- 1-

My reception in Freeport had been kinder than I’d imagined.

Apparently the Clark house had always had a revolving door of down-on-their-luck-guest for most of Rhett’s childhood; Cody for a month. Aunt Macy for a year after her divorce. Uncle Deacon on and off over the years.

Just as Rhett’s had predicted my attraction to him grew.

 Emotionally.

 And physically.  

On our bus ride down I learned Rhett was a physical person. He’d  touch my shoulder, grab my hand or put his hand around my waist for no  reason. I assumed our no intimacy agreement would be hard once we were living under the same roof, but it wasn’t because there was always so much to do.  I was suddenly tasked with helping set up Jocelyn’s salon, preparing for the wedding and finding the apartment Rhett and I would live in.

Rhett and I were rarely alone together. Not even when we were in the car where he was teaching me how to drive so I could finally get my license.

Rhett reached over from the passenger seat to touch something on the dashboard and his bare arm against mine sent a small tingle though my body.

“Turn signal!” Savannah called chirpily from the backseat. “You have to  signal intent.”

She stood up in the backseat to look over my shoulder, Rhett pushed her back down into her seat.

“Hey, put your seatbelt on,” Rhett scolded her.

“Why ? We’re  here,” she countered.

“The car still hasn’t stopped moving,” he argued back. “And stop talking you’re distracting Juliana,”

“Am not. Don’t forget to angle up,” Savannah called to me, ignoring her brother.

I manage to get Rhett’s truck into one of the slim parking spaces of Southaven Bible Church and unlocked the doors. We were already late because I’d missed the exit the first time around.

Savannah giddily went across the street to the Sweet Frog-- she only came with us because Rhett let her drive back to  Freeport and Southaven had things like Sweet Frog and Starbucks. 

It was important to Jocelyn that we get married in the church where her father had been an elder and she’d been married, but for that to happen were required to go to a premarital class. For three weeks we’d spent every Saturday afternoon driving the 25 minutes to Southaven, Mississippi  for class.

The class was taught by Rev. Ellis Road, an assistant pastor in his early 30’s and his wife, Lisa. I like  the Roads. I liked how their faith gave them freedom. Religion was such a big part of life in Freeport. I’d never thought about it much--I'd only gone to a few  Catholic services with some of the women from the halfway house on holidays.

In the premarital class we mostly had to do workbooks and answered questions  but today was the one-on-one meeting to decide if they would allow us to use their building for the ceremony.

 Rhett didn’t take any of the class seriously and spent a lot of time making fun of the other couples—he had an imaginary pool on who would get divorced first.  

 I didn’t say a single word the first two weeks of class because Rhett was so good at lying about the parts of our relationship we didn’t want to explain. 

But occasionally he’d stay something that would make my heart stop.  On our first day we had to describe our partner in three words. I’d  chosen funny, smart and kind for Rhett.

He’d chosen resilient, loving and beautiful for me.

When we enter his office Reverend Roads was sitting in jeans and a polo behind his desk. He’d bought his dog, Missy with him today and she jumped and barked at us begging to be petted. I always liked being in Rev. Roads office and reading all the letters and notes on his wall from people in the church.

“How is the New Living Version working for you, Julianna ?,” Rev. Roads asks me.

When I’d told him I’d found the Bible hard to read  Rev. Roads  gave me a version of the Bible called the New Living Bible that was supposed to be easier to read. I hadn’t really opened it.

“I’m still working on it,” I smile.

 “This session is private because I want us to go into more depth than we would in class.,” he explained. “Once we finish with this counseling session I will submit your request for chapel reservation  to the senior pastors. Now, let’s start with an easy question; Why do you want to get married ?,”

“Because the United States government will be nicer to us,” Rhett says and laughs like he is telling a joke, but I know he isn’t. That was part of the truth. His marriage benefits were amazing, especially considering how much I was paying for medication.

Rev. Roads  smiles like he is in on the joke, but I can tell he’s annoyed with Rhett already.

Like most everyone else in Rhett’s life, Rev. Roads didn’t know we’d met at the commune or that I’d even been there. The only ones who knew I was in UL were Cody, Rhett’s Mom, Aunt Macy and Uncle Deacon. When Rhett joined UL, Savannah had simply said he ran away from home. I don’t even think Savannah had all the details.

“Tell me about how your family is feeling,” Rev. Roads continues making notes.  “Rhett, I know your mother is glad you’re growing into a fine young man but Juliana I know you gave up a life to come down South. How are your family and friends feeling ?,”

“Well,” I say debating on whether he needed the truth. I decide to tell it anyway. “My Dad still isn’t used to it….um, he hasn’t really talked to me since I left. But my friends…they, well, they don’t really know Rhett that well either,  but….they know he’s a good person.”

I see some concern in Rev. Road’s eyes and he sets his pencil down. 

“Sometimes it’s important to really examine a relationship if family members, especially fathers, aren’t on board--,” he begins

“Her Dad is going through his own sh—crap,” Rhett interrupts. “He has trust issues. And control issues. It’s ain’t about me.”

“That’s true,” I add. “My mom died a few years ago, so it’s tough.”

My mother’s death  just spills out of my mouth and Rhett puts his arm around my shoulder. I don’t think I’d spoken about my mother to anyone. I suddenly wanted to talk about how complicated our relationship had been at the end.

“I’m so sorry, Juliana” Revered Roads says. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Um, anyway my Dad remarried and has a new daughter now.”

“You mean another daughter ?,” Rev. Roads says writing something down.

My face heats up at his correction. I hoped I didn’t sound petty.

“Well, I’d ideally like you to try and mend that relationship before the big day. You wouldn’t want your father to miss it. Marriage is an important commitment and I admire you two for  taking it at a young age. I think it’s important for young people to understand the different between dating and marriage.” Rev. Roads says. “Now, I’m required to ask this next question. Have either of you been married before?,”

“No. Neither of us have.” Rhett says quickly without looking at me.

I nod my head. I feel terrible about lying to the Reverend’s face.

“I didn’t think so,” Revered Roads chuckles. ”What about love ? Have you felt like you were in love with a previous partner before ?”

“No,” I say, finally glad to tell some truth.

“Yes,” Rhett says.

 

***

 

Her name was Kimberly Monroe

Rhett has worked with her in Connecticut at his part-time summer job at the state fair.

They dated from the summer through Christmas of his junior year and she broke it off because she couldn’t handle his school schedule. He’d told her that he’d loved her.

That session was the first time I’d ever heard of her and that was all I’d ever know about her.

I only saw one picture of her.

A few weeks after that counseling session Rhett has set up a laptop computer in the strip mall space that would soon be the home of Curls and Cuts, Jocelyn’s salon. Rhett and Cody were putting together the six  black salon chairs and installing the mirrors while Savannah and I painted the walls in Pink Flamingo.

Jocelyn’s claim to fame were something called pageant curls. She used hair extensions and a curling iron to create stacks of ringlets in her client’s hair. She’d had quite a few clients who were following her from the Hair Cuttery and she was hoping to get more clients from the pageant circuit.

When Jocelyn went to pick up lunch  Rhett showed me the budget he’d been working on so we could pay for a wedding. His salary had seemed like a lot when he first showed me his pay stub , but seeing it broken down by expenses made me concerned. There didn’t  seem to be any money to spare.

“Uncle Deacon said he’d pay for half the catering, so if we save $200 a month we can pay for a nice caterer, a dress and a pretty decent wedding in five months.” Rhett told me.

“But how ?” I say looking at the spreadsheet.  Every dollar was obligated to something important.

”You didn’t include the down payment on our apartment,” I tell him. “…Do you plan to keep paying half your mom’s mortgage after we have an apartment ? Because that changes the number.”

I pointed to the missing accounts

“I don’t know…hopefully you’ll have a job by then.” He said.

I know he doesn't mean it in a mean way, but his comment shuts me down. Cody had been trying to help me find work, but  I needed to go to school eventually. I couldn’t get a lot of jobs with just a GED and an arrest record for stealing.

“I know...but if I find a job outside of town I’ll probably need a car,” I tell him.

“Jesus Christ,” Rhett says under his breath, slightly annoyed. “We’ll figure out. I know we will.”

He closes the spreadsheet and behind it is a desktop folder of pictures. My eyes lock in on a picture of Rhett with a striking blonde. They are standing in front of a roller coaster, their faces are pressed together and she is smiling up at him. They  wear matching polos shirts with the Connecticut State Fair Logo  embroidered on the front.

“Is that her?,” I ask even though I remember her name. Kimberly Monroe.

Rhett turns and looks at the computer and then at me.

“What the fuck is your problem ?,” he asks me, his tone unusually serious.

“Nothing,  I was just--,”

“Literally everything I’m doing in my life right now is for you. All of this. And all you seem to be doing is questioning me. Like you don’t trust me,” he sounded hurt and a little angry.

“I wasn’t.” I say, suddenly sounding desperate. “You’re the one who just had her picture up--,”

“I didn’t have it up. I wasn’t just staring at it. ” he cuts me off. ”I don’t like jealousy bullshit. I didn’t think you were like that.”

“I’m not,” I say, my voice cracking. His accusations stung. “I’m sorry--”

“Don’t apologize,” he says, running his hand over his head and squeezing his eyes with his palms. “I’m sorry. I'm just so fucking tired. I’m going to go home and take a nap. Tell my mom I’ll come back later tonight and finish up.”

I nod my head and he gives me a chaste one-armed hug before walking out to the parking lot.

“He’s ain’t like that,” Cody says from behind me. “Rhett don’t cheat.”

I jump. I completely forgot he was there to witness whatever that was.

“I know,” I say.

“I mean...look he was real popular in high school so if you want to know who his exes were I can tell you. Seems like you should know if ya’ll are stayin’ ‘round here. You might run into one. You probably already have.” Cody continues.

“I don’t know if I want to know,” I admit. “That Amber girl from the pool  is one I’m guessing ?,”

“Yeah, but Amber was a huge slut," Cody laughs.  "I mean she told everyone she was saving herself for marriage, but she was fine with blowjobs. Senior year she got a cold sore and people said she had mouth herpes. After that she kind of chilled out and Rhett hooked up with her...Or maybe Rhett hooked up with her and then she chilled out. I don’t think he liked her that much….then there was Becca Anderson in 9^th grade, Lea Marx in 10th and then this chick--,”

“Thanks, Cody.” I say. “But I think I’d really rather not know.”

He nods his head and goes back to the scattered chair parts on the floor.  The pink paint on the wall was mostly done, so I walked over to Cody and pick up Rhett’s abandoned power drill.

“Can you show me how to work this ?,”

***

-2-

I hadn’t thought about Kennedy in years, I didn’t even know if she still managed the Penthouse but I wrote her name into the  references column on the job application. I could have used Sawyer again, but I didn’t want to bother him again.

Savannah had noticed a new sports bar was opening in Southaven and brought me an application. I still didn’t have a way to get there  but it was becoming very clear I needed to work.

I’d come out to the porch  to fill out the application to get away from the noise of Savannah’s friends inside. Savannah had been saving money all year to buy makeup for high school and now they were doing makeovers. Jocelyn was out working some thigns out with the bank.

I said a little silent prayer as I sat on the  front porch. I remembered standing on this same porch  with Zane Brooks just a femonths ago.

My silence is interrupted by an obnoxious horn beeping loudly in my direction. I look up to see Rhett pulling into the drive way, still honking the horn of his truck.

I looked down at my watch to double check the time.

He was home three hours early.

I stand up as he hops out of the car, a wide grin on his face.

“What’s wrong ?,” I ask.

“Nothing, nothing is wrong,” he smiles. “I got a bonus today.”

“That’s great,” I say and hug him.

“Yeah. Well, it’s kind of complicated,” he says taking his cap off and putting it on my head. “I’m going to be working on this short term project training civilians safety regulations on commercial vessels,”

“How is that complicated ?,” I ask.

“I have to transfer to a Coast Guard base in Hawaii for two months.”

“Hawaii ?…I can come too, right ?,”

“Not this time,” he says quietly. “We don’t have a marriage certificate on file so I can’t get you cleared to come with me in time.”

The thought of him leaving me for two months makes my heart sink. I’d come all the way here so we wouldn’t have to be apart and now he was leaving again.

“Rhett....I don’t think I’d feel right staying here without you--,”

“Why ?,” he asks. “You’re practically here on your own as it is. Plus  you can use my truck while I’m gone.”

“Rhett-,”

“Look, we need the money so I’m taking this job.   I have to leave in two weeks. I think we should get married before I go.”

“Why ? Are you going to be doing something dangerous ?,” I ask.

“No, but shit happens. A whale could just hop up on the dock and have me for lunch.” he laughs. “I’d just feel better if we were married before I left.”

“What about the wedding and the church ? We already reserved our date.”

“Fuck the church--”

“Rhett-,”

“I don’t give a damn about any of that religious bullshit and I know you don't either. My mom will kill me but she’ll get over it..  We can use money from my bonus to actually start a life for ourselves—not some dumb wedding to make my family feel good about themselves.”

“Your mom is going to be so upset,” I tell him.

“This ain’t about her. It’s about you and me. I’ll talk to Mama. She knows this is the right thing for us to do right now. I want to get married next week. We can go to the courthouse.”

“Okay…I should call me Dad.”

“Why ?,”

“I have to invite him.”

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