-1-

Juliana

When I open the door to the timeshare in Florida my heart sinks.

“No,” I whisper to myself and I feel like crying.

I’d made the entire timeshare  transaction over e-mail and this moldy old house looked nothing like what I was promised.

Mason bolts inside the house ahead of me, making loops around the  scotch guarded couch, so grateful to be off the plane.

The counters were yellowed, it smelled like kitty litter and all of the furniture was decades old. I’d been promised it was within walking distance to the beach, but the house was in the middle of nowhere and the beach was a five-minute ride down the freeway.

I’d put  $1,000 into this place for a month worth of rent.

I snap at Mason not to touch the dirty fish tank and call the landlord. He refuses to reimburse me and tells me I signed the contract and was out of luck.

“I guess we should call Daddy now,” I say looking at my new pink cell phone. Rhett had given it to me and I think part of the reason was so he could check up on me while I was here. “But I guess he’ll just say I told you so.”

I snap the phone shut and walk outside. Using the railing to steady myself I sit on the front stoop and pick up the phone book that had been left there. I flip to the hotels section and call all the hotels that advertise beach front properties until I find one we can afford and then I call a cab to take us.

We’d barely been in Florida an hour and I was already screwing up. I’d only budgeted a little bit of extra money for this trip and I could already feel the price rising.

“Mama look ! Pretty!,” Mason shouts when he sees the ocean from the cab window. He’d seen it on the cab ride here but he was still just as excited by it.

“That’s the ocean again. We’ll go to the beach later,” I tell him.

“Get in the water ?”

“Maybe for a little bit.”

The cab pulls up to the Crystal Views motel and I suddenly have deja vu. I'd been here before.

  It wasn’t a motel I’d lived in, but one I’d come to with Brad to visit one of his video viewers. I almost want to pick a new hotel for us but I’m  just too tired.

 I’d  probably be having  lot of memories like that now that I was back in Miami.

“Hold on to the side of my suitcase, okay ?” I tell Mason so he doesn’t run off as I try  to balance our two rolling bags and a duffel bag on the concrete.

He doesn't respond and  I turn around to see he isn’t even with me anymore.

He’s walking  towards the motel’s abandoned pool.

“Mason, no !,” I shout.

I drop everything and speed walk after him. I grab his arm just as he gets to the edge of the pool and I’m so out of breath I have to sit down on the ground, clutching his arm.

“Don’t…ever…do…that,” I tell him.

“Water, Mama--,”

“No. It's not safe here. Stop running off or someone is going to take you away from me and you’ll never see me again-,”

“I see pool--,”

“I don’t care. There’s no lifeguard to watch you and I can’t swim that well. You could drown. Do you want to drown and die ?,” I ask him and he starts crying.

 I use the edge of a lounge chair to slowly pick myself up off the ground. I get our bags and drag him with me towards the sign that says front office. The woman in the office gives me a sympathetic look and upgrades us to a premium room.

The room is spacious with two beds and has a view of the other hotels and just the  sliver of the ocean. There’s a jacuzzi sized bathtub in the middle of the room, a balcony, and a giant television  but the hotel doesn’t have a kitchen like I’d wanted.

There is a small packet of rose scented bath bubbles by the tub. I empty the packet into the tub and fill the tub  with warm water. Mason watches eagerly as it fills up with bubbly water and when it’s filled to the top I get in and hold him in my lap so he doesn’t drown. The warm water feels good against my back and swollen ankles.

“This is kind of like a vacation, isn’t it ?,” I ask him.

Rocket’s interviews weren’t starting until tomorrow, but I’d come a day early so I could get settled and visit the baby doctor Cecilia had set me up with while I was here.

“What’s vacation ?,” he asks me.

“It’s where you go away somewhere new for a little bit,”

“Like Daddy ?,”

“No. Daddy’s at work.”

"Daddy's at work," he repeats.

It was a different kind of hot in Miami, one where I couldn’t wear tights and cardigans without sweating through my clothes. When I get out of the bath I lower the water level so Mason can splash around by himself. I put on a pink maternity sundress and zip up hoodie I’d cut and re-hemmed  to make short sleeve. I blow dry my hair with some serum sample I took from Jocelyn's salon and curl a couple of pieces before putting it  all in a ponytail.

I dress Mason in his new outfit and trim the ends of his hair before combing it back neatly.

I had planned to take a cab to San Costa, but since I now had to pay for a hotel I decide to take the bus. It’s a 40 minute ride and at first Mason is mesmerized by the bus, but then he starts whining and I give him his pacifier. Figuring out our bus route and all the transfers was almost like a muscle memory, it all came flooding back to me.

“Okay, you have to be a big boy,” I tell him when we get off the bus, taking his pacifier.

“No,” he whines clawing it out of my hands.

I put the pacifier in my purse and he tries to rip the bag off my shoulder.

“Stop it,” I warn him. “I’ll give it back later after we have ice cream.”

“No!,” he screams.

“Mason,” I say fixing his hair and wiping his face with a wipe. “Please not now. I want you to be  good, okay? I’ll give it back later I promise.”

                                 

He’s still whining and I grip his hand hard as we cross the street.

When we  step inside the Sunset Diner my stomach starts to turn. The baby must sense I’m nervous because they starts kicking me. I hadn’t been in this diner since the night of the raid, almost six years ago, and I don’t recognize any of the employees anymore.

The hostess seats us in a booth and I’m about to read the menu to Mason when I recognize the back of a head shouting an order to someone in the kitchen. His curly brown hair is still so distinct in my mind and looks exactly how I remembered.

He’d visited me once when I was incarcerated but I told him not to come back because I could tell it was weighing on him. I wanted to release him from feeling responsible for me. Then I got moved around to other jails and we’d lost touch.  

He turns to the side and I can see the profile of his face.  I suddenly feel like crying. He’s wearing a short sleeve button up shirt, leaving his scared arms are on full display. He’s carrying the scars more naturally than I remember. As he scans the diner his eyes glaze over me and I think he must not recognize me but then his eyes return to me and he does a double take

“Oh my god!” he says loudly coming towards our table.

I stand up and  Sawyer wraps his arms around me, he leaves a large gap between our bodies and it feels awkward.  

“Wow,” He smiles looking at my stomach. “Look at you. You’re so….wow,”

“I told you.” I said. When we’d arranged to meet over e-mail I told him that I would be 8 months pregnant.

“And this must be Mason,” he says looking down at Mason who was staring up at Sawyer unsure.

Sawyer bends down to shake Mason’s hand and Mason jumps out of his chair to hide behind me.

“Say hello,” I prompt Mason, but he pushes himself further into my legs. “Stop acting like this, Mason.”

Mason usually loved talking to strangers, but he'd probably never seen me hug another man besides my Dad and Rhett.

Sawyer just smiles and pulls my chair out so I can sit down.

“What can I get you guys ?,” Sawyer asks. “You’re money is no good here,”

“Oh, you don’t have to--,”

“I insist. You know you have a dessert named after you on the menu ?,” he tells me.

“Still ?,” I ask

“Well, I mean technically it’s just a blondie but, yeah--,”

“That sounds good,” I tell him. “But you don’t have to pay for us--,”

“I want to,” he says.

That makes me blush.

As Sawyer leaves I can hear some of the kitchen staff whispering and I start to think I recognize some of them from when I worked here. Sawyer former manager,Syd had, told them I was Sawyer’s wife back then and they must be really confused now.

Mason asks me who Sawyer is I tell him he’s my friend but he doesn’t believe me. He tells me that my only friends are Rhett and him. When I tell him I did things before he was born he just laughs at me.

Sawyer bring out our dessert and sits down next to me as I split it in half and put half  on a plate for Mason. Mason doesn’t eat right away, he just stares at Sawyer in a way that I think makes Sawyer uncomfortable.

“I guess we really lost touch,” Sawyer says. “I mean I heard when you got married and I saw that Katrina article so I knew about that…I really should have called you. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t try to contact you either, not even when I got out of jail. I just put as much distance between me and Florida as I could and then…it’s just  been one thing after the other...Are you and Elisa…”

He gives me a weak smile and shakes his head.

“I mean…we’re friends still, but we wanted different things out of life… I guess. She found someone else I heard. She’s coming to the interview with the reporter on Sunday.”

“Thank you for agreeing to talk to Rocket and helping arrange everything.”

“No problem,” he shrugs. “It always did feel kind of unfinished...you know? All the bad stuff…”

He trails off.

“So, where do you live now ?,”  I ask him.

“Right across the street, I took over the lease when Elisa moved out since it was so close to the diner.” he says nodding to the apartment complex where we’d once shared an apartment with Elisa.

“So, hey how is your husband ?,” he asks.

“He’s good,” I say and I hate how stilted our conversation was now.

 Sawyer was probably thirty now and I could see the small signs of age in his face. He’d been younger than I was now when he’d been given responsibility for me. When I’d just come into his life and completely turned it upside down.

 

When we finish our meal Sawyer offers to drive us back to the hotel, but I tell him not to worry and we get back on the bus. I stop at the pier to walk around but Mason gets too excited about everything and wants to run off into all the stores.

 

The city looks different to me,  it suddenly feels more dangerous and I’m not sure if the streets had changed or I had.

***

 -2-

“I can get you the other side of my room if you want.” Rocket offers when she comes to pick us up from the Crystal Views motel in the morning.

“It’s fine. I already paid for this and I like being near the water,” I tell her. “Do you have the directions?,”

She nods and we drive to the Atlantic Crescent Apartment and Townhomes. The small townhomes and garden apartments are old but they’d recently been painted in cool aquamarine colors. There’s a small aquatic themed waterpark and pool that Mason wants to play in and I have to  pull him away. I’d never noticed how many pools there were in Miami

Rocket keeps a smile on her face as she walks up to the apartment carrying her recording equipment in one hand and a box of donuts in the other.

I knock on the door and it swings open to the sound of Cecilia Winston-Hills shrieking. The first thing I notice is that she cut her hair, it's short and looks good on her.

“Juliana ! Look at you! You’re carrying so low, it must be another boy!,” she says hugging me. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.”

“You too,” I say. “This is Rocket--,”

Cecilia hugs Rocket too before shaking her hand.

“When Juliana told us you were coming we looked you up,” Cecilia says. “Wow, what an amazing job you have.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Rocket says. “I have coffee and doughnuts in case you change your mind about me being cool.”

“Is this Mason ?,” Cece asks kneeling down to his level and shaking his hand. “I’m Cecilia, I’ve heard all about you.”

I was surprised she tells him that since I hadn’t really told anyone here much about Mason except that he was coming with me. Most of them had only seen pictures of him from an e-mail I’d sent.

Cecilia motions us inside the apartment, she asks me some pregnancy questions and about the doctor she's set me up with as we walk to the living room. The blue carpeted  floor is scattered with Barbies and toys, I notice she has a set of acoustic instruments set up in one corner on display. Rocket looks around the apartment and I can hear her taking mental notes.

 Greg Hill comes out of the kitchen looking imposing and tall in his Miami-Dade police officer uniform. There’s a little girl by his side. She has dark blonde hair in a French braid down her back, she looks Rocket and I up and down and her eyes settle on Mason who was hitting my leg so I’d pick him up.

“Juliana,” Greg says when he sees me. “Long time no see,”

We do all the introductions and I learn Cecilia and Sam’s daughter’s name is Felicity.I feel terrible for not knowing that already. She’d been born a few weeks after the trial.

“Honey, why don’t you see if you can find some toys Mason can play with ?,” Cecilia asks Felicity and she runs upstairs.

“Oh, you don’t have to--,”

“It’s okay,” she smiles. “I know that UL was…what it was, but I still like the concept of sharing everything you have with the community, you know ?,”

I nod.

There’s a knock on the back door and I turn to see Sam Morgan standing at the back door. He is the exact opposite of Greg, he’s in a  t-shirt and sweatpants and his longish hair curls around the bottom of his ear. He gives me a weak smile and then opens the door to walk inside and the introductions suddenly have to start all over again.

“Where’s Felicity?,” Sam asks Cecilia.

“Oh, she’s upstairs,” Cecilia says and then calls upstairs. “Come one, sweetie, your Dad is here !,”

“I’m just going to walk her to the bus stop and then I’ll be back,” Sam tells us. But he’s really telling me because Rocket already has her big headphones on and she’s recording the sounds of their apartment.

Rocket had planned to do a group interview with as many former UL members  as possible this weekend, but Cecilia had asked that she, Greg and Sam be interviewed separately if they were going to talk about their relationship.

“Okay,” Rocket says once Sam returns from dropping his daughter off and Mason is coloring in front of Sesame Street. “Let’s start by getting your names, your age and what you do.”

“Well, I’m Cecilia Winston Hill, I’m 33-years-old and I’m a midwife and…I’m also in a little jazz band but it’s not—it’s mostly for fun. Sorry, should I have not mentioned that ?”

“More the merrier,” Rocket says.

“I’m Greg Hill,” Greg says and takes Cecilia’s hand. “I’m 35, I’m Cece’s husband and  I’m an officer in the Miami Police Department.”

“And I’m Sam Morgan, Samuel if that matters. I’m 31-years-old.  I’m just working on my M.F.A in Studio Art at U of F…University of Florida that is --and I teach there too--,”

“Don’t forget professional muralist,” Greg says and Sam shakes his head. “He did this great piece outside the police station--,”

“And those dolphins around the city,” Cecilia adds. “Do you know about those ? They put them around the city and different artists designed them…you should do a story about that…I mean after this.”

Cecilia reaches for her coffee, but forgets to drink it and Rocket just nods.

“So, Greg and Cece, I know you two met on the commune,” Rocket continues. “Can you tell me how you ended up there and how you two met.”

“Well, we called it a community not a commune and I was about 9-years-old,” Cecilia says. “Um… my father was killed in a robbery and my mother just wanted out  and she’d been thinking about moving for a while. Unlike Juliana I was still allowed to go to school but I couldn’t have friends over or anything…I even went to college, I have a bachelor’s in music, but it was mostly class and then back home.

“I moved to the commune when I was 21,” Greg says. “I had aged out of the foster system and I’d met Caine at a resource fair I think…he fascinated me….he told me I would have a home and steady job if I moved on the commune and became a TL so I did. Sometimes I think he arranged for Cece and I to meet but...it wasn't like that..our love was real.”

“What made you fall in love ?” Rocket asks.

They both share a look and smile at each other. They still looked like newlyweds.

“He was just so kind to me and my mom,” Cece shrugs. “I was close to my mother and  he’d never had a family so he loved being part of ours.”

“I mean look at her,” Greg smiles, kissing her cheek. “She’s got this light and she’s always smiling and she plays incredible music. She’s so talented. I was just this knuckle dragger who could handle a gun.”

“You were not,” Cece says.

“So, you met, fell in love and your marriage was legal and normal ?,” Rocket continues.

They both nod and then quickly say yes when Rocket reminds them she’s recording.

“But your marriage didn’t last as it was. Can you tell me when it was decided things would have to change ?”

Cece bites her lip and looks up a Greg who takes a deep breath.

“You have to understand that this was really a way of life for Cece,” Greg says before she can talk. “She really believed in it and I would do anything to make her happy.”

Rocket just nods.

“The commune was getting smaller, most people in their twenties were getting a taste of life outside of UL and leaving,” Cece explains. “Caine was really stuck on creating a new generation…I guess so UL would continue. It was so absurd in retrospect, but there were a lot of pressure on us. If you had a baby you got money and a new house. Leaders in the community really got on us about it and we just  couldn’t--,”

“You didn’t want to ?,” Rocket asks.

“No…it was me,” Greg said. “I was shooting blanks…we just found out.”

“So, Caine said you had to marry someone else,” Rocket says to Cecilia.  “If you loved Greg, how could you go along with that ?,”

Cecilia doesn’t seem bothered by Rocket’s direct questioning.

“You have to understand how highly we were taught to think of Caine, he took care of us all and made out lifestyle possible…He made it seem so normal and necessary…I’d seen other women do it. He said it was important for a woman to be loved by as many men as possible….that is was a subversion to ‘normal society’ that punished women for having multiple partners.”

“Did you know the truth was that there were 70% more women than men in UL ?”

They shake their heads.

“So, you have a second wedding, I got the footage you sent me and you look happy but I have to ask, how did each of you feel the wedding night ?”

Cecilia frowns and Greg reaches over and turns Rocket’s recorder off.

“I think you’re being crude,” Greg tells her and Rocket doesn’t look phased by the accusation.

“I’m not asking for details,” she says. “I just want to know how you felt.”

Cecilia reaches over and turns the recorder back on.

“It's okay, Greg. So…I met Sam that day at the altar,” she says. “I knew of him and I thought he was handsome and I knew he was creative like me…we spent most of the night getting to know each other and… we did what was required of us.”

Sam’s eyes had been closed during most of the interview and he opens them as he speaks for the first time.

“I came to the commune when I was a kid too,” Sam says and bites his lip. “I’d never…I hadn’t been with a woman before and I didn’t know if I wanted to do it like this but Caine assured me it was all normal and she wanted to do this. I thought I was doing the right thing for the community.”

“And I was angry,” Greg said. “I’ll be honest. But I kept it all hidden because I believed in UL and I didn’t want to be selfish…I never asked Cece about it and honestly we’ve never really talked about it...until now, I guess.”

“I really didn’t think I could get pregnant but then it happened right away…we didn’t know who the father was, Caine said it didn’t matter but we found out later…after the raid.”

“In some ways the pregnancy saved us,” Greg continued. “ There weren’t a lot of babies on the commune and I’d started asking about who would help her give birth and  immunizations and birth certificates and there were no answers. I was pretty high up with Caine and I thought I could get answers but there were none. That’s when I started to lose some faith in UL and wanted to leave--,”

“So, let’s fast forward a little bit” Rocket says. “Your daughter’s older, how do you explain this to her ?,”

Cecilia points to herself and then Sam and Greg.

“Mom. Dad. Stepdad. It’s that simple, Sam and I had are marriage annulled. This is her primary address and Sam lives next door and she hasn’t really figured out how babies work…I don’t think we’ve thought that far in advance.”

“So, you made it work ?,” Rocket asks

“Well we’ve had seven years to figure it out,” she laughs. “Before that is was fights and arguments nonstop.”

Rocket turns to Sam, who hadn’t said much and was starting to look even more uncomfortable.

“Did you love her  too?,” Rocket asks.

Sam looks at Cece and then at the floor.

“I love Cece,” Sam says. “I mean I don’t know if I’m in love with her…did I wish Greg wasn’t around sometimes ? Sure…I used to. Especially when Felicity was born but we’ve managed and I’m glad I have them…I don’t really talk to anyone else about our situation.”

Cece wipes a stray tear from her eye and Greg kisses her forehead while Sam takes her hand.

 “We were so stupid,” she says softly. “He fooled us all…I really… I really believed everything. You must think we’re idiots.”

“I’m not here to judge,” Rocket says. “I’m here so your story can be told.”

I listen as they tell her about their fights in the early years, how they had moved to this apartment complex so Felicity could be with both of them.

When the afternoon rolls around Greg has to go to work and I decide to borrow one of Rocket’s laptops and walk with Mason to the Starbucks so I can write an e-mail to Rhett.

“Wow,” Greg says shaking his head once we step outside the townhouse together.

“Are you okay ?” I ask him. "Is it too much ?,”

He shakes his hand.

“It’s just...a lot of things I haven’t thought about in a longtime,” he says. “That Olsen lady is intense.”

“She can be,” I admit.

“This weekend's interview should be interesting,” he tells me. “Sam, Cece and I have worked through this all and are pretty much okay. I’m not sure everyone else is going to take it as well.”

---

A/N

We're getting the gang back together, ya'll...

CPShawna: Atlantic Crest Apartments. Really ?

SH: I live in a town called Pacific Hills. It's an homage...