2009

Las Vegas, Nevada

Valley Healthcare System Main Campus, Pediatric Respite Care Center

 -1-

“There are three full time nurses  and up to 30 residents staying at a time. Everyday will be a little different so you’ll get a lot of experience,” Haley explains to the pair of bright eyed interns.

“Huh. I didn’t know places like this existed before I applied,” one of the young women says. “It seems like such important work.”

Haley only wished the center's budget agreed.

The Pediatric Respite Care Center was funded privately by the healthcare system’s board of directors and they closely examined every penny spent. They considered them as glorified daycare for special needs children without considering the high  level of care required when children were away from their main caregivers. 

Instead of saying any of this he nods. “Yes, the work is very rewarding.”

When Haley applied to nursing school, he’s imagined the chaos of a bustling city emergency room. But he’d found his place in nursing care. He liked making people comfortable and that he got to spend quality time with residents. He even had enough down time to be given responsibility for the volunteers and interns.  

“So, I'm going to take you out for lunch,” Haley tells the interns. “Normally, you can  just grab something from the hospital cafeteria or bring your own but--”

He pauses to take the vibrating pager out of his brightly patterned scrubs. “This is the front desk…it’s probably an intake paper work question. You’ll see we do a lot of paperwork.”

The pair of interns follow him to the reception desk on the other side of the facility. He only gets stopped once by a resident. He was patient with them, most of the residents had severe cognitive disorders and only needed basic care but occasionally they wanted a little bit of his attention that he was happy to give.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt orientation,” the receptionist  says when he finally gets to the front desk. “But your son’s school is on the line.”

“Oh. Okay,” Haley smiles warmly. He attempts to mask the 'oh shit' alarms going off in his head, before turning to the interns and explaining. “I have a  kindergartner.”

He gestures to the small section of the reception desk he'd claimed for himself. Next to his laptop sat a small framed professional photo of Grayson. The 5-year-old looked like a happy little blonde cherub playing in a grassy field-- and not the screaming, clingy, anxious mess Haley was constantly sticking in front of the television to get a moment of sanity.

Charlotte had been adamant that Grayson should start his education at a private school and helped him get a scholarship to The Merryhill School, a private K-12 school in the city. Haley liked the class environment but they’d stuck out at orientation. All 14 of the students in his class came with two parents-- more than half had full time moms.

He’d gotten to know some of the kindergarten mothers and they were nice enough but  kids could still be cruel. He didn’t know how to tell his son to act straight so he wouldn’t be a target. He was just waiting for That Call.

Or maybe  Grayson wasn’t a victim. Just the other day Grayson had screamed fuck when he scraped his knee during their afternoon walk. A passing group of college students thought it was hilarious but Haley had been mortified.

Haley braces himself and picks up the phone. It almost takes him a full minute to understand what the vice principal's secretary is saying before his forehead drops and he bangs it against the desk for good measure.

 

***

There was a nursing assistant Haley worked with who, whenever something was too weird to be real, would say there was  a glitch in the matrix.

The saying comes to mind when Haley pulls up to The Merryhill School's primary building  and sees Luce and Sara Grace in the middle of the parking lot.

Sara had a Power Rangers lunchbox tucked under her arm and was nodding uncomfortably as Mr. O’Neill, the vice principal, chatted with her. A clearly pissed off  and red-faced Luce sat in his electric wheelchair in one of the Lacoste tracksuits that Minnow and Charlotte had outfitted his wardrobe with.

Haley parks the wheelchair accessible minivan in the closest empty space and rushes across the parking lot to kneel beside Luce’s electric wheelchair. His blood boils when he sees a smoldering cigarette in front of the wheel but he swallows his anger and focuses on the problem at hand.

He checks the emergency power switch  on the chair before examining the chair's wiring.

“What took you so fucking long ?,” Luce snaps at him in greeting. “What are you doing--”

“I had to switch out my car for the van,” he says calmly, keenly aware of the vice principal and school resource officer watching their interaction. “I’m just making sure the battery is dead before we—”

“You think I’m lying ?,” Luce spits. “I know when a fucking battery dies—”

“I just—”

“Just nothing. You don’t know shit about batteries. I’ve been out here for three god damn hours, I'm losing my fucking mind--”

“Honey, it’s okay,” Sara says in a placating maternal voice Haley had never  once heard from her. “Let’s just see if Haley can fix the wheelchair and then  we’ll be out of everyone’s hair in a few minutes. Right, Haley?”

Haley nods with an equally fake smile.

Luce’s already weak filter had completely disappeared after his accident but Sara always knew when to put on a face. The last place Haley wanted to get into it with Luce was in front of the administration of Grayson’s school.

Unable to get the electric chair to start Haley runs back to the minivan and pulls out the manual wheelchair he’d stopped to rent from the medical supply store. He transfers Luce to the manual chair a little rougher than he should. The chair isn’t a perfect fit but he adjusts him into it the best he can.

“You need to take this jacket off,” Haley frowns, putting his hand on Luce’s red forehead.

“No. Just get me the fuck out of here. I’m done with this fucking bullshit—”

“Luce,” he says through gritted teeth and lowers his voice. “I know you’re uncomfortable right  now but this is an elementary school. Can you please watch your mouth—”

“Shut up, Alex. You don’t tell me when I’m allowed to talk or how I feel. Do you see any fucking kids--”

“Do you want us to carry the chair into your van ?,” the resource officer asks, coming up behind them and gesturing to the dead electric wheelchair. The young brawny P.E. teacher had joined him.

Haley turns to the resource officer with a thankful smile. “Yes, thank you so much. Just throw it in the back. I’m so sorry about all this.”  He stands and walks to the vice principal who was still talking with Sara. “Are we good to leave?”

“Yes,” the vice principal says. “And I’m sorry for any confusion but we don’t accept lunchboxes  from individuals who aren’t on the student's emergency contact list. You only have a Charlotte Washington Dory and Rias Washington listed as Grayson’s emergency contact list.”

“Yes,” Haley says gesturing to Luce. “Those are my boyf—partner’s siblings.”

Nothing had changed in their relationship but Haley noticed he got less patronizing looks when he used the term partner instead of boyfriend. He would have preferred the term husband but Proposition 8 had ruined that for him last year and there was no way he could get Luce on a plane to Vermont.

He’d given Grayson’s school a heads up that he was a single dad but he hadn’t bothered explaining Luce or Sara. Grayson hadn’t included them in his My Family drawing during orientation and it kind of broke Haley’s heart a little.

“So, Zacharias Washington is your son then ?,” the vice principal asks Sara with an impressed head nod. “He and his wife do an outstanding job hosting the philanthropy luncheon. You just do not look old enough to have two adult sons.”

The vice principal smiles but Sara says nothing, letting the comment hang in the air as they leave.

“I’m sorry, Haley,” Sara says to him quietly as they walk back to the van. “Luce noticed you forgot Grayson’s luncbox and wanted to bring it to the school. I didn’t think it would turn into such a clusterfuck--”

“How did you two even get here ?”

They’d purchased the wheelchair accessible minivan because Luce’s wheelchair didn’t fit in his Volkswagen but Sara didn’t have a license and couldn’t risk getting pulled over.

 “We took the bus,” she explains. “It was a short ride and I think Luce even liked it. But then the secretary wouldn’t let us leave the lunchbox so we left money… And then the wheelchair battery died on our way out…I tried to fix it….We were out there for an hour before that security officer came out and it turned into a whole thing.”

Haley sighs.

“I wish you had called me to come get the luncbox--”

“Why ?,” Luce snaps as Haley secures the wheelchair in the backseat of the van. “So you can bitch and moan about how you have to do everything like you always do--”

“Shut up, Luce,” Haley snaps, suddenly remembering the cigarette. He slams the van door and gets into the driver’s seat.

“Watch your attitude, Lex,” Luce warns. “I was trying to fucking help you--”

“I don’t care. You think I didn’t see that cigarette under your chair--”

“We were 10 feet from that fucking school--”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Haley screams. He turns around in his seat to face him. “Smoking increases your risk of a second stroke, you fucking know that. The doctor told you multiple times. Have you lost your fucking mind—”

“Haley, I’m sorry.” Sara says touching his arm and working her jaw “It was my fault. I’ll take responsibility.”

Haley bites his tongue and starts the ignition, carefully backing out of the parking space.

He, of course, knew Luce couldn’t control his hand well enough to hold a cigarette on his own. But Haley was still figuring out his relationship with Sara.  He was terrified of starting a conflict with her but she’d been letting Luce get away with too much and it was ruining his already slow recovery.

“The medical supply store said they don’t have a battery for that chair. We may have to buy a new chair,” Haley informs them, switching topics. “I can call Rias tonight--”

“Don’t call him about this. I have insurance now,” Luce says from the backseat through gritted teeth. “I don’t need anymore of that son of a bitch’s handouts—”

“Your insurance doesn’t cover anything related to your pre-existing—”

“Take it out of my savings—”

“You need that to pay for the insurance and medication.”

“We can figure out,” Sara says. “We can take it out of Fallwater payroll. No need to bother Rias with this.”

Haley bites his tongue again and concentrates on driving.

Sara had confided in him that Fallwater was still hemorrhaging money. They'd been blackballed  in the industry after failing to follow through on all their contracts the year Luce was hurt. The revenue had been cut in half and all of the current earnings went into paying back taxes from the last two years.

“Fuck the health insurance.” Luce says. “It's bullshit. I’m paying all that money every month and it doesn’t cover shit—”

“It’s covering your home health aide—,” Haley begins and then pauses with a sudden realization. “Did you call Jennifer and tell her where you went ?”

“Who the fuck is Jennifer ?”

“Your nurse—”

“Isn’t her name Monica—”

“—No, you know Monica quit last week—”

“I don't need a nurse,” Luce says. “ I need to be able to get around. Fuck paying this insurance bullshit and buy my new chair with that money---”

“I’m sorry, Luce,” Haley says in a patronizing tune. “And do you expect me to go back to doing everything—”

“I don't need you to do shit. I can manage. Ma and I don’t need a parade of those useless motherfuckers in our house—”

Haley picks up his cell phone and is about to turn it into a projectile when Sara takes his hand gently to stop him. It pissed him off when Luce was dismissive of the private nurses and he knew it.

Haley hated the ugly side Luce’s attitude brought out in him. All his professionalism and nursing ethics went out the door. Every interaction turned into a screaming match that neither of them wanted to lose.  He'd be mortified if anyone from his job saw how he treated his own disabled partner.

“I left a note on the door for her,” Sara says calmly turning the talk radio up. “Let’s just get to the house.”

When they arrive at the condo Jennifer, a sweet faced brunette in her mid 20s, is standing by the door.

The private caregivers who came in three days a week had made Haley feel significantly less homicidal. They got Luce dressed, bathed, fed, medicated, tracked his progress and drove him to appointments. And even if Luce wasn't as nice as he could be, he was usually compliant.  Haley only hoped the agency didn't ban them since they'd been through a record number of nurses in the last 9 months.

Their first nurse had been appalled to discover Fallwater built porn sites and transferred out, two had been freaked out when they came across the gun collection , a couple were offended by all the cursing in the household and one male aide could not talk in front of Haley after seeing the jockstrap photo that Luce insisted on keeping on up on his nightstand.

“Hi, Mr. Grace. Ms. Grace. Mr. Haley ? Did you all go off on a bit of an adventure ?,” Jennifer smiles at Luce, who doesn’t acknowledge her.

“Something like that,” Sara responds coolly.

“Jennifer, can you check his temperature ? I think he has sun stroke,” Haley says unlocking the condo door. “He was outside in the sun for a while...if you two leave soon you  can probably still make the speech therapy appointment--” 

“Oh,” she chirps. “Sure, I’d be happy to. And my name is Christina.”

Haley studies her and flushes.

“But I’m the asshole ?” Luce scoffs. “I’m not going anywhere today. I’ve had a fucking enough. I want something for my pain and then I’m going to bed—”

“No, you’re not,” Haley shoots back. “You get charged for missed appointments. I’m not going to stand here and let you blow off therapy. You're going, even if I have to drag you there—"

“Shut the fuck up, Alex you better not put your fucking hands on me—”

“Luce—”

“—You don’t have a say in where I go. Monica works for me—”

“No, she doesn’t,” Haley reminds him. “You’re still under a conservatorship. She works for Rias and Rias only listens to me--”

“You just love playing that fucking card—”

“Yes, I do—”

“You’re being a fucking asshole today—”

“— Because I’m right. Wait until I tell him you had a cigarette,” Haley says and gets angry all over again. “I could kill you—”

“I’ll have  one cigarette if I want—”

“Over my fucking dead body—”

“Oh, um, Mr. Grace,” Christina interjects softly. “If you’re smoking I have to report it to your doctor as high risk behavior—"

“Nobody was fucking talking to you—” Luce snaps at her.

Haley cuts in immediately. “Luce, don’t talk to her like that! That was so rude. Apologize. What the fuck ? You’re just as bad as Grayson--”

“Oh, it’s okay I—,” the nurse starts

“No, it’s not okay. None of your patients should ever speak to you like that.” Haley tells her firmly. “Luce, apologize to her.”

 “Fuck you, Alex—”

“—Fuck you, Luce. Apologize to her.”

He goes silent.

He knows he won’t apologize and Haley has a brief fantasy of just kicking the wheelchair over and watching him struggle to get back into it.  He wants to keep fighting but he can tell the rental wheelchair isn’t a good fit for Luce’s back and a part of him knew Luce shouldn’t go anywhere until he got a motorized chair.

“Christina, I’m sorry I forgot your name and I’m sorry Luce spoke to you like that,” Haley tells her.  He attempts to keep his tone firm but light. “I’ll  also go ahead cancel all his appointments today. Can you just...get him the fuck away from me ?”

She nods and rolls the chair into their bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Sara hovers around the living room, rearranging the framed photos of her children and grandchildren--he expected her to immediately go back to working in the curtained off alcove that  was Fallwater’s office. Sara helped when she could but mostly retreated to work and ignored their fighting.

“I’m sorry,” Sara says. “About the cigarette. He was so stressed and I didn’t think one  would hurt. This has been hard for him. I just wanted to see my son happy for a little while…you know how that can be.”

He nods even though he didn’t. He wanted Grayson to be happy but if what made him happy was something that could kill him he’d do everything in his power to stop it no matter how much screaming.

“Luce doesn't have enough control to use a manual chair,” Haley says. “I really think we need to ask Rias for money for a new motorized one.”

“It’ll cost under ten grand right?,” she asks.

He nods.

“I can find the money,” she says. “MBC is a doing well enough but Rias isn't making the money the congolomerates are. He took a pay cut last year to give his employees a raise and we’ve asked a lot from him.”

Haley nodded. Rias had covered the hospital, rehab and renovations bills. Charlotte had budgeted the money in Luce’s accounts to the penny but two years later Luce was teetering on the brink of medical debt with every  specialist visit and prescription refill. Haley spent hours on the phone arguing with the insurance about what was and wasn't a pre-exisiting condition.

“I…I guess I can take some out of Grayson’s college fund--”

“You shouldn’t do that again,” she says. “We've got some more people renting out servers. We can do a rent increase--”

“You just did a  rent increase, I don’t want you to lose more clients,” he says and looks at the clock. “Oh, shit I have to get back to work.”

He runs to the kitchen and takes a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and carries it to the bedroom. The hospital bed was gone now that Luce he could sit up on his own for longer periods. Luce lay on his back in their king bed in a clean t-shirt with a gray zip up hoodie covering his arm tattoos.

                                                       

“He was a little agitated....I had to give him a sedative to calm him down,” Christina reports from the corner where she was doing her charting. “His temperature is a little high but I’m monitoring it, I supplemented the feeding tube formula with Pedialyte.”

Haley nods and casually walks past the dresser, making sure the gun / sex toy / porn drawer was locked.  He liked her and didn't feel like  having to break in a new nurse.

“Hi,” Luce greets him dreamily  when Haley steps into his line of vision. One side of his face turned up into weak smile.

“I see you’re enjoying that sedative and Valium,” Haley says putting the bag of frozen peas on Luce’s head. “This is too help cool you down.”

“Stay with me, Lexie,” Luce mumbles softly, relaxing into Haley’s touch.

“I have to go back to work.”

“Just…Stay…I love you.” 

Haley places his hand lightly on Luce’s chest and leans down to kiss his lips. They’re chapped and dry from the sun exposure but he tastes the Vaseline the nurse put on them. “I know. I love you too.”

“What..was...that for ?,” Luce mumbles and Haley sadly realizes how long it’s been since they’d even kissed.

 

***

-2-

 

“Hey, hey, hey not so fast,” Gaige calls, jogging across the  parking lot to catch up with Haley. Gaige rests his hand on top of the Volkswagen Beetle to catch his breath. “You…and..me…are getting a drink. I want to catch up, little angel. It’s been too long.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” Haley says throwing his overnight bag into the tiny trunk space.

“Oh, come on. You’re the last person I ever expected to see back on a porn set--”

“I just needed some extra money…this was  a one time gig--”

“Could have fooled me. Fuck, your gave those twenty-year-olds a run for their money. How the hell do you still get your leg to do that thing ?”

 His body may have looked better than it ever had but it didn’t feel the same. He’d spent 18 hours on set and was feeling muscles he never had before.

Shooting another porn had started out as a joke. On a whim he’d submitted to a casting call and fully expected to be rejected. By most standards he was too old and  too HIV positive.

But  Kinked.com, a media start up with a wealthy investor,  was launching as a ‘Buzzfeed for the fetish community’ and  cast him for their video verticals. Later, he found out part of their mission was to normalize condom use in erotic content and HIV positive people. He was sure he’d been cast as a token but it was  $8000 plus per diem so he’d decided what the hell.

It was a two-day shoot in Los Angeles and he’d planned to get in, film the long list of 5 minutes videos as quickly as possible and get out.

On the second day of shooting he'd walked in and seen Gaige. The 49-year-old Dom  was filming  videos for a web series called “Ask a Dom” where vanilla people could ask him questions. Haley had spent all day avoiding him to avoid this exact conversation.

“You gotta tell me how Luce is doing,” Gaige says.“He was a good kid…it really fucked me up to hear what happened to him…I quit smoking that day--”

“That’s not what caused his stroke but I’m glad to hear that. It’s not good at your age--”

“Watch it,” Gaige warns and Haley feels a small pull of lust. He’d always been too attracted to Gaige and his brand of dominance.

“He’s been struggling,” Haley admits. “I mean, he tried with rehab….and of course we're happy he's alive but  he might never be fully independent again. ”

“Damn,” Gaige says and chuckles lightly. “You know what ? Bet he just didn’t want to lose his sexy nurse giving him nightly sponge baths.”

Gaige was trying to lighten the mood but Haley can’t match his lightness. He’d been away from home for less than 36 hours and he realized he was dreading going back.

Gaige claps his hands together suddenly.

“Hey, do you remember Maverick ? You and Luce should go on his podcast.”

“Of course I remember Maverick. What’s a podcast ?”

“It’s like a radio show,” he explains. “People just want to listen to him talk and he gets companies to pay for it. It's wild. I’ve been on a few times, it's fun. He like to sometimes interview unique people  in the scene.”

“Yeah,” Haley cringes. “We don’t really play anymore.”

“Kinky or not… people are probably curious about how you have a sex life after something like that.”

“I'm curious too,” Haley says.

Gaige’s eyebrows jumps.

“I mean…Our relationship was literally all sex and play for the first few years anyway and then I had Grayson” Haley says. “I mean...It’s normal for sex to go away after a while. That’s just how relationships work, right ?”

Gaige shrugs sharply.

“Wouldn’t know. Never been in one.”

 -3-

 

Haley arrives to the condo a few minutes before 6 PM, right after a quick stop at Target for Barbie outfits. He’d meant to just get one outfit but somehow ended up with four.

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!  You’re early!”

He looks up to see Grayson excitedly leaning over the second floor railing.

“Grayson, don’t lean on that—please be careful,” he calls as the little boy runs down the stairs and attaches himself to Haley’s side.

“Hello, my beautiful boy,” Haley greets him, kneeling to kiss his cheek. “Were you good while I was gone ?”

“Yes! What did you bring me from California ?”

He normally wouldn’t have burdened Sara and  with babysitting overnight but the shoot was during the week and Grayson spent most of the day in school. He’d prepared all Grayson’s meals, set out his outfits and bought three new movies to entertain him so he wouldn’t bother Sara too much.

“Hm,” Haley says quizzically. “Was I supposed to bring you back something from California ?”

“YES!,” Grayson giggles. Haley remembers just how much he loves that sound. 

“I think I forgot--”

“No, you didn’t, Daddy—Give it to me!” Grayson shrieks climbing up Haley’s leg. He leans to picks him up.

“You’re getting too big for me to pick up,” he says, going into his overnight bag for the Barbie Beach Party outfit set. “Would you be interested in this ?”

Grayson takes the it eagerly and examines the Barbie clothes closely.

“This is for the beach,” he says pointing to a nautical one piece. “They only have this outfit in California. Right, Daddy ? Cause that’s where the beaches are ?,”

“Sure,” Haley says because the truth was he forgot to get an actual souvenir from California. “What do you say ?”

“Thank you, Daddy!”

“You’re welcome.”

Haley carries him up to the condo and is greeted by a line of stuffed animals sitting outside of the condo door. “Grayson, why are these toys out here—”

“It’s the waiting room for my hospital—”

“Pick them up,” Haley says setting Grayson on his feet. “You know better than to be outside by yourself and it’s a school night so you shouldn’t be playing with toys outside of your room—”

“I wasn’t playing with them, they were just waiting—”

“I got you the movies you asked for. You’re supposed to be watching Toy Story—”

“You got the wrong one, I wanted the second one,” he whines. “I wanted to play nurse—”

“Stop whining,” he cuts him off. “Now please pick these up and take them inside.”

Grayson had taken a liking to the nurses who came through the condo and had started playing elaborate games of pretend nurse—although his scenarios were more inspired by Haley's Grey’s Anatomy marathons than Luce’s actual nurses.

Still, a few of the stuffed animals had straws taped to their bellies as feeding tubes. Haley wasn’t sure if it was cute or creepy yet.

When he opens the door Sara is sitting in the Fallwater alcove, the curtain pulled back. She doesn’t look up from her computer until Haley greets her.

“You’re back early,” she startles.

“We ended early.”

He hadn’t bothered telling Luce where he went and he’d only told Sara he needed to go to California for a job and was sure she put together what he’d been doing without details. Porn and sex were subjects they’d managed to steer completely away from despite the uncomfortable fact that she'd likely seen some of his work when she was helping build Virtue's website.

Haley walks into the kitchen, Grayson following behind him like a shadow as he puts a frozen lasagna  into the oven

“Daddy, I want to open this,” Grayson says holding up the Barbie clothes. “Brooklyn’s  going to the beach but then Barbie…or Stacy is going to give her a surprise party. But only Brooklyn will have the special California outfit.”

“We’ll open it  later so we can make sure everything goes in the right place.”

 He hadn’t quite found a balance between making Grayson understand the value of what he got and overindulging him to make up for his own childhood. Most of Barbie’s clothes ended up destroyed or lost if Haley didn’t keep track of them.

“When is later?,” Grayson asks.

“Let me feed Luce, take a shower, have a 20 minute nap, make lunch for tomorrow, we need to do your reading and then we’ll--”

“I did already it, Daddy. ” Grayson grins up at him proudly. “And I—

“You read a  whole book all by yourself ? ”

“No!” he beams. “Luce let me do it and he said I did good.”

“Luce let you do what, baby ?,” Haley asks and he must be frowning because Grayson shrinks under his gaze.

“I…put…the food in the tube,” he says quietly.  “He said I could do it—and I did good. He said it.”

Haley reaches up to take one of the feeding tube formula boxes off the shelf above the oven where they were kept.

“You put this in his tube ?,” Haley asks shaking the box.

“No,” Grayson says. “The kind in the orange plastic by your bed--”

Haley takes the kitchen scissors out of the knifeblock and swiftly cuts open the Barbie outfits.

“Go put those in the wardrobe, sweetheart,” Haley says calmly and crosses the condo into his bedroom.

He opens the door to find Luce seizing, blood tinged foam coming out of his mouth and his elbow bouncing violently off the laptop propped under his arm.

Haley flips opens his cell phone and dials 911 as he starts scribbling a note on an ice cream themed notepad.  

He quickly gives the address, his name and then shakes each of the orange RX bottles on the nightstand to see how much was left in each one.

“My boyfriend overdosed on liquid….beta blockers… Valium, blood thinners…fucking Tylenol.  He’s 40-years-old.  He has severe clinical depression and suffers from a traumatic brain injury from a stroke he had two years ago. His right side is paralyzed. I don’t know how long he’s been like this--”

“The ambulance is on the way,” the operator says. “I’m going to walk you through CPR--”

“I’m a nurse, I can do it. I need to hang up now and get my son out of the house.”

 After taking a calming breath he leaves Luce in the bedroom, closing the door behind him, and peeks into Grayson’s bedroom.

“Grayson, come here,” he orders holding out his hand for him.

“Am I in trouble ?,” he asks taking his father’s hand.

“No, my love,” Haley smiles  walking him over to Sara’s office. “Ms. Sara is taking you to get an ice cream from the corner store.”

As he talks he passes Sara his hastily scrawled note.

Luce had Grayson dump medicine down his feeding tube. He’s not dead. Ambulance coming now. Grayson can’t see it. I need to stay here to do CPR.

She reads over it swiftly and when she looks up at him her eyes are damp. He gives  her a tight nod and a silent plea to keep it together.

“But Daddy, it’s too early for ice cream--”

“It’s okay,” Haley assures him with a soft smile. “Hey, can you tell me what time you fed Luce ?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Was it before you put the movie in—”

“During, I think—”

“Okay. I don’t want to keep you.”

Sara is on her feet and takes him out quickly. Apology and worry written all over her face.

The moment they are outside Haley dashes back to Luce and starts chest compressions until he can hear a raspy breath and his heart rate stabilizes.

“What the fuck were you thinking ?,” he hisses pressing his fingers to Luce’s wrist for a pulse. “How could you make him do that ? If you die, he’ll be scarred for life. You did it, Luce. You might not come back from this--”

Luce’s hand jerks and his thumb gently rubs the fingers Haley has pressed to his wrist.

“Are you still conscious ?,” Haley asks.

Luce’s eyes roll towards the laptop under his arm and Haley takes it, setting it on the nightstand as he puts his palm in Luce’s hand

“Squeeze my hand if you're with me.”

He feels something like a tug on his hand.

“Did you kill Maxwell ?,” Haley whispers. “I found his watch in your luggage. Squeeze my hand if you did. I’m not mad I just need to know in case this is my last chance--”

 Luce’s eyes lock on to his and he isn’t sure if they are signaling shock or guilt. Or if  his brain had already been shut down and this was a reflex.

“Luce ? Was that a no--”

He’s interrupted by a loud banging on the door. He runs to let the paramedics in and stands to the side as they load him into the gurney to wheel him out.

When the condo is empty Haley opens the laptop that had been in Luce’s arms to find his suicide note typed in Microsoft Word.

In it he apologizes for making Grayson do it and details his hopelessness  and inability to live with his new brain and body. How he grieves their old life and hates the endless cycle humiliation and pain from the last two years. It says he loves him and Grayson all his life insurance and assets go to them. There is a section for Sara and each of his siblings that Haley doesn’t read.

He’d named the file Fallwater Backup Data Q7. Haley goes to the properties menu to see  the file had been started two months ago. They shared the laptop and he must have seen the file countless time but never would have thought to click on it.

Setting the laptop aside he calls Rias.

“What’s up ?,” Rias greets him

“Your brother had a suicide attempt,” Haley says. “They’re taking him to my hospital. If he survives they’re going to give him a psyc-eval so you’ll need to be there and ask for Ms. Stuart for your caseworker. She's good--”

“Shit,” Rias says and he can  hear him scrambling out his office, shouting to his assistant about cancelling meetings. “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“You won’t,” he says. “I’m not coming.”

 

***

-4-

Haley comes home from work the next day to find a uniformed officer and a woman in suit sitting on the rusted bench outside the condo building.

“Mr. Haley ?,” the woman asks.

Haley nods.

“Is this about last night ?”

“My name is Detective Roads,” she says and gestures to the uniformed officer. “This is Officer Coleman. Can we go inside and talk for a bit ?”  

“My son’s bus will be here soon and an adult has to be waiting--”

“We  have a caseworker from Child Protective Services waiting with Grayson at school--”

“Why ?,” Haley asks, his eyes suddenly burning.

“Can we talk upstairs ?”

Haley leads them up to the condo, failing to suck back the tears pricking at his eyes. The condo always looked clean because of the lack of decoration but now Haley wondered if it made it look too bare ?

“Mr. Haley, you seem upset,” she says when they sit down.

“Because you’re trying to take my son—you can’t take him without a court order--”

 “Our goal is never to take children from their homes,” Detective Roads says. “But we do want to make sure he is in a safe environment.”

“I’m going to get a locked safe for all the medicine--”

“Hm,” Detective Roads nods looking around.  “Can you remind me where you were when the incident happened ?”

“Target—there’s security tape I’m sure,” he says, unsure why he added the last part.

“Grayson told my colleague you were in California for work.”

 “I mean…I was earlier in the day. But they let us out early so--,”

 “And who was looking after your child while you were in California overnight--”

 “Luce’s mother. She puts him on the bus and picks him up everyday. She raised three kids--”

“And Luce is your boyfriend--”

“My partner. Yes--”

“Any why were you in California?  Because your HR department says those were your off days--”

“That’s correct. I was doing some freelance work. I was only gone one night--”

 “Freelance work ?,” she questions. “Hm. Okay. So you felt comfortable leaving your son with your….partner while you did…freelance work. Do your partner and son get along well then ?”

 “Luce has a nurse who was here for six hours today. Luce doesn’t get along with anyone right now,” Haley says. “But Grayson’s known him his whole life. Luce would never harm him--”

“Well, except he did. I heard your 911 call. You were very calm. On it you said your partner had clinical depression--”

“Yes--”

“So, you left your 5-year-old alone, overnight in a house with your mentally ill boyfriend and his mother ?”

“I--”

“What concerns me if what would have happened if you hadn’t come home early,” she continues. “That a 5-year-old child could have committed manslaughter.”

“I understand that--”

“May I see the suicide note--”

He nods and  walks into the bedroom to retrieve Luce’s laptop but she follows him.

“May I ?,” she asks, standing at the bedroom threshold.

Haley nods and she steps into the room.

“He typed it. He can’t write well,” Haley explains, opening the computer.

He looks up from the computer to see her taking in the Virtue promo photo of him on Luce’s nightstand.

“How much older is Mr. Grace than you ?”

“Only 4 years--”

“And I see his brother owns this building. They let you live here for free ?”

“Every month I pay into an account that goes towards the property tax and bills--”

“You pay this every single month ?”

“I mean…I try to.”

“Hm. And what happens when Mr. Grace gets better ? Do you still live here for free ?”

“I don’t know--”

“Because I just watched you unlock Mr. Grace’s laptop. Do you and Mr. Grace have different accounts on the laptop ?”

 “No, I don’t really use the laptop--”

“But you use it--”

Haley pauses.

“I feel like you’re accusing me of something.”

“My job is to protect vulnerable people,” she says. “So what I need from you is an explanation of what freelance work was so important you left your five year old in a house full of narcotics with your mentally ill boyfriend--”

“I can--”

“Or, I need you to tell me how a 5-year-old  somehow opened a medicine bottle--”

 “I don’t know--”

 “--and why the boyfriend you have to take care of as a condition of your housing attempts suicide and leaves a typed note that conveniently  leaves everything to you.”

---

A/N

Don't ever look up cases of children committing manslaughter, it will break your heart.