of her neck.

“Fine,” she says and then turns to face me.  “Do you still think I’m high ?”

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing,” I say slipping my arm around to her back to bring her closer to me. Our legs tangle under the sheets. “Mama says you’re dodging her ?”

“I am not--”

“Don’t lie --”

“I’m detoxing,” she says. “I stopped taking heroin, Rhett. I did. It’s wasn’t pretty and I needed space.”

“What happened to the suboxone ?”

“I sold it,” she says. “Before I decided to detox.”

She looks earnest but I still don’t believe her.

“You should tell Mama you’re detoxing because she thinks you’re shooting up--”

“Why should I tell her ? I’m telling you.”

“What about Amber? She said you’re avoiding her too.”

“I just can’t afford to have lunch with her every week,” Juliana explains. “Can we stop this ? I’m tired, Rhett.”

“One last thing,” I say.

“What?,”

“Rocket? Are you still talking to her ?”

“We’re supposed to be meeting soon, but I haven’t talked to her about anything.  She said her editors are still working on the direction of her book. I made it clear to her I won’t talk about you.”

I wondered if Rocket told Juliana she’d tried to interview me at the pool, but I let it go.

“Anything you want to ask me ?,” I ask her.

Juliana shakes her head and then wipes absently at her eyes.

“I…I just miss you so much,” her voice breaks. I pull her into a hug and her damp hair is cold against my chest.

I kiss her and when our lips touch I suddenly feel grounded in a way I hadn’t in eight weeks. I needed her and I pull her closer to me and for the first time I can close my eyes and  pretend that I’m home.

 

***

 

I’m woken in the morning by Mason kicking me in the face as he climbs over me to get into our bed. I assume he’s going to cuddle up next to Juliana, but instead he stops short, sits with is back against me, poking the bedsheets Juliana had stolen from me in the middle of the night. When he brings his finger to his face I see blood on his finger. He smears it across his arm.

I do a double take and then  turn the bedside light on to see a dark red stain  on the sheets between Juliana’s thighs.  I jerk him away from her and put him in my lap. I grab him harder than I mean to and he starts screaming.

His sudden crying wakes her up with a start.

“Mason ?,” she calls, sitting up startled

“Juliana, are you on your period ?,” I ask her quickly.

She frowns and then slowly looks down seeing the stain. She puts her hand between her legs and when it comes back with blood she looks up at me with shaky eyes. Mason is looking right at her and I have to hold him back since he still wants to get in her lap.

“Rhett, we need to go to a hospital,” she says calmly.

I just nod, guilt racking my body.We’d had sex more than once last night, but I thought I had been  gentle. She'd never bled like that before.

“Okay,” I say, getting out of the bed. Mason crawls over to lay next to Juliana’s side and I just let him. “Okay, there’s an emergency room…it’s not far. I’ll drive you.”

“Can you get Mason dressed ?,” she asks me and I nod.

“Yeah. Are you in pain ? Do you need help ?,” I ask her and I don’t expect how panicky I sound.

“I don’t know,” she says. “You should get dressed too.”

She seems oddly calm as she walks quickly towards the bathroom. I throw on my clothes from yesterday on and get Mason dressed. I wipe the blood of his hand with a wipe. I try and think of someone I could leave him with, but my mind comes up blank.

Juliana comes out the bathroom a few minutes later and she’s wearing clean clothes but she’s walking like she’s in pain. I want to carry her to the car, but she brushes me off. Instead I put my hand around her waist to walk her to the car and drive as quickly as I can to the Kodiak Island Medical Center.

“What do you think is wrong, J ?,” I ask her when we get in the car.  “Are you still bleeding ? ”

“I don’t know,” she says. “Just hurry.”

Mason starts whining in the backseat, but neither Juliana or I can say anything as we drive  in silence to the emergency room. I want to get the medical staff to bring a gurney out for her but she wants to walk in. There are a couple of people and even a few kids waiting and I fear they’ll put her as low priority since she didn’t look like she was hurt.

“Can you go sit with Mason while I check in ?,” she asks me. 

“No,” I tell her. “Let me take care of you. I want to make sure they don’t put you in the back of the line.”

“They won’t,” she says. “Just sit over there with Mason, he doesn’t need to hear this--”

“No, I’m going with you.”

“Fine,” she finally snaps. “It probably doesn’t matter anyway.”

“What ?”

“I’m pregnant…or I was.” she says and brushes a strand of hair away.

The emergency room staff take her back immediately when they find out she was pregnant and I wait with Mason in the waiting room, my world suddenly feeling utterly shifted. I stare at Mason playing  with the toys in the waiting room and I couldn’t even imagine what another kid of mine would even look like. Shit.

“Mr. Clark ?,” a nurse suddenly calls coming into the waiting room.

“Ma’am ?,” I say standing

“Would you like to come on back and see the ultrasound with your wife ?,” she asks me.

I nod my head automatically and pick Mason up as I follow her through a series of doors into the prenatal ward. I wasn’t sure if Mason was even allowed in an ultrasound room, but he was loudly pointing out all the things he could name in the hospital and the nurse didn’t seem to mind he was with me.

When we get outside the ultrasound room I tell him to put his arms around my neck so he isn’t tempted to touch anything.

It's bizarre to see Juliana in this position again. Her stomach looks flat but the moment the door to the room closes the technician turns on the ultrasound machine and the room is filled with the sound of a strong steady heartbeat.

“What’s that ?,” Mason whispers into my ear.

“Shhh,” I quiet him, kissing the side of his face,

“That’s a baby,” Juliana tells him pointing to the image on the ultrasound screen. “See, he or she, I guess, is growing inside me.”

He seems confused and moves on to wanting to touch the gel on her stomach.

“You okay ?,” I ask her over the noise.

She nods.

“It was just an infection. They said I’m fine,” she says. “Do you hear that heartbeat, Rhett ?,”

I nod as the technician turns off the machine and gives Juliana some discharge papers to sign.

“How many weeks is she ?,” I ask the technician

“Six weeks,” the technician says as I sign the last of some waivers and justification forms that allowed Juliana to be on my insurance even though our marriage license had been voided.

 

-3-

Once all the paperwork is signed we get in the car and I’ve lost most of my patience. I hold the car keys in my hand unable to put them in the ignition.

“Is it mine?,” I ask her.

“Yes,” she snaps.  “How could you ask me that ?,”

“Well, you’re six weeks pregnant and I’ve been gone for almost eight weeks--”

“The lady just told me they don’t count the weeks starting at conception,” she snaps. “It takes time for the fetus to start developing--,”

“Lady ? What lady ? Was she a doctor ?,”

“Does it matter ?,” she says. “I just told you it’s yours. Can we go now ? Mason’s hungry.”

I put the keys in the ignition but I don’t turn it on. The timeline still felt too convenient and nothing added up.

“We talk every week,” I remind her. “How could you not have told me you were pregnant ?, What the fuck, Juliana ?”

She punches me in my shoulder. It doesn't hurt, but it pisses me off. 

“Watch your mouth, Rhett. Can we go now--”

“No,” I say. “Not until you--”

“Why would I have told you, Rhett ? I want to keep him and you don't.”

“Don’t start with that bullshit--”

“Rhett--”

“It's not even a person yet--”

“Did you not just  hear your baby’s heartbeat?,” she asks me.

Mason starts whining in the backseat for breakfast, but I couldn’t ignore her bullshit.

“I don’t care about heartbeats. That fetus isn’t a person yet. You’re a person Juliana and I’m worried more about your mental health than a fucking fetus. Are you off your antidepressants now ?,”

“Yes,” she says. “I haven’t had a chance to see a doctor yet, but when I go back to Freeport I’ll see that specialist again to get something--”

“Jesus fucking Christ--,”

She beings her hands to my face like she's going to scratch me. I move out of the way and she starts slapping at my face and neck.  I shove her away.

“Stop being so crude!” she says

“--Jesus fucking Christ. Every fucking time I think things are going well. Every fucking god damn time!” I shout and I start smiling at the absurdity of it. “Every. Fucking. Time…You have to terminate the pregnancy, J--”

“No,” she says and her naivete that I sometimes found endearing was really pissing me off.

“J, look I get it. You like babies or whatever. I promise we’ll do this again when I have a raise and permanent station and we’re living in the same god damn time zone. We can do it right.”

“You’re patronizing me, Rhett--”

“That’s a new word for you--”

“Shut up, Rhett.”

“Excuse me--”

“I don’t want to terminate it. I don’t want go through that.” she tells me. “I want to keep him.”

“I swear to god if you spout anymore religious fucking nonsense I will--”

“Stop  talking to me like that,” she snaps. I didn’t know where this holier than thou act was coming from.   “It’s my body and I want to keep him,”

“Right,” I laugh. “Are you going to pay for it and for the hospital stay too or do you still expect me to do that? This isn’t all about you at all. If you go through with this I have to too. I deserve some say in this if it's mine.”

"IT'S YOURS!," She screams, throwing the paperwork the doctor had given her at me.

 Mason starts crying in the backseat and I know we’ve gotten too loud. Juliana gets out of the passenger seat to sit in the backseat with him. She slams the door both times and I seriously consider killing her.

“Rhett, I’ve been trying to detox ever since you left but I couldn’t.” she says in an even tone. “I couldn't do it. But when I realized I was pregnant  I was finally able to stop--”

“So fucking what ? ,” I snap. “You’re clean now. That’s good. And you still have 10 more weeks to get an abortion.”

“Can you please just drive us somewhere to eat or do you want to kill your other son too?”

I start the car and turn the radio up so neither one of us is tempted to talk again.

I wasn’t even that mad at her. I was just scared shitless.

She’d turned into an emotional wreck when she was pregnant and breastfeeding Mason. I didn’t see a scenario where she could take care of Mason, her fucked up emotions and a newborn.

 

Especially if I was still in Alaska.

 

***

-4-

Juliana orders breakfast to go  and when I drop her off at the hotel with the food she tells me she doesn’t want me to come up.

I’d cleared my entire schedule to be with her. I hide out in my room so no one I worked with would  see me without my family. I do some research on conception and I hate that it still doesn’t add up. Heroin was a hell of a drug and as much as it hurt to think about I could see her sleeping around for drugs.

When I finally put on my formal dress blues for the Unit Ball and bring her dress to the hotel room I don’t expect her to open the door for me. I’d already run through some lies for why she wasn’t at the ball with me if someone asked.

 But she does open the door and she has her hair and makeup done.

We drop Mason off with the captain’s daughter and drive to the armory in silence. Part of me doesn’t even want to go anymore, but I know I have to if I want to keep the captain’s attention.

The crowd was a mix of enlisted guardsman just out of boot camp and senior officers. We were smaller than most units and I know nearly everyone in attendance.

Whitlow finds me instantly and walks towards me with a glass of wine in her hand. She’s wearing pants instead of the formal dress skirt like the other women in the unit.

“Always gotta be subversive, huh ?,” I tell her as she hugs me and then moves to awkwardly hug Juliana.

“I’m packing heat tonight,” she says, pointing to where she had a formal sword on her hip.

It was a part of the uniform I had but had never had a reason to wear since they were mostly for special honors like funerals or big weddings.

“Aren’t you special,” I tease her.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Whitlow smiles.

We find a seat with the rest of our crew. I’m sure they can all tell something is going on between Juliana and I.  She’s not good at hiding her emotions and  looks lost in her own thoughts most of the time. She doesn’t talk and only smiles when she catches me staring at her.

 Before any dancing starts we have to sit through a long ass award ceremony where Whitlow, to my surprise, wins a service member of the year award. When they finally open the floor to dancing most of our table gets up. When I turn to take Juliana’s hand she’s gone.

I dance with Whitlow for a few songs and when I don’t see Juliana come back into the ballroom I go out to find her.

I walk the entire armory until I spot her standing outside in the parking lot by the truck with my cell phone and a credit card in her hand.

“What are you doing ?,” I ask her, but she keeps talking on the phone in a low tone before thanking the person and hanging up.

“I’m getting an earlier flight,” she tells me giving me my phone back. “We’re going to leave tomorrow. This is all too much, Rhett.”

“You just got here,” I tell her and remind myself to calm the fuck down. “I took an entire week off for you, I made plans--”

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” she says quietly. “I’ve seen you and we’ve had a fight and now I’m just tired of being here.”

“You’re overreacting, Juliana--”

“No, I’m not--”

“Don’t go,” I beg her. “Please. I’m afraid you’ll do something stupid if you leave upset like this—”

“And I’m afraid you’ll do something to me if I stay.”

I sigh in frustration. That was a low hit for her but not entirely wrong. She really knew how to push my buttons.

“Juliana--” I say just to say something but before I can respond she walks away.

 

 ---

A/N

So, Rhett's job isn't going to come up that much anymore, but I did ALL the research on the Coast Guard Base in Kodiak, Alaska. I'll discuss some of it in the next post.