http://shawnaharrison.blogspot.com/2009/10/chapter-22.html
Okay, let's catch up !
Julianna broke up with Cortland, but it still working at the night club while living with Sawyer and Elisa. Then things start falling apart. Brad finds out she stole his money and threatens her. Elisa gets suspicious calls from Rosa, her friend who lives in the commune.
They head back to the commune to investigate and Julianna is seen and taken into custody by Caine while Elisa and Sawyer make a narrow escape.
Julianna is forced to marry Caine and become a prop for his cause as a devoted supporter. But behind the scenes it is grim, she is drugged and kept under close watch by the mysterious and stoic Tranquility Light 53. She watches as he kills Logan, a defector who is also Rosa’s fiancé
The final straw comes when Caine brands her and tells her that her mother is dead. He is her only family and tells her she has no way out.
Seeing no way out and sick of being at Caine’s control and wanting to do something to hurt him, Juliana decided to commit suicide. She stands on the balcony and jumps.
So, at this point I was watching A LOT of docs on cults and I wanted to incorporate it in to here.
I wanted to feel some kind of wind in my hair I wanted to feel gravity pushing on this body as it came in contact with the cold unforgiving wooden floor below but, I felt the opposite.
Something much better.
I felt skin and the warmth of the blood running beneath the skin. Someone was holding me with my legs draped over their arms, like I was a princess in a fairytale being saved.
I opened my eyes to see Rhett.
Or someone who resembled Rhett.
Hm, sorry guys I can’t remember why she knows his name. Let me look it up…oh, she asks him early on.
He wasn’t in his uniform and the stoic look he always had on his face was gone. It was replaced with a look of surprise and relief.
He was wearing a thin white under shirt and dark blue sweatpants, his body felt damp against my skin. I I detected the faint scent of bourbon. Looking at his bare muscular arms that were holding me I realized just how strong he actually was.
Still holding me, he quietly shut my bedroom door and carried me down the stairs and towards the basement. As much as I liked his touch I began to pull away begging silently—I was not going back into that basement-- but he was strong and overpowered me bringing me down the stairs. He did not turn the lights on but walked to the side of the basement and through a door I had never seen (or cared to notice).
“Holy shit,” I heard a voice say “What the is this motherfucker doing ?”
I’m flexing the cursing muscles I will use more of in Veritas
I was in some kind of bedroom. There were 4 beds against the wall each with a matching end table. Stacked in the corner of the room were bottles of alcohol, cigarettes, cards, magazines, food and boxes filled with energy bars. In the back I saw an open bathroom door. The shower was empty but the water was still running from the head.
I looked at the man who had just spoken he was sitting on a made bed with half of a TL uniform on. I recognized the man as TL152, he was one of the older TLs. He had to be in his early 30’s at least, he was the one who was always with Caine.
“Yeah, well fuck me. What the hell was I supposed to fucking do, Henry?” Rhett said putting me down. I stood awkwardly next to him.
So TL152 was Henry.
“Shit, I just can’t fuckn’ believe this. “ Henry said under his breath, “You’re in deep horse shit,man.”
“Sit over there,” Rhett said to me pointing to one of the beds and then he looked back to the door., ”Damn it”
"You going to turn the god damn water off now ?," Henry chuckled
Rhett rolled his eyes and walked into the bathroom turning the shower head off. He seemed hesitant but then he came over to me pulling a crate next to the bed taking a seat. I looked over at his dresser table to see a wallet lying open and what looked to be the top of a family photo with 3 brunette heads. On the side was a photo of a boy in a uniform standing beside an American flag. I kept staring at the wallet looking for something that would tell me about Rhett or where I was.
This is Rhett’s dad who died really young.
“What the hell were you doing ?” he asked, breaking my conversation.
“Kill myself,” I said in an inaudible voice.
I could barely get the full sentence out. I couldn't even look him in the eye.
I heard Henry mutter a stupid bitch behind me and then laugh.
The door opened and I jumped as the younger TL, TL14 came in and giving Henry a tap on the shoulder as Henry walked out laughing.
Hm, I’m not sure why their numbers are going down. You’d think older ones would have lower numbers if they went in numerical order while assigning.
“Is this –" the boys started
“Fuck you, This is all your god damn fault—“ Rhett shouted at the boy .
“No way, I was just letting you know, you didn’t have to go and get her,” said TL14 taking off his weapons and throwing them on the bedside table like they were articles of clothing.
Is this where I got my Veritas idea from ?
“Why did you get me ?” I asked, trying to sound more confident than I was feeling at the moment.
“What ?” Rhett spat at me
“Why did you get me?” I repeated.
“Because you are my only responsibility and Caine would shit a brick if I let you kill yourself. Not to mention how pissed he would be if he found out I left you alone . Let me tell you something Mrs. Juliana Caine -- stop fighting him. You can be the luckiest girl in the world if you play your cards right”
I didn’t believe him, I couldn’t.
“Fuck it,” he said, “Ricky, do you have any H? I want to put her back to sleep,”
The other boy shrugged his shoulders
“No,” I said surprising myself with my boldness ,”It doesn’t work anyway . . . I never get to sleep anyway. . . why are you with Caine ? Do you really believe in United Light”
I could finally ask him what I had always wanted to know.
“I believe in Caine.” He said,”And I know that if I serve my year I will get a nice bonus and I can do whatever I want I can help my family and I don’t need you ruining that.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t live like this . . . it’s too hard,” I admitted
“Hard ? Try looking after you. That is hard,” he said, “I only get the 7 hours when you are asleep to eat and sleep and do whatever the fuck I want and by the way you are cutting into that right now. “
I couldn’t believe how selfish I had become. I never really put any thought into how if Rhett was always watching me then when did he sleep and eat ? When did he ever leave ?
No wonder he was so adamant about getting me to sleep.
He was tired.
This is such a Juliana thing. She tends to be self sacrificial and feel bad for being right.
How could I not have cared ?
Then again should I really care ? He was obviously with Caine and would never be on my side to help me.
Then again.
My mind trailed back to how I had ended up here and where I had been.
He was a man after all.
Who only had 7 hours.
So, remember all the other guys who did whatever she wanted because she was pretty and they wanted her body ? Well, Juliana assumes at this point most men must be like that, but….
I made eye contact with him and started to pull down the buttons of my nightgown but he took my hand.
“No--stop,” he said,”Holy fuck,”
I heard the other TL, Ricky snickering
“Come on,” he said ,”I should take you back,”
“I don’t want to go back,” I said
He reached over to a drawer and pulling out his gun he put it to my head
“Get your ass up and start walking,” he said, but I could hear the falseness in his voice.
OMG, I think those exact two lines are in Veritas…my mind is imploding because Veritas doesn’t come into my head for a long while during this time. I mean I still had IVB.
How many times had I heard Sid use it on the girls who came into the diner.
“No,” I said, “I want to die, anyway. Shoot me”
He took the gun away from my head
“I will tell Caine I caught you trying to sneak out," he said "And I am sure he will take no mercy on you this time.”
“Then he will know I tricked you into thinking I was asleep and you will lose your job. ” I came up with quickly. I wasn’t entirely sure whether I believed it or not.
Juliana is starting to stand up for herself here !
“What do you want ?” Rhett asked.
“Take me to see my father and where my mother is.”
“I can’t”
“Why ? We can go at breakfast when Caine isn’t around”
“The earpiece I wear is connected to Caine’s," Rhett said " He can hear every word I say as well as every word anyone within 10 feet says, I can only turn it off when I am off duty and I am only off duty when you are asleep at night.”
“But, if neither of us say anything and you keep your distance I can at least go to my parents house. You see my mother just died—‘
“I know” he said. That’s right he had seen everything.
He knew everything.
I continued to give him a soft stare down.
“Okay,” he agreed, “We can try but if I see an issue and we have to leave. ”
I nodded
It was weird having a conversation with someone who I didn’t know. But I did know him, we had known each other for—that brought up another question.
“How long have I been here?” I asked him
“3 weeks,” he said
No way
It had felt like much longer.
You guys this lie is in Veritas too ! Ahhhh! It’s like I plagaized myself.
“What does this mean ?” I asked
" I have to take you back now,” He said
Rhett changed into his TL uniform and I watched as he went from Rhett to TL153. He armed himself complete with the earpiece and a hat before walking me back upstairs and into my bedroom.
“Good night,” I mouthed to him
He looked at me and then just walked out as usual.
I laid down on the bed.
And dreamed
***
The next morning I wasn’t surprised to see Rhett there as usual but some illusion had been broken, not that I let him catch on to that. I quickly got dressed and he handed me a piece of paper.
Follow me. Keep quiet.
He headed out the bedroom door and I walked out after him; through the front gate and around the back to the garage. I was sure we could easily walk down to my parents house but, he continued inside the garage rolling a navy blue Vespa out. I followed him as he put the scooter into neutral and rolled it on to the driveway, he got on the front and I got on the back.
The Vespa silently purred the 2 minute trip to my parent’s street. When we were finally in front of my parents house he wrote on the paper again and handed it back to me.
I’ll wait here. 5 minutes. I mean it.
I nodded my head and walked inside.
The door was open as usual
‘’Daddy ?”I called out and walked in. I went into the kitchen to see my father sitting alone at the table working on his morning puzzle, as usual. He always started the day with a sudoku, crosswords or some kind of challenging puzzle.
“Daddy,” I said walking over to him ” I heard about—what happened.”
One of the things I struggle with (DO NOT LOOK TOO DEEP INTO THIS) is what people call their parents. I think I wanted to show Juliana has vulnerable so I had her use Daddy, but it never comes up again.
It was a terrible thing to say but my father had always been my favorite parent. Even when my mother thought showing any emotion at all was a weakness my father would still kiss or hug me on my birthday at the very least.
If people thought I was protected to much it was from him. He made me feel happy while being protected because I thought it was out of love. My father seemed to always playfully counteract my mother on some of her views when no one was around; he was always pushing her to get out of the house and go do things. Still, either way I knew he loved her.
“It’s alright, Juliana” he said putting down his highlighter and taking my hand “Your mother had a very good life. She lived it exactly as she wanted. Where is Mr.Clark ? ”
I pointed outside and he gave Rhett a long stare but, Rhett seemed indifferent.
“Um . . .Where is she ?” I asked
“Don’t worry yourself with that, Juliana,” he said,”You just remember her how she was and how she lived.”
He did not want me to think of my mother as a dead body or as a pile of ashed somewhere
“Daddy, I want to be—“
“Good morning, Daniel ! ” I turned to see an unfamiliar woman enter the kitchen, “Juliana in the flesh. Our own little UL Di. You must be such a happy girl. You are just beautiful.”
I turned to my father puzzled.
“Juliana this is Tessa Mitchell, she is new to the community, I decided to take in her and her daughter, we had the space after all.”
I knew my mother secretly loved having one of the larger house on the commune that was her own house and would hate sharing but, my father seemed to take no notice. I saw Rhett staring me down through the window.
“I have to go, I want to help---“
“There is nothing you can do about your mother, Juliana. You just live a life that would make your mother proud,” he said
I couldn’t do that.
He got out of his seat and walked into the living room and came back with a box, the size of half a shoe box.
“As you can imagine, the Mitchells are in your room. Here are some of your personal things, including a few that belong to your mother. I was going to give them away but since you are here you may want them. I did not know if they had any personal value but, maybe they will be of help to you. ”
“I want it,” I said taking the box. I was sure they would help with the grieving process but, I wasn’t actually feeling any real grief.
"And take this," he said giving me the purple highlighter he had been using, "Your mother used to use it on her crosswords . . . I was very inclined to use it this morning for some reason but, I think you need to have it. You could finish her crossword book with it. I think this highlighter was lucky because it always gave her the right answers."
This is foreshadowing because everything in the box Julianna uses later to get to the safehouse in Conneticut.
It was odd seeing my father being so nostalgic or joking about my mother but, he had told me the story of how they met and I knew this must be hard for him. He stared at me hard, he always been told I looked like my mother when she was in college.
My father walked me silently to the door where we hugged good-bye. He held me tight in his embrace.
I could see Rhett ‘s nerves and impatience on his face. I knew he knew more about where Caine was at the very moment so I had to pull away and promise to come back as I said my good-byes and got back on the scooter.
***
Back at the house l sat on the bed looking through the box. There was just little things like mini address books, pens and make-up.
The only thing that I saw that I really wanted was a little homemade yarn doll.
My mother and I had started making when I was 15 and she saw it in a magazine someone had given her. She thought it was cheap and easy enough to keep me occupied. It was one of the few things we had done together.
The dolls were made of strings of yarn that were gathered at the top for a head and then on the sides for arms. They were faceless and nameless and just something to help time pass but they were still very human-like to me. Most of them had been pulled apart a few months after they were born and used for other projects.
Except the one in the box.
This one was light blue and still in perfect condition, looking ever so human-like. I sat up on the bed and holding up it's arms I let it dance across my lap, it made me laugh a little.
I stole a glance at Rhett and his he looked indifferent. I looked through the box and took out one of the pens and a piece of paper and wrote a note. I got out of bed and slowly walked over to him, not being able to hold back a smile and gave the paper to him.
I am going to take a LONG nap.
I walked back to my bed an got under the covers . I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I wondered if he would actually walk out.
And he did.
For the next few hours I became mesmerized almost infatuated by the little piece of yarn. I played with it for hours and even gave her a name, Cora --a non-sense name to me seeing as I had never know anyone with that name. She became alive for me. Each time I guided her across my bed or over my leg I added to her life story until she was almost as real as me.
I could see her ends were starting to fray and I decided to let her take a little nap. I put her back into the box and slipped it all underneath the bed.
Julianna is going a bit stir crazy. Also, the doll has a clue in it, so I needed to make its presence known.
Feeling adventurous I made my way to the door and looked into the hallway. It was empty, as expected. I was sure Caine was going to be out for a long time and the other TL’s didn’t seem to be around. I could probably go anywhere in the house and be back before Rhett noticed.
But there was only one place I wanted to be.
I took my shoes off and made my way as quietly down the stairs as possible,I tip-toed across the living room and to the basement door. I didn’t think about how scared I was as I rushed down the stairs and saw the door just to the left of the staircase. I knocked on it before opening it.
“What the fuck ?” Rhett said, opening his eyes to see me at the door. He was out of his uniform and had white ear buds in his ears.
“Sorry,” I apologized, although I was not sure what for.
“What are you doing ? It doesn’t work like this you have to go back,”
“I know, I just wanted to thank you for helping me to see my dad . . .it really helped.”
“Well, you’ve helped me. It’s hard working nearly 24 hours a day. Any little bit of rest helps. But you do realize it’s over.”
“What’s over ?” I asked
“Me, breaking rules for you.”
I nodded even though I didn’t want to believe it.
“And listen, “ he added, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I walked over to his bed and hugged him a full real hug, I knew it was inappropriate but I needed to know I could still feel. His body was tense and I knew he was fighting the urge to push me away. I could feel his body relax when I pulled back.
“How did you end up here ?” I asked, “It’s just I’ve never seen you around.”
He seemed hesitant to answer my question like he was thinking of the right answer.
“I heard Caine speak in town one day a few months ago and I knew this was where I belonged. He made more sense than any adult I knew. I knew he had a message.”
Huh, yeah I change this in his novella. I made it that Caine helped him out of a crime and Rhett became fascinated by him. I actually like the speech version better because it is more cult-like and irrational.
“Last night you said you are a TL for the money ?” I asked
“Look I’m from Freeport Louisiana and my family isn’t exactly loaded. I liked Caine and he said if I helped protect him , I’d only have to stay a year and then I get a big pay out. He is helping me and I respect him”
He is lying about the money. This is how a lot of cults recruited young men.
Rhett never sat in on the meeting Caine had with his investors but only guarded the outside. He didn’t know the money wasn’t there.
“Don’t you see how bad he can be ? What about Logan ?”
“If you respect Caine he respects you. Besides, the end justifies the mean.”
“What does that mean ?”
“It means that true leaders have to do whatever it takes to get where they need to be. That dissenter had his choice—they all do and he deserved what he got.”
I wanted to argue with him, to ask him what he thought about Logan’s fiancé and how his family would feel but, I felt like I was inching towards friendship and I couldn’t alienate him right now.
I held up my branded hand
“Is this the mark of a dissenter or something ?” I asked
“No,” he told me “It’s—don’t worry about it,”
How could I not ? It was always staring me in the face.
“I think you know—“
“What do I have to go to get you to shut up and leave ? I will drug and carry your unconscious body back upstairs, if you make me” he asked
“Stop. Please.” I said,” I have done some kind of demeaning things and felt nothing but , every time you use pain to subdue me it makes me feel less human. Can I just listen to a little bit of music, please ? Then I will never bother you again.”
I picked up one of the white earbuds and played with it in my hand.
“I’m not listening to music,” he said, taking the earbud away from me.”I’m picking up sports radio. I tend to miss a lot of games.”
“That’s fine. Are the Marlins still losing ?” I asked
“Jesus, A Marlins fan ? Didn’t know ya’ll existed. I’m listening for the Braves game.”
“I’m not really, But . . . everyone in Florida seems to be”
Rhett let out a deep sigh.
“I’ll let you listen for 5 minutes then you gotta go back and promise to not try to escape on me.”
I nodded my head even though I was lying. I was enjoying having some company even if it was only for a few minutes and I didn’t want to ruin it.
“ . . . and what was Martinez last inning ?”
So, at this point I became the hardest core Juliana and Rhett shipper ever. This is the first time Julianna realizes she deserves to be treated as a human and with respect. And when she asks for these things, Rhett says yes.
***
I wanted to believe Rhett was different from other men I had encountered in my life but I didn’t think he was. I was sure I could get him close enough to me that I could use him to help me escape because one day, somehow, I was getting out of here.
With Caine constantly gone I assumed Rhett would tell me more things but soon it became like nothing had ever happened and the day after he let me listen to his radio-- went back into the same monotony.
Caine was having Reiter train a new set of TLs-- 6 of them this time-- and I was once again forced to watch their barbaric training but I was not desensitized to what I saw. I only feared the ending and if he was going to kill another man in front of them.
There was one new activity added to the agenda and that was the constant ‘unions’ that took place.
One morning I woke up and there was a nice dress and heels left on the dresser. When I changed and went downstairs I was surprised to see Caine sitting at the table where I usually ate breakfast. I instantly thought I had done something wrong.
“You are going to the community center this morning. Two of our members Amber Stewart and Wes Powell are having a union there and they will want your help to get everything ready.”
I nodded my head and had to suppress the questions I had. More importantly, who are Amber and Wes and what was a union ?
“Any questions ?” he asked
It was like he could read my mind
“What exactly is a union . . . just so I know ?” I asked tripping over every word.
“It is my solution to marriage. It works as an agreement between two people and I don’t have anyone else checking up on me. Namely, the IRS. However we do like to keep them nice.”
So, this happened a lot with the Branch Davidians. They would split up and marry couples for tax reasons.
After our conversation I was taken to the community center where I was directed by a woman Caine had hired specifically to organize the actual unions, Anna Ward. She seemed overly concerned with putting together flowers, setting up chairs and putting plastic cups in perfect little rows.
The actual union was harder to watch than I thought. I would watch two near strangers agree to spend eternity together for the sake of United Light. And in exchange the couple would either get a new home, expensive gifts and of course all of Caine’s attention. At the end of the union they would have a reception or party but, I was usually asked to leave by that time.
There was usually about one union a week and aside from being in attendance I was still being sentenced to days at a time in the room. I knew I wasn’t being drugged anymore but, things were starting to become different. Colors lost their meaning and things were changing.
More Veritas ! What the what ?
I had kept Cora to remember the good times between my mother and I but, she became even more of her own living person.
After what felt like a record week of never leaving the room I holding Cora by her limp arms and she began to float on her own.
It scared me.
I was losing it.
I had to get rid of her.
I started picking at the yarn and watched how easily she came apart, how delicate her yarn was.
Like Logan
And then she bled.
I screamed
2 of my fingers were covered with her blood.
I threw her on the floor and wiped the blood on the bedspread.
It left a real stain.
“It’s bleeding oh, no no she’s bleeding ,” I shouted knowing Rhett was behind me.
I ran for the door and he blocked me , pushing me on to the floor.
As he sedated me I had one thought going through my head.
I was going mad.
I tried to be scary here. And misleading.
***
Only Cora hadn’t been bleeding.
It was me who had been bleeding.
After Rhett sedated me I was calmer but, not unconscious. I took it as a gift. He walked me back over to my bed and I lay there trying to figure out what was happening when I saw the blood was still on my fingers. I wiped it away again and I saw the wound where it was coming from on my own fingers. With my unwounded hand I reached down to pick Cora up off the floor.
I held the doll as I fanned out the pieces of yarn slowly. Something metallic caught my eye and I pulled out a tiny flat razor blade. Pretending like I was reconciling with the doll I slipped the blade into the pocket of my khakis . I wondered how it had gotten in there when I saw Caine walk in.
I hadn’t seen him in a long time.
“You are doing a wonderful job. It seems some of my staff are concerned about your mental status. I am here to tell you to stop with this act, it will do you no good. Your only ticket to freedom is going to be full cooperation “
I had thought I was cooperating fully.
“I came to tell you we will be going to Mississippi tomorrow to do some recruiting. I also feel you should know unions have been up since I announced our arrangement which is why I think we will take it one step further and very soon you will be with child .”
He stared me down , he expected me to ask questions or argue but I knew better.
“I will give you some say in who you will be inseminated by but, I will say Garrett Reiter seems to be running quite a campaign. Now, anything you would like to tell me ?”
I did not see any double meaning behind it. What if he knew about the box ? I just shook my head no.
“Alright then, good night. We have a long trip in the morning.”
***
Going to Caine’s recruiting was another new experience.
Once again the TL’s were dresses in plain clothes—khaki pants, blue button ups and dark blue jackets that concealed their weapons.
We got into Caine’s Lexus and drove until I saw that we were 90 miles outside of Mississippi City in a small town called Fort Hill. We made our way to a busy promenade area in the center of a town with UL pamphlets I had never seen to this day.
Looking For Light ? Looking For Life ? Become United.
You know I’m not sure a cult could come to power nowadays with the internet and with Waco and Jonestown so well known. I think this story should have taken place in the 80s.
The flyer advertised for a meeting Caine was holding the same day in an auditorium that night. I was told not to answer any questions but to tell them to come to the meeting to find out more.
“We have to get the ones with the most open minds” Caine explained,”The ones who can still be enlightened. There are always a few in towns like these.”
My act was easier to keep up when we were out in the open. I was playing to an audience and if I could show Caine I could be trusted outside he might give me more freedom.
The conversation about having a chile was still in my mind—it’s not that I didn’t want to sleep with Reiter.
It was the idea of having life inside of my body that concerned me. It had instilled fear in me from the beginning.
Because I had only gotten my period the year before my marriage, my mother had told me I would get pregnant very easily and my baby would be very healthy. She told me I would just get bigger as my body adjusted to the baby and after 9 months I would feel different and I would just know when to give birth. She told me I may have to be less selfish and I would experience new feelings but, she never answered any of my questions like, does it hurt ?
I had figured this out on my own by skimming through books I found under my parents bed. All of the information frightened me.
I knew I was supposed to feel more about having forced sex with a stranger-- but I didn’t I couldn’t. I had never felt like my body was my own , but I knew the baby would be.
Or would it ?
It scared me to think of the life the child would have.
That night Caine made his way to the recreational space where he had planned to have his meeting. It was a simple space, just ugly lime green chairs and a modest stage. I took a seat by the side of the stage as a few people strolled in, he seemed more at ease than usual and paced casually infront of me. My eyes were following him when I saw something out of the side of my eye
Somebody had just come through the door and outside I saw it.
Curly hair.
My heart leaped.
I knew Sawyer would come for me.
After I had found the razor blade, I kept it close in case I needed it. I had it lying flat between my stockinged foot and my shoe.
I kept my eyes on the window and I could see someone moving around on the outside trying to stay hidden.
I could have sworn I heard him call my name.
“I feel dehydrated,” I said weakly and then collapsed. I saw Caine look back briefly and then turn back to the people who were coming in, Caine shot Rhett a look. As Rhett approached me, I picked at my shoe andslashed the razor in his face and ran. I headed for where I had seen Sawyer into the parking lot --and looked for Sawyer’s red car.
Red
Not wait, white
No, yellow
No, no it was white a white Mustang
Right ?
I searched for something familiar , calling out his name when I heard a pop and felt a hot burn on my left leg.
I heard footsteps and looked to see Rhett running towards me.
Ignoring the pain I headed into the mass of trees surrounding the parking lot, I dragged my left leg along as much as I could so, I wasn’t running on it.
“Juliana ! Stop ! Juliana ! Stop, Come here NOW !” I heard Rhett shouting as he gained on me.
I made it a little into the trees when he tackled me
“Please,” I begged, screaming pushing him off of me. I reached for his ear and crushed the hearing device with my foot.
“I saw Sawyer he is here for me, please I am sorry,” I begged with him.
“This is for your own good ,” Rhett said as he handcuffed me and put me back into the empty Lexus. I kicked at the windows as he headed away from the promenade.
“Calm the fuck down or I will make this worse for you,”he warned.
He stopped 2 mintues later in front of a hotel, I could still see the auditorium space's parking lot where I had seen Sawyer. I was still close.
Rhett took the restraints off of me and walked me up to a hotel room, pass the empty front desk. When we got inside he pushed me causing me to fall on the floor.
“You stupid bitch !” he yelled, “You always make things harder than they fucking have to be. Jesus motherfucking Christ. You think you know fucking everything when you don't know shit.”
“Please let me go back there,” I begged him, sitting up on the floor ”I saw Sawyer . . . he is going to save me.”
“No, you didn’t” Rhett told me, “You didn’t.”
He walked over to me and extended his hand to help me up. Reluctantly I took it. I looked into his face; he was unhurt, my blade had never made contact with him.
“Yes I did I saw—“
“You are dead to him.” Rhett said, taking a softer tone,”Sawyer Miller thinks
you are dead”
“What ?”
“Caine told Sawyer you were dead. He even staged your execution when you were out of it. It was for your own good. That’s why Sawyer won’t come for you.”
No
Okay, I was handwaving why Sawyer and Elisa haven’t come for her and why they don’t really show up again until the end and even then they don’t speak.
Sawyer would never believe that.
I knew it or at least I thought it.
Rhett pulled up a chair next to the bed and directed me to sit on the bed. Out of a bad habit I followed his orders and he took my leg and put it in his lap
“It just grazed” Rhett said,”You okay ?”
“No,” I said, “You shot me,”
“I didn’t shoot you. You know those dissenters, those guys like Logan that you like so much ? They tried to kill you.”
“You didn't shoot me ?”
“If I tried to shoot you I wouldn’t have missed.”
I’m putting this line in Vice
I let out an involuntary laugh. But, I was still sad. I hadn't seen Sawyer after all I had seen someone who was trying to snipe me.
"Don't worry," Rhett said," I don't think he will be an issue for you anymore."
I wanted to know what he had done to him but, I was probably better of not knowing.
“Okay, where is that blade ?,” Rhett asked,”I told Caine you might dismantled a shaving razor but he thought you were to stupid.”
Stupid.
So, this is a turning point for Julianna. Who has suffered a lot to this point.
Did everyone think I was stupid ? I wanted to believe they were right because it’s an excuse for how I ended up here. But I knew I wasn’t stupid because as I surveyed the room things were turning in my head.
And then I had a plan.
I reached into my pocket for the razor and held it out to him.
As he reached to take it from me I moved my hand and cut a slash in his face, just across his eye, I felt the contact this time. As he screamed in shock I ran past him and grabbed the keys he had irresponsibly left on the side table.
I ran down the stairs and to the car, the doors were unlocked and I got into the front seat. I stared perplexed at the set up looking for where to put the key. I looked in the side mirro to see the wounded Rhett heading for the car, I quickly looked for the locks but came up short once again.
Just as I spotted the button with the lock on it, he had opened the door and was reaching blindly for his gun. Just then I went back to Cortland’s rental car and I pushed the rectangular key into the slot and pressed start.
I pressed the gas and took off as Rhett pulled himself in the backseat.
My driving had gotten worse if that was possible and having a bleeding armed man in the backseat didn’t help. The town was quiet though and I got onto an empty, straight road that had tall grass on either side that didn’t mind if I ran into it.
After only 20 minutes Rhett’s “Stop the fucking car” turned into a “Stop I think I’m really hurt.”
“Throw your weapons on the floor first,” I said,
“I can’t if I can’t fucking see,” he argued
"I'm sorry," I said
I didn’t trust him and I kept going on the road as the grass turned into corn, cotton and then grass anymore. After a while I finally stopped.
Because the gas tank was empty. I had completely forgotten about gas.
I stopped the sputtering engine and climbed to the backseat to see Rhett holding his face. I saw blood dripping down his hands and all over his shirt.
I moved his hand, to see I had cut just near his eye. I took off my sweater and doused it with bottled water and put it on his eye.
Hm, so I guess Rhett would have a scar that I never mention…ooops.
“Is that supposed to fucking help ?” he asked,”You stupid motherfucking bitch,”
“Sorry, it’s all I have. Wait a minute--"
I opened my purse which contained manufactured irems to make it really look like it was a purse I used and I pulled out my new addition to the purse.
The box my father had given me.
I looked until I found my mothers old sewing kit where she kept band aids and aspirin for when she poked herself. My mother never saw sense in using a thimble. I was surprised to see nearly 9 band aids and a lot of aspirin crammed into the metal box. I guess mother hadn’t been sewing in a while.
Her dad put them in there in case she needed them.
I rinsed off Rhett's wound with the rest of the water bottle and put the band aids over it. It was superficial but, better.
He pressed his hands to the band aid and then made sullen eye contact with me. I shook some of the Asprin into his hands
This scene is in Vice in chapter 2. Minnie offers Alan some Asprin. What is happening ?
“You’re lucky,” he said taking about 5 of the pills,”Caine is going to beat the shit out of you. You’ll probably cry and bleed for days”
“That’s lucky to you ?”
“Fuck, yeah He is probably going to kill me in front of the other TLs for failing. That is one of the things that a TL can be executed for. Shit”
“You can blame it all on me,”I said
“Failing is failing. It’s in the contract, if we fail we could be killed. Shit. Maybe if I bring you back in one piece I can get off. Look it’s dark but in the morning we are going to go out and find help.”
I needed to give Rhett a reason not to go back.
I did not want to take orders from him but, I had pretty much had the same conclusion.
Yeah! She isn’t taking orders anymore.
We sat in silence for a long time. Neither one of us trusting the other enough to go to sleep.
“It’s not a triangle,” he finally said, taking my hand.
I wanted to snatch my hand away but the touch felt so real and I welcomed it.
“It’s a delta symbol it is stands for the word doulos, it’s ancient greek.”
“What is that in English ?”
“It means bond-servant,” he explained. He pulled down the top of his shirt and showed me a similar delta symbol on his shoulder, except the inside of his was empty.
“And this flower ? ” I asked
He traced his finger over the flower
“It’s . . . it’s the symbol of a collared woman. An owned woman.”
‘That’s terrible,” I said wishing I could rub it away.
“I respect Caine and always will be faithful to him,”
For some reason his words cut me.
These are real symbols. The come back in Veritas, because I liked the way it looked.
“But, that mark is an tribute to his delusion,” Rhett continued “You aren’t his. You are clearly still your own person,”
I had no remark for that and we went back into silence.
“Do you mind if I do a few crossword puzzles ?” he asked
“What ?”
Was he making fun of my father ?
He reached in my box that I had left open and pulled out the mini book of crossword puzzles, they were simple ones my mother did when my father was doing his big complicated ones.
I nodded my head as he turned on the overhead light and stared into the tiny book.
“Was this yours ?” he asked
“No,” I said,”It was my mothers.”
“ Your name is all over it,” Rhett said,”Most of the puzzles are done”
He threw the book at me.
I saw my name was written on the book in purple writing. I opened the book and my eye was drawn to the boxes shaded in purple highlighter. I had always loved the color purple. I thought back to the purple highlighter my father had given me.
"I think you need to have it."
"I think this highlighter was lucky because it always gave her the right answers"
I looked at the first letters in the purple boxes. I saw nothing special but then I looked at them numerically.
There was a J in box 1.
An U in box 3
And L in box 13
An I in box 21
JULIANA
I fliiped through to the next page
D.A.D.D.Y
I continued through the 35 pagesbook making mental notes until I had a sentence
JULIANA DADDY WITH GOOD DEFECTORS. MOTHER DEAD. I WANT TO LEAVE. CAINE WILL KILL DEFECTORS. YOU CAN HELP. EVERYTHING YOU NEED IN BOX. SORRY.LOVE.
I considered what to do and how perfectly everything was lining up. It made sense
My dad had put the razor blade in Cora, he had filled mother’s sewing kit with band-aids and aspirin. My father understood what was going on, he wanted out too.
I trusted my father and I knew I had to get alone so I could gp through the box and fgure out exactly what he wanted from me.
I discreetly put the box back in my purse and reached for the Rhett's gun on the floor as gracefully as possible.
“I knew you were a daddy’s girl,” Rhett said taking me hand,”You think I didn’t figure that out.”
“Please, just let me go. I have to help my dad.”
“No,” he said
“You have no power, Rhett.” I told him,”If you go back without me Caine will kill you and use your corpse for target practice. Your family will wonder where you went off to. I am not going back until I help my father. Caine asked you to protect me and if you are so loyal to him then I think you should stay with me.”
I’m in love with Juliana right now.
“I am loyal to Caine, I am not helping those people.”
“Well, you aren’t going to kill me. But, if I get the chance I would kill you. You have nothing I want so, if you want to leave me here fine. But I am staying and findng out how to help my father. Wouldn’t you do the same,”
"Fuck, you bitch" he cursed a me "You’ve been reading Caine’s books or something cause your turning into him.”
“Does that mean you are staying or leaving ?”
Cliffhanger !