-1-

Juliana

Rhett sits up in bed and stares. I can tell he doesn’t believe me.

“Are you sure ?,” he asks.

Mason wakes up too and starts whining, I bring him close to the side of my chest and try and rock him back to sleep. I couldn't deal with him too right now.

“Yes…I’ve been having contractions all day,” I admit in a low voice.

They’d been irregular and light,  nowhere near as bad as when I had Mason so I thought  they were just Braxton-Hicks.  I’d been having such a relaxing time with Cecilia, Elisa and Rosa and I didn’t want to alarm anyone.

My water had started leaking during the night and just as I was formulating a plan to tell Rhett it finally broke.

“Shit, we have to go to the hospital,” Rhett whispers standing up. He trips over something and falls on the ground cursing.

“Rhett!”

 “I'm fine. Do you have a bag or something ?,” he says standing back up.

“I’m not going to the hospital. Just call Cecilia,” I tell him.

To my surprise he listens, he reaches for his cell phone on the nightstand and walks into the living room.

Mason quickly goes back to sleep and I slip  out of bed and start looking through the suitcases for something to wear and I start crying tears of frustration. This wasn’t what I’d wanted, we were supposed to have another week at the least before this happened.

“Okay, Cece’s on her way--,” Rhett starts and then he must notice my tears. “Baby, what’s wrong ?”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” I tell him. “I tried to plan this I—I—I ordered everything I need to give birth and had it delivered to the house. We need to go  back home so we can do this like I planned--”

He holds my arms and kisses me.

“It’ll be okay,” he says in what I'm sure is his work voice  . “Let’s just take this step by step.”

I nod even though everything I’d been reading about in my pregnancy books had  suddenly escaped my head. I didn’t know what I was doing.

While Rhett goes outside to call Jocelyn and my dad I pick a sleeping Mason up and move him to the couch. My back pinches under his weight and I have to sit down once I have him on the couch.

Cecilia bursts into the house a few minutes later, she doesn’t even bother to knock. She has a big bag over her shoulder and she looks flustered. When she sees me sitting on the couch she seems to calm down.

“Hi,” she greets me like she always does. “Okay, how far apart are they ?”

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I’m sorry, they were maybe twenty minutes and then they just stopped—I don’t--”

“It’s okay,” she says taking a case of syringes out.. “I’m going to give you some antibiotics and then I want to see how many centimeters dilated you are. Just  let me know when you start to feel them again.”

I follow her lead and when we go back into the small bedroom she tells me I’m only 2 centimeters dilated. Through the bedroom window  I can hear Rhett arguing with my Dad on the phone and I try to ignore it. It sounded like Dad was telling him to take me to a hospital.

“Keep in mind that you’re not my patient but everything seems normal,” Cecelia announces. “But we can still do this at a hospital if you want--”

“No, no. Let’s see how long I can do this,” I tell her.

“Okay,” she smiles. “Well, the medical supply store is closed right now but Elisa  is waiting outside of it now, Rosa’s going to the baby store  when it opens to get clothes and a blanket. Greg said he’ll have his patrol car ready if we need it and I don’t have another mother delivering this week so I’ll be here for you--”

“The contractions aren’t that close,” I remind her. “I have time, I  can go to the store, they don’t have to--”

“You have a baby to deliver,” Cece says. “And you--”

She points to Rhett who had just walked into the bedroom, he looked exhausted already.

“You have the equally important job of supporting her,” Cece says.

 

 

***

-2-

“They’re not going to make it in time,” I tell Rhett as he puts his phone back into his back pocket.

“You think that’s going to stop any of them?,” Rhett asks “Here, drink.”

He hands me his water bottle. I swallow as much water as I can get down and he takes my hand again as we continue our walk around the neighborhood. Thirty minutes after he’d called his mom to tell her I was in labor she called to say she, Savannah, and Cody were getting on the road and coming here.

In my original plan she was supposed to watch Mason for me while I gave birth and she still planned on doing that.

“They say it’s faster with the second baby. It’s a 12 hour drive from Freeport to here—I’ve done it,” I remind him.

“They plan to drive through the night switching off,” he tells me. “But if you want to tell my Mama no you go right ahead.”

I sigh and let it go.

I needed to move to get my contractions started again and Cecelia ordered Rhett and I get dressed and  go for a walk. We’d been walking for 45 minutes around the San Costa neighborhood, I wasn’t even sure where we were anymore but my contractions still hadn’t started again and I was getting worried I’d have to go to a hospital.

“What did my Dad say ?,” I ask.

“He was surprised but he’s thinking about you,” Rhett says after a long pause.

“Tell me the truth.”

“He told me, and I quote ‘childbirth isn’t a game and to get you to a damn hospital’.”

I just shake my head.

We’d started the walk at 5AM and now the sun was beginning to rise in front of us. We’d wandered out of Sawyer’s neighborhood of tiny cottages and  were now in a fancier neighborhood where all the houses were Spanish style mansions with big palm trees dotting the sidewalk. It would have been a beautiful walk if I wasn’t so distracted.

“You know we never resubmitted our marriage license,” Rhett says. “I mean now that you got the annulment.”

“You still want to do it, right ?,” I ask him.

He’s quiet, the only sound is our sandals flopping against the sidewalk.

“Do you  still want to be married to me ?,” he asks me.

“Do you still want to be married to me ?,” I ask him.

“I asked you first,” he smiles.

“I do,” I tell him. “But it could just be my hormones and my current lack of options,”

“You always have options, baby.”

“Not like yours.”

“What does that mean ?,” he asks.

“Your grandmother probably has a line of former beauty queens waiting for you. You could have any girl you want. I know you settled for me because you thought you had to take care of me--”

“You listened to Rocket’s tape ?”

“No. I don’t have to,” I tell him. “I know you Rhett Clark. Maybe you can go back to, what was her name ? Kim ?”

I pretended like I forgot her name, but I’d known.

“Are we talking about exes ?,” he says. “You know she left me, right ?”

I hadn’t known that.

“Why ?”

He shakes his head.

“Tell me,” I say.  

“The usual…she couldn’t handle my schedule…you.”

“Me ?”

“She wanted me to stop writing to you,” he says and I wonder if he's telling me the truth.

"You don't have to tell me that. I'm not going to leave you...we're married, that means something to me. I'm not just going to throw it away."

I stop walking when I feel the contraction. Relief floods over me and I can't even remember hat Rhett and I were just talking about; all I can think about is getting this baby out.

“Ow—Damn, J!,” Rhett says pulling his hand away from me. I realized I’d been grabbing it too hard.

“I’m sorry--”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Are they starting again ?”

I nod.

“We should go back,” I tell him.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “And maybe if you have another one just grab my arm.”

He holds out his arm and I hook my arm around his.

“So, you left your college girlfriend  for me ?,” I ask him.

“Not exactly,” he says. “Do you remember that  winter my junior year ? I stopped writing to you for a little while… that was why. But I missed writing to you and when I told Kim she decided to leave. I haven’t seen her in years.”

I barely remember that time.  Rhett would go weeks without responding to my letters and I’d just assumed he was busy.

“I know no one thinks I’m good enough for you,” I tell him.

“J--” 

“I’m trying to do the right thing and be who they want me to be, but I just keep messing up everything,”

“That’s why you fit in so well with the Clark side of my family,” he says. “When people try to tell us who to be we tell them to fuck off.  Hell, you can even tell me to fuck off. Tell me to fuck off.”

A man passing us on a golf cart frowns at us but he keeps moving.

We start walking out of the neighborhood and I follow Rhett’s lead as we head back to Sawyer’s house a different way then we’d come.  We pass a grocery store and I pause looking at it.

“Do you want something to eat ?,” Rhett asks me.

I look across the street from the grocery store and my hormones do a number on me. I start crying.

This was the spot where I had dropped an entire pint of ice cream on the ground and Caine had cornered me, telling me to get pregnant to the stranger he made me marry or else he was going to find someone else to do it.

“What’s so funny ?,” Rhett asks me.

I must have made a small laughing sound.

“Nothing,” I say, knowing he wouldn’t find it funny at all.

 

 

 

***

 

Elisa, Rosa, Cece and Sawyer’s cars are parked out front of Sawyer's house when we get back. Cece must have told them to give me space because no one gets up to crowd me when we walk in. I’m thankful for that.

Sawyer is unloading a big paper bag from the Sunset Diner, filled with large silver trays. There is a small array of  blankets and baby clothes on the couch. I start to hug and thank them all when Mason runs into my legs  hard on my sundress.

He’s sobbing and holding on to my legs roughly.

“Calm down,” I say stroking his hair.

“Mama, why you go without me !,” he screams.

“You were sleeping. Daddy and I had to go for a walk to wake the baby up. They’re ready to meet us,” I tell him.

“Don’t leave me again, Mama.” he says.

“You should eat,” Rhett tells me, he starts guiding me into the kitchen with Mason.

“I don’t think I can,” I say.

“You really should,” Cece says opening a silver container of scrambled eggs. “You’ll need your energy.”

“The doctor cut your tummy open, Mama ?,” Mason asks me as I fix a plate for him.

“No,” I tell him. “I’m just going to push the baby out.”

“When ?,” he asks

“Later. Ms. Cecilia and Daddy are going to help me.”

“I help too !” Mason tells me.

“Daddy’s going to do what now ?” Rhett asks, choking on the coffee Sawyer had brought.

“I wanna see baby!” Mason says.

“Since you’re here I thought you could help…Aren’t you an EMT ?,” I ask Rhett.

“I mean I know the basics, but I’ve never actually done it,” Rhett says. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I can talk you through it,” Cecilia smiles. “It's super easy and at least I know you won’t faint on me--”

“No guarantee--shit! J!” Rhett shouts, as I sigh loudly and slide out of my chair.

A contraction starts that is so painful I can’t sit in the hardback chair anymore. I have to get on my knees to get through it, but even that’s not helping.

I’d been using heroin for so long I wasn’t used to pain. Everyone in the room gasps when I get on the floor and I bury my face in my arms so I don’t scream  and  scare Mason, but he just thinks I’m playing and laughs at me.

“Baby--,” Rhett starts.

“I’m fine,” I say, breathing quietly through the pain. I see Rhett is about to get on the floor with me and I hold a hand up so he doesn’t.

“Why are you on the floor ? I wanna help baby  too, Mama !” Mason repeats, getting on the floor with me.

He touches my back and it sends a new wave of pain down my body.

“Guess what ?,” Rhett says, pulling Mason away from me. “You can help by doing whatever Ms. Cecilia tells you to do, okay ?,”

“Nooo, I help Mama and baby,” Mason argues.

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Rhett says to Mason, an edge in his voice. “You’re going to do what you’re told, okay ? Say yes if you understand.”

“Yes, Daddy !,” he says and then runs around the table.

The contraction passes and I’m too nervous to eat real food and  just want to see how far along I am.

Rhett and I had only been gone on our walk for an hour and half but the bedroom has been freshly cleaned while we were gone. There was a plastic sheeting on the mattress and new sheets on the bed. Rhett brings me a popsicle to eat and I change into a birthing gown that Rosa had found with a flamingo pattern on it.

It wasn’t like the one I had waiting at the house but it seemed appropriate.

“You’re 6 centimeters,” Cecelia says. “You’re getting close to ‘too late for an epidural time’. Greg’s still on standby to take you to the hospital.”

“I’ll be okay,” I say just as another contraction starts

This one is even more intense and  a short scream escapes my mouth.  I squat down to alleviates some of the pain and I hear Mason calling for me on the other side of the closed bedroom door followed by the muffled sounds of Rosa and Elisa trying to distract him with something.

“Try getting on all fours, it’s a good labor position..” Cecilia tells me and I do. “Rhett, you should rub her lower back very lightly. It will help with the tightness.”

“Okay, but you do know this is how we got in this situation,” Rhett jokes as I get on my hands and knees.

Cecilia doesn’t laugh.

“Shut up, Rhett,” I say through clenched teeth and I suddenly feel bad, but not bad enough to apologize.

“Sorry, Juliana,” Rhett says and I feel his hands on my back. “Is this good ?”

“Kind of.” I tell him. I can still hear Mason calling for me and I turn to Cece. “Do you think it’s okay for Mason to come in here ?”

She shrugs.

“Well, they say you don’t want older siblings to associate they’re new sibling with hurting mom, but this is your delivery. We’re just here to support you,” she says.

The pain intensifies and  and I make a motion with my hand that Rhett luckily interprets as bring me something to throw up in.

“Honey, you’re killing yourself,” he says once I’ve thrown up. “We have a police escort, let’s go while we still can--”

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “It’s okay.”

 

***

 -3-

Rhett Clark was never going to perfect. There was a time, when I was in prison and maybe right after, when I thought he was perfect and that had been a mistake.

But right now he was exactly what I needed.

Especially his body. For the last five hours I'd been using  him when I needed something to lean against or hold me up.

I had my arms looped around his neck and he had his hands on my hips  as we slow danced around the small bedroom in Sawyer Miller’s house. We’d never slow danced when I wasn’t in six inch heels and I never noticed how much harder slow dancing was with our height difference.

The swaying motion  of dancing was supposed to help position the baby and alleviate the pain—none of that was happening but it still felt nice to hold on to Rhett.

Cecelia  had left us alone in the bedroom and told me to call for her when I thought I wanted to push--that had been hours ago.

We’d gone through three of Rhett’s playlists and tried every awkward position to help with the labor pain. I’d thrown up on him twice. Mason had come into the room with us but he’d lost interest in  actually helping me and had fallen asleep on the bed.

I’d imagined when I gave birth I would be alone; just be me and the midwife. Being in this room it felt like it was just Rhett and I but I could hear Sawyer, Cecilia, Elisa, Rosa and possibly even Sam and Raleigh outside in the living room . They were all just waiting and it made me nervous.

“You can do better than that.” Rhett says as the song ends and I lean against his chest.

He  puts his hands on my hips and starts swaying them back and forth the way he did when we were making love sometimes. It lessens some of the pain and if I wasn’t in labor, I might have even been turned on.

I was exhausted from all the moving, I tighten my grip around his neck and moan into his chest and try and match the rhythm of his body as another contraction hits.

They were getting closer together.

“Let’s try something else,” I tell him pulling out of his arms.

He helps me sit on the floor and once he’s on the floor I face him and straddle my bent knees on either side his waist. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer until we’re chest to chest, our foreheads touching.

He kisses me and I take a handful of his shirt in my palms as another contraction starts.

“We should renew our vows,” he says once the contraction has ended.

“Why are you thinking about that ?,” I ask leaning my forehead into his broad shoulder.

“I don’t know we were just slow dancing,” he says. “If we renew them I can give you the wedding you wanted. We can do it in Connecticut so your Dad comes to give you away.”

“My Dad would never give me away to you...besides I don’t want a wedding,” I tell him.

“What do you want ?,”

“This baby to come,” I remind him and he laughs, which annoys me.

“You’re so fucking brave.” he says kissing my face. “God, I can’t believe you’re doing this. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m not really doing anything,” I remind him.

“Bullshit. You’ve been in pain for the last five hours and you’ve never complained. You are the bravest person I know,” he says and I wonder if Cece had been feeding him lines to say to me.

“No I'm not.You jump out of helicopters for a living,” I remind him

“Yeah and I’m tethered to them,” he says. “You jump out of metaphorical helicopters with no tethers. You just decide to do something and then just do it. I think it’s crazy you’re not doing this in a hospital, but I’m just following your lead.”

“You weren’t tethered to the helicopter when you fell off that cliff,” I remind him. I don’t know why I do, I wish I could just accept the nice things he was saying.

“You're never gonna let that go are you ?” he says shaking his head. "But for the record that was an equipment malfunction and I got my ass handed to me for it."

His cell phone buzzes and he ignores it.

“Just look at it,” I tell him.

 His cell phone has been buzzing with text messages nonstop. He’d started only checking them every hour so it wouldn’t be a distraction.

“Who is it ?,” I ask as he looks at the screen.

“Well….Mama said she’s in Jacksonville...Whitlow says she’s thinks you’re a fucking badass…Aubrey’s praying for you , Rocket’s on her way over and Tess wants to know how you are.”

He starts responding to the texts, I don’t even bother asking him how he’s responding.

The labor drags on for another two hours, Cece calls around to her instructors to figure out how to make it go by quicker but none of their tricks work and end up annoying me more.

I don’t feel like talking to anyone and I stay on the floor and start knitting a blanket for the baby. I show Rhett how to make the pattern so he can help me and he picks up the technique quicker than I had. When Mason wakes up from his nap on the bed I can’t hide how much pain I’m in anymore.

I try and tell him I’m just uncomfortable but he still looks scared and won’t leave my side. He sits next to me and looks though his picture books quietly, or at least what qualified as quiet for him.

-4-

The contractions that come right before I feel ready to push are the worst. I can't stop shaking and  let out a string of words I have never said together in my life. My breath is so shallow I can’t form the words to tell her it’s time but I don’t have to.

“Mason, go and get Mrs. Cece,” Rhett orders him and Mason runs out the room.

I start crying.

Rhett helps me stand and walks me over to the bed. He sits on the edge and I sit between his leg, trying to find a comfortable position.

Mason had left the bedroom door open and as Cecilia comes in I hear the voices in the living room start to talk all at once before she closes the door.

“Okay, you’ve definitely transitioned,” she says as I feel the urge to push. “This part is all instinct. Tell me when you’re ready.”

I reach for Rhett’s hand and a bad contraction starts. Mason is sitting next to Rhett on the bed, his face buried in Rhett’s side. I hadn’t wanted Mason in the room, but since he wasn’t comfortable with everyone in Florida we’d decided to let him stay in the room but not look.

“Rhett, I need you to pray with me,” I say quickly taking both of their hands. “I know you don’t believe but I just need--,”

“Okay,” Rhett says taking Cecelia’s hand with his free hand. She easily gives it to him and bows her head.

“God…” Rhett starts, which I don’t expect him to. He squeezes my hand but he can’t seem to find the other words.

So, I take over and pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby, for my family, for strength, for comfort and that my body does what it was designed to do.

When I finish Cecilia smiles at me. 

“Okay, I’m ready when you are,” she says.

I use the last bits of energy I have to start pushing.  Between breaths I can still hear the voices outside in the living room through the door;  I think I hear Elisa making a bet about the gender. Cecelia tells me when to push and when to stop in her quiet, careful voice, Rhett whispers encouragements into my ear and reminds me to breath.

I follow all of their voices, anchoring myself to them until I hear my new baby crying.

---

A/N

Oh, did you want a gender reveal in this chapter ?