“Hello ?”

“Is this Daniel Reese ?””

“Yes.”

“Hi, this is Jocelyn Clark. I’m, well…I’m  Juliana’s mother-in-law.”

“Yes.”

“….Mr. Reese, I know it's been almost 7 months since the wedding and I have to say….I always felt bad I never got in touch with you--”

“No need for pleasantries. I imagine you must know how I feel about this marriage.”

“I sympathize with the shock of it all. I was a little upset at first too but my boy is a good boy and he loves your daughter. Rhett’s made mistakes but he’s really maturing.”

“Ms. Clark—“

“Call me Jocelyn.”

“Jocelyn, I don’t want to offend you but your son hasn’t been a boy for a long time. Do you know what he did while he was in United Light ? How easily he was brainwashed--”

“We’ve moved on from that as a family. I know he was rough around the edges but he’s changed--,”

“It's not about change. He should be in jail. Like how my daughter spent the last three years. Has he ever spoken to you about what he participated in  ?”

“It ain’t important to me, Mr. Reese. He got taken advantage of by that crazy man. Listen, I'm not callin’ about Rhett. I’m callin’ because your daughter asked me to call you and tell you some news before her flight arrived today.”

“I can’t help but notice she paid for a one way flight--,”

“It’s an open return ticket,”

“I have to be honest with you, Jocelyn. I think now that she’s had her adventure Juliana won’t be returning. She’s opened my eyes a bit  and I’ve made some changes to our life here--”

“Mr. Reese I really think I need to tell you why Juliana asked me to call.”

 

 

***

-1-

I  had never seen my Dad so pink before. His entire face was splotchy and bright. I don’t know if it was anger or embarrassment.

He hadn't stopped tapping his coffee cup on the table. I was grateful Tessa had insisted we stop and talk at the airport Starbucks. I knew my Dad wouldn’t yell at me in public.

Or atleast I thought. He'd never actually yelled at me before.

“Do you think this is funny?,” Dad finally asks.

“No--”

“How could you wait this long to tell me--”

“I’m sorry... I was scared,” I admit.

Dad drops his head in his hands, running his fingers through his faded hair in frustration. Tessa rubs his back and I nervously  sip  my cooling chai tea latte.

“You look adorable,” Tessa tells me in the silence. “Pregnancy suits you.”

I don’t say anything to her. Tessa had been my father’s mistress for years before we left the commune. She wouldn’t say anything mean about me. I could shoot her in the face and she’d smile through it.

“When we left the commune I wanted you to go to college, get a job, have a life for yourself,” Dad tells me. ”You’ve ruined your life and you’re so young.”

“I’ll still do those things,” I tell him.

“No you won’t, sweetheart.” He says. “Having a child isn’t a game. It’s work. That’s  why your mother and I put it off. It changes your life. Not to mention you’ll have that boy in your life forever--”

“We’re already married,” I remind him.

“Maybe you are now,” Dad says. “But if things go bad you’ll have to see him the rest of your life.”

“Dad--”

“I’m being realistic Juliana. Divorce is messy with a child--,”

I wanted to stand up and run. I couldn’t do two weeks of this, I just wanted to ask for the money from the property and get it over with.

But I don’t say anything. I was supposed to be repairing my relationship with Dad.

We finish our coffee in mostly silence, the only conversation being Tessa asking me polite questions about the pregnancy.  

Dad puts my bags into his SUV and we drive silently out of downtown Hartford and back to Asylum Hill. But instead of turning at the Stow House Dad passes the turn off and drives towards the subdivisions of Bushnell Park.

“Where are we going ?,” I ask.

 I don’t get a response and Dad pulls into a complex of pretty brick townhouses called Woodland Villages.

“Where are we ?,” I ask as he shuts off the car.

“Home,” he says.Tessa grabs his hand.

“You bought a house ?” 

“It’s just a rental,” Dad tells me and he tries to hide a smile

I follow him inside a townhouse on the end row—the townhouse is two stories and still smells new. The foyer is hardwood and I see Hallie's winter coat hanging off a decorative hook. I follow Dad upstairs and  he directs me to put my bags in a room at the end of the hall. When I flick on the light a feeling of deep nostalgia comes over me.

My entire bedroom from the commune had been transplanted here. The oak bed with a quilted cover, the old white desk and the vanity still covered in stickers from my childhood. There was a family portrait stuck in the mirror of the vanity. It was a decade old, but Mom was in it.

“This is why we moved,” Dad tells me. “So, I could give you a room just for yourself.”

 

 

***

-2-

A high pitched electronic chirping startles me awake at 6 AM.  I turn to wake Rhett up, but his side of the bed is empty.

Looking around bewildered I remember I'm in Connecticut and grab the cell phone vibrating on the side table. I’d never had a cell phone and Rhett had bought one for me so we could talk.

“Hello ?,” I say, not hiding the sleep in my voice.

“Hey, sleepyhead  it’s me,” Rhett says on the other end.

“Hi,” I say                

“How’s it goin’ ?”

I tell him about the new townhouse and all of my stuff from the commune being in the room. He doesn’t respond right away.

“It’s kind of creepy,” I tell him. “Thinking of all the things that happened in that bedroom.”

“How’d he react to being a grandfather?,” Rhett asks, changing subjects.

“He’s upset, but I think he’s glad to see me.”

“That’s good. I gotta go to work, I’ll call you later,” he says. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” I say. “I’m going back to sleep.”

“Dream about me,” he teases me before hanging up.

I roll over to  my side to go back to sleep, but I suddenly can’t. My stomach starts to roll and my mouth waters, so I stumble towards the bathroom and dry heave for an hour. Nothing comes up.

When I  leave the bathroom I run right into Tessa in the dark hallway, she’s wearing a matching negligee and robe set that barely covers her knees.

 “Good morning,” she chirps. ”You’re up early.”

“Morning,” I manage

“Do you still have morning sickness ? That’s not common this late…do you want me to make you some tea?,” she offers.

“I can make it,” I tell her.

We go into the kitchen together and as I make the tea, Tessa starts a pot of coffee and then rummages through the freezer. This is the first time we’d been alone together—I really hoped my Dad or Hallie woke up soon.

“So,  you live near New Orleans, right ?,” she asks

“Not really, it's almost an hour away. Rhett’s works on the Naval base there,” I said.

“Well, there is this great seafood place just outside of New Orleans I used to go to when I lived there. It’s called  Heads and Tales--”

“I think I’ve been there—when I picked Rhett up from the airport a few months ago,”

She pulls out some frozen waffles and puts them in the toaster.

“And...How is he doing, by the way?,” she asks

“Fine.” I said

Tess put some bacon in the microwave and walks out of the kitchen. When the tea is finally steeped I take it to the living room to watch The Today Show. From my place on the couch I  hear Tess giggle. I glance upstairs to see she and Dad exchanging kisses in the hallway. Dad’s hand is well below her waist. It was like a train wreck, I couldn’t stop looking.

I had always just accepted Tess and Hallie were here and always would be. I never spent too much time thinking about how Hallie  had even gotten here and that she was 6-years-old and my mother had died only three years ago. When I was around Dad and Tess their relationship was always platonic but, seeing him kiss her---it  felt wrong.

My mind went places  it shouldn’t have.  Did they still sleep together? No,  they couldn’t—not with Hallie next door. Not with me in the house.  And wasn't my Dad too old for that ? Unless he--

“What do you say ?,” Tessa asked me.

I snapped out of my increasingly revolting thoughts to see Tess sitting beside me.

“I’m sorry ?,”

“Would you like to go shopping with me ?”

“Oh...um, sure.” 

***

I stick my hand into the discount fabric pile and half heartedly pulled out some blue fabric. I was about to put it back when Tess took it from me.

“Oh, this is perfect.” she smiled, taking it from me and putting it in her basket

I smiled at my luck and continue through the pile. Tess had just gotten off her shift at the pharmacy, where she worked part-time just to have something to do. She'd taken me to the fabric store to find materials to make costumes for Hallie’s school play about the water cycle.

“How is my Dad ?,” I ask her.” Honestly.”

“I think it’s still hard…Sometimes he sees people he used to know and it’s…just odd for him. I think your Dad feels like when he left United Light he lost everyone and everything. ”

“Not you,” I observed

“I guess not,” she laughed. “I just wish he would do something. I want him  to know he has a purpose. I admit he isn’t the same man who used to visit me in the shelter--”

“How so?,” I asked

She shrugged it off.

“Maybe it’s age,” she says

I was feeling bold for some reason.

“Tess, can I ask something personal ?,”

“Sure,” she said her smile wavering

“What was your first husband like ?”

“Well, for starters he was my fiancé and he was a bastard. Everyone told me but I couldn’t see it. He  took everything we had together and made a point to leave me with nothing--” she stops suddenly. “Is everything okay with you and--”

“We’re perfect.” I lie quickly

Tess checks out at the store and we drove to Hallie’s school to pick her up. The black top school yard was filled with  so many children—they were loud and full of energy. After a few minutes Hallie ran towards the car,  waving goodbye enthusiastically to one of her friends.

“Hi, Mommy !,” Hallie squeals as she gets in the car and begins to look through the bag of fabric. “Is this for our costumes ?”

“Yes, but don’t mess with it,” Tess said starting the car.

Hallie excitedly opens her purple bookbag and takes out a piece of folded construction paper and waves it in front of my face. I take the handmade card and open it.

“It’s an invitation for my school play next week. I want to invite you to come too,” she explains.

The card was covered in snowflakes and my name was spelled wrong on the inside. I suddenly felt myself getting emotional.

“Thank you, I will.” I said.

***

-3-

A young teacher sat at a  piano playing a soft melody as  five children holding cardboard raindrops skipped on stage.

“Because of the sun waters evaporates,” a child narrator offstage said and the five water drops started jumping and waving their arms

“The water goes into the air and when it gets cold it freezes,” the child narrator says.

The water droplets are replaced by other children shivering in wooly coats.

“But, are they snow, yet ?” the narrator asks

“NO!” the chorus of kids backstage shout

“That’s right,” the narrator responds.  “The frozen water droplets have  to stick together. Most water droplets stick together  in six sided shapes.”

The entire class runs on to stage in sparkling white and blue costumes. They get into three groups of six and hold hands tightly.  

“And once all the snowflakes are connected together,” the narrator continues. “They fall.”

The kids all fall to the floor together, laughing. They then get up and  sing  some songs about snow. By the end Dad and Tess were clapping more than they needed to be.

I clutched the flowers I was going to give Hallie after the play ended and very covertly wiped a tear from my eye.

***

- 4 -

“See--My sister has a baby in her like Mrs. Salisbury,” Hallie tells her friend and her mother like this wasn't obvious.

“My, my  you and Hallie look so much alike,” the mother tells me.

 “Thank you,” I said. I normally would have ignored that kind of comment but, all the southern hospitality of Freeport must have  gotten to me.

It was weird hearing Hallie refer to me as her sister--I think it's something my Dad and Hallie had told her to say. I’d always thought of Hallie as my stepsister, but the truth was she was my half-sister

“Where would you like to go for dinner, my girl?,”  Dad asks Hallie. He pulls her close and kisses the top of her head.

“McDonald's!,” she says excitedly. “Can I bring a Madilyn too ? Please, please, please ! ”

Tessa laughs and exchanges a look with Dad and he nods. Hallie jumps in the air and runs across the room to tell Madilyn the news.

“Tessa, how about we meet you there in an hour ?” Dad says tossing Tessa his car keys. “There is something I want to show Juliana.”

“Okay dokey,”she smiles and they exchange a quick kiss.

After waving to everyone I follow Dad out of the school doors. It’s freezing outside and I hug myself as Dad and I  walk away  towards  the little neighborhood surrounding the school.

“Is it too cold for you ?,” Dad asks. “I’m sorry, I  should have asked--,”

“It’s fine,” I lie. The truth was I felt like a Popsicle. I wondered it the baby could feel the cold.

We walk mostly in silence. My two week trip turned into four weeks. We  spent most of it in comfortable silence and it worked for us.  Everything was always so loud in Freeport--especially when Rhett was around.

Dad pauses in front of a street sign and after looking around makes an abrupt turn towards a Unitarian Church tucked between the houses.

“I go to church with Rhett’s mom,” I tell Dad. “It’s interesting and I--”

I stop talking when I realize we are walking around the edge of the church and towards the cemetery in the back. It triggers my anxiety, but I don't want to be weak in front of Dad and I push myself forward

Dad stops in front of a pair of square gravestones. They both had fresh potted poinsettias sitting on top of them.

“These are your grandparents, Juliana.” Dad tells me.

Joan Anita Reese and Harry Milestone Reese.

A small plaque in the shape of a heart set between the gravestones said they were married for 64 years and below it was the quote “Love never fails”

I look at the dates on the  gravestones, they died within a few months of each other and only 8 years ago.

This was it.

 You could love and sacrifice and build a beautiful new life with someone and  the best case scenario would be it ending like this. Two gravestones with a plaque in the shape of a heart and a few months between.

“Did you go to their funeral ?” I ask.

Dad shakes his head no.

“I got a letter from a family member when Mom wasn’t doing well,” he says.

It felt so foreign hearing my father refer to someone as Mom.

“I was just so stubborn and brainwashed  that I didn’t care. I was too ashamed to go to the funeral when she died. We'd been estranged so long they didn't even feel like real people. But they were very real. They were so accepting and kind and patient.”

“I’m sorry I never met them,” I say.

“You did,” Dad tells me. “Your birth wasn't easy because of your mother's age...your mother was in the hospital for over a month after your birth and they took care of you while I stayed with your mother. You were so little and so new but I put you in the backseat of my 69 Chevy and we drove from Louisiana to Connecticut together.”

I don’t know what to say to that.

“ When your mother got out of the hospital we came to get you and my parents and I had a big fight. They didn’t want us to take you to the commune….I said things I’m not proud of to this day.” Dad finishes. “And the worst part is they were right.”

“Dad, I know you think Rhett is bad for me but I love him--”

“This isn’t about that boy,” Dad interrupts me. “I just want you to know  a little about where you come from--where I come from. About your family.”

“I appreciate it,” I tell him. Dad uses his gloved hands to clean off the gravestones and he waters the flowers before we leave the cemetery. We walk for another 10 minutes to Beecher Shopping Center where a large McDonald’s sits in the center of the parking lot.

I spot Tessa sitting at a table by herself reading a book.

“Have you eaten, sweetheart ?,” Dad asks her.

Tessa shakes her head no.

“The girls already ate and are in the playground,” she says. “I was waiting for you two to get back.”

“I’ll go order for us,” Dad says. “Juliana, what would you like ?,”

All I feel like eating is a chocolate milkshake and Dad doesn't question my order. When Dad leaves Tess smiles at me and starts talking about a used baby clothing store she wants to take me to.

I drink the milkshake mostly in silence as Dad and Tessa talk about Hallie’s play and Tessa gossips about some of the other moms. We sit for almost two hours until Tess and Dad have to practically drag Hallie from the playground.

Hallie falls asleep in the car on the way home and Dad carries her inside and up to her bedroom. Tessa opens a bottle of wine and I wander upstairs to my own bedroom.

“Juliana,” Dad calls to me from the hall.

I stop and turn to face him.

“Today was very nice,” he says

I nod.

“I want you to know you are always welcome to stay here—you and the baby,” he says nervously.

I’m surprised by that even though I shouldn’t be. I didn’t want to leave Rhett, but maybe the baby and I could come up for the summers.

“Thanks. Um, good night.” I say

I go into my bedroom and see there are 3 missed calls on the cell phone. I completely forgot I hadn’t talked to him today and quickly dial our home number.

“I’m sorry—we were out--,”

“You really shouldn’t be going to raves while pregnant--,”

“We were at a school play--,”

“That must have sucked--,”

“Not really,” I tell him. “My Dad showed me where my grandparents are buried, he’s opening up.”

“Did you ask him about the money ?,” Rhett asks.

I pause.

“No...It hasn’t really come up. I may need to extend this trip,”

“Great,” Rhett says. “I’m calling because I want come see you next  Friday-”

I do the math in my head.

“That’s Christmas Eve--,”

“I know and I wanna see some god damn snow--,”

“Your Mom would kill me if you weren’t with your family. I’ll  just come back--”

“No,” Rhett says. “Everything doesn’t have to be about me or my family’s bullshit expectations. I just want to spend it with you and you deserve some holidays with your family.”

“Okay,” I said. “But you can’t start anything with Dad--,”

“I’ll try,” is all he commits to.

------