The first time I go out in Florida without Mason I feel like a part of me is missing even though I know he is safe with Cece. Whenever I saw something interesting out the train window I turn to point it out to him. I’d put on a brave face but I’d cried the minute I left him. I keep looking down and to my side searching for him before remembering he wasn’t with me
Raleigh puts his arm around me as we walk into the prison lobby. I see Jennifer Caine, Caine’s niece and lawyer, is already waiting in the lobby. She’s staring coldly at us and Raleigh gives her a nod as the guards start going through Rocket’s bags of recording equipment and asking her questions about it.
The sounds of the prison put my nerves and anxiety
on edge and I wish I was back on my full dosage of pills. I start to relive
memories of the time I’d been in a federal facility and all I can feel is
shame.
“You know you can stay out here,” Raleigh whispers to me so Jennifer can’t hear.
“Yeah, I’ll make sure the bastard signs that annulment,” Elisa adds. She was only here because she'd taken two weeks off work for this and had nowhere else to be, but I appreciated her support.
My encounter with Brad in the grocery store had ended on my terms and, I needed to end this one too. I wanted to make sure Caine knew that he lost.
The guards motion for us all to come through the metal detector and we’re in an empty visitation room. Rocket instantly starts setting up her equipment at a table and Raleigh pulls out a chair for me. Everyone sits except for Jennifer who stands with her arms crossed.
When the door on the opposite side opens I jump in my seat and the baby kicks me. I panic and want to leave but I know I won’t make it out before he sees me. I force myself to stay seated in the chair.
I’m surprised by how good he still looks and how much power his presence has in the room. He’d gained some weight and was growing a beard, but it was nicely trimmed. Rocket had told me they’d put him in solitary after it seemed like he was organizing prisoners a few months ago. When he sits, Jennifer whispers with him and then sits next to him.
“Simon Caine, I’m Rocket Olsen,” Rocket says. She doesn’t offer her hand and her voice is even as she tests the sound.
Caine smiles at her and it’s unnerving. He barely acknowledges Raleigh who was sitting right in front of him and looking fearless.
“First things first,” Raleigh says and hands him the annulment paper. Caine takes the pen and signs it, before shoving the paper back at Raleigh.
“I never thought I’d see the day I saw you with child.” Caine says looking at me.
I shiver at the sound of his voice and wrap my arm around the baby. I suddenly can’t talk anymore.
“I’ve put a lot of effort into getting this interview,” Rocket says taking the attention away. “I’m talking to you because I want to get the most complete story I can and you hold a lot of those keys. You took over for United Light from your father and used it to steal money. Many people have called you manipulative. Do you think that’s true ?”
He runs his eyes over Rocket and then settles for looking her in the eye.
“I believed in my purpose, Ms. Olsen. I think you’ve spoken more to my missteps then what I actually did. People trusted me. I made them feel safe. That was my only purpose.”
“Why were you stockpiling weapons ?”
“For the people out there…the people who threatened our way of life,” he said.
“You also shouldn’t use the word stockpiling,” Jennifer cuts in. “That assumes intent.”
“The ATF report from the raid said there were cases of handguns and military grade weapons., what would you call that ?”
“Do you want to stop this interview ?,” Jennifer asks.
“Enough, sweetheart.” Caine says and it freaks me out because it reminds me of my Dad. I wonder if he picked up calling me sweetheart from him. “I like her.”
“What do you think your father would have thought about the weapons smuggling ?,” Rocket asks.
“He wouldn’t be happy, I admit,” Caine says. “I may have gotten overzealous. But we had enemies at our gates. I had to struggle more than my father did and test my faithful. The world was getting better at taking our people away.”
“So, you got overzealous,” Rocket says. “Do you have any other regrets ?”
He seems to think about it.
“You know I never had a life of my own. I always wanted the kind of devotion I gave to my members.”
“Is that why you married Juliana ?”
His eyes cut to me and I have to look away.
“I suppose I regret marrying her too,” he says. “Her mother, Melanie had always been a close friend. She was a remarkable woman...it's was a shame Daniel was so unfaithful to her. She was a devoted woman and wouldn’t leave him. Melanie was amn intelligent and charismatic woman. Her daughter was pretty but very simple. Stubborn too.”
“You didn’t think it was inappropriate to marry someone 36 years younger than you ?”
“As I said I regret that,” he says.
The air started to leave the room. Caine wasn’t like Brad at all. I’d forgotten about Brad after he left my life but there were still nights I thought about Caine and how he’d hurt me for being stubborn. How he’d paraded me around as his wife. I’d made a mistake coming here. This was too much and I had to get out.
I squeeze Elisa’s arm before pushing my chair
back and standing up. I was done.
“You can’t leave before we talk about Rhett Clark.” Caine says as I stand.
I pause.
“I understand he’s the one responsible for your current condition,” he continues.
I open my mouth and nothing comes out.
“I had him guard you because I knew he would break you,” Caine continues. “There was always something unforgiving and…evil in Rhett. He had a lot of anger. When Jennifer told me you married him I honestly expected you to have a black eye or two because that boy thrived on the violence like a wild animal--”
I hated hearing Rhett’s name in his mouth, but I’m paralyzed. I know whatever I say he’ll throw it back at me.
“—Rhett Clark was loyal to me which was odd because he was the only tranquility light who actually had something better to live for. He had a nice family. I believe the mother even came looking for him. He could have gone home at any minute but he didn’t.”
“Let's get back to my questions.”
Rocket says. "I feel like you're avoiding them."
“Let me tell you something about Juliana Reese before she leaves,” Caine says. “There is nothing in her head--”
“Why don’t you answer the reporter’s questions ?,” Elisa cuts him off and he ignores her too.
“There is nothing in her head because that’s how I told her mother to raise her so she’d be obedient and dependent to whoever I put her with even that simpering Sawyer Miller. She’s mad at me because she’s broken. Because she can't survive in the world. All she knows to do is cleave to whoever is the most dominant personality in a room until they get tired and she wanders back to her cheating son of a bitch father.”
Elisa takes my elbow and pulls me to the door. I feel tears in my eyes and I don’t want to cry in front of him, but I also don’t want to leave like this.
“I--,” I start, looking him in the eye.
Memories of his abuse that I hadn’t thought about in years come to the surface. The night he’d branded me .
“You don’t own me,” I tell him and it comes out quiet. “You didn’t own me or Rhett…and I—we—I—I got away…I won.”
This time I let Elisa take me out of the room. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to Caine but that seemed like enough. I was going to go back home and I was going to be loved one way or the other. He would never have that again
---
-2-
“That son of a bitch has no right to talk to you like that,” Rhett yells over the phone. “I swear to God, he’s lucky he’s in jail or I would come down there--”
I have to tune Rhett out. He’d been saying a version of this for the last two hours.
I’d spent my second day in Jacksonville
alone in the hotel room while everyone else was back at the correctional facility for the
second day of interviews. Rhett had called me that morning after Rocket sent
him a transcript to fact check the things Caine said about him. Jocelyn and Deacon really had come looking for him, I'd never known that.
When he’d called me I’d just started crying and hadn’t been able to stop.
“I should go back to the prison,” I say.
“Like hell you are--”
“I didn’t…I should have told him to go fuck himself or something.”
Rhett laughs.
“As much as I’d like to see that, we have better things to worry about…we can finally get that damn marriage certificate…I can make an honest woman out of you.... If you still want me.”
I knew he was joking but a part of me did wonder sometimes.
“I’m trying to get a few days off,” he says. “I can probably come down to Florida and drive you back home.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. Maybe after Christmas ?”
“Sure.”